The winners from the last round are: 1. Steve Young, 15. Gentiles = Non-Members, 3. CTR Rings, 4. Pioneer Day, 5. Missions, 11. Scripture Marking, 7. Home Teaching, and 8. Trunk or Treat. Poor Minerva.
Today’s battles will be between:
1. Arnold Friberg vs. 16. Brandon Flowers
Arnold Friberg was commissioned to make several paintings of Book of Mormon events. In these paintings, the women were strong, the men were good-looking, and the children were above average.
Brandon Flowers is the lead singer of the Killers (named after an infamous Danite group) and is a self-confessed drinking and smoking Mormon.
2. The Christus vs. 15. NCMO
NCMO was once a popular pasttime in the Provo area. I’m sure the kids have given it up by now.
3. Green and Gold Balls vs. 14. Short-sleeved Shirt worn with a necktie
Short-sleeved white shirts with a dark tie are the standard Young Men’s uniform, only occasionally to be replaced with a Boy Scout uniform. Sometimes adults dress this way also, attempting to recapture their misspent youth.
4. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir vs. 13. Basketbrawl (Ward and Stake Sports)
The Mormon Tabernacle Choir is the official choir of the Church. Its weekly broadcast, Music and the Spoken Word, is the longest-running radio program in history. They can warble like nobody’s business.
5. Large Families vs. 12. Moisture
Mormons traditionally have large families. Polygamy and birth-control prohibitions will do that. While the size of the families have shrunk, Mormons continue to tend to have more children than non-Mormon households (in the West, at least)
Moisture, in Mormon parlance, means precipitation. When I first heard someone pray for moisture, I assumed that they assumed that we weren’t sweaty enough.
6. Lengthen Your Stride vs. 11. The Mission Field is everywhere that isn’t the Mormon Corridor
Lengthen Your Stride is another motto from President Spencer W. Kimball. It means “strive to do your best,” not “speed it up, you slowpoke”.
The Mission Field is where missionaries go to teach people the Gospel, so it isn’t necessary to send them to Utah, Idaho, and Northern Arizona as they have all the gospel they need.
7. Potluck Dinners vs. 10. Johnny Lingo
It is a crying shame that Potlucks are disappearing. The day that someone got the idea to ask people to bring a salad or a dessert is a day that will live in infamy.
Johnny Lingo came from the WTF period of Mormon cinema. It empowers women by noting that their affection and self-worth comes from how much the men around them value them. Huzzah!
8. For the Strength of Youth vs. 9. Cipher in the Snow
For the Strength of Youth, a pamphlet used to establish the boundaries of teenage morality, has become the de-facto go-to guide for moral conundrums throughout the church. Parsing the language of this document is a pasttime for the insane among us.
Cipher in the Snow is from the Bergmanesque/depressing period of Mormon cinema. It empowers youth by noting that their affection determines the self-worth of those around them and that they can kill small children by ignoring them. Huzzah!
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