Comments on: The Core of a Mormon Man

By: john f.

john f. — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 13:12:16 +0000

It is sad to the extent that it is true. But don’t be too quick to judge them as you likely don’t know why it is that your fellow church members aren’t hanging out with non-members there in Ann Arbor. Perhaps they have tried in the past but are not well accepted because of their religion? Perhaps they are socially awkward based on some of the traits mentioned in the main post (no alcohol, no profanity, no guy-time) and therefore, over time, their friendship circles have dwindled to include only fellow ward members. A tragedy, I agree, but not necessarily worth undue criticism.

Many Mormon men simply don’t want to have to share in the nasty inside sex-jokes and profane cynicism required in order to be a considered “one of the guys” at the work place. Granted, this is less of a consideration when it comes to neighbors though.

By: Ronin

Ronin — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 07:49:29 +0000

Ray- in places like where you and I live, Mormon neighbors are hard to come by, since us Mormons are a minority. Yet, I have noticed that even given these circumstances, my fellow-Members choose to not interact socially with non-Mormons. A lot of them just choose self-imposed isolation.
Which is very sad.

By: Ray

Ray — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 23:52:05 +0000

Ronin, for those of us outside the Mormon corridor, an option to interact only with our Mormon neighbors often isn’t an option – since we have no Mormon neighbors.

By: Ronin

Ronin — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 23:19:47 +0000

Jim- I understand your point. being busy being an involved parent, Church member. But, one does not have to be buildinga Habitat home or doing something really involved all the tie. Simply talking to you non-Mormon neighbor and fostering a friendly relationship is a good thing to do, something tha tI see many Mormons refusing to do. Lotsof times I ask if peopl e interact withtheir immediate neighbors- the most common answer I get is “oh, they are not Members”. This is the kind of mindset that we as members of our Church need to get rid of.

Kristine- good to see you again. I had a recurrence of severe health problems in 2006 and most of 2007, so i was out of the loop for a while!!!

By: Thomas Parkin

Thomas Parkin — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 20:37:35 +0000

I think Pres Monson’s comment about being ‘sequestered away in a cage is telling.

This is from our Ward Mission Plan:

“Second, let’s reach out to others in a spirit of genuine Friendship and Love. We do not make friends only in (hope) that they (may) join the church. Instead, a true friend is a faithful friend regardless of circumstance. We can make friends from many walks of life, people who are very like us and some who are not so like us. We are all children of God. … we can invite them into our homes, get to know them and let them get to know us.”

By: Jim

Jim — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 19:26:55 +0000

Ronin,
You have a good point. My immediate reaction is to say that I often don’t have enough time to do everything as it is, so how am I supposed to be more involved in the community?

But, in general, we do need to be more involved, and we have to be real friends with our co-workers, neighbors, etc.

By: Kristine

Kristine — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:01:39 +0000

Hi Ronin! It’s nice to see you around here again!

By: Ronin

Ronin — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 15:36:30 +0000

I am a non-caucasian , convert to our Church. Converted when I was a young adult. What I see is this- it is not that LDS folks choose to live according to higher standards, What I see in my university town is this- Mormons deliberately choose to self-isolate themselves from the community around them. Kinda like Orthodox Jews. An Us versus Them mindset is quite prevalent. In the Family Wards, a lot of the children and teenagers are not allowed to participate in activities, extra-curricular, where non-Mormons participate. Adults live in neihgborhoods, but they choose not to interact even with the close neighbors. Life in centered around Church on Sundays,and activities organised with Church members only.
This leads to a chasm of sorts,and most Mormons seem to enjoy and revel in this kind of isolation. What the local leaders and the members dont seem to realise is that leads to the perception that Mormons “are weird”, self-righteous, and generally unfriendly.
There is also the problem of our folks never doing anything in the community, being overly bureaucratic, when asked to, say, participate in a blood-drive, or to do a Habitat for Humanity project, or some other community project.
A few friends are devout Catholic, and they make ita point as individuals, and as Congregations as a hole, to go out and interact with the community, and establisha presense and a footprint in the community.. We Mormons are absolutely no good at doing this- at both the individual level, or at the institutional level.For example- here in Ann Arbor, most peopledont even know that there is a Mormon community in town, probably over 2000 individuals strong. We just dont exist inpeople’s consciousness. And to those who know about us, We come off as unfriendly people, who dont like non-Mormon people unless they are investigators or people who have committed to be baptised.

Bro Dick Bushman , when speaking about Mormons on NPR last week, also made the same point- that unless Mormons quit their habit of self-isolation, it is unlikely that the perception that Mormons are weird will never go away.

Sorry for my rant.

By: Christian

Christian — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 22:19:37 +0000

I think that some of you have latched onto the reason, but you need to pull back and look at the bigger picture. The problem isn’t mormons in particular. Americans are extremely intolerant of cultural differences when there isn’t a “racial” marker. If you look like them, they expect you to think like them, or you are some sort of threat.

Like Twain said, travel is the greatest cure for bigotry. In Europe, people are used to the idea of white people having different cultural traditions, and relating to each other in different ways. Americans tend to insulate themselves from that reality.

You ever sit and listen to the maladaptive non-LDS Utahns? Ever wonder what provokes someone to foam at the mouth at the evils of green jello? Seriously, why can’t they just get a life? White Americans just aren’t programmed to deal to live as neighbors with folks that share their skin color but not their culture.

By: Matt Evans

Matt Evans — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 01:17:23 +0000

Nice work, John. This is excellent.