Remind me why we do this. Please.
Remind me why it is important to drag ourselves to services each Sunday. Even though it’s been four years, I still feel like such a newbie on some things, and the last six Sundays have made me want to run screaming, and left me exhausted and frustrated.
If I could go to church alone, or with only my husband, I know I could be edified, lifted up, study the passages, heck, maybe I could even hear the sacrament talks and learn something. But “alone” is not my lot.
Getting five people ready for church every Sunday is a task many an LDS woman does. Some seem to do it better than others. I am definitely an “other” here. By the time we get everyone dressed and out the door, any wisp of the spirit has long departed us, and we are often mad at each other and the kids.
If we make it on time to take the sacrament, should it even be taken frantically in the hallway with crying kids and our coats still on? It doesn’t quite feel right. Yet we keep trying.
Neither my husband nor I have sat through an entire Sacrament meeting this year. With a barely-five year old, a barely-three year old and a seven-month old, we are always out in the hallway, pacing, walking, or putting someone on a time-out for throwing a paper airplane, or for chucking a race car and the boy behind us, or for hollering during the song, or for filling her pants, or for tossing cheerios. You get the idea.
It feels so futile most Sundays. We fuss and stress to get there, only to miss absolutely everything edifying, and pace the halls in heels while carrying a heavy baby. Even though the older kids make it to their classes for hours 2 and 3, my husband and I have yet to sit through SS, RS or PH- we pass the baby to each other when our skills are called upon.
We’re still so new at this- and we have no parents or extended family to call upon for advice or example. It just hardly seems worth it- and yet I know it must be, somehow.
So I wonder, as we drag our tired, stressed, frustrated selves and our fighting kids home late in the afternoon of yet another Sunday. Why are we doing this? I really want to know.