Come Poets, Come Photoshoppers, Come All!

In recognition of a recently surfaced artistic masterpiece, I offer the BCC reading community this humble verse along with a commemorative piece by Brother Matsby:

Strange things are afoot
On a sacred document.
Barry, how could you?

The Forgotten Dude

And with this gentle homage, a challenge to you, our readers. Share with us, and with the world, your creative gifts. Unbushel your collective light, and contribute your poetic insight (in the form of haiku) or your artistic vision (in the form of photoshopped* brilliance), and make your voice heard in defense of Freedom, Liberty, and Truth.

*McNaughton’s original can be viewed here. For those non-adepts at haikuing and/or photoshopping, BCC offers a special dispensation for submissions in the medium of interpretive dance.

Comments

  1. Kevin Barney says:

    Homeless Keanu
    Drinking a fifth of whiskey–
    Not so excellent.

  2. These haiku blog posts
    Come ev’ry so often and
    Prompt the same drivel.

  3. Such inspiring and
    righteous art compels rev’rence,
    awe, and devotion.

  4. Help, I cannot see.
    What does Obama stand on?
    My haiku is great.

  5. Fools mock but shall mourn
    For truth comesth of God, but
    Whence comest the rest?

  6. The Anti-Christ and
    all secular progressives
    hate Bill and Ted. Shame!

  7. Jon McNaughton is
    An artist who understands
    How to sell some art.

  8. Standing defiant
    Ignoring common man
    But which common man?

  9. LBJ and JFK
    Scorn TR and FDR?
    Civics FAIL!

  10. The common man sits,
    dejected. “Why can I find
    no common women?”

  11. Danithew speaks true.
    I fear haiku buys new home
    For artist, in Aspen.

    (is “Aspen” close enough to a seasonal reference?)

  12. Something is afoot.
    But not at the Circle K.
    McNaughton’s an ass.

  13. I love how they throw
    Bush under a bus so quick
    He’s so passe now.

  14. Founding Fathers don’t
    think much of the common man
    says, “no vote for you!”

  15. Latter-day Guy says:

    Brother McNaughton:
    “I did not evolve from an ape!”*
    (But he paints like one.)

    [*See here, scroll down to point number 9.]

  16. bah, grammatical
    errors mess up my haiku
    and I can’t erase.

  17. Lincoln’s Commandment:
    “Be excellent to each oth’r”
    Sadly been ignored.

  18. M’Naughton freerides
    on Dixon’s iconic work
    Christmas is coming

  19. Though lacking Matt’s skill
    Or even photoshop ‘ware
    Don’t use your boots B’rack!

  20. Wow, what a complete @$$hole this McNaughton guy is.

    (How many syllables was that?)

  21. Lonely man not sad
    ’cause he fails with the ladies.
    He sees dead people.

  22. “There is no racial
    meaning that FM isn’t black.”
    Whatever you say…

  23. (see here)

  24. #18, B. Russ,

    Awesome.

  25. Paint, opportunist!
    Both kitsch and jingoism
    Are growth industries!

  26. He was forgotten
    Like the kid in Home Alone
    Libs are Wet Bandits

  27. Does the comment box allow the tag? Because I’m in the midst of a doozy.

  28. The HTML img tag. I guess it does since it didn’t appear in my previous comment. Dur.

  29. Does Madison’s pose w.r.t. Obama remind anyone else of this quote from Amadeus?

    Mozart: … Hercules, or Horatius, or Orpheus–people so lofty they sound as if they [poop] marble!

  30. Do not fret Barack
    Madison has got your back
    And will catch your poop.

  31. McNaughton kills art
    Matsby restores it once again
    as it hangs by thread

  32. A tribute to the wisdom of BCC’s own Mark Brown:
    (These are separate, self-contained haiku.)

    1.
    McNaughton would need
    a load of adult Depends
    JSJ for prez

    2.
    Seems so circular
    Jon attacks entitlements
    kitsch makes him rich though

    3.
    For Jon’s smallest print
    ($200 with frame)
    Mormons buy hundreds

  33. Real Forgotten Man
    Help’d by fed New Deal programs
    Happy Labor Day

  34. john scherer says:

    #30, Brilliant!!

