Opening Prayers, Ranked

Hi guys! It’s been awhile since we last ranked something. I’m starting to feel the itch. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGUgFU1Yx4E

Before we get underway, do we have any volunteers to say opening prayer?

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Things Eagles Do In Patriotic Art, Ranked

Yesterday was Memorial Day, but just because Steve and I weren’t ranking things on the blog doesn’t mean we weren’t ranking things in our hearts. Indeed, our text messages show that we both bleed red, white, and blue. Mostly just red and white, though, since Steve is a Canadian, and hates freedom. So I am really the only one with blood the color of a mountain sky over Kansas. But I have enough for the both of us.

MURICA!

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Houses, Ranked

Scott: some quality in here
Steve: it’s perhaps better than the ranking we have up now!
Scott: easily!
Steve: who cares, let’s post another one right now.
Scott: i’ll load it up

d&c109

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Reasons We Didn’t Rank Stuff This Week, Ranked

It’s been a busy week! So busy, in fact, that Steve and I realized we’d deprived the 27 people who still read this series of their guidance for maintaining order in their lives. We apologize, and offer this list of reasons we haven’t been ranking things like we should be.

ulrich von lichtenstein

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Things That Can Be Explained In The Following Six Important Principles, Ranked

Over the past few years, it seems like there are a lot of talks in GC in which the speaker introduces some specific challenge to living the gospel and then proposes a numbered list of principles to help explain how we can overcome said challenge. Steve and I were talking about this and concluded that there are still some things that need to be explained in this fashion.

First

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Things the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Should Not Wear, Ranked

Our coverage of General Conference has been spectacular over the past week, though definitely a bit different than the open threads we’ve hosted in years past. Admittedly, Steve and I found ourselves actually missing the commentary on the outfit selections for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir that were usually found in our GC open threads. Fortunately, we used this as our inspiration for this week’s rankings.

MoTab

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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19 Times General Conference Was THE BEST, Ranked

Some people love General Conference! Some other people don’t love General Conference! Some people, like Steve and I, have experienced both highs and lows during General Conference. Earlier this week, we talked about the lows. Today, we’re going to talk about the highs.

President Monson

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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23 Times General Conference Was THE WORST, Ranked

Some people love General Conference! Some other people don’t love General Conference! Some people, like Steve and I, have experienced both highs and lows during General Conference. Today, we’re going to talk about the lows.

1st Presidency GC

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Animals, Ranked

To some–notably John F.–ranking things is not a worthy endeavor. But Steve and I know better, and we know that ranking things is the responsibility of every Latter-day Saint as part of the building of Zion. It is part of our faith. Indeed, you could say that Steve and I follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things should be ranked, we hope all things will be ranked, we have ranked many things, and hope to be able to rank all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek to rank these things. If there are any things that aren’t like those other things, we seek to rank those things also. Today, Animals!

manimal

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Word of Wisdom Violations, Ranked

Are we reaching the bottom of the barrel? Are we running out of things to rank? A day may come when the supply of things to rank fails, when Steve and I forsake our weekly foray into meaningless listicle nonsense and break all commitments to carrying on this ridiculous tradition, but it is not this day. No, today we rank violations of the Word of Wisdom, in order of least to most sinful.

cooking wine

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Williamses, Ranked

Two (2) authoritative rankings in one week? Events over the past few days (i.e., we both happened to have 20 minutes free) have mandated that we do so, even at risk of shark-jumping accusations from our colleague by john f. This time, Steve and I settle a controversial topic that has plagued society for years: Who are the best Williamses?

ash williams

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Things Anonymous Will Reveal, Ranked

So did you all hear that Anonymous has threatened to take over LDS.org if the big JD gets the axe? I don’t want to play spoiler or anything, but the truth is, Steve and I have been running LDS.org ourselves for the past 3 years, and we can already tell you the dirtiest-dirt there is. Brace yourselves, folks–Shiz is about to get real.

lds.org anonymous

As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Your Friday Xmas Present Thread

Here at BCC, we usually save talk of Christmas presents for after the big day, but I figured it’s Friday and we’ve spent most of the week talking about torture and financial transparency, so it might be nice to talk about something more fun.
SMB, Duck Hunt, WCTM

So, two questions:
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Things Financial Transparency Would Reveal About the Church, Ranked.

In response to Ronan’s recent post about financial transparency, Steve and I looked into our seer stones and decided to share a little bit of what would actually happen if the Church’s accounting books were made public. BRACE YOURSELVES!

fts
As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Ghosts, Ranked

See, I personally believe that the time for ranking spooky things like ghosts is past, what with Halloween being just over a month ago now. But Steve was all like, “No way. Mormons love ghosts.” And I was like, “No, let’s do something more Christmasy!” and Steve was all like, “Dude, I’ll ban you unless we do ghosts!” and I was like, “Sheesh, bro. Whatever.”

christmas ghost
As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Thanksgiving Quotes from Prophets, Ranked

One of my favorite things to do during Thanksgiving is revisit some of the choice words from modern prophets and apostles about this great holiday!

Thanksgiving
As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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What Happens When Prison Is Over?

A few years ago, a Welsh professional footballer playing for Sheffield United FC in England was having a banner year. In addition to scoring goals by the truckload, he also represented his country on the Welsh national team and was named to the League’s Team of the Year. How good he was, or could have been, is unclear–lots of players are stars in lower divisions but fail to transition successfully to more competitive leagues.[1] Still, his standout performance was naturally attracting some attention from clubs in higher divisions of English football, including the top tier Premier League. Even if that interest never materialized, he was still a professional footballer, was making decent money, and could have maintained that level of income for a number of years–perhaps more than a decade, barring injuries.

