I had one of those spiritual epiphanies last night–one of those “I’m so grateful this happened–but I wouldn’t wish for it again” moments. See, I’m going through what I like to call “Drama Queen” time–when not just one dramatic hard thing happens, but multiple dramas happen simultaneously…infusing life with rich irony.
Last night I started really examining my life, and looking at it I realize that I’ve sort of forcibly been stripped of pride. Without going into details, in addition to currently experiencing some professional “upheavals,” last night I was able to put some closure onto a personal “upheaval.” Earlier, I had been joking to some friends that I feel a sort of reckless abandon and unusual feistiness these days–I don’t care what people think of me, because I’m the gal with no pride. But sitting alone in the car, I realized that was true in a way. None of my feelings of worth are being superimposed on me by the world right now. But somehow, there is this quiet peace underlying my feistiness. I think I caught a glimpse of gospel Truth. Absent the selfish clamoring, absent praise from the world, absent the trappings that denote success, our spirits are eternal, the price of our sins has been paid, and we are loved.
For perhaps the first time I understood the potential damaging power of pride. It clouds our vision, preventing an eternal perspective. It interferes with our relationship with God, because it prevents us from understanding the magnitude of the gift of life, and the gift of potential eternal life. We can overlook the importance of the people in our lives, and of the gospel in our lives, if we are focused on the achievements in our lives.
I’ve read the Book of Mormon enough to know that I will probably experience this cycle again–and it’s a lesson that I’ll need to be reminded of my entire life. However, glimpsing some Truth and remembering that peace comes from God is the blessing I need right now–and I’m incredibly grateful for it.