Immigration: A Utah Concern

Matt Page is a self proclaimed “Utah Mormon”, “Bollywood Liberal”, and “Rabble Rouser” – Although he is not entirely sure what the words “Rabble” or “Rouser” really mean (in fact maybe he shouldn’t be allowed to make self-proclamations after all). He is an artist and writer who goes by the online name Matsby. While he has recently contributed his artistic and comedic talents to BCC, you may know him best from his personal Religious Blog . Welcome Brother Matsby!

There’s been a lot of talk about immigration lately around the Bloggernacle and I am afraid to say it, but I think maybe we are all ignoring the biggest problem in this debate.

When most people think about immigration, they think about how it affects states like California, New Mexico, and Texas (wait, is Texas still a state?). But they don’t often think about the fact that Utah has immigration problems of its own. And of course, you are saying “Yeah, yeah. We know Idaho is a problem,” but I am not even talking about Idahoans. We have plenty of immigration problems right here within the state itself.

Do you even know how many people from Spanish Fork sneak across the border and take American Fork jobs and commit crimes on American Fork soil? I don’t know how many either, but I understand it’s quite a bit more than I should be comfortable with. So I am NOT comfortable with it.

We need to go down there and help protect the American Fork border before it’s too late. Because if we just sit by and let them do whatever they want, then before you know it, the American Fork kids will be forced to speak Spanish Fork in public schools – and if you ever call a business in American Fork you will have to “Press 1 to proceed in American Fork“.

I know I may sound like I am worrying too much, but I think local immigration issues are something we should all be worried about.

Comments

  1. I will not stand for Spanish Fork to be taught in my children’s schools!

  2. I declare fatwa on all unamerican forks. 4-tine minimum.

    Spanish Fork

    American Fork

  3. Didn’t Spanish Fork once have a Rage Against the Machine concert once? I’d have to side with Spanish Fork in a battle against American Fork

  4. A concerned American Farker says:

    There are those who may be inclined to scoff at this problem, but for those of us who have to live here it is no laughing matter.

    Those people come here and TAKE OUR JOBS. Why, just the other day at Baskin-Robbins I asked the server for my favorite flavor of ice cream, very very strawberry. She repeated the order and said berry berry strawberry. I had to correct her several times, but I’ve found that if you raise your voice sufficiently with these people, you can make yourself understood.

    But the problem goes far beyond the economic impact. The Spanish Fork people bring with them their insidious and anti-American values. The mascot of their high school is the Red Devil. NEED I SAY MORE?!?!?!?!?!?! Is this the kind of cultural influence we want to allow in American Fork?!?!?!?!?! NO, IT IS NOT!!!!

  5. I hear that the Spaniforkians (as they are know) start gangs and live off the American Fork government teat. Away with those ne’er-do-wells, says I!

  6. All Spanish Fork residents found within American Fork are to be hooded, placed in unmarked vans and dropped off in Mapleton. Spanish Forkers of interest are to be detained someplace safe for questioning, maybe the Nutty Putty caves.

  7. Illegal Spanish Fork resident = Spork

  8. Those dirty Spanish monkey forkers! May they burn in heck.

  9. You’ll note the horrible moral conditions in the area of Spanish Fork! I’ve heard that they openly bathe nakedly publicly regularly.

  10. I’ve heard the Arctic Circle down there doesn’t even have fry sauce. No, instead they just eat babies.

  11. Gangs in Spanish Fork are the worst. My neighbor’s home teacher’s brother almost got shot there once.

  12. Ya, but how about all the people from Lakeshore who sneak into Spanish Fork? They are the root of the problem.

  13. Springvillain says:

    Puh-lease, no. 4. Spanish Farkers are not the Red Devils. That’s Springville, next door. Spanish Farkers are The Dons. Figures.

    http://www.nebo.edu/sfhs/index.htm

  14. “Bollywood Liberal”

    If you’re a Bollywood Liberal, does that mean you are in favor of kissing in movies?

    I won’t stand for such, sir. I have standards, after all. Why must BCC be tarnished by associating with such debauched types?

  15. Left Field says:

    Hold on there, pardner. Spanish Fork is the Dons. Springville is the Red Devils.

