The Brad Pitt Rule

Here is another tale of romantic rejection from my youth in the interest of helping the youth of today navigate the treacherous shoals of Mormon dating. From this experience I derived advice that I gave to my young men when I was their youth leader, which advice today I characterize as the “Brad Pitt Rule.” That I can recount this tale today with such equanimity suggests that this happened long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Our story begins with an infamous seminary class camping trip to Nauvoo State Park. We kids all slept together in one big, coed tent. (I still laugh when I remember this, thinking how utterly shocked my current church leaders would be that our seminary teacher thought this was a good idea.) In fact, with all those kids sleeping in the same tent there really was no possibility of shenanigans. The most titillating thing that happened was when one girl publicly announced that she had to take her bra off. (Simply hearing the words “bra off” is sufficient to put a good Mormon teenage boy into a momentary seizure.) But of course she just slipped it off under her tshirt (so she could sleep comfortably), and that was that–we all just went to sleep.

Anyway, during that camping trip I spent a lot of time walking and talking with a girl I’ll call “Carla.” I was friends with her brothers, but had never really considered trying to date her. But she was certainly attractive and I liked her well enough.

Shortly after that, Carla and her family went on vacation to Florida. To my surprise, I received a letter from her while she was in Florida. It was two pages and rather personal in nature. No girl had ever sent me a letter from her family vacation before! I took this as a signal that she would welcome me asking her out for a date. So once she came home from vacation I called her and asked her out for the next Saturday.

She replied that she was committed to go with her girlfriends to the mall to shop for shoes that day. All well and good. But here is where my naivete and inexperience with dating proved my downfall: I actually believed her.

So early the next week I called again and asked her out (again) for the following Saturday. And again she had a prior commitment. This would be a better story if I could remember exactly what she said; it wasn’t “I have to wash my hair,” but it was just one level above that. It was a very lame excuse. And at that very moment I was enlightened and knew that she really didn’t want to go out with me, and was just trying to let me down softly.

So from this experience I derived what today I call the Brad Pitt Rule: When you ask a girl out, she’s only got one shot to assent. If she fails to assent upon the first request for any reason whatsoever, that’s it; never ask her out again.

I call this the Brad Pitt Rule, because imagine that, instead of a schlub like me, it was that particular woman’s dream man calling her. (I just use Brad Pitt because he is so widely perceived that way by women; if he’s not your cup of tea, just substitute Johnny Depp or whoever.) Now imagine that our friend Brad calls a girl to ask her for a date. Does she say that she is committed to go shoe shopping at the mall? Certainly not. Even if it is actually true, and she was planning on going shoe shopping at the mall with her girlfriends, what girl alive wouldn’t adjust her plans and say yes to Brad?

Now, what if she has a more legitimate excuse, such as that she is scheduled to work? A lot of women wouldn’t let that stop them, either, but let’s ignore that for now. What does a woman say when Brad calls and asks to take her out on Friday night? Does she just say “Oh, sorry, I have to work that night”? Certainly not. She would at the very least offer an alternative: “Oh, I’d love to, but I really have to work that night. But I’m free Saturday night, could we do it then?”

So, no matter how plausible the excuse she offers, if a girl doesn’t suggest an alternative, then she should only get one bite at the apple. If she fails to accept a date with you the first time you ask, never ask her again. She doesn’t want to go out with you. Even if it’s a legitimate excuse and she would be open to going out with you, if she has so little consideration for how daunting it is to call her and ask her out in the first place not to offer an alternative, then you don’t want to go out with her anyway.

This never would have happened to Brad Pitt.

Comments

  1. Are you trying to remind me about how sad my dating life is?

    But perhaps the failures in my dating life are related to my openness about my Brad Pitt rule: ‘I’m totally not gay. But if Brad Pitt called…’

  2. Great advice! 35 years too late, but great advice.

  3. MikeInWeHo says:

    Question: Was it wrong for Carla to employ these white lies to decline Kevin’s offer, his naive misinterpretation notwithstanding? Would it have been better for her to say “I’m sorry, but I’m not interested in you Kevin…” ??

    Not quite sure why you called this the Brad Pitt rule. I’d call it the “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me” rule.

  4. Kevin Barney says:

    That’s an excellent question, Mike. Personally, I would prefer a direct rejection. But I don’t blame Carla for telling the white lies, because I’ve been asked out by girls I didn’t want to go out with before (again, in the distant past), and I have to admit, it is very hard to come straight out and tell someone you’re not interested in her when a little white lie would do the trick. But I hope that if I were in that position today I would have the maturity and the courage and the consideration to give a simple, straightforward rejection.

