As a reunited birthmother, I can’t tell you what a horrible, dark place I inhabited the whole 24 years of not knowing anything about the daughter I relinquished to unknown parents. When I had to sign that surrender paper, it was like dropping my baby off the edge of a cliff and having no way of knowing whether anyone ‘down there’ would catch her! Through the years, I was tormented wondering whether she had even been adopted, or did she remain in foster care? Was she still alive, or was she the one whose grave stone I saw recently, born the same year she was and died as a teenager? If she was alive, did she need updated medical information from me? Could she unknowingly marry one of her brothers or cousins? Did she feel such emptiness, as a great many adoptees do, that she turned to alcohol or drugs to fill the void? Was there anything I could do to help her? Incidentally, when I found her, I learned that I could have helped her through a problem pregnancy, which she terminated for lack of family support. I was four years too late.

Please, Karen, even if you don’t feel the need to meet your birthmother personally, would you at least submit a letter to her through the agency and ask if they would make it available to her if she has or does inquire about you? She did what she believed was right for you. I ask you to please do what is right for her! God bless!

We usually don’t say anything. ;)

I’ll babysit whenever you want. And meet you for playdates in the park.

I think that her actions gave the child and herself a chance at a better life. I don’t know if this woman considered that when making that decision, but she certainly made the most of her chances.

I hope that my dear one will want to find me when she turns 18. Time will only tell and I have quite a long time to wait and see.

I do not regret the decision and I know the Lord had His hand in it right from beginning to end, even afterwards.

I do receive a letter from the parents each year and I am grateful for that blessing.

J

Steve, to your earlier question, I have to be honest in saying that I’ve never considered my birth parents in the context of heaven. And I don’t quite know how to answer that. I guess I’m one of those people who is pretty comfortable assuming that everything really will work out on the other side, and I don’t anguish over it. I’d be curious as to how other people answer that question.

Generally, to your question of how do adopted children view their families, I can obviously only answer for myself, but I think my parents handled it in a very wise way. I always knew that I was adopted, I never remember being told. And my mom would always say to me something to the effect of how we chose to be a family together in the pre-existence, and that it was so important that we find each other that my parents had to wait three and a half years for me, and about five years for my brother. I knew it took nine months for other kids, so I felt pretty special. :o)

I’m grateful every time I walk down the hall past the room of a blond 7-year-old boy who looks nothing like me but still calls me daddy.