    Sincerely,
    Left Field, Red Devil
    SHS Class of ’77

  16. Springville is a Spork ghetto bordertown.

  17. The Dons? I shall never question the reality of Spork gang activity again.

  18. What kind of food do people eat with a Spanish fork anyway? I mean, obviously people use American forks to eat American food like hamburgers and pizza but Spanish forks? Are those for eating tacos or something?

  19. And why do people in Utah name their little towns after utensils anyway?

  20. Worse, kuri — they’re used for tapas (shudder).

  21. A concerned American Farker says:
  22. 14. Yes, I am. That is the only way those movies could get better. Also if the male leads were not all weird looking.

    18. Spanish (Fork) Rice.

  23. I suggest building a high tech fence, just south of the Walmart in Provo.

  24. 18–Spacos (Spam tacos)

  25. Left Field says:

    #18: Back in the day, our Spanish Fork rivals used to be disparagingly called “tacos” or “taco benders.” Of course, I don’t know that they eat a lot of tacos in Spain.

  26. I’ve heard that not only does the Church have WARDS in Spanish Fork headed by Spanish Fork BISHOPS, but that they even issue temple recommends for Spanish Fork people to go to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple.

  27. I heard about this one time that some scouts from Spanish Fork commandeered a cultural hall in American Fork.

  28. I’d like to know exactly what other things the guvament and President Monson let Spanish Forkers do in American Fork without doing somethin’ about it.

  29. I’m from Pleasant Grove which lies between the two and we have a constant stream of the Spanish Forkers in transit to American Fork coming through our fair city. However, we find that they actually contribute to the economy by stopping at our shops for food, fuel, and other goods. I say heaven bless the Sforkers (as they affectionately known here in PG).

  30. Ardis, the real name of the temple is “American Fork Temple.” All that “Mount Timpanogos” silliness is just liberal PC propaganda. Ya’ll must be one o’ them.

  31. A concerned American Farker says:

    Last year a Sporker moved into our neighborhood. The first think he did when he got here was go down to the school and try to enroll all his children in a school that MY TAXES built!!! How do you like that? He hasn’t paid A SINGLE RED CENT of taxes to our school district, yet he wants to take advantage of us by trying to get us to give free education to his kids. AND THEY LET HIM GET AWAY WITH IT!!!! What would the founding fathers think of all these freebies and giveaways?!?!?!?

  32. I was going to say that this issue really gets my goat. But the truth is, last month someone stole my goat right out of my back yard.

    Prolly a Spork wanted it for some of that Spanish Fork voodoo.

  33. I resent that remark, BrianJ, as I am a true victim of all of this immigration. After the Sporkers had completely Sporkerized the local culture, I was forced to move to a better neighborhood north of Point of the Mountain.

  34. Steve Evans says:

    Matt, you refer of course to the practice of Forkeria.

  35. SteveP,
    Some of them may buy goods, but their real intent is to steal and live of the generosity of the American Fork government. My sister’s best friend’s mother-in-law works at a grocery store in Pleasant Grove, and she says that they have major problems with shoplifting, all from these Spanish Fork people.
    I say the only way to keep them out is to build a wall and then shoot any we see trying to sneak in. That’ll teach ‘em.

  36. i remember Utah before there was segregation back when it was just Fork.

  37. ronito, there are some who seem to believe that the lifting of the Fork ban to allow such mixing was an inspired decision.

  38. I predict a final showdown at the Purple Turtle.

  39. “i remember Utah before there was segregation back when it was just Fork.”

    Um, I think you mean this:

    http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3256/2561881476_dc42731292.jpg?v=0

    And there are good reasons why it’s not in Utah. They even made a movie about it:

    http://www.twilightthemovie.com/

    I think it’s a documentary.

  40. Aaron Brown says:

    “Didn’t Spanish Fork once have a Rage Against the Machine concert once?”

    Yep. I was at that concert. Best live show I’ve ever seen, bar none.

    But the Spanish Forkians later banned any and all bands from ever playing at the rodeo again, due to the “controversy” that had ensued. A controversy, I hasten to add, entirely manufactured by local LDS church leaders who feared the rabble that would descend on their town en masse from neighboring states. In the end, almost no arrests were made though, as everyone was well-behaved.

    Spanish Forkians are laaaaame.

