Top 5 Mormons We Love To Hate

The news is out: everybody hates us. Those of us with healthy persecution complexes anticipated this day and even looked forward to it as evidence of our righteousness. But guess what, Mormons — some of you are ESPECIALLY hated, loathed and reviled, thereby showing yourselves to be even more righteousy than the rest of us. So, congrats O scorned ones, you are probably top of the heap in heaven already. Without further ado, here’s the A-list, the creme de la creme, the (currently living) Mormons that get more hatin’ than all the rest.

5. Stephenie Meyer.

In case you’ve been living in an abandoned missile silo over the last five years, Stephenie Meyer is the most popular Mormon author since Moroni and is the one responsible for injecting the term “Team Edward” into our daily conversations. THANKS A LOT. She also invented glittering emo vampires.

A lot of people think that her books are terrible. They might be right, but Orson Scott Card thinks she’s a genius. How about this: you get to complain about Stephenie’s lack of talent after YOU’VE sold over 100 million copies of your books and had them translated into 37 different languages. Her husband, “Pancho,” has ‘retired’ to take care of the kids. So now even the more traditional Mormon can hate Stephenie, if only for this obvious perversion of the Right Way to Raise Children (TM).

4. Harry Reid.

The Senator from Nevada is the most famous Mormon politician since Reed Smoot, and he is just about as popular. A notorious pork-barreler and Democrat, Harry Reid is anathema to anyone with a lick of political good sense. Sen. Reid is responsible for canceling both firesides and mosques, showing him to be an equal opportunity offender of all religion. Clearly he is a MINO and not to be trusted.

Another reason to dislike Harry Reid: he is single-handedly to blame for a major percentage of political bloggernacle posts. That realization should be enough to galvanize even the most atheistic socialist among you. I’m sure that Sen. Reid plays the game of being a Mormon — heaven knows we see enough comments from people who happen to be in his ward — but I’m sure Satan hits 100% home teaching as well. He’s not fooling anybody.

3. Mitt Romney.

Now we’re in the big leagues of Mormon hate. Just consider the litany against Mitt Romney:

  • Son of wealthy businessman and politician
  • BYU and Harvard grad
  • Mission in France
  • Track record of running enormously successful companies
  • Excellent hair
  • Man, no wonder people hate him. Oh sure, you could point to his shifting positions on health care, abortion, gun control, and gay rights, but those alone would never have been enough to merit the level of rancor that Mitt receives on a regular basis. His suggestion that we “double Guantanamo” or his efforts to establish his cred as a hunter (of rodents and small animals, apparently) pale in comparison to the crime of his polished demeanor and perfect coiffure.

    Mitt Romney brought Mormons into the political landscape with a crash and a thud. The interplay of politics in our religion was placed under the microscope and found wanting. Our cultural weirdness was magnified a thousand times. So, thanks Mitt, for dragging us all into that morass. Can’t wait for it to happen again!

    2. Jay Bybee.

    Jay Bybee is an upstanding new justice on the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. A BYU grad (and BYU Law grad), Bybee has had a long and illustrious career of writing and teaching about some of the most important aspects of the law and our Constitution.

    Oh, and then he went to work for George Bush and was responsible for the Torture Memo. Intense mental anguish, stress positions, waterboarding and other acts widely considered to be torture instead became legally permissible as part of the War on Terror. And Jay Bybee signed the memos that gave the CIA its golden shield for acts committed at Abu Ghraib and who knows where else. Bybee’s memo was quickly repudiated by the succeeding administration, but by that point Bybee had resigned and taken a federal judgeship. Some speculated that such was his reward for what is unquestionably the boldest statement of presidential power in history. One reporter pontificated, “The Bybee memo is not some oddball exercise in moral relativism but instead provides the most coherent explanation of how this Bush administration came to believe that to assure freedom and security at home and abroad, it should ape the tactics of brutal dictators.”

    Thanks Jay!!

    1. Glenn Beck.

    Was this really so surprising? One of the most successful news commentary programs in TV history. Multiple books on bestseller lists. An enormous popular following. Glenn Beck is so popular that he would probably still be hated, even were he to abandon his comic brand of right-wing ideology, his (self-described) rodeo clown antics and ridiculous pretenses at education. His fundamental message — that of fervent adherence to the Constitution and a return to traditional American values — seems laudable. Of course, this message comes packaged in a particularly off-putting melange of conspiracy theory, hate-mongering and comical political hysteria.

