(As determined by the BCC permas)
- Who changed the first baby’s first diaper–Adam or Eve?
- What did Jesus write in the sand that one time?
- Did McClellen steal the blankets?
- Crickets and Seagulls….fact or fiction?
- Was Eliza pushed, or did she jump?
- Was Balaam’s ass really the talkinest darn thing you ever saw?
- Um, dinosaurs?
- Is NDBF Gary’s name correct?
- How bald was Elisha, exactly?
- Robot crow?
Did we miss any?
June 30, 2011 at 11:26 am
Ace Ventura had a talking ass, so mystery solved.
June 30, 2011 at 11:31 am
I want clarification on the whole milk strippings drama…
June 30, 2011 at 11:36 am
If we’re throwing out real questions, I want to know who’s call it was to end the Nauvoo Relief Society and when. I hear various names thrown around, but I can’t find any documentary proof for any of them.
It’s totally a robot crow.
June 30, 2011 at 11:38 am
On my wishlist:
Where are the 116 pages?
Was Nephi really as annoying a brother as I think he was?
What was Joseph’s history?
June 30, 2011 at 11:48 am
What’s up with that naked guy in the Garden of Gethsemane? (Mark 14:51-52)
June 30, 2011 at 11:55 am
Did Lehi bring the ark of the covenant to America?
June 30, 2011 at 12:02 pm
How the crap did Evans get a Tardis? I’m pissed.
June 30, 2011 at 12:03 pm
Ardis, I can answer the question about Nephi in the affirmative. Doesn’t look like he rubbed off too well on Jacob either. :) Give me more Sam’s and Shiblon’s!
June 30, 2011 at 12:38 pm
He wrote: “This passage is an interpolation of non-Johannine origin.”
June 30, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Lovely, thanks. Made my day.
June 30, 2011 at 12:41 pm
How are dinosaurs a gospel question? I mean, I get that the post is jokey. But are there actually Mormons who think there’s any gospel question raised by the existence of dinosaurs?
June 30, 2011 at 12:51 pm
11: I can’t say for sure about dinosaurs, but I do know of some people who were disturbed by the “Big Bang” – like pictures at the front of the new Gospel Principles. I’m not sure what they wanted, but the correlation-approved images looked too much like the philosophies of those godless scientists, I guess.
June 30, 2011 at 12:55 pm
No mention of Cain/Big Foot accounts? (Or the Cain – Noah conundrum?)
June 30, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Well, one mystery is solved. Is Steve Evans adorable or what? The answer is yes, ladies and gentlemen.
June 30, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Where’s the Sword of Laban?
June 30, 2011 at 1:34 pm
I think the question has to do with whether dinosaurs fudged their home teaching stats.
June 30, 2011 at 1:36 pm
robot crow? does that discount the heresay story of the crow trainer who out of the blue showed up at the movie director’s house…his crow could caw on command. I’d like to know a story about a woman or twenty from the Book of Mormon. Or how about, what did the writing on the wall of hte temple that Amulek’s great grandfather translated…what did it say?
June 30, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Which bloggers in the ‘nacle are *really* the Three Nephites?
June 30, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Who changed the first baby’s first diaper–Adam or Eve?
Actually I think the serpent did. It’s why there’s still such enmity between it and Eve.
What did Jesus write in the sand that one time?
I think early Christian tradition suggest that it was something along the lines of: “No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again! I feel like the maid; ‘I just cleaned up this place! Can’t you keep it clean for 10 minutes!’”
Crickets and Seagulls….fact or fiction?
Fiction. The true story is that the seagulls came to rescue the early saints from the chupacabra. The confusion came after many repeats of the story which, like a game of telephone, eventually confused “chupacabra” with “cricket.”
Was Balaam’s ass really the talkinest darn thing you ever saw?
Indeed. And after blessing Israel, Balaam and his donkey had waffles.
How bald was Elisha, exactly?
Have you seen the guy from Midnight Oil? Like that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejorQVy3m8E
June 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm
I could tell you observer, but then I’d have to translate you.
June 30, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Ardis, I’ll ask you next week in person at MESG. I’ll be prepared for translation.