  35. Writing in Haiku
    Requires much more talent
    Than bland petty art.

  36. Most of these haiku
    have no seasonal ref’rence
    so in fact we suck

  37. This art is OK
    Add Wyld Stallyns background tunes
    to make it excellent

  38. Er,

    This art is OK
    Add Wyld Stallyns background tunes
    to make excellent

  39. 36
    Naughty McNaughton
    Paints ridiculous kitsch art
    In the Summertime.

    Who sucks now!

  40. Is Dollar really
    collapsing? Why no reference
    to the Gold Standard?

  41. john scherer says:

    History looks on
    anxiously they await him
    snap the frigging ball

  42. Picture is missing
    thirty-nine time traveling
    phone booths and Rufus.

  43. Tod, # 42,

    Good one!

  44. Steve Evans says:

    Flag’s at half mast
    Still, I guess that’s you do
    Since those dudes are dead

  45. Bush looks longingly
    At the group he’s left out of,
    “Why can’t I be there?”

  46. Not many years hence,
    this painting will make the best
    white elephant gift.

  47. Teddy Roosevelt
    beats McNaughton with big stick.
    Don’t mess with Bull Moose.

  48. Poor, poor McNaughton.
    Not even DKL could
    defend this cheap schlock.

  49. Madison was his
    day’s Tim Gunn. Says to Barack:
    “Your pants are too short!”

  50. Do you remember
    when I asked your mom to prom?
    Shut up Roosevelt. . .

  51. “We the People” each
    Fall elect public servants.
    Who’s really to blame?

  52. Poor, poor McNaughton.
    Not even DKL could
    defend this cheap schlock.

    Pffffffft. Pfffffffft. Pffffffft. Pfffffffft. Pffffffft.
    Pfffffffft. Pffffffft. Pfffffffft. Pfffffffft. Pffffffft. Pfffffffft. Pffffffft.
    Pfffffffft. Pffffffft. Pfffffffft. Pffffffft. Pfffffffft.

  53. For kitsch-art, artist
    And collector both will share
    Blame in art’s winter.

  54. Who knew that this post
    Could be good for a Niblet?
    Thanks for sharing, Brad.

  55. I can’t believe that
    McNaughton actually
    takes the time to paint.

  56. Mark Brown says:

    McNaughton and Beck
    are like Sam the Lamanite.
    Wake up, Amer’ca!

  57. Mark Brown says:

    Again with the awesome.

  58. Awesome Brother Russ and Brother Robbins!

  59. Scott B. up in arms
    Must defend friend of the blog
    Who made him famous

  60. Bush to Kennedy:
    “You were great on MTV
    My favorite VJ”

  61. Poor hapless white man!
    Won’t anyone help fend off
    the Suspicious Male?

    He’s got nobody
    Nobody, I say, except
    Powerful white men.

    You know what’s funny
    No women necessary
    In this whole painting.

    Aaaand finally,

    We live in Gainesville.
    Saturday is coming, dudes!
    Who wants some pictures?

  62. Scott B. up in arms
    Must defend friend of the blog
    Who made him famous

    Peter LLC
    Misunderstands my whole point
    Not surprising, tho.

    DKL, You see
    Will defend ’bout anything
    If he thinks he’ll win.

  63. Fall election looms,
    Poop postures as Art.
    Best BCC thread ever!

  64. FDR don’t need
    no stinkin’ wheelchair to ride
    that mans been twinkled!

    Kennedy’s finger
    wants to be pulled by James M.
    Bush might help him out.

    Founding Fathers stand
    prepared to lay hands on Reeves.
    Barack wanna help?

  65. Where DKL is
    There Scott B. shall be also.
    Call it what you like.

  66. Oh, dearest Peter.
    Your words come across all green
    Cuz yer not his pal.

  67. Look at the right back.
    It was neither John nor Paul.
    The walrus was Taft.

  68. Mark Brown says:

    Katie’s haiku proves
    that McNaughton has played the
    white album backwards.

  69. McNaughton’s info
    Rips off Wikipedia.
    No credit given.

  70. 73. Awesome. The pottery wheel!

  71. 74 ftw

  72. Matsby, bringing the heavy weaponry. Awesome.

  73. Man on bench depressed
    All ignore T. Jefferson
    Socialist usurps!!!

  74. Founding Fathers’ views
    Authoritative today
    Send the Black man back!

  75. Once again Matsby shows why he is the king.

  76. #74: Oh dang, Matsby takes the gloves off!! Ouch. Very nice!