    AB

  41. I have an idea for a musical about a guy from American Fork that falls for a girl from Spanish Fork.

    I’ve already written two songs: “Play it Kewll” and “I Fell Preh’y”

  42. Never having lived in Utah, Spanish Fork and American Fork are, for all intents and purposes, the same exact place.

    But I do have an opinion about the the critical mass of Utahan emigres who can infect a perfectly wonderful mission-field Church unit with their weird customs and attitudes. Growing up we called them Utards.

  43. Peter LLC says:

    It used to be that American Fork Albertsons sold more cereal to hard-working parents of well-behaved children than any other store in town.

    Then WalMart moved into town with its low prices and attendent customer base of welfare-abusing how-much-a-monthers. Things aren’t the same anymore.

  44. It’s okay, though Peter LLC, because for every $1 a Sporker takes in welfare, they put in $3 of work at the WalMart.

  45. I heard most Sporks are really from Iceland – what up with that deception?

    http://www.mormonhistoricsitesfoundation.org/projects/fireOnIce.htm

    Can’t trust a bunch of puffin eating sporks

  46. SPAM® Tacos – a product I can get behind!

    SPAM® Tollhouse cookies are better though.

    (fi in SPAM®)

  47. Last Lemming says:

    Sorry folks, but Indiana has it much worse. They have to deal with people from places like East Germantown, Indian Village, New Palestine, and worst of all, French Lick.

    Yuck. I won’t even try to imagine what their courtship customs might be. But look at what these people have done to the NATIONAL Basketball Association!! One of them is running Indiana’s own Pacers into the ground (107-139 over the past 3 seasons). If you ask me, the guy is a walking middle finger. At least the other one left Indiana and is ruining the Kings instead (88-158 over the last 3 seasons). I can’t prove it, but I think he’s the guy who invented the tin foil hat. Menaces to society–the lot of ‘em.

  48. One who knows says:

    Spanish Fork——American Fork——-Both good places to be FROM

  49. @TStevens #45: Icelanders aren’t Sporks, they’re Bjorks. Easy mistake to make.

  50. You know, this wouldn’t be a problem if you just remembered that all those people in Spanish Fork are Children of Heavenly Father as well. We need to open a Spanish Fark mission, kind of like Ammon going and ministering among the Lamanites and all. If you teach them to take baths, get some white shirts for the priesthood holders, and encourage the women not to openly breast-feed the children in Sacrament meeting, well then the Light of the Gospel with begin to *change* those people! Light and delightsome! Happy children, happy parents!

    Just remember that they need to be taught that Korea is for the Korean Saints, England is for the English Saints, and Spanish Fork is for the Sporkian Saints. If they don’t learn that, they’ll soon want to move to Orem, or even Alpine, and start taking the landscaping jobs that the young men should be doing in their wards for free anyway. Before long, they want to get married to Alpine girls in the *real* temples like Timp and Salt Lake, when they should know their place is right there in Provo and Manti, and maybe West Jordan.

  51. As someone who went to school in Payson, let me just say that all of this Spanish Fork bashing is . . .

    delightsome.

  52. tdamcbigity says:

    Let the Spanish Farkers have their city museum… Sheesh.

  53. I always wondered what kind of guy goes to BYU-Payson.

  54. Mark B., BYU’s continuing ed department is awesome! (Disclaimer: I am required to say that in order to maintain in-law harmony.)

  55. Confused says:

    General Conference – April 1990

    Gordon B. Hinckley : Keeping the Temple Holy

    “Honesty with others, including obedience to constitutional law, is likewise a requirement.

    “We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.” (A of F 1:12.)

    Occasionally, we receive letters from those who openly advocate opposition to the payment of taxes, complaining that their bishops and stake presidents will not give them temple recommends because of their activities. Through the years of the history of this work, there have been occasions when the Church and its members have come up against the law of the land. In such times, we have taken a stand in the courts. In those instances where the courts have ruled against us, although the ruling was difficult to bear, we have accepted it and conformed to it. Obedience to law, when that law has been declared constitutional, is incumbent upon the Latter-day Saints and therefore becomes a standard of eligibility to enter the temples of the Church.”

    Anybody have any thoughts as to how these illegals are getting temple recommends? Clearly their status is known at least to go on a mission, as the church has made it clear that they are only sending illegals to stateside missions.

