I first ventured into serious, all-alone-on-the-stage public singing in my late twenties. I have video of my first performance at a summer “local musicians in the park” type of event. I was absolutely terrified as I took the stage with my guitar. I was to do three songs, all my own compositions, and I knew them very well, but that didn’t keep me from completely forgetting to sing the middle verse of the first song! I was mortified when I realized it, but I just kept playing/singing, and made it through the set. The crowd politely applauded, and I sat down, half relieved and half embarrassed at having forgotten part of my own song.

Later that night I watched the video my wife had taken. What struck me immediately is that I wasn’t near as bad as I imagined myself being when I was up on the stage. It actually sounded pretty good! And you couldn’t even really tell I had messed up the first song, because I didn’t really give any outward indication that I had forgotten anything. So, that was a real revelation to me. It somehow made me realize that, no matter what happens, I’m always going to be my harshest critic.

Since then, I have performed dozens or hundreds of times in different venues, from summer music festivals to open mike nights at the local record store to family funerals. The funerals are probably the hardest, especially when it’s someone close. Ironically, it’s not the actual performing of the songs at a funeral that makes it hard. It’s looking at the reaction of the people in the audience. So, whereas I like to make contact with the crowd in normal situations, I’ve learned to avoid it at funerals so as to facilitate a good performance. The hardest was probably singing Bridge Over Troubled Water at the funeral of my younger brother who died an untimely and unnecessary death. He and I used to be asked to sing at funerals together. We would often sing that song; he would sing the melody and I would craft a harmony part a third/fifth lower. It would always leave the whole audience weeping. There is something special, I am convinced, to the harmony created by siblings singing together . . . unfortunately, at his funeral I was left to sing the song alone. That was hard.

Anyway, congratulations on a good performance, Kevin. We’ll look forward to hearing about your future performances as well.

I have sung in many small groups in sacrament meeting, including in a duet with my sister at my friend’s missionary farewell. I managed to get through that one without my voice shaking even though my friend and his mother started crying about 3 bars in; I think it’s because it was a corny song and I was able to compartmentalize.

I have a great choir voice, but I become terrified if I think anyone can hear me. Or, because I am a sap, I choke up too easily. How do you put across the emotions to the congregation while walling them off from yourself? Or is it possible to allow yourself to feel them and still be able to sing? Maybe I’m just hopeless.

I’ve often had the experience Ray describes in #14. Pretty much any time I attend another ward, in fact. Invariably children will turn around and stare at me with looks of astonishment. (I don’t have an outrageously big voice. It’s just that, you know, the few people who do sing in these wards do so timidly and with their faces directed down into their hymnals.) I just want to say, “Yeah, it’s called singing, you’re invited to do it too!”

The Soldier’s Tear

Kevin Christensen
Pittsburgh, PA