“Do you know why I pulled you over?” the officer asked me last Thursday. I knew from watching my husband’s reactions when he’s been pulled over (the man never gets tickets, I swear) that the best thing to do is to play dead. Not literally, but you have to avoid certain pitfalls: being too confident, not being confident enough, being too animated, responding emotionally (regardless of the emotion – but anger and sadness are definitely out), flirting , being friendly, and most of all you cannot under any circumstances answer that loaded-for-bear question. Which can be difficult because officers must be trained in waiting out uncomfortable silences.  Almost anything you say or do can be misinterpreted to your detriment. [Read more…]
I just finished reading a fascinating book a couple months ago called To Mormons, With Love by Chrisy Ross. She blogs here and gives a quick overview of her book here. You can buy her book on Kindle here. Chrisy and her family are nondenominational Christians who live (voluntarily, not because of Witness Relocation or anything like that) in Utah County – and even enjoy it mostly! I’m not sure I know many Mormons for whom I could say the same, but I might live in the opposite of a Mormon bubble. [Read more…]
When the Ordain Women movement was planning to attend the Priesthood session, my first response was passively supportive. I felt it was overreaching, but that overreaching is sometimes necessary to expand the Overton Window:
The Overton window is a means of visualizing which ideas define that range of acceptance by where they fall in it. Proponents of policies outside the window seek to persuade or educate the public so that the window either “moves” or expands to encompass them. [Read more…]
I recently was alerted to the existence of a brand new Facebook group at BYU for students to anonymously post notes about their crushes. The student submits their comment to the FB group admins who then re-post it from the site. The comments run the gamut from cutesy to goofy to stalkeresque. [Read more…]
Childhood allergies like hay fever are linked to an absence of contact with fecal matter in their early years.  In other words, their houses were too clean for them to develop immunity.  When antibodies have no real threats to fight off, they’ll pick the next best thing – dust, pet dander, and pollen.  I’m pretty sure it would make my mother proud that my hay fever is a byproduct of her obsessive cleanliness. Perhaps this phenomenon also explains why Mormons are prone to creating extra rules on top of our already high standards. Let me explain. [Read more…]
I know what you are thinking. Another article on modesty? Well, stuff your preconceptions in a sack and read on, because I’m about to blow your mind.  About 18 months ago I read an article in the New York Times about a scientific formula to predict celebrity breakups.  Here are the factors that correlated in their prediction model: [Read more…]
Are Mormon marriages more equal or less equal than other marriages? Do Mormon women feel that they are taken seriously and treated as equals by their husbands? Are they encouraged to follow their dreams? Do they find their work (whether at home or in the workplace) meaningful and rewarding? In the give and take of marriage, are men and women giving and taking fairly?
I recently finished reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In. In the book, she talks about several things we can do to help women achieve their potential and to help men and women feel more equal and personally satisfied, within their personal lives and in the workplace. This list includes things like: [Read more…]
On my mission, in one city my companion and I had to walk 45 mins to get to our area to teach. We were newly together and frankly, she was driving me nuts. She insisted on singing hymns the entire time we walked through the banana fields and winding rural paths. Relentlessly. Finally, I couldn’t take it any more, so I started belting out Woody Guthrie’s “This Land Is Your Land.” She recoiled as if I had just taken a big swig of Vodka, wiped my mouth, and then offered it to her. But then, she accepted the proffered folk song olive branch and started to sing it with me. She shrugged and said she guessed it was not inappropriate even if it wasn’t a hymn. [Read more…]
It’s sometimes hard to tell the difference between righteousness (that needs no correction) and self-righteousness (that can’t bear or acknowledge the need for correction). Put another way, it’s difficult to confidently consider something personal revelation unless it differs from our own conscience or our own self-justifications or what we would do (even if we are tempted to do otherwise). Yet, the more we live the gospel, the more righteous and godlike we become and the less likely revelation will contradict our own views. [Read more…]
Marcel Proust said: “People wish to learn to swim and at the same time to keep one foot on the ground.” That seems an apt description of the Girls Camp and Youth Conference modesty guidelines for Young Women that have emerged in some wards and stakes.