June 30, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Seldom,
Bart Ehrman suggests he was most likely seeking to be baptized by Jesus – cause apparently in the old days, when you stepped into the water … well, just be grateful.
June 30, 2011 at 2:30 pm
This post and thread are making my day folks.Thanks!
June 30, 2011 at 2:32 pm
dinosaurs really mess with the whole “no death before the fall” thing, don’t you think?
and my question: if innocents were resurrected with Jesus, why are there infant Egyptian mummies still lying around?
as for what Jesus wrote in the sand, I think it was names of the people in the crowd who were themselves guilty of adultery: Samuel + Jezebel, etc
June 30, 2011 at 2:51 pm
I get motion sick just turning around too fast. I can only imagine what time travel would do to me…
June 30, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Anita #23, so did James E. Talmage (mess with the no death before the fall).
I’d like to know if the pre-Nephites had any legends about white people coming to visit their continent.
June 30, 2011 at 2:52 pm
Whoops, Anita, you’re now #24.
June 30, 2011 at 3:05 pm
I’m pretty sure they did. Hence the extinction. Everyone knows fudging home teaching stats is the sin next to the sin next to murder.
June 30, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Crickets and Seagulls….fact or fiction?
Fiction of course. Because there’s no such thing as a seagull. They were California Gulls, dangit.
June 30, 2011 at 3:09 pm
#18
Observer,
I think one of them is Brother Matsby and another is Axl Rose, Hungry Time Traveler. Otherwise how did he get all those time traveling pictures of Axl Rose.
June 30, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Uh, people, you’re missing a big one! If you can tardis to the future then you could discover the date of the Second Coming. Simply pick a date in the future roughly when you think it will be. Say in 1,000 years. Ask if Jesus has already come. If yes, ask the date it happened and go watch. If not, go double (2,000 additional years on the second attempt) the number of years and ask again.
June 30, 2011 at 3:20 pm
What did Adam and Eve eat that first night after getting kicked out? Did they order in Chinese, or a pizza?
June 30, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Allow me to introduce you to “No Death Before the Fall” theologies…
June 30, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Who shot first? Most say the mob, but in the new history you can clearly see it was Joseph.
June 30, 2011 at 4:48 pm
1. Who changed the first baby’s first diaper–Adam or Eve?
– They made a plural wife do it
2. Did McClellen steal the blankets?
– No it was McCloud from “The Highlander”
3. Crickets and Seagulls….fact or fiction?
– Fact, but then the Seagulls came back and ate the crops
4. Was Eliza pushed, or did she jump?
-Pushed, This was the first “Mormon Celebrity Dearth Match”
5. Was Balaam’s ass really the talkinest darn thing you ever saw?
– The real question was did he sound like Shrek when he yelled “Donkey!”
6. Um, dinosaurs?
– This was answered by the “Simpsons” when Homer time traveled in one of the “Tree House of Horror” episodes
7. How bald was Elisha, exactly?
– Can you sing the “Mr Clean” Song?
8. Robot crow?
– Was really a Robot Chicken and the inspiration for the show of the same name
June 30, 2011 at 5:13 pm
That was supposed to be “Death Match”
June 30, 2011 at 5:21 pm
I kind of liked Celebrity Dearth Match. It’s like an old-tyme arranged marriage between the children of prominent Mormons, designed to increase the number of Mormon Celebrities.
June 30, 2011 at 5:35 pm
In RS recently that, I have heard Balaam’s ass used as evidence that the serpent in the Garden of Eden was obviously literal and could speak.
Soo….
June 30, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Wow, my sentence got all jumbly. I don’t even know how that happened.
“In RS, I have recently heard…..”
June 30, 2011 at 5:55 pm
I think we would find it was Tom Servo not a robot Crow.
And speaking of “science,” some years ago when the Eyring Science Building had that observatory on top, they had a switch that turned on the demonstration of the Big Bang. I know because I switched it, but I probably shouldn’t admit that.
And I did have all things explained to me on my mission about Bigfoot/Cain and the Hollow Earth Theory proved by Facsimile No. 2.
