Truth for Our Times

March 21, 2013 By 146 Comments

Valerie Hudson’s article in the April Ensign, Equal Partnership in Marriage, is a contemporary approach to the workings and doctrine of Mormon marriage. While strikingly different in thesis, it is just as strikingly similar to Brent Barlow’s article published in the Ensign 40 years ago, Strengthening the Patriarchal Order in the Home.

While the theses of these articles are in opposition to one another, both use the same rhetorical techniques to support their ideas.  Hudson claims it is eternal doctrine that marriage partners are to be equals, while Barlow claims it is eternal doctrine for the father to rule in the home.

Arguably the ideas of both of these articles could be examined independently (Barlow’s has been examined here), or jointly (two versions of chicken patriarchy playing chicken); however the purpose of this post is to show how both views use truth claims and scripture to support opposing ideas in a shift from patriarchal marriage toward marital equality. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Marriage, Society & Culture

Are You a Helicopter Parent?

March 21, 2013 By 52 Comments

I recently took an online test to determine if I am a helicopter parent.  Ironically, it was a helicopter quiz!  After every question, it gave me immediate, condescending feedback about whether my opinion was right or wrong.  And with several of the questions, I didn’t like ANY of the options; they were all too helicopter-y for me.  Let me give an example from the quiz I took:

When my child brings home a poor grade, I:

  1. Run directly to the phone to call the teacher. When she doesn’t answer, I call the principal.
  2. Talk with my child about the grade and contact the teacher to discuss ways we can help my child improve her academic performance.
  3. Yell and scream at my child and tell her that if she doesn’t bring up her grade, she’ll be grounded.

[Read more...]

Filed Under: Children, Education, Family, Marriage, Men, Pop Culture, Women Tagged With: , , , , , ,

A Mutual Respect

March 18, 2013 By

Marital relationships are not always easy, nor are they always difficult.

 

 

[Read more...]

Filed Under: Children, Family, Marriage, Mormon

A darn shame

February 6, 2013 By

I cannot, in good conscience, recommend that my gay friends investigate the church. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Anciently Revealed, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Marriage, Men, Missionary, Modern Era, Modernly Revealed, Mormon, Religion, Scriptures, Society & Culture, TCoJCoLDS, Women

The Implications of Encouraging Early Marriage in a Global Church

January 22, 2013 By

This is the first of a two part response to Elaine Dalton’s recent BYU Devotional speech.

Globally, early marriage is inextricably linked to development and human rights concerns. I believe that the words of a general officer of our worldwide church should be considered from a worldwide perspective. In this light, some of her conclusions are troubling. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Children, Economics, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Marriage, Mormon, Society & Culture, Women, Young Women

Do Mormons get married too young?

April 18, 2012 By

Once a group of us ladies were playing the game “Two Truths and a Lie,” and one woman told the following truth: “I got maternity clothes for my nineteenth birthday.” Someone asked, “Why on earth would someone give you maternity clothes for your nineteenth birthday?” Her matter-of-fact response: “Because I was pregnant!” (But she was married at 18, so it was okay.)

Married at 18, wearing maternity clothes at 19…and I’m a Mormon!

It didn’t used to be uncommon in the Western world for people to marry at 18, 20 or 22, but in this day and age, with more people going to college and (quite sensibly) postponing families of their own until after they’ve finished their educations and at least started their careers, marrying so young seems sort of horrifying. Within Mormon culture, of course, marrying young is still expected and encouraged. It is the subject of this recent article in The Universe, “Leaving with a diploma but not a spouse.” [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Marriage

Monday Morning Theological Poll: “But…what will the neighbors think?” Edition [Edited]

October 24, 2011 By

Consider the following statement and whether you, and other Mormons, believe it.

Give your answers below. If you have more than one, we understand.

Bonus Poll: I was told that I got the first poll slightly wrong. Here is another, related, possibly corrected poll. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Marriage, Mormon, Polls, Theology, Doctrine & Policy Tagged With:

Self-Assessment and Babies

October 5, 2011 By

Casual listeners* to general conference may have come away with the impression that the Church, as represented by Elder Neil L. Andersen, really wants us to have more babies. There is plenty of reason for this, but I’m going to suggest that Elder Andersen was making a subtler and more nuanced point. The target of the post was not childlessness; it was selfishness. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Children, Family, General Conference, Marriage, Mormon

Mormon Familiolatry

September 1, 2011 By

In a recent conversation with several friends, I was unfortunate enough to hear the following accounts:

“My daughter has a friend she loves to play with. Her mom has been great about taking her if I’m traveling out of town or in childcare pinch, and I thought she and I were friends, too. My daughter wanted to play with her daughter recently, and I said ‘We’d really love to have her over here today–I feel like I’m always imposing on you.’ And she said, ‘Well, it’s nothing personal, but I don’t like to let my kids play in homes where the parents are divorced. I just don’t want them to feel that spirit.’ [Read more...]