I have heard a few stories on the internet over the last few years about wards and stakes who have created increasingly onerous dress requirements for the YW, including at girls-only events like Girls Camp as well as Youth Conferences. I naturally assumed this was a handful of crackpots in isolated areas trying to out-righteous each other for scraps of praise until last week when my sister-in-law shared with me that her stake is now requiring all girls to wear both a tee shirt and knee length shorts over their one-piece swimsuit to swim–at Girls Camp!* [Read more…]
In 1 Corinthians 6:19, it says: “What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?” As some Mormon youth teachers used to like to say to encourage chastity: “Your body is a temple, and he doesn’t have a recommend!” or as I saw on a tee shirt: “Your body is a temple, not a visitor center.” This scripture is often trotted out in opposition to tattoos or piercings, likening those actions to vandalism of the exterior temple walls. It’s also used to support the Word of Wisdom, and this interpretation isn’t unique to Mormonism. Other faiths use it to enforce modesty, anti-smoking and temperance.
But what if this scripture is not referring to our individual bodies, but the body of saints? Consider this passage from 1 Corinthians 12: 12-14: [Read more…]
As an American living in Asia, I often experienced cultural disconnects. A peer or friend would make a comment so obviously based on assumptions or values I didn’t share that I realized that my own values and assumptions must sound equally foreign to them.
Last year, a colleague in India made a statement that I found very unsettling. He said: “When we focus on results nothing changes. When we focus on change we see results.” Since this claim was made in a business setting in a results-driven culture, I was taken aback. I had to ask him to repeat it several times, yet it still flew in the face of everything I believe as a business person. I really was at a loss how to respond to someone who believed that. Was he really saying you should get an A for effort and that results didn’t matter? If so, that explained a lot about the results I was seeing from his group! [Read more…]
My son was recently admitted to BYU for the upcoming fall semester. Here are some things about BYU we discovered in the application process:
- BYU is mind-blowingly cheap. It is about a tenth the cost of other universities he applied for and twice what we would have to pay for an in-state tuition assuming we could somehow qualify as residents having lived abroad for two and a half years. When room & board and other incidental costs are included, that gap is narrowed a little so that other schools were only 4 times the cost of BYU. [Read more…]
In a recent post, frequent commenter Ardis noted her experience with the standards of the church that have been pushing similar themes since the mid-1960s. This reminded me of a post I did elsewhere noting some of the “timeless standards” from the 1965 pamphlet.
There is a new trend in the church to elevate the For the Strength of Youth standards to something that should be applied to all members, not just the youth. I’ve experienced first hand and heard online from others that local wards have reviewed the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet and standards with the adults, explaining that it applies to them as well. In our Singapore stake, this was presented in a talk called “For the Strength of YOU.” What’s behind this trend? Here are some possible theories: [Read more…]
Does the BYU honor code create or discourage sexual harassment? Does the increasingly stringent focus on female modesty create or discourage objectification of women? In both cases, women are often singled out and approached by total strangers who feel it’s acceptable to make comments on their appearance. In the work place, this behavior may constitute creating a hostile work environment. At BYU, we call it standing valiantly for right.
In employment law, hostile environment sexual harassment refers to a situation where employees in a workplace are subject to a pattern of exposure to unwanted sexual behavior . . . It is distinguished from quid pro quo sexual harassment, where a direct supervisor seeks sexual favors in return for something . . . courts have . . . recognized hostile environment as an actionable behavior since the late 1980s. [Read more…]
I have never been a big fan of testimony meetings for a variety of reasons, but maybe my opinion is starting to shift.
I recently taught the May Sunday School youth lesson from Come Follow Me “What does it mean to bear testimony?” Since I teach 12-13 year olds, including my own son, I wanted to find a game or object lesson to help illustrate testimony. I found the idea for a puzzle on the church’s website.