  77. Back to Africa!
    I sure hope these handcuffs fit
    Black man, Know your place!

  78. Luuuuv the Founders’ wigs!
    Who knew Obama would lead
    DC’s Pride Parade?

  79. Common man is white
    What happened to our country?!?
    Thom solves the problem.

  80. What are the chances that Mcnaughton stumbles across this thread?

  81. Three fifths of white males
    Think O is a “Socialist”
    Can’t say “n**ger” now…

  82. Mark Brown says:

    Fools mock, but they shall
    mourn. I did not vote for this
    Obamanation!

  83. Ooooh. I just saw B. Russ’ photoshop (#73)

    Everybody says
    Demi Moore is smokin’ hot
    Here she just looks fat.

    Horny Madison
    Tempts Demi with pottery
    Gets Swayze instead

  84. Collection of ghosts.
    All take turns at potter’s wheel
    Swayze is the draw.

  85. Holy suckiness
    Really truly sucktastic
    My eyes are bleeding

  86. 89
    Alas my ill fate
    No money for photoshop
    Masterpiece of [MS] Paint

  87. Researcher says:

    Is the B.Y.U.
    Bookstore going to have this
    In its fall line-up?

  88. I would prolly punch
    My roommate if he put the
    painting on the wall.

  89. 94
    Underestimate
    utility for dartboard
    good fun had by all

  90. Damage to drywall,
    Or trip to the Honor Code
    Office: which is worse?
    ;-)

  91. Bosom burns like sun
    Buy jingoistic “art?”
    Oops, nope. Just heartburn.

  92. Cynthia L. says:

    Naught’n disappoints
    I’d have liked references to
    Kenya birth, Muslim.

  93. Cynthia, that’s next
    He’s only just beginning
    shed light on ‘bama.

  94. Brought out the shackles
    Matsby throws down the gauntlet
    McNaughton cowers.

  95. Ignorance begat fear,
    Fear begat anger,
    Anger begat hate,
    Hate killed Reason.

  96. Psst, McNaughton:
    Dixon was a socialist.
    Art history fail.

  97. Larry, that’s not a haiku.
    Jeremy, it’s 5-7-5, not 4-7-5.
    Ben, it’s 5-7-5, not 5-6-5.

    Don’t think we’re not paying attention, folks. Because WE ARE.

  98. Want to make haiku?
    Aaron B is watching you
    Better get it right

  99. Shouldn’t Aaron get
    the haiku right if he will
    criticize others?

  100. It’s 5-7-5
    not 4-7-5 people
    nor 5-6-5, K?

  101. Daniel speaks the truth,
    Phonetically speaking.
    Aaron’s smack down FAILS.

  102. Aaron B and Daniel: you’re mistakenly equating the English concept of the syllable with the Japanese concept of the “on.” The 5-7-5 pattern refers to on, not to syllables; in fact, in many cases something considered to be one syllable in English would comprise two “on,” such as, for example, the elongated onomatopoeic “psst.”

    Also, I meant to type “Psst, HEY McNaughton.”

    So, one way or another, my haiku is beyond reproach.

  103. So sorry that I
    Did not respond in haiku
    I will try again

    Larry you did not
    Follow the rules of haiku
    You should be ashamed

    Jeremy it is
    Not 4-7-5 you twit. :)
    5-7-5 works

    Ben wrote 5-6-5
    For this he deserves to get
    A brutal smackdown

    Haiku is sacred
    Just like the Constitution
    You’ve made Jesus cry!

  104. Jeremy has tried
    To change the rules of haiku
    In this he will fail

    He wants to impress
    Us with Japanese knowledge
    He misses the point

    Jesus spoke English
    As we know from the Bible
    It’s God’s native tongue

    Therefore poetry
    About McNaughton’s choice work
    Follows English rules

  105. Van Buren’s peeking
    twixt Thomas J and George Wash
    McNaughts a Mormon?

  106. Haikus stand alone
    If syllables need explain
    Its awesomeness fail.

  107. Mommie Dearest says:

    This is not Japan
    Aaron B is Boss Perma
    This is Amer’ca!

  108. Jesus spoke English?
    No, he spoke AMERICAN.
    Read your Skousen, friend.

    If you don’t like the
    Japanese rules for haiku,
    stick to limericks.

