It is easy to feel guilt for things that are perfectly fine…I know, I have done so for nearly 30 years of marriage. I think we get it into our heads that what the youth are taught is what is for all. Just because we are married does not magically help us have a healthy attitude about sex. Teaching YW most of my married life helped me develope the idea that I needed to live like I was teaching them to live, only I was married and sex was perfectly okay with my husband.
Also, if God ordained sex then why do we make it so unthinkable and not something we can discuss openly? I am not talking about our personal intimacy experiences, but in general terms. It is very frustrating. We are told to discuss sex with our children, but where do we go for answers? When we do not know what is okay, how can we teach them? My married sons got taught from a young couple who sat them down and had “the talk” with them. I was grateful, because we honestly did not know what to tell them.
I know as we grow in our sexual intimacy with our spouses we will grow and gain greater insights into what a Celestial marriage is. I have a strong testimony of that. I just wish I had more clarity of what is and is not acceptable to the Lord. We are told to seek Him out but why is it when I do and I get answers, I often feel I have sinned? Is it the Spirit telling me that or my improper and imperfect programming? A year ago, my husband and I made a serious attempt to gain a clear answer about something we wanted an answer to. One night while we were reading the Book of Mormon together, like we do every day, I had a burning in my bossom that permeated my whole body. I gained insight into how the Lord viewed that intimacy. I was not prepared to recieve such a powerful positive answer. My feelings about the Lord and our Father in Heaven grew tremendously during that time. My experiences and understanding of temple ordinances grew tremendously during that period of time when I was truly seeking for enlightenment and applying what I was learning.

When I first got the answers, I wrote them down as best as I could understand them. I did not share them with my husband at that time because I kept feeling I needed to wait until he got his answers.
I asked him the next day if he had gotten an answer, to which he replied that he had not. I asked if he wanted to hear my answer. He said he did, later telling me that he was asked by the Spirit if he trusted his wife to which he answered that he did. I shared the powerful answers I got.

I have never felt closer to my husband than I did after following the Spirit on that one.

It is interesting how I started feeling guilty again. I asked for a Priesthood blessing. I was told not to doubt the answers I got from the Lord. I was also told not to counsel the Lord. That morning I had started doubting my answers and started telling the Lord why I felt that way. I was slipping back to my old ways of thinking. I was told in the blessing the Lord was proud of my growth and not to backslide. It has been hard for me but as I put my trust in the answers I get from the Lord and not my imperfect understanding from years before, I find my husband and I have started acting more like newly weds. So, the things we are told about seeking the Lord out and trusting our answers work. The journey is painful, and like any other Gospel subject, we must make it a serious matter of study and not worry that it is pornography. Just be careful of the places you go to get educated. Don’t let prudishness guide your actions. But let enlightenment and guidance from the Spirit guide you and as you do, you will find hidden treasures that will bring you and your Spouse closer than you ever dreamed possible.

I promise the Lord is more interested in your sex life with your spouse than you could ever dream possible. It will shock you how interested He is and how He will help the both of you. I also promise it will be one fo the most painful journeys you have been through, but it iwll be worth every bit of it. And be patient, like any other growth, it is line up one line and precept upon precept.

God bless you and your spouse as you build your Celestial marriage. Let’s work together to bring sexual relations back into the Lord’s territory.

To be completely honest I am very confused by all this, and am trying to find dependable answers. I am genuinely curious, for example, about the propriety of oral sex as part of perfectly legitimate physical intimacy between spouses.

My own personal opinion is that once your married, the “rules” change. But I’m interested in a more definitive statement. I saw that someone had commented that there aren’t rules, only doctrine, and principals, but frankly I find them to be vague, ambiguous and confusing.

Based on a legal education and background, I know something about the problems of vagueness and ambiguity. I also know that most generalizations have exceptions. How does and should all of this apply in this context? If this is a big issue that is going to potentially keep some good people out of the celestial kingdom, shouldn’t it be addressed?

Instead of using the word “rules,” what about “standards?” Heaven knows along with doctrine and principals, we also talk about standards. What are the standards for physical intimacy, including such things as masturbation and oral sex within marriage, between spouses?

I’m not talking about teeage boys here! I’m talking about standards for physical intimacy between mature married spouses.

Again, if this is a big deal, that is going to impede a bunch of people’s eternal progression, why don’t we get some more concrete direction about it?

Is it because it isn’t a big deal? It isn’t going to impede a bunch of people’s eternal progression — because it’s essentially all fair game within the bounds of marriage?