    There seems little that we can add to a discussion of Glenn Beck at this point. For those of you who might still be on the fence about him, I will only include this additional tidbit of information to sway you: Glenn Beck killed my parents. Mowed them down like they were Sandpeople.

Comments

  1. Please reserve a spot in the near future for soon to be Senator Lee. He’s going to make Orrin look sane, which is a major accomplishment.

  2. Dude, I can’t believe he killed your parents! Wild.

  3. Senator Lee’s gotta be OK–he shares a former law firm with me, Nate, Michelle and Barack!

  4. Love it! The gospel must be true for us to have five prominent Mormons at once for people to hate. And they do sort of deflect some of the criticism away from leaders who engineered the Prop 8 debacle.

  5. OH MAN!!! I knew I forgot someone.

  6. Steve, no shout out to Russell Pearce, the driving force behind Arizona’s immigration law? He’s got to place ahead of Stephanie Meyer.

  7. By the way, thanks for including at least one lefty on your list.

  8. In fairness, your parents had to die sometime. Might as well have been at the hand of Glenn Beck.

  9. Sakes alive, I missed Russell Pearce. But I am confident his evilness is not yet fully ripe.

  10. Bravo.

  11. If it helps, Jay Bybee’s court just temporarily put the kibosh on gay marriage. Again.

  12. Steve, this is most helpful. I always wondered if Beck was a Sith Lord. Now you’ve confirmed it for me.

  13. Mark Brown says:

    I don’t get why LDS people pile on a good Mormon like Br. Beck.

    I have started taking his advice, that I read his prospectus on investments in gold, ponder it carefully, then pray to see if God wants me to buy gold at double the market price. See, he really is just like Moroni.

  14. Mark Brown says:

    By the way, thanks for including at least one lefty on your list.

    gst, given the disproportionate distribution of LDS people along the spectrum, 1 out of 5 is probably too hard on lefties.

  15. “[ ] an upstanding new justice on the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals.” I’m not sure there is such a thing.

    Oh, and how anyone dislike someone who goes by Pancho, even if you live in AZ with him?

  16. What would some stinkin’ Canadian know about “traditional American values?” No wonder your parents were gunned down. And go Steph. Glad to see Pancho did NOT marry Cisco.

  17. I started trying to think of the 5 most loved Mormons…. I don’t think I have that kind of attention span.

  18. #1 is obviously the inventor of the Navajo Taco.

  19. Philo Taylor Farnsworth #1

  20. (on the most loved)

  21. (and probably most hated at the same time)

  22. I can tell you already that DKL is gonna be pissed when he sees that he didn’t make this list.

  23. I’m sorry about Glenn killing your parents, but I also sense in your tone a certain disdain for Sandpeople. “Mowed them down like they were Sandpeople?” I hope you can learn to be more science-fictionally correct. (It’s the Higher Law of political correctness.) That said, I still think Glenn deserves the #1 “most hated Mormon” spot.

  24. The Philo Farsworth comment brings up has-beens. Surely no such award event is complete without a retrospective?

    John Browning preceded Kalashnokov. What would the world be without machine guns?

  25. Latter-day Guy says:

    I’m trying to figure out if this list is descriptive or prescriptive. Personally, I like Glenn Beck––his show is like one of those painfully embarrassing but-oh-so-funny testimony meetings that make the congregation squirm and cast panic-stricken glances about the chapel as they try to find an exit. You know, the “PLEASE-GOD-GIVE-ME-CANCER-NOW!!!” meetings.

  26. Oh my goodness! I meant Kalashnikov, not Kalashnokov. I can’t believe it…

  27. This would’ve been accurate a year ago.
    I agree with the previous posters who mentioned Russell Pearce. He should be #2 on the list. Not quite to the level of Glenn Beck, but definitely worse than advocating torture.

  28. Hey, what about Chuck Henry?!!!

  29. People hate Chuck Henry?

  30. Cynthia L. says:

    I wonder what Russel Pearce and Chris Buttars gave Steve Evans in exchange for keeping off the list. Maybe Pearce promised to exempt Canadian immigrants from that whole show-me-your-papers thing. I don’t even want to speculate on what Buttars offered (!).

  31. Steve, those are the best photos EVER! Congrats for a fun post.

  32. Mark Brown says:

    Cynthia, les Canuckers bought off Pearce with free poutine and free health care for the irritable bowel condition he is obviously suffering from.

