The winners from last Friday are:
1. Funeral Potatoes, 15. Wedding Receptions with Basketball Hoops, 14. Delivering meals to the sick and recently delivered, 4. Temple Square, 12. Euphemisms for swear words (Heck, Flip, etc.), 6. Food Storage, 7. Cheerios in Sacrament Meeting, and 8. I am a Child of God. Poor J. Golden.
Today’s contestants are:
1. Steve Young vs. 16. Non-face card card games (UNO, Rook, Phase 10, etc.)
Ah, Steve. How long we have loved you. Sure you didn’t serve a mission and you work every Sunday, but all is forgiven because you are cute, you give good football advice, you won a Super Bowl, and you haven’t embarassed us…yet (although, the Da Vinci code? THE DA VINCI CODE!?!).
2. Minerva Teichert vs. 15. Gentiles defined as Non-Mormons
A relic of Nineteenth-century Mormonism, Jan Shipps sees this trait as deriving from former prophetic statements regarding the reality of Israelite blood flowing in Mormon veins. I see it as an enduring opening joke for any Jewish speaker who visits Utah.
3. CTR Rings vs. 14. Knee Length Shorts
4. Pioneer Day vs. 5. Moving Holidays inconveniently located on Sunday to the Saturday prior
There is nothing like celebrating July 3rd with the neighbors and I wonder what all those people who complained that Jan 1, 2000 wasn’t the start of a new millenium think of people who celebrate the new year during the old one.
5. Missions vs. 12. Conspiracy Theories
Missions are expressions of love, thought, machismo, community, and diarrhea. Everyone (mostly) should go on one.
6. “Hey, did you know that Steve Martin is a Mormon? I saw him wearing a CTR ring on Letterman” vs. 11. Scripture Marking
This rumor, and many others like it, circulate in order to give the church the appearance of street cred. Yes that’s right, children, Steve Martin was once considered cool.
Scripture marking comes in phases. Sometimes we are all one-colored; sometimes we are one of those pencils with the 20 different colors of graphite within. Everybody’s got a system.
7. Home Teaching vs. 10. Sacred, not Secret
Home Teaching (and Visiting Teaching) are systems established to create communities by having everyone in the ward reading a brief article to one another each month and then to discuss the prominent sports teams in the local area. Also, please know that if you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to call.
That some aspects of Mormonism are sacred and shouldn’t be publically discussed is self-evident within the church. That they are not secret is evident from a Google search.
8. Trunk or Treat vs. 9. RULDS2
Hey, if there is a chance that you might have to go trick or treating on a Sunday, why not go the night before and take the kids on a walk through the parking lot for candy? Also this is supposed to cut down on the parent’s need to check apples for razor blades.
RULDS2 was the first LDS vanity plate I ever encountered (the second was LIAHONA). Owning it officially makes you a member of the “Mormon in the World (but not of it)” club, allowing you to cause more incognito Mormons to smile at it when they encounter it in traffic. Unless you cut them off, in which case other expressions (possibly euphemisms) will be involved.