Filed Under: Children, Family, Marriage, Mormon

Thursday PM Marriage Poll

August 11, 2011 By

For this extremely important poll, please make the following assumptions:

1. An able-bodied husband
2. An able-bodied wife
3. At least one child
4. Children cannot feed themselves, and scream continuously unless someone pays attention to them.
5. Sacrament Meetings begin at 9:00am on Sundays

Explain your vote–the facts and assumptions you make which lead to your answer–below. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Marriage, Polls

Thursday Morning Quickie #24

June 9, 2011 By

[Note: The following text was taken verbatim from the M Men-Gleaner Manual, "Love, Marriage, and You" used in 1956-1957. Previous entries in this series can be found here.]

Lesson 25

Enhancing Family Solidarity

Tom and Jane had been married three years and were getting along very well in most respects. They had had a successful courtship and engagement and had married when he was twenty-four and she was twenty. After their marriage he had gone to school for two years and she had worked as a stenographer. Now they were settled down and were starting to establish a family of their own. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Features, Marriage, Thursday Morning Quickie

Thursday Morning Quickie #22

May 26, 2011 By

[Note: The following text was taken verbatim from the M Men-Gleaner Manual, "Love, Marriage, and You" used in 1956-1957. Previous entries in this series can be found here.]

Lesson 16

Keeping Morally Clean

AFTER a sumptuous dinner had been served, several young, married couples were relaxing leisurely around a glowing fire in Helen’s front room. Most of the group had been married two or three years. The conversation went from children to “projected satellites” and back to children again. Soon a serious discussion developed about what each couple considered to be the most basic values in life. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Children, Family, Features, Marriage, Thursday Morning Quickie

Thursday Morning Quickie #21

May 19, 2011 By

[Note: The following text was taken verbatim from the M Men-Gleaner Manual, "Love, Marriage, and You" used in 1956-1957. Previous entries in this series can be found here.]

Lesson 17

Young Marrieds and Recreation

MARTHA and Joe were different-at least in many ways. They had been married for three years and were still going to dances every two or three weeks. Some of their young married friends criticized them for they had two young children. Shouldn’t they stay at home all the time with their little family? What was their explanation? [Read more...]

Filed Under: Features, Marriage, Thursday Morning Quickie

Couple Things

May 11, 2011 By

Last night, my wife and I crossed a devastating threshold–a veritable point of no return. Around 10:25pm, she said she was tired and wanted to go to bed, and I objected and suggested we watch the next episode of the TV show we’ve been watching lately. An argument ensued, and I did something that I’m ashamed of–because I promised myself I would never do this–but which nevertheless cannot be undone.

If you’re thinking, “He went to bed without resolving the argument,” then you’re correct–but what we’re talking about here is much, much worse. In fact, it’s so terrible that I hesitate to post this publicly, and understand if you don’t want to read further. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Marriage, Media, Navel-Gazing & Poetic Observation

BCC Zeitcast 68: Thomas Parkin

May 6, 2011 By

In this episode, Scott B. is joined in the virtual studio by Thomas Parkin, one of the Bloggernacle’s greatest personalities.



[Read more...]

Filed Under: BCC Zeitcast, Family, Features, Marriage

The One and Only Myth

May 5, 2011 By

In the early 1840s Joseph Smith proposed to Mary Elizabeth Rollins Lightner. Elizabeth recorded “Joseph said I was his before I came here and he said all the Devils in hell should never get me from him.”  Joseph further told her, “I was created for him
before the foundation of the Earth was laid.” (Todd Compton. In Sacred Loneliness pg 212 italics added) This may have been the
early beginnings of a pre-existence forming in Joseph Smith cosmology. His words were similar to some of his other wives. For instance in 1841 Joseph made it known to Zina Diantha Jacobs (Huntington Young) that the Lord, “had made it known to him that Zina was to be his wife.” (Ibid. pg 80 italics added)

Perhaps these and other 19th century marriages helped plant the idea in the Mormon psyche that people met and fell
in love in heaven, promising to marry once on earth, foreordained if you will.

[Read more...]