  33. Warren Jeffs . . . oh, wait, you mean only “those” Mormons.

  34. My Top 5 Most-Hated Mormons List:

    1. Harry Reid
    2. Symonds Rider
    3. Jimmy Stewart
    4. Mark Hofmann
    5. Brad Kramer

  35. Steve Evans says:

    But Scott, only one of those people is alive!

  36. Cynthia L. says:

    Here’s my list:

    5. Glenn Beck (nuf said)
    4. Covey (for making me feel lazy and unorganized)
    3. Anyone associated with BYU football (nuf said)
    2. Jon McNaughton (glaring oversight, Steve!! What did he do to be spared? Paint your bedroom ceiling??)
    1. Faith (hello she tried to kill Xander and Buffy, and had sex with Riley! Unforgivable!)

  37. My most hated Mormon is Brother Starzel. He’s this guy in my ward and trust me, he’s the WORST! He’s always passing the sacrament even though he wears a blue shirt. Ugh. I can’t stand him!

    My most loved? I’ll give you a hint: Here we are face to face, a couple of silver spoons.

  38. 6. Alice Cooper
    7. Howard Jones
    8. Wilford Brimley
    9. Yoda
    10. George Lucas

  39. Oh my gosh, Matsby, ERIN GREY IS MORMON????

  40. Anson Call says:

    I didn’t realize Stephanie Meyer was so hot. She’s almost as hot as Romney.

  41. Steve,
    Oh, crap. Well, let me replace Rider with Ian Ziering and Jimmy Stewart with John Cavil. That should get me above 50%.

  42. living in zion says:

    The most hated Mormon in Missouri is Sister Z. I’m nice enough not to use her full name so that others are not afflicted with the sickness she spreads.
    Sister Z is the Boy Scout Czar and we all bow to her will. She controls who gets scout projects signed off and is the gatekeeper to the Land of Oz, also known as Eagle Scout Project Completion.
    She terrorizes parents and children alike, knowing no Scout will pass through the golden gates without proper sucking up to her.
    She surely deserves a place on your list.

  43. Bruce Rogers says:

    Perhaps #42 can tell us why the word “sickness” is used with Boy Scouts & Eagle Scout Projects. This year is the 199th anniversary of Scouting. The LDS Church was the first to adopt Scouting as its youth program. A full page article on the national jamboree was in the Church News last week. Language like that message could be applied to those who frequent the Temple or those who promote missionary work. I prefer to look at the good in people. I suggest that everyone do that also.

  44. @gst (3),

    and my wife. Kind of lame to take employment at a firm that has a statue of your dad in its office though (unless you are Svetlana Iosifovna Alliluyeva, in which case it was probably hard to avoid).

  45. Ernest Wilkinson
    Douglas Stringfellow
    Grant Affleck
    …so many names, so little time.

  46. Steve Martin has pumped out enough stinkers over the years to merit consideration…not even Three Amigo’s can atone for Cheaper by the Dozen or the Pink Panther.

  47. John Taber says:

    Latter-day Guy #25:

    So was your ward’s July 4th testimony meeting as bad as mine?

  48. We are told not to hate….. Can we simply disgust?

    try this link, it explains so much disgust:

    https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Dunning_kruger_effect

  49. Steve Evans says:

    Focus, people. This post is about LIVING monsters, not dead ones. If we want to talk about dead mormon villains, we’ll be here all day.

  50. Bruce (43), I think the sickness was directed at Sister Z’s flaunting of power, not at the scouting program.

  51. I don’t mind using the word “sickness” in conjunction with the BSA. (Of course, that’s probably because I just received a calling where my whole job is to interface with the BSA, and I am feeling particularly hateful . . . )

    (And if you are wondering why, it is because people like Sister Z exist not only in Missouri and not only in the church. The BSA is full of czars. Sidenote: I wonder if Sister Z is such a czar because the BSA is the only church-sanctioned organization she can wield such power? She doesn’t have that kind of power in any church auxiliary.)

  52. I love:

    Jewel
    Aaron Eckhart
    Amy Adams
    Katherine Heigl
    and Roseanne Barr

    Oh wait, do they need to be “active” mormons?

  53. nomination for Katherine Heigl for Grey’s Anatomy, and countless other offenses.

    I find Grey’s Anatomy to be more egregious torture than waterboarding. . .

  54. Steve Evans says:

    Amen B. Russ.

