Comments on: On Fulfillment and Staying at Home

By: Ben S. Classic

Ben S. Classic — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 19:32:39 +0000

The Ben S. above in all comments above is not the formerly-frequent commenter and sometime M* blogger.

By: MCQ

MCQ — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 17:45:22 +0000

Anon: You still have choices. If you look around, you’ll notice that there are a myriad of approaches to raising children and Mormon women can be found in every one of them. You are not being forced to do anything. Force is not part of God’s plan.

If you feel guilty, then you need to decide if that’s the light of Christ telling you to make a different choice, or just your own neuroses telling you to live someone else’s life instead of your own.

Naismith: Try Fall Out Boy on high volume. I find I can hear it over the noisiest mower and it really is a joy.

By: Sam B

Sam B — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 16:37:43 +0000

pat (55),
I’m not entirely sure what this acculturation you claim Mormon girls go through every day of their lives, in FHE and SS, is. I teach half our youth in SS, and every lesson is based on the New Testament. To the extent we’ve talked about anything outside the interpretation and application of scriptural teaching, it is encouraging all of the kids to read their scriptures and, b/c of the temporal foci that the NT sometimes has, to go to college. (Okay, and also whatever they did the week before, which usually means school and maybe a movie. And, of course, my amazing daughter.)

And, FWIW, although my family growing up wasn’t perfect at FHE (and maybe that’s where the acculturation failed), one of my sisters has a couple grad degrees and works outside the home, and the other is working on her grad degree.

Which is to say, there may be (and probably is) acculturation and pressure. Maybe it’s in YWs (because I’ve never been there—I have no idea what they do there). But there has not been in the SS or FHE that I’ve been involved in.

By: Naismith

Naismith — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 12:44:47 +0000

Whether one is a stay-at-home parent or in the â€œworkforce,â€ how do we change our focus from the extrensic to the intrinsic? I hope this isnâ€™t too much of a threadjack, but I am sincerely interested in ideas and comments about finding joy and satisfaction among the more mundane aspects of life.

But it should be noted that in a sense, latter-day saints are never truly alone. When I say “intrinsic” it is internal satisfaction vs. outward rewards, but a major part of it is reaching the end of the day and knowing through the quiet comfort of prayer and the spirit that the day was well spent.

At the same time, I humbly admit that everything I accomplished was not done on my own, but with the help of the Lord. I have fasted and prayed over challenges at the office, because they are the flocks of my fields.

As for finding joy in the mundane, I use most mindless tasks as an opportunity to listen to podcasts or books on CD. The exception is a few things like lawn-mowing, which are just too loud for that.

By: Anon

Anon — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 12:04:08 +0000

I am married but don’t have children yet. I never have wanted to be a stay at home mother. I graduated from grad school 2 years ago and have been working. In my program a number of the women has babies while in the program and still managed to finish on time. I found myself jealous of them. Not because they had a baby but because they had choices in how they are a mother. they can work part time, Work full time, have the father stay home, or stay home themselves. They are not LDS. And they all have made different choices. Most work part time but one works full time but has the husband stay home full time. they didn’t have to feel forced to stay home like i do if i have a child, or face guilt if they don’t. In a way I think that I might have be more open to having a baby if i felt that i had the same freedom in making choices that they do. But I feel like I have to give up everything that i have spent the last nine years working towards or I am a very selfish evil women.

By: pat

pat — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 09:05:08 +0000

Norbert- I greatly appreciate your sensitivity and your honestly. Having not grown up in the church I did not go through the acculturation and conditioning that Mormon girls go through every day of their life, every Sunday school lesson, every Family home evening. Many times it is simply subtle nuances, but the mantra of “this role will/should make you fulfilled” is stressed. I believe that many live it. I felt guilty that I could not. However, being a female convert who never even had one babysitting job in my youth, motherhood hit me like a fly on the windshield. It came so quickly, I didn’t know how to adapt. I love my children, I love being a mother, but I never could make it a full-time role. So I worked part time as a teacher and we flip-flopped responsibilities and juggled and I always felt so incredibly guilty that I knew that I could never possibly be fulfilled as a full time stay at home mom. It never was in me. To this very day I need more. Interestingly enough, my daughter says to me, “Mom, I could never imagine staying at home when I get married and have kids.”

By: MCQ

MCQ — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 08:53:42 +0000

Vlad:

Isnâ€™t the goal to have everything in our lives be a means to the end of living the gospel such that we donâ€™t need to find joy in those extrinsic things like a career or being a SAHP but merely living the gospel.

No.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 03:50:04 +0000

spectator, that’s very good to hear! Maybe my plan isn’t so crazy after all!

By: a spectator

a spectator — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 03:48:10 +0000

Stephanie–I started my Master’s when my #1 was 3 months old and finished it 2 weeks before #2 was born (all part-time). It was probably the best thing I could have done: got me out with adults and good reading, husband had good baby-time a few nights a week. Now if only I could find a phd program….

By: John Williams

John Williams — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 03:21:30 +0000

Word to the wise: work sucks.