What we learned in Seattle (si-at-til-ki-a mu-zu-en-de-en-a)

March_2006_January 2006 0072I spent the weekend in Seattle, ostensibly to attend a conference, but also to determine the worthiness of the Seattle area bloggernacle luminaries. Here’s what I learned:

0.5 The sun always shines on Steve Evans. Note that Stapley and Aaron are in darkness. They are all, however, at the right hand of….

0.75 …Justin Butterfield is one of the Three Nephites.

1. Aaron Brown is a giant. Huge. Massive. Hands like plates.
2. Naiah has an evil plan to stake her claim to the faithful feminist niche of the nacle.

3. Nate Oman’s sister told us that Nate read books on the Civil War at the age of 3.
4. Nate Oman’s brother-in-law Matt prefers BCC to T&S. Good man.
5. Steve sits alone in his spartan apartment pining for his wife and watching movies on his Colby DVD player. Poor Steve.
6. J. Stapley is the archetypal “nice chap” who will quietly take over the world whilst saying “dude.” He brews diarrhea-inducing Xylitol Cola. He is also (along with Aaron Brown) a Neo Con, thus proving that BCC, in fact, is just a collection of conservative sheep in liberal wolves’ clothing.
7. Molly Bennion has a gigantic house.
8. Kathleen Petty’s husband’s brother was my bishop in Baltimore. Very. Small. Church.
9. The dogs of Snowflake, AZ have never recovered from the hi-jinxed days of Levi Peterson’s rascalish youth.
10. V for Vendetta is a flawed masterpiece. Remember: if your government is corrupt, their buildings must be blown-up.
March_2006_IMG_086411. Ronan can be tricked into having a picture taken of him that shows his struggle with alopecia.
12. If you bunk church and decide to bless the sacrament at home, is there a special prayer for blessing Doritos?(Thanks to everyone for their wondrous hospitality. Godless Seattle is a very cool place. Too cool, unfortunately, for those of us who live in Baltimore and will soon depart for that Bloggernacle black-hole known as Europa. Sob. Or is it, “Tee hee”?)


  1. Steve Evans says:

    uh, that’s a “Coby” DVD player. And yes, I live a lonely, empty life.

  2. Very, very good times. You forgot: 13. Sumerian blog titles = money. Here is also the big version of the picture.

  3. a random John says:

    For more details right-click on the pictures and select “View Image”.

  4. Coby/Colby. All I know is that it was the crappest DVD player I’ve ever seen. And, yes, I’ve added the Sumerian title.

  5. a random John says:


    You haven’t seen my $33 Oritron DVD player. While checking out at Best Buy they asked if I wanted to pay $45 for a three year warranty. I started laughing and the guy at the register sheepishly added, “They make me say that.”

  6. Aaron Brown says:

    I don’t know if I’m “huge” or “massive,” but certainly my posture and that sweater make me look fat.

    Aaron B

    P.S. Justin Butterfield?

  7. Aaron,
    Not fat. Just a giant. 6′ 7″ at least.

  8. You aren’t allowed to bless the sacrament yourself without the local presiding Bishop’s permission. I always knew you guys were a bunch of apostates. QED.

    As for Doritos, they arent exactly what I would consider unleavened bread, but in a pinch they might do with the standard prayer.

    Why isnt Ms. Prudence wearing a modest below-the-knee skirt like any faithful sister should?

  9. Steve Evans says:

    Can giants even be fat? People are too busy worrying about getting crushed to think about the giants’ enormous bellies.

  10. Did my sister mentioned her repeated attempts to kill me by asphixiation on our walks to the bus stop when I was in kindergarten? I thought not. Be warned; beneath that friendly, slightly hyper uber-mom exterior lurks a homocidal maniac.

    It goes without saying that my brother-in-law has impeccable judgment.

  11. Nate,
    But Civil War books? Come on. Tell me you read Spiderman too. (I still do.)

  12. Read Spiderman?!? I had Spiderman underoose that could only be stripped off with the help of powerful seditives. Spidey was (still is) my hero! What is not to like about the geek who ends up with superpowers and the girl next door.

    But I bet that Peter Parker read Shelby Foote too…

  13. Ken Burns says:

    Shelby Foote is (was) hot.

  14. nice to meet you, too…


  15. Eric Russell says:

    Too late! Too late! I already scanned Butterfield’s face into my face match matrix and obtained his entire life history, credit card numbers and his real name! All of it is for sale at the right price.