  55. Folks,
    Leave off Sister Z. I made her do it. Focus your ire on me, because I can fight back in this forum. No Board of Reviews for you!

  56. Lots of ire going your way, John C . . .

  57. Does anybody know if Sis Meyer is a leftie or not? If her husband is a stay at home dad that raises some serious questions.

    I am not sure if Steve has a 1:4 ratio or a 2:3 ratio. In either case, lefties are overrepresented.

  58. Bro. Jones says:

    #40: I said the same thing to my wife (“When did Stephanie Meyer get cute?”) and she said, “There’s exactly one nice photo of her, and that’s it. It’s all Glamour Shots.”

  59. (40) and (58) It’s neck up, bros.

  60. Do people really hate Meyer anyway? I thought they just hated her books.

  61. Moroni 7 dude. By their fruits ye shall hate them. Its scripture.

  62. why are we commenting on the looks of the only female represented on the list, and only on the actions of the men?

    This post is kind of mean-spirited in the first place, can we at least try to keep it from being both mean-spirited AND sexist?

  63. Didn’t half the commentary on Mitt in the OP consist of his looks?

  64. #30–
    Buttars has been pretty quiet ever since the church endorsed the anti-discrimination think in Salt Lake. I think that shocked him to silence (or maybe he had a change of heart). In any case, I think his silence has warranted taking him off such a short list. There are certainly other local Utah politicians who deserve to be on it, though. I don’t actually know if they’re LDS or not, but Mike Noel and Sandstrom come to mind.

  65. Karen, perhaps you should re-read the part about Romney before you claim that it’s sexist because of comments on looks. In fact, Romney is the only one whose looks are mentioned.

  66. Let me clarify, I thought that comments 40, 58, and 59 were sexist. I was not talkign about the original post.

    Now that you’ve brought it up, though, there is a difference between saying that a man is unusually handsome and commenting on a woman’s one good photo, or her looks from the neck up only. The implication is that it is alright for men to be average, and when they are above average, it is commented on. (i.e. Anderson Cooper as the silver fox etc.) The implication for women is that they are expected to be beautiful, and when they’re not, then it’s fair game to mock them.

  67. You left off all High Counselor Sacrament speakers. No one loves them. Everyone moans and groans through their lame attempts at jokes that are as old as dust. Their analogies do not work, and they drone on forever. And the best thing about hating the entire group is it is apolitical! We would hate the high counselor giving a speech whether he was a right wing fascist OR a leftist pinko commie.

  68. Karen H, I wanted to read your comments, but I keep getting distracted by how hot you are.

  69. I’m with Karen H. women need better treatment in this post and comments. For instance, why is only one women is on your list of most hated? You are so sexist that you only love to hate powerful political men. From now on we should all love to hate an equal number of women. And to make things fair, I suggest that all future posts of this nature have six spots lest any gender be overly represented.

    The nerve of you people.

  70. Karen H. – You are right, I apologize, seriously. So let me be equal opportunity, and not discriminating, by commenting on Mitt. One of the biggest criticisms of Mitt is that he is “too perfect,” which leads to a disconnect with the rest of us voters. And this “too perfect” comment stems in large part from his imagine, which in turn begins with his choice of and careful coiffure (neck up). Now if he went for more of an executive mullet, or something else to offset that image, then I think more Americans would like him.

  71. I’d vote for Mullet Romney

  72. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the 2010 BCC Commenting Crowd!

  73. As one who has been mocked in a Mormon forum for being less than hot (“even a Sherman tank has feelings”), I agree with Karen H.

    But President Uchtdorf is still a dreamboat.

  74. Awesome, Sister Parshall.

  75. Rex Rammel makes my top 10

  76. Anson Call says:

    Karen H: Let me clarify, I thought that comments 40, 58, and 59 were sexist.

    I defy you to find something sexist about #40.

  77. What’s wrong with being sexy?

  78. Nigel, it’s a fine line between clever and stupid.

  79. Nigel,

    Awesome reference. One of my favorite lines of all times. I’ll high-five you on that one.

  80. Surprised no one yet mentioned James Mitchell and Bruce Jessen, psychologists and architects of torture policy.

  81. I nominate Adam Greenwood, of whom a wise man once said:

    “If there’s one area in which BCC commenters can reliably find common ground, it’s the universal, non-racial hatred of Adam Greenwood”.

    Please, no discussion of how he looks from the neck down. Or the neck up. Discussion of his neck is encouraged.

