There seems to be less shame in divorce, at least. Though it is interesting that if you’ve ever been divorced, you can’t be a CES teacher. Ever.

But on a cultural level, it seems to be one of those things that we universally condemn – so long as it’s not attached to an actual person. When it comes to knowing people who’ve been divorced, more often than not, we’re understanding and sympathetic.

On the one hand, I think we largely see positive benefits from the LDS value put on marriage. It does encourage couples to work out their differences and to put some effort into it. But there are also times when the fear of the divorce stigma causes more harm than good. Stories about bishops telling women to pray harder because their husband is beating them are certainly uncommon, but sadly, not unheard of.

As for Brigham Young’s quotes, let’s just ask him how his marriage to Ann Eliza Webb went :)

Interesting blog. I’m an LDS dude with no political affiliations myself, by a desperate urge to see sanity within the members of the church.

But I was a grieving widow and received nothing but kindness and support as I navigated those terrible waters. I did a complete 180, turned to the church.

Then I remarried. A bum. Who didn’t drink and was active….yada, yada. It lasted ten months, seven, if you count how long we actually lived together.

I suddenly was a credit risk. Old friends stopped speaking to me. I was actually more religious than when I was a widow, but I was in disgrace with the community.

What a revelation that was to me. My ex-husband told me I would go to hell (or at least NOT the celestial kingdom) if I got a divorce. He was going Mark Hacking on me, threatening obliquely to kill me, before the divorce. I am no fool. I threw him out.

Anyway, I thought because I’d divorced this paragon (his dad was a stake president) I was screwed. I made an appointment with Marian D. Hanks and went up to plead my case. He was terrific. He said they have to condemn divorce in general, from the pulpit, but they recognized there were situations that demanded divorce.

But you know, the way I was treated by the community in general, will stay with me forever. Whenever anybody gets a divorce now, I am so down with them. I am up front about how I was treated and I offer encouragement. Especially to women. We get treated like sluts who suddenly don’t pay our bills.

Claytonian, I am in favor of separate bedrooms myself, but I don’t think I will be divorcing my current (and currently wonderful, I know I gripe about him a lot, but I like him this week)husband. But as we age, we sleep differently and plus I have my little cave where I can read whenever I want and eat cinnamon gummy bears at 3 am. It’s not always a symptom of closeness in marriage. Personally, I wish we’d thought of it sooner.

I guess I’d simply have to take it on a case-by-case basis.

That said, I don’t think that simply “falling out of love” unaccompanied by actual, tangible harmful stuff is good reason for divorce. Neither do I consider mere discontentment or “not being fulfilled” to be a good reason.

I’m also not sure that people really think through what a divorce means: all the garbage they’ll have to go through, all the garbage the kids will have to go through.

Of course, abuse changes the whole equation. I imagine that infidelity might as well, but it’s iffy.

Oh whatever. Take it on a case-by-case basis.

I’m sure that isn’t always the case, but perhaps in people who originally loved each other, just became disenchanted for one reason or another.

What the study said was that everybody goes through rough patches. It wasn’t about abuse or infidelity or bad stuff, just the normal falling out of love situations.

I know I fall in and out of love with my husband quite regularly. Judith Viorst said once, “marriage is what keeps you together while you fall in and out of love.”

Anecdotally, it seems that the Church is a little bit looser with how they pass out sealing cancellations. Which is the truely difficult action. Can two people aggree to divorce, yet wish to keep their sealing valid?

What about all that early twenties divorce that is talked about so much? BYU has to be the only school where you can be a Junior and be divorced. It seems to me that Brighams pragmatism has prevailed and now it is expanding to sealings as well.

Regarding the TTTF entry itself, several lines are clearly adapted from a talk given by President Hinckley in the April 1991 General Conference (“What God Hath Joined Together”).

TTTF: “This growing plague is not of God, but rather is the work of the adversary.”

GBH: “I say without hesitation that this plague among us, which seems to be growing everywhere, is not of God, but rather is the work of the adversary of righteousness and peace and truth.”

TTTF: “If you are married and you and your spouse are experiencing difficulties, remember that the remedy for most marriage stress is not in divorce or separation. The remedy is found in the gospel of Jesus Christ—in repentance, forgiveness, integrity, and love. It is found in treating your spouse as you would like to be treated.”

GBH: “The remedy for most marriage stress is not in divorce. It is in repentance. It is not in separation. It is in simple integrity that leads a man to square up his shoulders and meet his obligations. It is found in the Golden Rule.

That is true. I can show you throughout this church hundreds of thousands of families who make it work with love and peace, discipline and honesty, concern and unselfishness.”

I’m lonely enough as it is.

:)