June 30, 2011 at 6:57 pm
That crazy BYU. Not only do they demonstrate the Big Bang, but they even have this dinosaur museum. And they teach evilution! McNaughton’s right; there’s full-fledged apostasy at BYU. Liberals and intellectuals running the place. The horror!
June 30, 2011 at 7:01 pm
Honey badgers killed the dinosaurs.
June 30, 2011 at 8:07 pm
I thought my question was being asked when it started out “Who shot first?” But then it turned to Joseph and the mob. I thought it was going to be the more crucial question of whether it was Han Solo who shot first.
I believe he did.
June 30, 2011 at 9:00 pm
Clockwork Owl?
June 30, 2011 at 9:47 pm
Not only did Han shoot first, in the original Greedo never even shot!
June 30, 2011 at 10:44 pm
There’s just no way Tom Servo ever gets a temple recommend.
June 30, 2011 at 11:43 pm
I’d like to now what was the song they played when the walls of Jerico fell down.
What about the sixteen jaredite stones, are they still glowing and did they use them as flashlights after their journey?
Did the sun really stood still at the time of Joshua?
So many questions, time machine would be really handy.
July 1, 2011 at 5:45 am
“Sooner or later the lunatic will bring up the Templars”–Eco
July 1, 2011 at 6:26 am
““This passage is an interpolation of non-Johannine origin.””
LOL!
July 1, 2011 at 6:29 am
re: #47
They played the Krokus song “Balls to the Wall”.
July 1, 2011 at 6:34 am
Y’all might want to save one time trip for this: A publicist has recently asked me to review a book where one of the selling points was that it would do for Mormonism what The DaVinci Code did for Catholicism. (Who could resist agreeing to review a book like that? /evil cackle/) A time trip may be necessary to sort out the secret issues certain to be raised therein.
July 1, 2011 at 6:55 am
Ardis is it fiction or “fact”? Fictional book could be good, well, at least readable. If it’s “fact” then it is no news.
July 1, 2011 at 7:03 am
We know the Brother of Jared’s real name…but did he go by his real name or by “The Brother of Jared”…and why don’t we know him by his real name in the first place? Also…why don’t we know very much about Jared? Is there a hidden gem behind this strange naming convention that we have just been conditioned to accept?
July 1, 2011 at 7:07 am
(in case you clicked my name above – try again on this one…)
July 1, 2011 at 7:49 am
Just what *was* the date of the visit from Peter, James, and John?
Did Brother Brigham give the order to shoot or not?
As soon as those items are set, I’m gathering up a few IMAX 3D cameras and headed back in time to watch Elijah put the smack-down on the Priests of Baal.
July 1, 2011 at 8:27 am
Guys, we’re getting hung up on historical trivia, when there were giant carnivorous lizards roaming the earth for millions of years.
July 1, 2011 at 9:49 am
Was one of the original 12 a boat captain with chiseled good looks and a certain debonair urbanity who spoke Aramaic with a mild German accent? Or were they all just frumpy fishermen?
July 1, 2011 at 11:52 am
I personally would have reservations about visiting a time that has giant carnivorous lizards. Yanno, just in case I didn’t make it back into the Tardis in time. No reservations about hanging around Nauvoo however, and I’d go watch Vermeer paint that young woman with a water pitcher, or the lacemaker.
July 1, 2011 at 2:12 pm
@53
Mahonri Moriancumr. Yawn.
July 1, 2011 at 7:16 pm
@59. I already knew his real name – the question is did he go by that and if so, why don’t we call him that? Pretentious Yawn.
July 2, 2011 at 7:42 am
Today I plan to watch a show on Netflix streaming called Time Travel Through the Bible… “Jonathan Frakes (of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” fame) serves as the time-traveling host of this teen-friendly exploration of biblical history.”
I believe this will answer all of our questions.
July 2, 2011 at 11:54 am
Hopefully we can get a Carol Mikita special on it this October.
July 3, 2011 at 4:55 pm
@31 Arj: Determining the date of the Second Coming as a time-space continuum version of the Clock Game from The Price Is Right?!? I am SO in.