A little history: Once upon a time, long ago, I was a practicing Pagan. Generally, it’s not what many people imagine- Pagans, despite the use of the inverted pentacle, don’t believe in Satan or ritually practice violence. There was nothing unseemly, and other than conducting some rituals skyclad (naked), it was an interesting and rich period of my life. [Read more...]

Franz and Gretel are converts of a few years. They have a few of children, and are doing their best to institute all the changes the Gospel brought to their lives, but sometimes they fall short. They also have tremendous extended family pressures against the Church. It has caused rifts in personal relationships, including with their mothers. [Read more...]

This was posted a while back on my personal site. Occasionally, a mommy-blogger gets noticed, and this morning, at about the same time I received a small award for this piece of writing, I also received a phone call about a loved one who is likely headed to the combat zone. Makes it especially poignant, I think. [Read more...]

Recently, I had the privilege of becoming the confident of a Church member who is struggling with extreme doubt about his faith. This man is the husband of a friend of mine, and both husband and wife come from old-line Mormon families. He found me through the blogs, and he and his wife approached me one Sunday with questions.

This opened up some serious dialogue that was better moved from the Church foyer to our living room. Ignoring the fact that I feel totally unqualified to offer spiritual advice, I was able to offer a sympathetic ear and a forum free of judgment. [Read more...]

Church was good today. [Read more...]

9:00 p.m.
Who thought it was funny to give a bookworm convert her very first Sacrament Meeting talk the same week the magnum opus of one Mr. Harry Potter was released? Who. My Bishop, that’s who. And due to total lack of discipline and complete disregarded for my own goals, here I sit, 9:13 on Saturday night, no talk, a pile of notes, some e-mails and a thoroughly ingested, already dog-eared copy of The Deathly Hallows. Priorities, eh.

My talk was supposed to be spring boarded from a talk by President Faust from 2004- along the lines of making sure we’re getting the right spiritual messages. Yeah, I spent the last few days chewing my cuticles as I wondered where Neville got the Sword of Gryffindor at the very last possible minute, and wondering “Why Dobby, why?”- I think I missed the message…

It’s not the first time I’ve missed the message. [Read more...]

Before I joined the LDS church, I spent years researching and trying out other religions. Along that path, it’s no surprise that I found many things of value in other traditions. There were oddball (to me) ideas I stumbled on as well, but that’s another post another day.

While in college, I cared for a little boy from a Jewish family. His family often included me in holidays and invited me to simple Sabbath dinners. It was here I developed an appreciation for the tradition, heritage and beauty of the Jewish faith. As a matter of disclosure, had I not discovered the LDS faith, I was on my way to Judaism. [Read more...]

Five years ago, I first walked into an LDS chapel, with a squirmy babe-in-arms, and sat alone in the back, amazed by the parade of young people bearing their testimonies. At that meeting, the vocabulary and vernacular was unfamiliar, but the spirit present was what I had been seeking. I didn’t “know” much, but I knew I was coming back.

Until today, I have stood to bear my testimony only twice. Both times, I was strongly moved to do so, but my testimony has never mirrored those of my ward brothers and sisters. It marvels me that folks I know and hold dear stand up and state with surety that they “Know” something… “Know” the church is true. “Know” the Savior lives. “Know” Joseph was a prophet. [Read more...]

Remind me why we do this. Please.

Remind me why it is important to drag ourselves to services each Sunday. Even though it’s been four years, I still feel like such a newbie on some things, and the last six Sundays have made me want to run screaming, and left me exhausted and frustrated.

If I could go to church alone, or with only my husband, I know I could be edified, lifted up, study the passages, heck, maybe I could even hear the sacrament talks and learn something. But “alone” is not my lot.

Getting five people ready for church every Sunday is a task many an LDS woman does. Some seem to do it better than others. I am definitely an “other” here. By the time we get everyone dressed and out the door, any wisp of the spirit has long departed us, and we are often mad at each other and the kids. [Read more...]

When I first joined the Church, I did so with gusto. The exhilaration of finding long-yearned for answers- answers that did not disallow my own personal revelations, was almost narcotic. I still feel that way. For the most part.