  5. I didn’t learn as quickly as you did. It took me four times to learn that the girl I wanted to go out with was not really baking cookies with her mom. On the up side, now that it has been almost twenty years and I am married with four children, I am so glad she had to bake all those cookies.

  6. Mephibosheth says:

    So true, I live by a sort of modified Brad Pitt rule: if the girl is unavailable two or three times without a good excuse, forget her. I feel like 2-3 chances is more realistic, because a little persistence never hurt anyone and let’s face it, I’m no Brad Pitt.

    I actually prefer these kinds of games to the simple, straightforward rejection, because it gives me the illusion of escaping with some semblence of self-esteem intact.

  7. This is almost the exact same advice I recently gave to one of my 16-year-old male students, but I told him to give a girl two chances. He came to me during lunch one day to ask what he should do about the girl who had twice rejected him. The first time, she said she needed to study. The second time, she said she had a family obligation, but the boy eventually heard that she later accepted an invitation from friends to go see a movie on the same day. She had lied.

    So he came to me wanting to know if and how he should confront her about the lie. I told him the “Rule of Two Times” (though I did not actually call it that). I said if a girl says no once, he should be cautious but not dismiss her, as it was possible that she genuinely had plans. But if a girl said no twice, it meant that she definitely was not interested, and that he should set his eye on someone else.

    I did include Kevin’s points, though, that 1) if she really wanted to go out with him, she would most likely offer a firm alternative to offset the first rejection and 2) if a girl really likes boy, almost any plan could be canceled, and most girls wouldn’t hesitate to do just that.

    As for the lie, I told him not to confront the girl about that; she was only trying to be kind in the best way a 16-year-old girl knows how. The boy saw the truth of what I said, but he looked pretty bummed. I assured him that he wouldn’t want to date a girl who was lukewarm about him anyway, and that there was probably some other cute girl, quietly pining away for him, to whom he was oblivious. (I was trying to keep hope alive).

  8. I’m so glad the dating years are far beind me. I forgot what misery they are. Thanks for the reminder, Kevin!

  9. Kevin Barney says:

    Very good, lurkgirl. That young man is lucky to have you for a mentor.

  10. And if she says she’s going shopping, can’t the asker just ask for an alternative? “Oh, I’m sorry you won’t be available; how about another night?”

  11. The reality is that most of us aren’t anything like Brad Pitt. Its a little weak to say that we should always give up after one attempt. That certainly isn’t what we would want to teach youth in any other aspect of their life. Not giving up, though, does put you at risk of being the annoying guy who can’t take a hint.

    Having said the above, when I first asked out the girl that is now my wife, she said something like “I’m scheduled to work that day, but I can get off.” I couldn’t help but take it as a positive sign.

  12. Actually, when I was in college, that was how we rated girls–by how many times we would take a no before we quit asking. I don’t remember anyone rating higher than four no’s.

  13. Kevin Barney says:

    This is a case where I don’t think gung ho persistence is the best policy. What I mean by the “Brad Pitt Rule” is that if you ask her out and she wants to go out with you, she surely will find some way to communicate that to you (much as your wife did, advice). I personally would err on the side of, as you put it, absolutely not being that annoying guy who can’t take a hint. I knew a guy like that and so I almost have a complex not to be that way.

    queuno, that’s certainly a possibility. But I worry that would entail a sort of gotcha game when all she’s really trying to do is let you down easily. Again, I think that if she wants to go out with you she’ll find a way to let you know.

  14. Kevin Barney says:

    CS Eric, that’s hilarious!

  15. Similar in some ways to the Brad Pitt rule is the ‘Elders Quorum Skiing Scam’.

    Your Elders Quorum President calls you and asks, “Can you go skiing with a group of us on Thursday morning?” You have work, of course, but you answer “Sure–I’ll just take Thursday off work.” The Elders Quorum President replies, “Well, we aren’t really going skiing on Thursday morning but since you are taking the day off anyway, can you work at the cannery on that day?”

  16. It’s true that a guy should avoid being annoying and clueless, but mostly this is about a guy having a little dignity and self-respect. If he sets himself up for multiple rejections from the same girl, it will appear he has neither. And he will thus become even less desirable in the dating market.

    I saw a humorous drawing the other day that touched on a relevant issue here. It featured a drawing of a pretty girl and the caption above her head said, “I’d like you a lot more if you liked me a lot less.”