  82. Mathew, his neck is stiff.

  83. If you can’t talk about the vest, there really is no point.

  84. I have no opinion of the man’s neck. I have, however, long admired his jowls.

  85. You know, when it comes to Mormons in general (including Mormon public figures), I’ve adapted Ronald Regan’s stance on his Republican brethren. Thus, “Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican” becomes “Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Mormons.”

    Now, if the title of this post were changed to Mormons we’re annoyed by then maybe I could get behind it a bit. I’d add just about every Mormon who has ever been on any Reality TV programming.

  86. Darth Packer
    Steve Benson
    Carol Lynn Pearson
    Emil B. Fetzer (architect of Ogden/Provo Temples, which I personally think are inventive and mourn the whitewashed pillars of fire.)
    Robert Kirby
    McConkie

  87. Adam Greenwood says:

    81-84 are a bunch of racists. Enough of their racistry.

  88. Carson S. says:

    This is the only #1 spot Glenn Beck deserves. I used to watch him on Headline News, and he seemed like a decent enough fellow, but it went south once he moved to GOPTV. I have a friend who works at a radio station that airs Beck’s program, someone who has very good connections in the radio industry, and apparently Beck replaced his alcoholism with conspiracy theories. He started cutting connections once he moved to Fox, because “too much was getting out.” &c.

    Thing is, Beck isn’t much different from your average conspiracy theorist who spreads “9/11 Truth” propaganda on message boards. The techniques are practically the same, but the mediums are different. While one only has an Internet connection, Beck has a cult of personality. It’s upsetting that someone who’s so dead wrong on…well, everything, is able to spread his filth throughout the population.

  89. AnonEMouseMan says:

    I have to nominate Indiana Jones. What can you say about someone that grew up in Southern Utah, looks for buried relics of inestimable worth to mankind, and still refuses to come out in the open and confess he is a Mormon?

    For that matter I nominate all Mormons who hide who they are, especially in Hollywood.

    Here are some more nominees for most hated Mormons:

    Gary Kurtz Producer of Star Wars. (Was his name even on the credits for the first two Star Wars movies?)

    James E. Reilly who produced Passions a soap opera on T.V. cancelled a number of years ago.

    Ed Catmull who started Pixar and now runs all the animation at Walt Disney studios.

    These and others who remain hidden, live their lives, and let people like Stephenie Meyer receive a lot of hate, but they don’t because they hide their true identity.

    Quiz question: How many Anti-Mormons have watched all the Pixar movies (now Disney), The Star Wars Movies, and can look you straight in eyes and say that “those Mormons are a cult”?

    Take a look at the movies your kids are watching… (self professed) Anti-Mormons. And who is it that produced all these movies?

    There are a lot of movies that are made, but which ones are your children naturally attracted to? And the ones that you (Anti-Mormons) like the most?

    Would Star Wars have sold less tickets if Gary Kurtz was featured in the credits?

    Maybe so.

    Personally I would like to see Ed Catmull in a commercial that ends with the statement “I started Pixar, I make all these movies that your kids love… and yes, I am Mormon.”

    But guys like that are Mormon, they pull the strings on pretty much anything good that is happening in Hollywood and America, but they can’t and won’t admit who they are.

    They do this out of fear for their jobs, and for fear they will be grey listed, and lose their career.

    So what. Stand up and be counted. What do you think the rest of us have to go through?

    The thing I like about Stephenie Meyer is she came right out, right at the beginning when she was becoming rich and famous, and said that she was a Mormon. Maybe Ed Catmull, and other movers and shakers in Hollywood and elsewhere could do the same.

    But I would say it is

  90. I don’t hate Glenn Beck, but are four reasons I don’t trust him anymore:

    Glenn Beck and George Whitefield – http://caffeinatedthoughts.com/?p=8174

    Glenn Beck and Martin Luther King – http://caffeinatedthoughts.com/?p=8548

    Glenn Beck and Evangelicals – http://caffeinatedthoughts.com/?p=8788

    Glenn Beck Takes Another Bite Out of the Apple – http://caffeinatedthoughts.com/?p=8821

  91. Stephanie says:

    Wow–out of all the names mentioned (including beyond the first 5), I am related to one and have met or been in the same ward with several others. I never knew I was in the presence of such evil (except for the one I’m related to). I like Glenn.

  92. D. Fletcher says:

    Scary thread.

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