Again, that is just his professional experience. I know that there are plenty of people out there who married after only knowing each other 6 weeks and still have great marriages. Heck, even a lot of people with arranged marriages end up with great marriages.

But seeing all these LDS couples with marital problems, day in and day out (for about 20 years now), he just feels that the longer you can possibly wait before getting married, so that you learn about all the “nasty little surprises” before you’re eternally wed, the better off you are. He maintains that all people, no matter who they are, have “nasty little surprises” about their pasts, personalities, extended families, etc., and it’s a whole lot less painful to find out about those things before you get married than after. And the only way to find out those things is to give it some time, say, like, at least 6 months!

I look at kids that age now though and can’t believe we did that. What were we thinking?

To the degree that the saints have kept themselves aloof from national changes in nonmarital sex and the option of aborting any conceptions produced thereby, the associated national increase in marriage age would not be expected among us.

I was told recently that the drop in violent crime that began during the Clinton administration can also be attributed to Roe v Wade. The idea being that unwanted babies that would be more likely to become criminals were less likely to be born.

Maria, six months is better than nothing.

But I suggest steering a little away from the abortion red herring. I would argue that because of the good ways in which our expectations of marriage have changed over the last two generations in the U.S., and not because of abortion or birth control, it is better to know one’s spouse before marrying. That is, because we now expect not only romantic love in the beginning of courtship but actual partnership and deep friendship (along with romantic/sexual love and compatibility) throughout the entire marriage, absolute fidelity, often equally shared money-earning, child-rearing and housekeeping roles etc. … a good marriage today is a lot different (and I would say better, at least for what I want out of life) than a good marriage several decades ago. I call that progress, but it does mean we are pickier and work harder at our marriages now, and if you just marry the first RM who winks your way, you probably have less of an opportunity for that type of highly evolved relationship.

Please don’t misread me – there are so many kinds of marriages in which people can be happy in this world, that I can’t possibly say one must marry older or with a longer courtship or with any courtship at all. But, in the kind of society we live in today, I do think it is helpful to know who you are marrying and really love your partner for the right reasons. Those who know me know I joke that I should have married my husband after six weeks instead of fighting it for 2+ years. We both would have been happier, I think! But, I was only 21 when we met, and I’m glad that by the time we married, I KNEW it was the right decision for me. I would hate to marry and then question that most important of decisions because I didn’t have enough information going into it.