  17. The first time a boy asked me out on a date over the phone, I was so surprised I hung up on him, thinking it was a joke. It didn’t really help that he’d never (and I do mean never) said a single word to me — I only figured out later that he lived down the hall in my dorm, and was actually in one of my classes.

    In general I agree that you should have a pretty low threshold for giving up — I’d probably say two times, because some people (introverted ones like me especially) react in not-entirely rational ways when surprised. I doubt very much that I’d have the composure or self-confidence to say “no, but.” Honestly, it’d be a miracle if I got out more than “sorry, I’m busy that day, bye.” The second time, at least, you’ve presented them with the scenario before, and they’ve had the opportunity to evaluate their original response.

    Note that I do much better when it’s not over the phone. ^_^

  18. Before my first date with my future wife, she turned me down two times in a row. She said she had to study. I thought she was making it up, but I figured an eight cow woman had a certain right to turn me down at least a few times. She accepted on my third attempt and we went to see a movie. After the show, I had to use the restroom and somehow ended up in the womens restroom. It was very crowded and horribly embarrassing, but my date laughed about it all evening. I wouldn’t suggest this as a tactic, but it worked for me.

  19. May I suggest a corollary? If she turns you down but suggests a different day to get together then the Brad Pitt rule is held in abeyance until said date comes and goes. If she suddenly has to wash her hair the next time, then BPitt controls.

    On a different note: the first time I called the woman who is now my wife to ask her on a last-minute Thursday night date, she immediately accepted my dinner invitation. I only learned later that she then called her girlfriends to beg out of their weekly Thursday night temple session to go out with me. I eventually got her back to the temple!

  20. Sarah: I’d probably say two times, because some people (introverted ones like me especially) react in not-entirely rational ways when surprised.

    I’d say that if a girl is surprised when a guy asks her out he is doing something wrong. If I can remember back that far… I believe I never asked a girl out if there hadn’t been a lot of overt reciprocal flirting before the invite. (I thought of it as testing the waters before diving in.) When you already know she’s into you, you never have to worry about “The Brad Pitt Rule” (which is pretty much another name for the “dude, she’s just not that into you” rule).

  21. I asked my husband out for our first date. When he came to the phone, he said, “You’re calling for me? Really? Me?”

  22. I like Queno’s idea, #10.
    .I remember there was a guy I was very interested in going out with. When he asked me out the first time, I truly couldn’t. I tried to make sure he knew I was sincere and wanted a second call. Second call came, couldn’t go out again.
    He even called a third time and I really could not make it. This was a guy I really wanted to go out with! Of course he didn’t call back. I regretted not setting something up right there and then!
    I think what gets missed in these conversations a lot is that there is risk for the girl involved when being asked out too. If a guy asked me out, I didn’t want to be too presumptuous. What if I’m the “back up date”? What if he just sees me as a friend, with absolutely no romantic interest whatsoever (which is pretty much what I assumed until told otherwise)? What if I can’t go, but have a hard time telling him too PLEASE call and ask me out again?
    It’s a really good thing my husband was very persistent, or there is no way we’d be married today

  23. Left Field says:

    When I was about 30, I went on a date with a woman in my ward. For reasons that will become clear, I’ll call her Lucy. At the end of the evening I asked if she might be interested in going out again, and she said yes. A week or so later, I called back to make the arrangements. She wasn’t sure about her schedule, but asked me to call back the next week. When I called again, she said something else had come up for that weekend. A little suspicious about being put off twice, I wanted to be sure she was really interested. Naively, I thought the best way to find out would be to ask her directly if she was interested.

    “Do you want to go out with me? Do you want me to call you back?”

    “Yes, sure.”

    I had asked a direct question and received a clear answer. I didn’t have to try to read signals or wonder if she was really interested. I knew she was interested in going out with me because she said she was. A week later, I called back. Same conversation. Not available this week, but still interested.

    It went on like this for several weeks. It was always too late to make plans for this week but too early for next week. I was getting absolutely clear verbal indication that she was interested and wanted me to call back, but the Brad Pitt rule said no. I didn’t know what to do but to keep calling and keep asking her to clarify. Every week, Charlie Brown would run up to kick the football, and every week Lucy would pull it away, and say, “I’ll hold the football for you next week, Charlie Brown.”