    So why the lack of honesty being sanctioned by the local and general leaders of the church?

  56. Researcher says:

    “Confused” sounds like an appropriate handle for a commenter who evidently didn’t bother reading the thread.

  57. Confused says:

    Researcher: I read the thread, actually I would like to have that 2 1/2 minutes of my life back, but since that won’t happen, I asked a simple question.

    To which I’m sure nobody will take the time to answer.

  58. I would be happy to answer your question, Confused.

    But I am going to answer your real question: “where can I go to talk about what I want to talk about?”

    If you go to blogger.com, it will allow you to set up your own personal blog. You will then be able to write new blogs about WHATEVER you want to talk about.

    Just be careful because some people might comment on your blog saying something ridiculously off topic.

    You’re welcome.

  59. Then again, if you only have the one off-topic question, you can find 280 answers to your specific question here:

    http://bycommonconsent.com/2009/04/25/undocumented-missionaries/#more-7662

  60. So how do these Sporks get JOBS, anyway? Do American Fork employers not check SOCIAL security numbers and drivers licenses? I’M not saying that the Sporks aren’t partly to BLAME, but if American Fork wants to PRESERVE ITSELF as a candle on a basket, its residents have to take some responsibility, too.

    AND couldn’t BYU students be enlisted TO build some sort of FENCE to keep Sporks OUT? Because if American Fork won’t defend its BORDERS, pretty soon there won’t be ANY American Forkers left.

  61. Peter LLC says:

    Anybody have any thoughts as to how these illegals are getting temple recommends?

    By answering in the relevant questions in the affirmative. I’m sure hell awaits all those who do, but that’s about all there is to it.

  62. Confused says, “as the church has made it clear that they are only sending illegals to stateside missions.”

    Ah, the misplaced “only” and the havoc it can wreak on sense (grammatical and otherwise)!

    Only Spanish Forkers are sneaking into American Fork.
    Spanish Forkers are only sneaking into American Fork.
    Spanish Forkers are sneaking only into American Fork.
    Spanish Forkers are sneaking into only American Fork.

    Each one of these sentences means something very different from each of the others. In fact, their only real commonality is that such SNEAKING by Spanish Forkers IS or SHOULD BE a CRIME and everyone should be VIGILANT in preventing this, NO MATTER what ANY Article of Faith SAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  63. btw, “Confused” = “Bluedevil”, trying to circumvent our filters. I’m letting him through only because it amuses me. Dance for me, my pet Bluedevil. DANCE!

  64. Awesome.

  65. Latter-day Guy says:

    63, FTW!

  66. Peter LLC says:

    Spanish Forkers are only sneaking into American Fork.

    This is pretty much how I view it. American Fork, while an important bulwark for its native inhabitants, is too far off the freeway to be a truly pivotal battlefield in the war against illegal alienz.

  67. Leeesha says:

    You people were so rude to ‘confused.’ It says right there in his name that he is confused. What is wrong with you? You totally exploited him for his weaknesses. Not to mention the way you exploit those from Spanish Fork by paying them crap wages and making them work 16 hour days while their kids raise themselves on the streets. All because they wanted a better life, which is a choice YOU would have made too had you not been lucky enough to be born in American Fork. But, they should all be greatful too, that they weren’t born in Ogden.

  68. queuno says:

    But I do have an opinion about the the critical mass of Utahan emigres who can infect a perfectly wonderful mission-field Church unit with their weird customs and attitudes. Growing up we called them Utards.

    In North Texas, we call them economic refugees…

  69. I’m grateful to have been born in Ogden, if only because I know how to spell “grateful.”

  70. In Idaho (where I’m from), we think of Pocatello as “Idaho’s Ogden.”

  71. Parker Shaw says:

    I didn’t realize the situation in Utah County had gotten so bad; it sounds to me like the terrorists have already won.

  72. om-nom-nom says:

    In Independence, Missouri (where I’m from,) we think of U-daho as too slow to realize that Zion is halfway across the country. Hurry up, we could use the boost in the real estate market.

  73. Lehi is safe says:

    Well as a resident of Lehi, we Pioneers are thankful that American Fark stands between us and the unwashed masses of Spanish Fark.

    For that matter those noble American Farkers stand the line between us and the lawless elements of the place called BYU, which have been so diligently exposed here on BCC.

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