Then, just before the end of the season, he was arrested on charges of rape, found guilty at trial by a jury, and sent to prison.
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Scary Mormon Halloween Costumes, Ranked

It’s Halloween week (though perhaps you already celebrated with a ToT), so Steve and I figured that it would only be appropriate to have a super-spooky ranking! This is some scary stuff!

CTR Pumpkin
As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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If You Like Trunk-or-Treats You Probably Don’t Have a Testimony

Holy crap Trunk-or-Treats are the worst things in the world and if you believe Trunk-or-Treats are consistent with the Gospel, you are wrong.

E.T. Trick or Treating

What is the point of a Trunk-or-Treat, anyway? When I was a kid and this societal cancer first reached my awareness, I understood that it was born of concern about poisoned candies and apples with razor blades and other dangerous crap that Big Mom was worried about. It probably got its start from the movie E.T., when that punk Elliot didn’t come home on time and Gertie was going on and on to the police officer about her dad being in Mexico with his lover. Halloween + Adultery + Space Aliens = NO MORE TRICK OR TREATING. So, instead of sending the kids out on the streets at night like rational human beings, we line everyone up in a parking lot and distribute candy like it’s freaking Hamsterdam. [Read more…]

Book of Mormon Weaponry, Ranked

It’s been a couple of weeks since we ranked something, and due to some pervasive accusations of shark-jumping, Steve and I put in the overtime for this list. We all know that the Book of Mormon is a treasure-trove of spiritual food and nourishment, but to the careful reader, it is also home to some amazing guns.

BoM Weaponry
As always, these rankings are authoritative. [Read more…]

Conferences, Ranked

Would it have made more sense to post this ranking last week, before GC? Yeah, it probably would have.

October 2012 GC
As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Saturday AM: UTAH STATE HEY AGGIES ALL THE WAY Thread

And lo, the Aggies did crush the Coogers, and it was gray and navy and delightsome and if you disagree with me then good luck trying to get your comments in on this thread!

We’re about an hour or so from the start of the session, so feel free to comment on your cereal, your clothing, your key words and candy rewards, or whatever else you’d like until the top of the hour when I’m going to turn on the filter a bit. As for me and my house, we will serve the pancakes.

And we’re underway! [Read more…]

Church Movie Supporting Characters, Ranked

When our co-blogger John F. suggested that our last ranking had jumped the shark, he not only lost our respect and friendship, but he also unwittingly inspired our hearts and minds by directing Steve and me toward the many great acting performances in Mormon cinema. This week, we give much-overdue praise to some of the lesser-recognized latter-day thespians.

Crow
As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Late Church Is the Honest-to-Goodness Worst Thing On Earth

We share a building with like 19 other wards, so every third year we have church meetings that don’t kick off until 1pm. It’s the worst thing in the world, by several yardsticks. Late Church Clock

Saturday is supposed to be a special day–it’s the day we get ready for Sunday! Not with late church, though. Because with late church and our own mortal weaknesses, we put off shining our shoes and washing our hair and all that stuff until Sunday morning, because Jiminy Cricket there is literally nothing else to do for like 5 hours and if I couldn’t kill an hour with making the kids take showers and stuff, I don’t honestly know what I’d do. [Read more…]

Three Nephites, Ranked

Had I known that Steve was never a Zone Leader, I probably wouldn’t have allowed him to have as much influence as I did on last week’s rankings. Fortunately, we both share a high degree of personal knowledge about this week’s topic.

The 3 Nephigos
As always, these rankings are authoritative.
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Responsibilities of Zone Leaders, Ranked

Steve and I would like to formally apologize for our previous list. In retrospect, we should have been more sensitive to the possibi- OH FORGET IT I can’t even keep a straight face long enough to type this. On with the rankings!

Like a Boss
As before, these rankings are authoritative. Don’t kick against the pricks.[1]
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“…there’s a ton of stuff that should be covered in the MTC.”

In Sam’s post about tax liabilities stemming from membership in an organized religion in Germany, someone mentioned that missionaries destined for that land should be prepped on the topic. Sam’s reply was that “…there’s a ton of stuff that should be covered in the MTC.”

Back in my day[1], the MTC stay was 8-9 weeks for those requiring language training, and 3-4 weeks otherwise. Perhaps it’s longer/shorter/different now, but the point is missionaries don’t spend very much time in the MTC before being sent packing. A month or two, like! That’s not very long! And missionaries are really ignorant youthful! [Read more…]

Responsibilities of Deacons, Ranked

Sam Weir
These rankings are authoritative.[1]
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Breakfast of Champions (UPDATED)

Dear Leader Steve Evans has been griping INCESSANTLY to the BCC backlist this morning over how I was mean to him when he tried to explain that he has a tummy ache. In the nature of transparency and to set the record straight, I provide the details on our conversation, unedited:

Steve: I would like to tell you about my breakfast this morning.
Sent at 9:16 AM on Tuesday

Scott: i am listening

Steve: it started off as a collection of dried fruits and nuts.

Scott: Read: Granola Bar

Steve: no — prunes, apricots, cherries and almonds
Then I noticed that I brought a bag of cookies with me to work.
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2014 World Cup Group Stages Open Thread

2014 WC Venn Diagram of Hope

An actual conversation between myself and RJH this morning:

Scott: Are you optimistic for England?
RJH: Don’t be silly!
And so it begins!

THIS IS A THREAD FOR BLOGGERNACLE SOCCER FANS TO DISCUSS THE WORLD CUP. HATERS GET LOST.

[Read more…]

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