    Why did I keep calling? I had had a previous experience with a with a woman I had dated for a time. She suddenly became unavailable, and after several tries, I just quit calling. I always wondered if I had given up too soon. I resolved that if something like that happened again, I would actually talk about it so there would be no question. Besides, there was Ezra Taft Benson telling single men that we were responsible for making things happen. So I figured that I should discuss it with her and keep calling back as long as she asked me to.

    After several weeks of this, I called back as usual.

    LUCY: I’m sorry, I’ve made arrangements for my roommate to give me a permanent this weekend.

    ME: [speechless, holding the phone, mouth agape, blinking slowly]

    Long pause…

    LUCY: Are you there?

    ME: [still dumbfounded, but finally finding my voice] Um… Do you still want to go out with me? [stupid question, but I really wanted her to just give me a clear verbal answer.]

    LUCY: [cheerfully] Oh, sure.

    ME: [incredulous] You want me to call back?

    LUCY: That would be great!

    By then of course, I knew she was lying through her teeth. But some small part of me kept thinking, “She said she wants me to call back. I called back a few more times hoping she would just tell me to jump in the lake so I could quit trying to make sense of her mixed signals. She always insisted she was really interested and that I should call back. Yeah, right. I finally just told her to give me a call when she found an opening in her schedule. No doubt she’s still trying hard to work me in.

    I’m with Kevin. A straightforward “No thank you” or “Go to hell” would be much preferable to “I really want to hold the football for you, Charlie Brown.”

  24. I totally used the one chance or “Brad Pitt” rule.

  25. Left Field says:

    I would propose the female corollary to the Brad Pitt Rule: If I guy calls back a third time, that means he doesn’t observe the Brat Pitt Rule and is looking for a verbal response. Just tell him no thank you.

  26. I would also agree with this rule. On top of that, I always followed the “call-back” rule. I would call during a time I figured she wouldn’t answer, and if she called back within 24 hours, there was a chance. If not, I knew I better move on…

  27. Latter-day Guy says:

    I’m in the “no thank you” crowd. Much less frustrating if folks are just up-front about it. Wastes less time on both ends. However, LDS dating culture being what it is, honesty almost always bends to some misbegotten sense of niceness which entails lame excuses and ridiculous hinting.

  28. The Brad Pitt Rule rules. I usually gave two or even three chances if I was very interested but I regretted it every time.

    Nebraska: I think your wife’s just not that into you. Sorry, man.

    mmiles: As a date, you suck.

  29. I say to give a girl at least two chances unless her excuses are extremely lame. But you should be forewarned that there are risks involved in continuing to ask a girl out after she’s said she’s busy: When I was a senior in high school, I was asked out by a very cool Returned Missionary — going out with an RM was a real dream. The first 2 times he asked I had legitimate obligations I couldn’t get out of, but I tried to let him know that I really did want to go out with him. He must have been secure in his coolness, because he asked me out a 3rd time (actually saying something to the effect of this being a 3rd strike) and I was able to accept the invitation. However, on the day of the date I came down with a stomach bug and felt awful. I knew that if I backed out, he’d never ask me out again. So I went on the date and didn’t warn him that I was feeling sick. After a lovely Italian dinner, walking to the car, I threw up the pasta for which he had just paid. At least I didn’t vomit IN his car. He took me right home and we never really spoke again. When someone asks about my most embarrassing experience, this one immediately comes to mind.

  30. In my experience, sometimes someone is cool to hang out with and flirt with on a church youth trip, but not so much in real life.

  31. Gee, I don’t know. I don’t remember getting turned down. Come to think of it, I don’t remember turning anyone down either. Of course, my memory ain’t so good.

  32. hmmm, I never really dated my wife before I was engaged to her(opting for the evil “hanging out”) so this probably doesn’t count, but the first time I kissed her, she called me a NCMO, and told me I was fun but it would never last. (I, not having any Utah experience, had to ask her what a NCMO was.)

  33. I’m glad I never had to use the Brad Pitt rule.

    I met my wife before she turned 16; we fell head over heals in love at first sight; I only dated her once she turned 16; she waited for me with an engagement ring while I served a mission; and we got married 6 weeks after I got back home. (I know; sickening.)

  34. OK Matt, I’m from Utah and I have no idea what a NCMO is. Any clues?

  35. Non-Comittal Make-Out. I thought it was a byu thing.

  36. Once I got turned down for a date because the girl had to varnish a cedar chest. Which, I think, is actually more blunt than saying “I’m not that into you.”

  37. John Deacon says:

    Great advice but thankfully I was never turned down!!