  16. I’m deeply disappointed that you didn’t take a page out of Kage’s playbook, and superimpose a Donald Duck head or the like over Justin’s face.

  17. J.’s a neocon; Aaron’s a neocon; Caswell’s a neocon; Steve Evans is a meh-o-con; and Ronan is a confused limey. And this is a liberal blog . . . how?

  18. Really, I’m not a neo-con…I’m more of a libertarian. I am, however, much taller than Steve.

  19. Neo-con, libertarian, liberal… Can my profile be more of a mix, like Neapolitan ice cream? I am tempted by libertarianism in theory, but their stances on more than a few things in practice are, well, not great.

  20. Stapes,

    You say that you are “much taller than Steve” as if that were an accomplishment. That’s like getting an A at grade-inflation central (also known as Harvard). Sure, you did it – and so did three quarters of your classmates. We’re all above average, man. And we’re definitely all taller than Steve.

    I mean, have you ever been to Casa Evans? It’s like going into oompa-loompa land, or maybe a scene from Gulliver’s Travels. You’ve got Sumer at about five foot and Steve who’s five-two on a good day; even the dog seems tiny!

  21. Uh, J., I think *I* might have been taller than Steve.

  22. Aaron Brown says:

    I am actually a monarchist. Guess who I think the monarch should be…

    Aaron B

  23. Aaron Brown says:

    Umm … we are going to eventually change the picture back to what it was, right?

    Aaron B

  24. #13
    Ronan is on Spring Break.

  25. Matt Jacobsen says:

    While my wife did mention Nate reading Civil War books, she did not mention any age. Nate didn’t actually start reading until he was in 5th grade. I think it was a side-effect of all his choking near-death experiences. So while the delayed reading may make him slightly less precocious, it really just means he’s learned more than the rest of us in less time.

    Ronan, interesting that you failed to mention what I prefer to do with BCC…

  26. Matt: The suspense is killing me! What do you prefer to do with BCC?!?

  27. Like the rework of the graphics and the website, even the picture ;)

  28. I knew J was plotting to take over the world! No fair! I can picture him sitting at home with a yet unnamed chrony…”What are we going to do today J? The same thing we do everyday. Try to take over the world!”

  29. sad to have missed the fun.

  30. I’m blown away. You even have Sumerian enthusiasts? If I didn’t know better, I would guess that my lonely, confused, southern California Mormon childhood* had willed BCC into existence. My suggestion:

    Seattle: AB-til.ki-a

    But seriously, who does Sumerian? Ronan? Kaimi/whoever it is that appears to have a dog named Sumer? More than one of you? I think BCC might have just become my favorite place on the web.

    *Not that there’s anything wrong with it; it’s just that when I decided to pass on BYU to come here to “Bezerkeley” on the “Left Coast,” my homeward’s attitude was more skeptical (“How’s life up at the Devil’s playground?” and “Well, I guess they need representatives of good conservative thought up there!” Ha!) than supportive. I still can’t tell most members that I study Mesoamerican languages and some ancient writing systems for fear of one of a half-dozen questions which I have no ability or desire to answer to their satisfaction, and which I find to be at best irrelevant to anyone’s testimony.

  31. SJP,

    Welcome to BCC. Stick around. I’m the Sumerologist (it’s Sumerian month at BCC), or better put, the Akkadianist who knows Sumerian. Why AB? (Shoot me an email to discuss the life of antiquarian Mormons: ronan at jhu dot edu.) BTW, Steve’s wife is Sumer, the dog is Gordy, and Sumer is pronounced Summer. (Yeah, I spent a year thinking she was a southern-Mesopotamia Sumer.)

  32. D. Fletcher says:

    Cool pictures.

    I still feel moving to Seattle would be like banishment to Outer Darkness, though.

  33. It’s more like Outer Grayness.

  34. I’m not quite sure that I know what a neocon is supposed to be, but I’m reasonably confident that the term is generally not applied to those who urge a reconsideration of American support for Israel.

  35. Well noted.

  36. My first reaction to the photo was, “Holy s**t! It’s Timothy Treadwell, right there 2nd from the right!”

  37. Please do tell who is who in these photos…I’m dying to know the faces behind the voices and all the emails.

  38. L-R: Aaron Brown, J. Stapley, Steve Evans, Bob Dobalina.

    Other photo = me

  39. Eric Russell says:

    DKL, that kinda gives this picture a whole new meaning.

    By the way, that was the best documentary of 2005. It totally got snubbed by the Oscars.

  40. Ronan-
    Delighted to make your acquaintance.

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