Filed Under: Marriage, Media, Navel-Gazing & Poetic Observation Tagged With: ,

On Being a Single Mother in the Church

May 2, 2011 By

This being a single mama in the LDS church is turning out to be a lot harder than I thought it was gonna be. Don’t get me wrong- this is my church, and I know that I belong here– but boy, if I didn’t come into this thing with a rock-solid testimony, this whole new world might have broken me. It’s no secret we are a family-centered church- I suppose a lot of churches are- maybe all of them try to be. I don’t know. We may give lip-service in random talks or conference addresses to non-traditional families, but when it comes down to brass tacks? It’s just lip service. The actual facts of being a divorced woman with three kids in the LDS church are hard and sharp. And I’m tired. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Children, Family, Marriage, TCoJCoLDS Tagged With:

Leave Them Sister-Wives Alone!

April 28, 2011 By

Now that Big Love is over with, I’ve started watching Sister-Wives on The Learning Channel. This is a show about a polygamous family: One husband, four wives, 16 kids. It’s actually very interesting and I’ve been enjoying the show. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Film & Television, Marriage, Media, Politics, Pop Culture, Society & Culture Tagged With:

Friday Night I-have-nothing-better-to-do-than-this Poll

April 22, 2011 By

Check all that apply.

Filed Under: Family, Marriage, Polls Tagged With:

Reframing Parental Roles in the Proclamation on the Family

April 12, 2011 By

Among other ideas, The Family: A Proclamation to the World, emphasizes the importance or gender identity and roles. For the purpose of this post, I will focus on several sentences that relate to the responsibilities of parents within the family as they rear children.  

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. ‘Children are an heritage of the Lord’ (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations…By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation…

In 1990 Relief Society General President Elaine L. Jack and her counselors Chieko N. Okazaki and Aileen H. Clyde met to decide their priorities for Relief Society. They outlined five points that would become the hallmarks of their presidency. The fourth read:

Strengthen families. Many types of families are part of the church today. All families need strengthening. 

Women of Covenant. Page 402  [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Gender & Sexuality, Marriage, Men, Mormon, Women Tagged With: , , , , ,

The Reciprocity Resolution

April 9, 2011 By

One of the significant memes from this past General Conference was a concern that so many of our people are not getting married. As usual, men just aren’t getting with the program and need to shape up and hop to it. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Gender & Sexuality, General Conference, Marriage, Mormon, Society & Culture Tagged With: , ,

Ash Wednesday

March 8, 2011 By

Miserere mei, Deus

I’m pretty sure I had never seen anyone with ashes on his forehead until I was in college–the imposition of ashes at the start of Lent just wasn’t part of the liturgical life of the Baptist/Methodist/Campbellite town I grew up in.  I was initially puzzled, and then vaguely repulsed by this physical, public acknowledgment of sin and penitence and the messiness of mortality.

Culturally, Mormons aren’t really big on public acknowledgment of sin–we’re optimistic that sin can be contained at home or, at worst, in the bishop’s office.  We speak cheerily of the 4 (or 5, or 7, depending on the teacher’s creativity) R’s of Repentance, a discreet process akin to running the dishwasher.  [Read more...]

Filed Under: Comparative/Ecumenical, Holiday, Marriage, Mormon, Navel-Gazing & Poetic Observation Tagged With: , , ,

Your Friday Firestorm #53

February 4, 2011 By

“The family will be presided over by the father, the priesthood bearer…And he will tie generations together as we go forward. . . . Can you think of a more glorious opportunity than being led by your own father in the eternities to come, and having the opportunity as a father in leading your children as they go forward?” [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Features, Friday Firestorm, Gender & Sexuality, Marriage, Mormon

Pre-Review Survey: Is Parenting Easy and Fun?

January 31, 2011 By

Bryan Caplan, an economist, blogger, and owner of the world’s ugliest website, has written a new parenting book (Parenting ideas! From an economist!) called Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids: Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think. The book is available for pre-order on Amazon.com here, and will be released in mid-April.

I plan on getting a copy and doing a full review later, but before doing so, I am curious to see what the gut reaction of BCC’s readers is to the simple statements found in the title: Parenting is a) less work and b) more fun than conventional wisdom indicates. As a father of two children, I struggled all weekend in trying to decide if I agree or disagree with either statement, and am still not sure of myself. If forced to make an unqualified, un-nitpicky decision, I would probably say that a) is false and b) is true in my experience.

If you have children, are these statements true for your experience? What were your expectations of the hardships and enjoyment of parenting before children? Has your perception of these things changed with time? Do you think that your religiosity affects your perception of how easy/enjoyable parenting is? [Read more...]