  38. The Brad Pitt rule isn’t even necessary if you do something even simpler: Follow this rule.

  39. Kevin Barney says:

    I like it, Rusty.

  40. Chuck McKinnon says:

    #3 Mike: I have a good friend about my father’s age who was once, during his dating years, rejected by a girl he asked to dance. She said, politely and with a smile, “No thank you.”

    After the initial disappointment wore off, he was so impressed by her response — it let him down as gently as possible, gave him no false hope, and was not complicated for her — that as a father he has taught all five of his (breathtaking) daughters to answer that way whenever they are faced by a young, nervous suitor in whom they have no interest. By all reports it’s worked very well.

  41. Kevin Barney says:

    Chuck–that’s excellent.

  42. Last Lemming says:

    I not only used the Brad Pitt rule (after deriving it independently the hard way), if I got an excuse after I had already been out with a girl once, I told her flat out I was invoking the Brad Pitt rule. (Was Brad Pitt even born then?) The first time I did that, the girl responded that I was probably wise to do so, and actually treated me well afterwards. The second time, the girl chewed me out for jumping to conclusions. Fortunately, there was no third time.

  43. Here here. Might I also add that when a girl rejects you that you must reject her back.
    She: “I made a commitment to go shopping with my girls”.
    You: “Good, while your add it by go buy a more believable set of excuses”.

  44. After our first date, my now husband and I arranged to go together to a young adult stake activity the following weekend. It was to be ballroom dancing lessons. That Friday afternoon I called him to say that I couldn’t go dancing with him as I was in the hospital with a broken neck. A long pause followed. Years later he told me he had been thinking, “I’ve heard the ‘I have home-work’ excuse, and I’ve heard the ‘I need to wash my hair’ excuse, but I’ve never heard the ‘I broke my neck’ excuse…”

  45. Other than that I generally used the No, thank you method after an unpromising first date.

  46. I created the Remuda Process for a long-time-dateless roommate of mine. He wouldn’t ask out women because he feared the supposed rejection (there was empirical evidence to support this supposition). One evening I had him list *10* women with whom he’d like to go out the following weedend, order them by preference, and then start calling. As I recall, he got down to number 6 or 7 on the list before someone accepted — but Sunday morning, he only remembered that he’d had a date.

  47. Kevin Barney says:

    Interesting tactic, manaen. You’ve got to be really psyched up to be able to absorb that much rejection [I think after the first three rejections I'd want to go crawl in a hole somewhere], but if you can handle it mentally it well could work, as it indeed did for your roommate..

  48. I had an unwritten law similar to this one later in my dating career, and it almost cost me the chance to meet my wife, but then again, it afforded me the luxury of meeting her at the opportune time.

  49. manaen, if the dating response were random, your roommate (Remuda?) would have a better chance playing the slots. However the Remuda Process seems like it would guarantee success eventually.

  50. Am I the only one still laughing about the girl and her bra?

    Just checking:)

    Anywho–I’m a gal of the 90’s; I usually do the asking. I don’t take an interest in many guys, so I haven’t had to ask a lot. But when I do, it always seems to take them by surprise.

    I’ve always wondered if that comes off too strong though.
    Thoughts?

  51. Kevin Barney says:

    Paradox, good for you. I think there should be complete equality between men and women as to initiating a date; either should have the option.

    I remember some of my LDS guy friends when I was a teenager expressing the view that it was inappropriate for a girl to ask a guy out and they would never go with one who asked them. I thought they were insane.

    To me, the old fashioned convention of men initiating dates should die a prompt death.

  52. Paradox, if a guy is turned off enough to be offended by being asked by a girl – he’s not worth it. I could make a comment about a certain type of fortitude, but that might be over the line even on this blog.

  53. 46, et al

    FWIW, here’s a link to the definition of “remuda.” See whether you agree with so naming the process described in #46.

  54. This is hilarious. Painfully funny.

    Two calls. That’s it. This seems to be what we would call in the scientific community, a law. Name it after Brad Pitt or whomever; so many people have arrived at this same truth, deriving it independently, that to future generations it should seem self-evident.

    I, too, had a friend that didn’t understand this law and helped me come to its realization early.

    A girl will get two phone calls. Cell phones have infinitely reduced the amount of trouble surrounding this rule. No longer are we plagued by the thoughts of, “did the roommate give her the message? Did someone else delete it?” And the awkwardness of talking with the family – gone forever. But I digress. Two calls: the first, if it is not answered, will be met by a brief voicemail announcing my name and number, followed by, “I’ll call you later.” The second, if again she does not answer, will be followed by whatever I feel like leaving, ending with, “Call me.” If she doesn’t, her loss.

