I feel as close to Hunter S. Thompson as a mormon can feel, following a romp in Seattle with J. Stapley and Aaron Brown. Lean closer, that I may tell you the scandalous tale of debauchery and madness.
Seattle is becoming a Bloggernacle hub: J., Aaron, and countless others now haunt the region. So it is only fitting that a General Bloggernacle Authority such as myself visit the mission field to see that the seeds of discontent and apostasy are being properly sown. I’m happy to report that all is proceeding according to plan.
J. and I got together Saturday for lunch in Seattle’s "International District" (apparently Chinatown is too un-P.C. — there’s more than just Chinese people there!). Szechuan food is always good; eating it for a first-time bloggernacle get-together is even better. J. is leaner and meaner than I anticipated; he’s a skinny guy with close-cropped hair. Apparently, he only shaves twice a week, and I caught him on the tail end of a beard cycle… the BYU Testing Center would have kicked his 5 o’clock shadowy butt to the curb. Anyway, J.S. is a broody sort, most likely a remnant of a mission in Belgium. He and I ate some good spicy Chinese food and talked shop, which means that we talked smack about all of you and shared awful gossip. Unfortunately, he had little gossip of his own to provide.
After eating for awhile, we noticed an ad across the parking lot for a Free Massage. Considering that a free massage would probably make for a better memory than mere Chinese food, we sauntered over and insisted on our free massage. Oh, how we came to regret that decision. Rather than the delicate hands of some International District maiden, the free massage was in the form of a robotic acupressure bed manufactured by the Sammi Corporation. You are strapped down onto the mechanical bed, which radiates heat as revolving lumps knead and poke at you. This is an unbearably painful process, but you are not supposed to speak, as "unnecessary talk lessens the healthful effect" (or so the sign said). J. and I looked over at each other with expressions of anguish several times. After about half an hour on the rack my chi felt fully unleashed, as well as my pelvis. J. and I hobbled away (although I first tried their pulse electric acupuncture foot treatment, which is basically awful shock treatments via the feet). Ahh, the joy of oriental massage. No happy ending, either.
It took a full day to recover from lunch with J., and so I felt ill-prepared for the next day, which I would spend with Aaron Brown. Aaron and I got some brunch to start a day of tooling around Seattle. We decided to go ward-hopping, posing as a couple looking for a place to live. Awkward glances abounded as we introduced ourselves in Priesthood: "I’m Aaron, this is Steve, we’re looking at wards today…" Awesome. I wanted to really pull something off, but I learned something about Aaron Brown that day: he is full of talk, but no action.
Anyhow, we drove around town, snarking about people in the Bloggernacle (for a luminary, AB really didn’t have much juicy gossip :)), and having a blast. We’ve discussed new features and articles to appear shortly, and had a great time. We ate at the Cheescake Factory, FYI, where I learned that appetizers can in fact be a meal unto themselves, and that AB likes pronounced flavors (but not Chinese food).
I returned to New York, reeling at the experiences of the weekend, and realizing that I now have probably met more Bloggernacle people than anyone. Any questions?