It has recently come to my attention that we, as mormons, have done something shameful, I thought it may be too hot to post, but I can’t be silent.
I was watching the news tonight, and when I say news, I mean E!News. It has come to my attention over the past several weeks that Rob Pattinson (OMG, he’s so hot I love Edward Rob Pattinson…you know….yeah that one…the one with the hair)…..wait for it….may have some kind of substance abuse problem. Allegedly, lots of bars, lots of the public drunkennes, apparently some valium, you get the picture. How can one so young and so beautiful turn to the demon liquor and satan’s happy pills? Clearly, one thing has driven him to chemical stimulation and de-stimulation: Twi-moms.
I trick or treated at the (alleged) head twi-mom’s house this past halloween, and if you think satan’s holiday is scary, you should celebrate it with a cult of celibate-vegetarian-vampire lovers. I just ran into the one (and a few of her minions), and I’m chilled with fear. Rob Pattinson has to face them everyday. They’re watcing his every movement. They are *gulp* *whisper* experiencing sexual titilation because of his unkempt hair. They screech, and cry, and teach their young to swoon.
Are we, as a culture responsible for this poor kid’s pain? (Certainly a fair amount of his disorientation–that high pitched screeching can have an effect on the inner ear.) I’m thinking that all our sobriety and sexual repression have a dark side, a very dark side my friends. I was thinking of joining facebook and starting a “save the hair from twi-moms” group, but then I’d just be part of the problem. Oh the conundrum. And the shame…..