    Of course, this policy has led to my 26 year track record of unblemished virginity. Some (myself included, sometimes) could say that would be proof against the validity of this law. But even those of us who remain sexually frustrated must maintain some dignity (in real life, not in the bloggersphere).

  55. Hah, stumbled upon this while I was doing some homework. I know this isn’t a forum for dating sob-stories, but I’ll offer this perspective. Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that agency is a big part of the whole process. Interested or not, one person has the ability and the right to say yes or no to a date. After that they have the power and the right to say yes or no to a second, third, etc. What I love about life is that is why we are here is to exercise agency, and that married life is a continuation of the process. While not married yet, I do love to learn about what gets people together, and also that there are psychological reasons for people not to get together. One naive experience of mine was of asking out a newly called RS president out for a date. On a scale of 1-10 of looks I was probably about a 2.5 and she was about the same or better in my eyes. What I liked about her is that her description of her testimony was like mine, and she was as converted/committed to the Gospel of Jesus Christ as I was/am (I was a recent RM and so was she by about 4 months). So I ask her out. First dates to me are get-to-know you experiences. We had some church property about an hour’s drive out of the city that was scheduled for some clean-up work as a service project. I was the EQ president, so naturally it was up to us to help fulfill the assignment.

    I asked her if she would like to drive up with my friend, his girlfriend and myself. She says yes, and we had a good conversation in the car. My friend and his girlfriend were in the front and me and my ‘date’ were in the back seat. I should have gotten the hint that she wasn’t really into dating as a principle (maybe she didn’t get asked out too often…I don’t know and probably will never), because she talked about herself the whole time. I was asking plenty of questions, though because I was interested in getting to know her. However, she wasn’t asking any back in return (maybe a clue to a clueless guy–now much the wiser). The service project was great, I got to know her really well to the point that I wanted to ask her out on a ‘real’ date this time. I asked her at the end of the day if she would like to go out again and she said yes. So I had it set up for a small group date (about 3 couples) for a picnic/bbq in the park and a movie and she said “great sounds like fun.”

    Well, long story made shorter, I was calling a few days in advance to confirm the plans and ended up leaving about 2 messages with her roommate.

    Finally, she calls back and apologizes for not returning my calls. She said she had already went to see the movie with a friend and didn’t want to see it again. I plugged the idea of the picnic/bbq and she told me that her new calling of RS president made her too busy to date. Now to a returned missionary who had much success seeing people progress who weren’t even members of the church now seeing a committed RM sister who was being flaky and blaming it on her church alling, just didn’t register at the time. I thought I must have to be a total loser to get rejected for the purposes of serving in the church.

    My internal response was “Gee, I thought I deserved better than that”, I realize now was selfish.

    I later came to realize that her family life growing up wasn’t all that was cracked up to be and she had relationship and dating issues. Who knew? Certainly not a naive 22-year old RM with a belief that everyone could be rational and polite if they really tried.

    Really great girl (and I mean that in the best sense), but apparently her behaviors and interactions with people were only external. Not everyone is a psychologist and my attitude now is that you shouldn’t have to be one to find someone you like to be with.

    For any guys out there, I would be careful to judge a girl by how and why you get rejected for asking someone her a date. Chances are you don’t know the entire story and even better are the chances it’s a personal issue on her part none of your business.

  56. #50 – No, I promise you aren’t the only one still laughing.
    That part of the story kind of reminds me of my college roommate’s habit of calling out “I’m getting naked!” when all she’s really doing is changing into jeans under her skirt. XD

    I am also, apparently, of the generation that believes it’s okay for women to ask men on dates.

    Either that, or all of the (young) men I know come from a generation that believes they shouldn’t have to ask a woman out just to date her.

    Of the ‘steady’ dates that I’ve had over the years, I have been the Askee in only two relationships (and considering that one was when I was in 5th grade and was really an excuse to explain to my mom why I was hanging out with my best friend so much, and the other was a poor and flopped attempt at a college relationship, I’m not sure they count). For the rest, it has been me, flying into the face of danger, and actually asking a guy if he’s interested.

    I find that it is a problem with the YSA’s in my area, that no one believes it’s their job to ask people out. In fact, I think most of us just ‘hang out’ at church functions and hope that we’ll fall into the arms of our EC at Talent Night.

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