Filed Under: Books & Journals, Children, Family, Marriage Tagged With: , , , ,

Big Love Report

January 24, 2011 By

So I’m watching the end of the Jets v. Steelers game last night, and it’s about 8:50 p.m., when I realize I’ve missed the second episode in Big Love’s new and final season. But then it dawns on me that HBO repeats the new episodes immediately at 9:00 p.m., so I was able to watch it. (The first episode last week was mainly about all the blowback the family experienced after Bill publicly admitted to being a polygamist.) There were four aspects to this episode that I found particularly interesting, which I wanted to highlight here. (Spoiler alert for anyone who hasn’t seen the episode yet and is still planning on it.) Also, please note that my characterization is based on my hazy memory, I don’t have a transcript to consult or anything like that. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Film & Television, Marriage, Media, Mormon, Pop Culture Tagged With: ,

Boggs-Doniphan Gentile of the Year Award 2010 – WINNER!

January 11, 2011 By

Voting is over, and the 2010 Gentile of the Year is Judge Vaughn Walker!

Judge Vaughn Walker

Judge Vaughn Walker. (Photo credit: Mike Linksvayer for WikiMedia Commons)

[Read more...]

Filed Under: Announcements, Boggs-Doniphan Award, Current Events, Family, Features, Gender & Sexuality, Marriage, Mormon, Politics, Polls, TCoJCoLDS, Theology, Doctrine & Policy

God The Wife

December 19, 2010 By

Women are endowed with special traits and attributes that come trailing down through eternity from a divine mother. Young women have special God-given feelings about charity, love, and obedience. Coarseness and vulgarity are contrary to their natures. They have a modifying, softening influence on young men. Young women were not foreordained to do what priesthood holders do. Theirs is a sacred, God-given role, and the traits they received from heavenly mother are equally as important as those given to the young men.
—Vaughn J. Featherstone, October 1987

This past year I was asked to give a talk on the value of motherhood in our Mother’s Day sacrament meeting service. As I prepared the talk, I posed two questions to a number of women and mothers I know, including my wife.

What is the thing you most enjoy hearing in talks about motherhood?

What is the thing you most dread hearing in such talks?

The answer, it turns out, in virtually all cases, was identical. For both questions: [Read more...]

Filed Under: Children, Family, Gender & Sexuality, Marriage, Men, Mormon, Theology, Doctrine & Policy, Women

Let There Be Light, If Only We Could Agree on What Light Was

October 13, 2010 By

“The assault on moral principles and religious freedom has never been stronger…. there are also people who are determined to both destroy faith and reject any religious influence in society….” Quentin L. Cook, Let There Be Light, October 2010 General Conference.

It is hard to understand what Cook, as well as other Mormon speakers in recent years making similar arguments, means when he refers to “religious freedom.” I am, as always, tempted to ask what is happening today which limits our ability to worship more than the conflict between the church and the US government over plural marriage, when the church was disincorporated and lost most of its property. But restraint on ability to worship seems not to be central to what Cook has in mind in referring to religious freedom. Instead, the operative issue here involves a perceived rejection of “religious influence in society.” Let me allow Cook to elaborate: [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Gender & Sexuality, General Conference, Marriage, Mormon

The Church Responds to HRC Petition

October 12, 2010 By

The Church has just issued an official response to the petition offered by the Human Rights Campaign. Article from the HRC here; full article available from the LDS Newsroom here. Text of the official response below:

My name is Michael Otterson. I am here representing the leadership of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to address the matter of the petition presented today by the Human Rights Campaign.

While we disagree with the Human Rights Campaign on many fundamentals, we also share some common ground. This past week we have all witnessed tragic deaths across the country as a result of bullying or intimidation of gay young men. We join our voice with others in unreserved condemnation of acts of cruelty, or attempts to belittle or mock any group or individual that is different – whether those differences arise from race, religion, mental challenges, social status, sexual orientation, or for any other reason. Such actions simply have no place in our society. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Gender & Sexuality, Marriage, Mormon

Thursday Morning Quickie #20

September 30, 2010 By

[Note: The following text was taken verbatim from the M Men-Gleaner Manual, "Love, Marriage, and You" used in 1956-1957. Previous entries in this series can be found here.]

Lesson 9

Becoming Well Acquainted

ABOUT a year ago a young man, age twenty, met a girl in Salt Lake City at a church social. He danced with her twice that evening and then made a date for the next afternoon. They went out together every evening for the next five days. At the end of that time they both thought they were madly in love and agreed to get married, which they did. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Features, Marriage, Thursday Morning Quickie
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