My first Visiting Teacher was the Temple matriarch. My first Home Teacher was the Stake Patriarch. Sensitivity on the part of my bishop led to these stellar examples being a regular part of my life, and I was showered with the best examples of being Mormon. Framed temple pictures, photos of the prophets, Greg Olsen prints, the Proclamation and a dozen other symbols of my new faith were bestowed on me by kind ward members. Overwhelmed, I felt I had to display all of these things in order to be a “good Mormon” girl. All the other homes I visited had similar decorations; I must need them, right? I was grateful for the kindness of my new friends.

And yet… Somehow, these things were a like a tight shoe, slightly too small. [Read more...]

How does one balance honoring covenants with honoring family? Obviously, promises to God are greater than keeping familial harmony, but how do you “honor thy father and thy mother” when your parent(s) chose otherwise?

Part of the reason my husband and I have not gone to the Temple yet, despite having recommends, has do to with our extended family. As I already wrote, my family hates that I have chosen to be Mormon, and makes few allowances in their dealings with me. My husband’s family, while there are two other distant members, also is completely unsupportive. At every turn, it’s difficult, nigh unto impossible, to keep the family waters smooth.

When we go to the Temple, it will very likely be the last straw on my familial camel’s back. I am vacillating between jumping in with both feet, and being quite comfortable in my fence-sitting. I am in no hurry to make the relationship with my loved ones even more difficult, yet at the same time, I know, for my spiritual progression, there are more steps to be taken. [Read more...]

As a relatively new member, there are still tons of things I don’t understand. I was one who was very pleased to see the new member issue of the Ensign last month- and I hope Stakes keep back issues of it on hand for new converts.

Since we joined the Church, there have been many time where questions have come up, from the mundane, such as “What’s a Bishopric?”, to the more esoteric, “Why was the atonement necessary?”- Still waiting on answers for some, by the way. The Bloggernacle has been a stellar source of information for a new member- sometimes maybe too much information, and sometimes information I wish the Church addressed on its own, so new members wouldn’t have to find things out on the playground, such as it were. (I’m thinking specifically of Church history…)

Recently something happened that I don’t know what to do with- where to file it away, or if I have some sort of moral responsibility. So, I come to you, great and mighty Oz. [Read more...]

Childhood was the stuff of dreams- golden, ephemeral Maxfield Parrish dreams. Our home was built on old orchard land, in the California that used to be the fruit-basket of the state, but is now paved over and has a heart of Silicon.

Our property had plum, apricot, pear, cherry, avocado, almond, walnut, tangerine, orange and grapefruit trees- all of which found their way into my mother’s baked goods and preserves. We had chickens, rabbits, a goat (who once tried to eat my snarled mess of curly blonde hair) and a dozen dogs, which my dad used for hunting, as well as our pets. From the trappings of nature, my brothers’ and I created entire worlds in the yard. My aunt and her family lived one house down and my grandma only a few minutes beyond. Doors were always open; it was the upbringing many of us hope to give our children.

Since I have joined the Church, my family barely tolerates my presence. [Read more...]

Yesterday, Steve Evans informed me I have the honor of following Richard Bushman as a guest-poster at BCC. OH! Cool! The Richard Bushman, Rough Stone Rolling, Richard Bushman? Sure, I’d love it if you posted me right behind him- me, sitting here with kids five, three and not-yet-one, in my fuzzy pink bathrobe with baby-spit spots, ignoring my kids’ pleas for more apple juice as I try and string together coherent thoughts? Greeeeaat. Yes, do let’s follow Mr. Bushman.

My name is Tracy M, and I am a convert. An adult convert, going on four years now. Married with three Monkeys children. In a former life, I was an artist who got paid for making art, now I just make art to stay sane in a household where I am allegedly in charge, but really the Monkeys rule the roost. I write for myself and for Mormon Mommy Wars, as well as run a design company from my home. In my spare time I ignore e-mails from Steve Evans asking me to write for him, too.

So let’s talk about art. A few weeks ago, J. Daniel Crawford wrote an intriguing post on how terrible and shallow the pool is for LDS art. I have to agree with him- and his thesis. My own thesis is a little different, but I am looking at it from the vantage point of the artist: Happiness does not beget fine Art. [Read more...]