And you really think they would print it?

Hm. I was thinking of Lily, who talked about how abusers can manipulate anything to control another — I think abuse is something that can be addressed in the Ensign (and has, actually — I think more would be good). Or about balancing the importance of fidelity with healthy friendships with those of the opposite sex.

You don’t think such topics would be accepted? If so, I wonder why you think that. The tension in the latter might be hard to tackle well, but I don’t see why that wouldn’t be a reasonable topic for a submission.

My feeling is if people are really that upset about an article like this, do something. Send feedback or submit an article of your own. Seems worth a try to me.

If you have ever known someone who *has* fallen into the emotional infidelity trap, you can appreciate the value of an article like this. If you made too many qualifications, maybe the message wouldn’t be clear enough for such people. But yes, of course, there are many other facets to explore — insecurity, abuse, what healthy friendships could look like, etc. Just can’t all be done in two pages, or necessarily with one person’s experience.

I apologize if you feel I trampled on your story. I think the details you added here really are important to filling out what happened. The initial posting seemed ambiguous and filled with tritisms. Thanks for sharing.

Naismith, #100 It was supposed to be a love story.

J LOVED me, and I trusted her because of love. She had many male contacts, she served in many high church callings in contact with bishops and presidents. She served on community councils. She worked. But she loved me above all the others. She had many friends, including me. We could talk. We read books together. We had children together. If heaven ever blessed a union it was ours. When I said that she did not like other men, I should have been more explicit. She did not love other men. I was fortunate that she could love me.

I wanted her to be comfortable with my life and my friendships. Jealousy is a rotten feeling and I did not want her to have to experience this. I wanted her to know that she had my heart. Because of this I told her that my life would be transparent to her.

When I met C, there was in immediate connection. I knew at once that I was attracted to her on multiple levels and I did end up marrying her. What if I had yielded to those attractions? I would have destroyed J’s trust and spiked a wonderful friendship besides.

Because we were friends C and I discussed this and redefined our relationship as brother to sister to remove the romantic elements. It did work. J could live with this relationship. This was a conscious decision on our part. Did I talk to J about this? I am sure I did. As a brother to C I could enjoy her relationship to everyone else and I did not have to engage with her on an exclusive basis as lovers are want to do.

At the time I was reading at the UNC medical library trying to understand autism and schizophrenia. Since C had a degree in neurophysiology and was studying psychology there were many opportunities to talk shop and exclude others from the conversation. This is generally not a good idea in any social situation, so it must be used judiciously.

This mechanism allowed C to be a part of our family. She went on a canoe trip down the Cape Fear River. Spent a week with our family on the Outer Banks. Went camping with the our clan near the Escalante river. It allowed us to stay in her home in Utah later. And later it allowed us to become lovers in the truest and most honest sense of the word.

Blogs are not a place to bare one’s soul.

So I really wonder if he has a clue about what it is like for those of us who live our lives outside Utah Valley. It would seem that if they had done any formative research on this article, some of the same concerns voiced here would have arisen.

I tried to read it, but got angry when I flipped through the book and saw that they kissed. From reading her website, I thought that this really was going to be about friendship, and I guess I was hoping for a role model of how to have such a friendship. That was very disappointing. It just fed into all the stereotypes of how it is inevitably sexual. That was so sad. Can anyone think of a good book or movie that shows two married people who remain good friends and in strong marriages? It really is not that uncommon, but I guess boring. The sex sells.

“Did this article establish rules or forbid actions? No, it only shared good counsel. It is always easy to mock good counsel.”

I don’t think that most of us who have a problem with the article are mocking the counsel in the least. Only wishing the counsel were more comprehensive, less prone to abuse.

“To those who have other facets — I say, submit an article!”

And you really think they would print it?

Merely a passing comment, but I’m glad to know that SOMEONE besides me is watching that show. Unfortunately, its ratings are so low that I suspect it will be canceled mid-season. Pity.

I also think sometimes the specific circumstances and solutions depend on the people when it comes to these kinds of issues. Some men wouldn’t think twice about this, but I know some who won’t babysit others’ kids or pick up female babysitters from their homes– not because they are oversexualized beings, but to avoid any false accusation from the gossipy types, or to avoid any ‘she said/he said’ kinds of situations. (I think our Primary policies take that same kind of approach — they shouldn’t be misunderstood as just assuming all men are child predators, but giving men another witness in case such an accusation ever arose).

I think some people would be fine w/ a lunch w/ a member of the opposite sex, and others avoid such things. This may not always be out of fear of emotional infidelity, but just a sort of legalish covering of the backside or even just personality.

On pretty much every facet of these kinds of things, I can see both sides. And I think it’s hard to find a middle ground. And I’ll say it again — imo, it’s hard to cover all the nuance and the two sides in one article. To those who have other facets — I say, submit an article! :)

Even the subject article provides good counsel for personal reflection, for those who are willing to accept counsel. For others, it is an easy target for ridicule.

Did this article establish rules or forbid actions? No, it only shared good counsel. It is always easy to mock good counsel.