I Hate Women

Most of the time, when I blog at Times and Seasons, I find myself stuck in the role of peacemaker.  Take, for example, my last post regarding feminism as a zero-sum game.  I had to negotiate carefully between the feminazis that frequent my blog, and the more conservative men that comment regularly.

Well, I’ve had enough.  So, it’s only appropriate that I just come right out and say it: I hate women.

That may sound a little shocking, coming from me; but it’s true.  I just can’t stand them.  I mean, I’m married to one, and I guess that’s OK, but it’s mostly for tax purposes and the satisfaction of my bear-like animal lust.  But talking to Mardell?  No, thanks.  I’d rather read a good book, like this or this.  Or play Xbox.  Xbox rules.  At least the computerized forms of women obey my commands!

I just don’t like how women keep talking all the time.  Yammer, yammer, yammer.  And how they think they know everything.  How dull.  Listen, chicas, I’m a big-time lawyer at an excellent firm, and soon I’ll be a law professor — do you really think you can talk to me about civil liberties or equality? Do you think I care about your inferior points of view? Forget it. My chia pet has better ideas. Although, I confess, a chia pet doesn’t have a smokin’ body.

This is the point on which I am conflicted, you see.  Perhaps the men out there can give me some advice.  How can you satiate the burning sexual drives within, and yet avoid social interaction?  This is where I’ve gone wrong.  Only too late do I realize that sex is a river of fire that must be banked and cooled by a hundred restraints if it is not to consume in chaos both the individual and the group.  Now I am stuck in a pattern of conciliation and submission to females, and I see no way out.  I thought that starting a relationship with someone else — like Kristine, for example (she is HOT!) — would give me the diversion I need, but alas, it is not meant to be.  Only the fact of my superior intellect and awesome priesthood authority remind me of my duty to rise above these instincts of the natural man.

So, there you have it.  What should I do now, men?  Wait — do any men read BCC?  Maybe I should have posted at Millennial Star.

Comments

  1. Awesome. Steve is my hero.

  2. I guess this post ends any ambitions you may have had to hold public office.

  3. Steve Evans says:

    That analysis is spot-on, K-man. I can’t count the number of times I’ve told myself “if only Sumer obeyed me.” I’ve tried everything — whips, corsets (I think they look good on me), hypnosis.

    But no, she’s got her silly little rules. No sex in public places. No fuzzy handcuffs (even though she knows how much I love fuzzy handcuffs!). And her famous quote:

    “What have I told you? No threesome unless it’s boy, boy, girl. Or Charlize Theron.”

    Frankly, I wish they would just bring back polygamy and be done with it. Then I could finally be able to put the moves on that cutie Christina (have I told you how much I love brunettes?), and with any luck, I would soon have a nice harem built up. That’s the only solution, K-man — a harem. We’re talking about access to sexy bodies without the need for all that yammer, yammer, yammer. Cha-ching!

  4. Hehhehheheheh LOL!

    I knew we see the real you someday Kaimi! ;-D

    Likewise Steve!

    Opposite of Jordan, I’m loving April 1.

  5. danithew says:

    I like to think of Kaimi as the Eminem of the bloggernacle.

  6. Mark N. says:

    Happy April Fools Day to you, too.

  7. Aaron Brown says:

    Kaimi,

    As to all the yammering, sounds like you don’t have a problem a long, strong piece of duct-tape won’t cure.

    Yeah, chia pets really don’t do it for me, either. But have you seen the new “Chia Shrek”? I get all hot and bothered everytime I catch a glimpse of that smokin’ body in its box at Walgreens.

    And for the record, real men post and comment at
    BCC. Milennial Star is for sissies!

  8. danithew says:

    Aaron, I’d like to point out recent signs that T&S is the Borg and that M* has been assimilated. I am afraid if we don’t do something quickly, the rest of the Bloggernacle will follow in M*’s path of pride and sudden destruction.

  9. Heather P. says:

    While the boys are busy playing X-box, the womyn in the ‘nacle can ponder this age-old question:
    “I know I’m a feminist, but am I a militant feminist? Am I a no mercy, power seeking, man burning woman or just someone trying for equal treatment?”
    Here’s where you find out!
    (hint: kerosene is good. kerosene is our friend.)

  10. Kaimi-

    We hate you too.

    We hate all lawyers.

    They are evil.

    They’re only good for satisfying our own animal-like lust. Haven’t you seen 2 Weeks notice? Sandra Bullock speaks for all women when she says she’s like a bobcat pretzel in bed.

  11. Kaimi, this is your best post since “Babes in Blogland.”

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