BCC’s weekly romp through the best of the Bloggernacle, hosted this week by Steve, Ronan, Amri, and sisterblah2. Featured posts/sites:
My husband and I struggled some to get pregnant. During those struggles–how to say this politely–I didn’t much enjoy Mother’s Day. Now the mother of two, I still struggle with Mother’s Day–the sense of inadequacy as people wax poetic about their Supermoms, the echoes of painful Mother’s Days past. While (barely) enduring a Mother’s Day sacrament meeting during the infertile period, I composed this talk in my head. With my fellow Mother’s Day unenthusiasts in mind, I’d like now to share my antidote to the typical Mother’s Day talk.
As someone who was facing at least the possibility of not ever having children in this life, I found it really annoying that people frequently go on about how parenthood has been the best preparation for godhood, or parenthood does more than anything else to build those traits, or give one a sense of what it must be like to be God. I found this kind of talk frustrating, for obvious reasons.
So I tried to think about what lessons I was learning about what it must be like to be God, by not having kids. And the main one I came up with is that, in the position I was in, it was very helpless, just waiting for children to come, with not a lot of control over the situation. At the same time, I was wanting to do more than just sit around waiting, so I was preparing to be the best parent I could. I was making elaborate plans for all the great things I would do. I think at one point I may have even made my own architectural plans for
a backyard playhouse. And I began being very frustrated, thinking, “Come on, kids! I have so many things waiting for you, so much I want to do for you. And yet, you’re not coming!”
I think that frustration, that feeling of wanting to embrace and wanting to love, but having the child not approach you, which is ultimately not in your hands, is the exact feeling that God must have all the time. Because we have to want to return to Him, and that is our agency. So that love, and that longing, and in some ways a feeling of helplessness, I think must be His primary emotion.