    Brother McNaughton,
    Go back to painting pictures
    For the Watchtower.

  109. There once was a painting that blew,
    Yes McNaughton, I’m talkin bout you!
    You think you are witty,
    And tho your stuff is pretty,
    It’s junk ev’n a rat wouldn’t chew.

  110. Some dudes thought to write some Haiku
    Of a painting they thought was askew.
    But when they were done,
    Aaron B. ruined their fun
    By pointing out they couldn’t count worth poo.

  111. Watchtower FTW.

  112. Commentary on humanity is senryu, not haiku.

  113. Ah, I dropped my >poetrysnob< tags.

  114. Today is going to be a long, long day.

  115. Steve Evans says:

    SilverRain, a snob
    Is uppity and elite
    Not just a killjoy.

  116. Oh, poor Keanu
    Stares at his sandwich in hand
    None care anymore

    James Madison’s reach
    Is going for the money
    Free money is nice!

  117. McNaughton offends
    With pitiful politics
    Word “art” offends more.

  118. Tadpoles are so cool
    And blue skies are really nice
    This art makes me cry

  119. Aaron B., I see.
    I give you another laugh:
    I teach algebra.

  120. Algebra teacher
    hides shameful secret from kids.
    Ben Pratt cannot count.

  121. Spendthrift Obama
    will not be moved. He insists
    his expenditures

    are certainly no
    more wasteful than those spent on
    filming “Bill & Ted.”

    Silly President!
    Comparing the two does not
    justify either.

  122. Mommie Dearest says:

    ::Pins on ArtSnob tag::
    McNot is no da Vinci
    not even Matsby

  123. Jerry Ford was late
    Portrait painted without him
    Wax figure instead

  124. 125 + 126 = Awesome

  125. B.Russ and Ben Pratt
    in haiku death cage struggle:
    Ben Pratt reigns supreme.

    Back to dumb painting –
    Says he who liked friend Jesus:
    This painting is trash.

  126. Ray claims Ben Pratt reigns;
    One little question I ask:
    Ray Ray, How dare you?

  127. Sarcasm translates poor
    in written form called haiku.
    B.Russ kicked butt. Smile?

  128. Sarcasm noted
    As the urbanites oft say:
    Brother man, we cool.

  129. Harrison on side
    of the FM despite his
    accomplishing naught.

    Harrison should be
    in the middle instead of
    ‘tween Polk and Arthur.

    After all the man
    Did nothing to lower debt.
    Didn’t even try.

    Polk, Arthur, Hayes,
    Cut tarriffs, stored gold, and cared.
    Harrison just died.

  130. McNaughton says no
    to politics in art; but
    lone Black Man tramples?
    Artist clearly hates all Blacks,
    and blames them for our decline.

    (Used a bad form of tanka instead of a haiku. Sorry if it violates the rules.)

  131. Bogus quotation
    From Olive Cushing Dwinell
    Not James Madison

  132. I WOULD LIKE TO TELL
    YOU IN ALL-CAPS THAT THIS IS
    COMMENT 1-3-8.

  133. Way to go Aaron,
    we can officially say
    that this jumped the shark.

  134. Thomas Parkin says:

    How about a redneck sonnet, instead?

    O Barack! Thou first negro president,
    And a Kenyan and a Musselman, to boot!
    We see that to comedy you’re a brute -
    As many who before from White House went
    To infamy! Though nation’s future spent,
    And all our beloved accounts you loot,
    You still wound more, to place a heavy foot
    On Keanu’s brave old accomplishment!
    Abraham Lincoln crushed the South, and yet
    His yarns filled Congress with peals of laughter!
    And Reagan surely did swell our sad debt,
    But oh his wit! while Reds he went after!
    And Washington, though not known to recite
    Any jokes, we can say, “At least he was white!”

  135. Parkin’s sonnet is a winner.

    After following some of the links at McNaughton’s site and reading some of the comments, I realized that the Obama=Muslim, birther demographic has been woefully underserved. Crazy people, this haiku’s for you.

    Madison: “Hussein!
    The Constitution! Stop! Where’s
    your birth certif’cate?”

  136. Mohammedian;
    From whence comest freedom foe,
    Birth certificate?

  137. 1-4-0 shows
    why Parkin reigns supreme in
    all Bloggernacle.

    Seriously, dude.
    That was totally righteous!
    Party on, my friend.

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