Submitted by Fake Elder Wirthlin. Fake Elder Wirthlin is most definitely not an apostle.
When Latter-day Saint home teachers go to visit Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve, they usually do not take The 5 Browns to perform live in a family’s living room.
But for Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve and his home teacher, Skip Daynes, visits like these are common occurrences.
Daynes has shown up at Elder Wirthlin’s Salt Lake City home with musicians The Crimson 4, Josh Wright and The Call Sisters.
“Good gravy,” says FEW, “it takes guts to invite complete strangers — cheap Breinholdt wannabes, to boot — over to a general authority’s house. To say it is ‘a different kind of thing’ is an understatement. The phrase ‘complete lack of social grace’ also springs to mind.”
But even when there aren’t any musicians performing for Elder Wirthlin, Daynes, who has been Elder Wirthlin’s home teacher for two years, makes an effort to visit the 91-year-old a couple of times each week, along with taking him to church every Sunday.
“He comes by multiple times every week. I’m an old man and a general authority of one of the biggest non-mainstream Christian religions in the world. I just want a nap. And I only live a block from Church, and believe me — they’ll wait for me to get started. At least he isn’t pushing Amway, I guess,” FEW said.
And although Daynes does have a home teaching companion from his Bonneville Ward in the Salt Lake Bonneville Stake, he often takes his Golden Retriever Colonel, who is a member of Intermountain Therapy Animals, along for the visits.
“I like dogs just fine, except for the drool and the breath and the pet dander that gives me hives I can’t scratch because of sciatica and arthritis. Of course the dog immediately wanders across my carpet and put its head on my lap. Just thinking about it is giving me welts. So I just clench my teeth in anguish — most people call that the ‘little Wirthlin smile’ — while my face starts to redden from allergens.”
But Daynes said that he simply wants to repay Elder Wirthlin for everything he has done, and felt like his call to home teach Elder Wirthlin has been a great opportunity to do so.
“I’m paying a little bit back to what this marvelous man has given,” Daynes said.