I remember reading in the Ensign once some advice urging a little insensitivity in marriage, just enough to shake things off. Sort of the same vein.

Hi, I am an active follower of Jesus Christ and His restored gospel through the Prophet Joseph Smith. I also have a mental illness which I have known about most of my life. I want to pass along to others my perspective of being an active follower of Jesus and at the same time my having the great challange of also having a mental illness.

My experience of having a mental illness for most of my adult life and being a member of the Lord’s true church is that I have spent too much time analyzing every little bit of my entire existance and experiences in this life. I personally believe that the words and teachings of God that are contained in the Book of Mormon and the other Standard Works tell us the ways we can implement the peace of Christ in our lives. It appears so decisive to me that Christ’s peace, rather than worldly solutions to mental illness, is the best method to curb the onslaught of the terrible symptoms of depression and other symptoms of specific mental illnesses.

But I want to clarify that there is a diversity of the serverity that each person who has a mental illness. From my personal experience with mental illness, I believe there exist some Latter-Day Saints who truly have a chemical imbalance in the way their brain functions incorrectly who become very confused with a variety of issues concerning their relationship with God, Christ, and the their place as members of the Lord’s true church. I have observed how some, including myself at times, spend too much time attempting to decide how their actual mental illness, their spirituality, their membership in the LDS church, and even what kind of help their bishop may be able to offer them.

Many times I believe we overlook our Savior Jesus Christ and the simplicity of coming unto Him in prayer in humility and with our deepest desire to receive His peace and mercy. I truly believe Christ’s simplicity is by far the way, the truth, and the light when compared to even professional counseling. Afterall, isn’t our Jesus the greatest counselor ever? Please think about that.

In addition, I believe those of us who are on medications for mental illness that we absolutely maintain that wise practice everyday.

A concerned Latter-Day Saint

I apologize for not considering your feelings as well.

The grief isn’t the mental illness–the illness is from the abuse she suffered growing up. The grief just pushed her coping skills beyond what she could handle this year. One or the other, and she could probably have been okay–it is the combination that nearly did her in.

I remember, and I grieve. I lit a candle in our son’s memory that I let burn until it burned out. A small reminder of his too-brief flame of life. But I believe that our loved ones on the other side would want us to press forward in faith, and not let their passing destroy any hope we have for happiness in life on this side of the veil.

Her surrender to grief, is, in my opinion, normal, not a sign of mental illness. It would be abnormal if she didn’t fall apart at a time like this.

Perhaps someday she can feel peace and warmth at Christmas, but the death of her child on that day, I can’t see it. I don’t blame her. Not a bit.

No, No, I don’t believe you can give up the pain. You can go on, you can find joy and serenity, moments of bliss, but it never stops hurting. Not in my experience.

I don’t want to add to your burden, but if you are telling her these things, it is probably making it worse, not better. Men want to fix, men tend to grieve, and get on with the task. Women, no. I would say right now she needs to be validated, completely, not encouraged. If she doesn’t grieve wholly now, it will only prolong the agony.

Hope that helps, I do not mean to make it worse for you at all, but your sharing of these events puts her depression in a much clearer perspective.

I think part of this is the raised expectations of lovely experiences we see on TV, or just assume others are having.

This year I tried really hard to let go of expectations, very hard to do. I so want the old vision of family I used to treasure on the Donna Reed show. But I told myself over and over to lighten up and take things as they came. It’s harder almost because my hsband has had good Christmas experiences as a child and he can’t relate to my apathy.

It was a little better this year, actually, nobody fought, hey, how can you lose with that? But I am so grateful Christmas is over.

Anon, I recommend Al-Anon. There is a very good on-line Al-Anon called Key to Harmony. For reasons of courtesy, you shouldn’t “qualify” yourself because of your wife’s mental illness, although, it is possible that a problem of alcoholism or addiction is in your picture. I can’t remember the details of your story. It would just be good manners in sharing your story.

You know, this is getting too long. e-mail me if you’d like gardnera@netutah.com.

Al-Anon helps with detaching with love, letting go and supporting those who are dealing with problems in the home. It’s a very commpassionate approach.

Another really really hard thing for me is dealing with depression as a member of the church. It seems like a betrayal of my faith. I fight that conclusion with all I’ve got because in the long run it’s more discouraging than encouraging. The idea that if you are faithful you shouldn’t be depressed or discouraged, that is.

Sorry so long.

This is an important topic for church members.

I wanted to say something…..When I was very depressed, I took my little poodles on my lap, and said….Fonzie, Trinket…tell me I am worth loving…And, they both would attack me with kisses, and adoring looks. They are a blessing to me…I feel that my little Trinket is a guardian angel of some sort..I know that sounds ridiculous, but I feel it is true. What a bunch of mush, but they are very dear to my heart..

Anyway, Christmas is hard to say the least, and to make it worse, my other half had to work. So, here I am alone, as usual…My family is not present. I am thinking about Sacrament meeting, but that is something I do not enjoy anymore. So, I have to force myself to enjoy life. I did not do any Christmas shopping, and am still trying to get settled in my new home. It is disturbing, because financially we cannot afford to buy a home that I am accustomed to..But, we purchased a mobile home in a local park..So, we are trying to make the best of it. I am not a high maintenance woman this Chrismas season…Did not buy one thing, except my Grandsons Christmas present…I am taking him out to Dennys to eat…What a change..We may even send out for pizza.

My son has the flu..my other grandchild is in Pennsylvania, and I cannot talk to him because of his mom is trying to keep him from his dad….because of the divorce..So, it is not the happiest of days…But, the good news is they have medication adjusted, and I know what I am doing, and the dark cloud is beginning to lift .. There is a light at the end of the tunnel…And, now I am in my home praying…So, here is my Christmas prayer.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am so grateful this day to be breathing this beautiful valley air, and I am grateful for the friendship of my neighbors who seem to look after me everytime my family is gone. I Thank thee for my many blessings. I have the blessing of my health, and the blessing of love in my life. After 35 years, my eternal companion still cares about me..And, that is a great blessing. I am grateful to thee for providing for my special needs.

I am asking thee to be with my friends who are having a struggle. There is so much sadness with the hurricane…I am thankful that I had so many friends whose lives were spared during Katrina.. Please bless them and keep them and give them peace. Please Heavenly Father, take away the tears of my best friend Deborah, and my good friend Luanna. Send them the resources they need to find a home and to take care of their families. There is so much heartache during this holiday season, and it has taught so many of us not to take for granted the simple things in life. I appreciated my hot shower this morning, after talking to my friend Luanna.

I am grateful for the fullness of the Gospel, and again I am grateful for the grace and understanding that is in my life.

I leave my prayer with you in the name of Jesus Christ,

Amen