I showed the class a partially constructed puzzle. My son immediately shouted out “It’s a goldfish in a bowl. Boom!” I said it wasn’t a goldfish. Another boy agreed with my son: “It’s definitely a goldfish.” I assured the class again that the picture was not a goldfish. The puzzle object lesson seemed to be working in ways not intended, demonstrating that some people draw wrong conclusions based on scant evidence and their own personal assumptions.
The history of garments is complex. At one time they were made by members from patterns. The marks used to be cut rather than embroidered. And modifications to the styles have been made on several occasions, particularly changing the styles for women to feminize them and make them more practical (elbow and knee length vs. wrist and ankle, also the change to two-piece). The church has made changes so that they fit better, so that women have more options, to allow those serving in the military to wear them, and to use new fabrics as they’ve become available.
And yet, despite all these changes, many women find garments problematic at one time or another for a variety of reasons. On the positive side, women report finding garments spiritually comforting, a reminder of their covenants. Many also appreciate the lack of visible panty lines (at least not where you expect to see them!). I appreciate both of these things myself. Some women consider them to be very comfortable, particular for lounging around the house. But I have also experienced many of the drawbacks women discuss when only other women are present. [Read more…]
I must admit, before my trip to New Zealand over the holidays I had never heard of the Mormon Maori prophecies. I knew that there are many Polynesian church members. I was aware that the most popular religion in the island of Molokai (the spiritual center of Hawaii) is Mormonism, and that there are many Samoan and Tongan church members. As for the Maori, I knew that they were Pacific Islanders. I knew the men danced the haka and the women danced with poi balls. I knew that they once practiced cannibalism (practice makes perfect!) and were considered fierce by early European seafarers who visited the islands. I knew that one of their greetings (touching foreheads and sharing a breath) is similar to the Eskimos (rubbing noses).
I just finished reading Brian Donovan’s book Not a Match: My True Tales of Online Dating Disasters. My oldest son starts college in the fall, so I have been feeling nostalgic about my own dating days as a Cougar. What makes a bad Mormon date bad? The same thing that makes any date bad: awkwardness. This is my story.
Just kidding. Sister Dalton’s talk was actually titled “We Are Daughters of Our Heavenly Father.” Let’s leap in. Sis. Dalton starts off by talking about the Young Women theme.
It is not only an affirmation of our identity–who we are–but also an acknowledgement of whose we are. We are daughters of an exalted Being!
Elder Bednar’s Saturday morning talk was about chastity. Let me start by saying I’m a believer in chastity. I believe that premarital sex creates a lot of hassle, at minimum, and generally speaking I’m against hassle. It can result in much worse than hassle in its worst cases – eroded self esteem, teen pregnancy (that I oppose even in married form), STDs, and bad patterns for future relationships. I believe that extramarital sex (infidelity) destroys families, irreparably harms children, and is very human and very selfish. [Read more…]
I recently took an online test to determine if I am a helicopter parent. Ironically, it was a helicopter quiz! After every question, it gave me immediate, condescending feedback about whether my opinion was right or wrong. And with several of the questions, I didn’t like ANY of the options; they were all too helicopter-y for me. Let me give an example from the quiz I took:
When my child brings home a poor grade, I:
- Run directly to the phone to call the teacher. When she doesn’t answer, I call the principal.
- Talk with my child about the grade and contact the teacher to discuss ways we can help my child improve her academic performance.
- Yell and scream at my child and tell her that if she doesn’t bring up her grade, she’ll be grounded.
Hawkgrrl returns to grace us with her words.
This has been a crappy few years to be rich. There have been a few jerks who’ve really given wealth a bad name: Wall Streeters who traded in junk bonds, pyramid schemer Bernie Madoff, and “hot rabbit” and accused maid molester DSK. Many rich people are under water on their mortgage(s). Add to that a Democrat government that is unapologetically tone-deaf to rich people and their needs. As Jesus said, “The poor ye have always with you.” Meaning, it’s always going to suck to be poor, but being rich is supposed to be awesome, right? Yet, thanks to a few bad apples and a little global economic peril, rich people are vilified and reviled, mocked openly for their very riches. There’s something wrong when 99% of people can threaten the well-being of the overwhelming minority, the 1%. It’s a good thing the rich can afford personal security and to serve in government.
