I recently was alerted to the existence of a brand new Facebook group at BYU for students to anonymously post notes about their crushes. The student submits their comment to the FB group admins who then re-post it from the site. The comments run the gamut from cutesy to goofy to stalkeresque.
Here is a sampling (with names replaced by initials to protect the stalked):
- PL, are you the Liahona? Because the workmanship thereof is EXCEEDINGLY fine. 
- To the dude standing shirtless by the window in building 30.. thank you. 
- CW, you are really pulling off that whole ‘hot half-asian’ thang. Please invite me to your next dance party? 
- She’s in my biology class. When we talk about genetics, I can’t help but wonder what dominant or recessive traits our children would display. MW, let’s do the gene pool a favor. 
- All I am saying is if polygamy was still able to be practiced, I’d want both CA and HA to be mine. Those A twins have got it going on. 
- NS is the cat’s meow. And this cat is ready to pounce. 
- I know in Anatomy Open Lab we are supposed to be studying the cadaver’s bodies, but let’s be real, the only body I’m studying is yours JM. 
- SL is a beautiful person, outside and in. 
- MS- from the second I saw your pasty white complexion, I knew that I was going to fall hard. Your psuedo-hipster t-shirts, constantly red eyes, and often shirtless roommates don’t take away from my adoration. Seriously. Those roommates of yours are weird- and I still adore you. 
- Hot Bryce from the Creamery — you are the hottest of all the Bryces. I would date you so hard. 
- KR is the second most attractive man I’ve seen. 
- To the adorable ginger who helped me in the physics TA lab the other day: I hear redheads are going extinct. Let’s do our part to make sure that doesn’t happen. 
- TT, you are the hottest American Heritage TA out there. I never talk in class so you probably think I’m mute. But if you ask me out on a date, I’ll do all the talking (or not talking) you want :) 
- SM who TAs Psych 111, kiss me already. I don’t care if you have no sense of smell. 
- Shout out to the hottest blonde I’ve ever seen from building 9. LR. Dang I would wife that girl so fast. 
- AP, Sing me to sleep with mariachi music. You’re so ethnic. That’s what I love about you. 
- To the girl that farted loudly in class today. Don’t worry, you’re still incredibly cute. 
- E who looks like an Asian in my Psych class. I am in love you. Please stop sitting so far away from me so I can actually ask you out. 
- MR – did you clean your arms with Windex? Because I see myself in them. 
- A the beautiful Mexican at Liberty Square. You are perfection. 
- To CH that Asian stud muffin from New Heritage 53rd ward from Pennsylvania! I want to mother your panda babies! I noticed you have a car, would you mind taking me to Squaw Peak sometime? From, Rice Loving Panda Hugging Future Wife 
- To the cute RMs in my ward who are extremely noncommittal…get your acts together and ask me out! 
The site reminded me of some of my own crushes at BYU. There was one guy in one of my writing classes who came in every day wearing an ecru cable-knit fishing sweater. One day there was an empty seat in front of me, and I was excited as his eyes honed in, and he sauntered Abercrombie & Fitch-like toward the open desk. As he strode up the aisle (it all seemed to be happening in slow motion) and sat down in front of me, he deftly pulled the fishing sweater off over his head with one arm. Unfortunately, it was just then that I noticed he had the hygiene habits of a Matthew McConnaughey, and I was downwind; I suspect that he had never once washed that sweater. Crush over. Not all that glitters is gold.
Looking over the BYU Crushes FB site I also noticed that a few of these “ethnic” crushes crossed a line for me in terms of how racist they sounded. Is that just generational? Is it OK to say things like “Rice Loving Panda Hugging” now?
One of the interesting things I noticed is that in several of the posts, fellow students are trying to help bring the people together or identify the crush if the person wasn’t known by name.
- What crushes did you have before you were married that you would have posted?
- Are social media sites like this changing the nature of relationships?
- How are these comments like other universities? How are they uniquely Mormon?
- Where does a crush end and stalking begin?
- I think you’re cute. Will you go with me? Check this box: yes, no, maybe.
 This is a staple of BYU come ons: a cheesy, cutesy attempt at humor, sometimes pseudo-religious. I didn’t even bother to copy in the “Is your name Virtue? Because you are garnishing my thoughts unceasingly” line. I’m not sure how seriously to take these. They just seem like something the nerdy friendzone guy would say in the teenage rom-com, not the guy you want to like you. Girls are submitting these, too, BTW.
 These types of comments (stalking + lust) are the ones that sound like real college crushes to me.
 Ethnic minorities are in high demand at BYU!
 Several allude to mating with gingers or otherwise making babies with crushes.
 NS is a girl. Yes, apparently there is a guy at BYU who is referring to himself as a cat. Does that strike anyone else as unusual?
 This sounds more sexual than I think the author intended.
 The heart wants what the heart wants.
 This is another trend: using chaste Mormon terms like “date,” “marry,” or “wife” as if they were sexually aggressive terms.
 Ouch. Maybe if the first is Ryan Gosling.
 Good luck chasing this girl down.
 The shotgun approach. Just shoot into a crowd and see if you hit anyone.