And the hits keep coming. A recent study shows that (I am not making this up) rich people are more likely to take candy from babies.
First of all, depending on how old the babies are and the type of candy, babies should not be eating candy. It’s unsafe. Babies’ teeth may not be well developed enough for a nougat or a crunchy Heath bar. Another problem with babies eating candy is that they are often very messy with it. I have known a baby to take a caramel out of his drooling mouth multiple times before ultimately leaving it in the carpet, resulting in property damage. Should we really reward that kind of behavior? Also, with the childhood obesity problem in the US, the rich people may be providing a valuable service in preventing babies from becoming addicted to low-nutrition foods. Of course, the article did not make any of these valid points, instead implying that rich people are selfish bastards. [Read more…]
Angie C. aka Hawkgrrl returns, peering into our minds with the unnerving gaze of Richard G. Scott.
Who determines worthiness in the temple recommend interview? The bishop? The individual? The questions? Other methods of discernment? Can the bishop rightly withhold a temple recommend based on nothing more than a hunch or the Spirit even if probing reveals no wrong answers?
I recently read a blog post written by a group of ex-Mormon ne’er-do-wells who claim they snuck into a temple session in the Philippines. They cited their ability to con kindly octogenarians into letting them participate unworthily without detection as further evidence that the church has no special spiritual gifts or authority. To me it sounds like a pretty boring way to spend your time when you could be out boozing and whoring it up. Isn’t that the benefit of being an ex-Mormon? Perhaps their priorities differ from what my own would be. Yet their experience begs a greater question: can leaders discern worthiness just by looking at a person? [Read more…]
Angie C. aka Hawkgrrl returns with a very a propos series of questions.
Many Mormons watched in morbid fascination during the South Carolina primary as Evangelicals ultimately rallied around the nearly forgotten corpse of Newt Gingrich’s campaign. The ensuing days, leading into the Florida primary, saw a flurry of anti-Newt Facebook updates from my LDS friends. If Evangelicals are embracing anyone but a Mormon, there is one candidate Mormons do not like one bit: Newt Gingrich. Is it just a case of his politics? He does pander a lot to the tea party despite being a well established Washington insider, albeit with a Nero-like sense of self-importance. Is it that he went on the offensive against “our guy”? I don’t think so, as pretty much all the candidates did so, although he was briefly the most successful of them.
Maybe Mormons are just tougher on sin. [Read more…]
Angie C AKA Hawkgrrl returns with a post sure to please our DC Universe fans.
What does it mean that the church is a restoration? As I grew up in the church, I always thought of restoration as implying stuff fell out that had to be put back in. Things that fit into this category included:
- the role of prophets and apostles, translation capabilities (including that pesky Urim & Thummim that someone mislaid a few thousand years ago)
- “original meanings” restored through the JST (those careless, woman-hating, medieval clerks!)
- the idea of people being Christian before Christ was born (makes them more relatable I suppose)
- *gack!* polygamy (this one was certainly out of left field)
But it could also mean that impurities are removed, as in restoring the finish on a piece of furniture or restoring a historical building by removing modern embellishments. [Read more…]
Angie C AKA Hawkgrrl has been a pillar of Bloggernacle for years. She’s a mother of three, a business travel executive living in Asia, and a BYU grad. We’re lucky she agreed to be our guest. You might know her from such other blogs as Wheat and Tares.
As we look ahead to the 2012 election, Mormonism is back in the spotlight, and with it, its ugly underbelly: anti-Mormonism. Recent articles in the Atlantic have highlighted what is being published about our faith: the unflattering truths, the close-but-not-quite-right facts, and the outright lies. (Is anyone else sick of hearing the term “magic underpants”? Mine are not magic. They just lay there like a gray lump, even when I try the Expecto Patronum charm on them. Very disappointing.) In other words, as the election cycle advances, we’d better buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride! [Read more…]