Pimp My Eternally Gay Marriage (poll)

The Prophet proclaims divine approval of gay marriage tomorrow, and he instructs all Mormon men to enter into gay marriages. Given this new commandment, and assuming you get your pick of the litter, to which BCC permablogger would you most like to be betrothed?

The Poll is at the top of the post. Vote now! Sorry, Lesbians.


  1. Aaron Brown says:

    For those finding the choice to be difficult, I would helpfully point out that if you choose me, you’re sort of also marrying that Ms. McPrude lady, which should be a source of comfort for the more homophobic among you. It also sort of means you’re practicing polygamy, and how many of your gay married friends would also be able to claim that?

    Aaron B

  2. Steve Evans ‘cuz he’s the most womanly of the bunch.

  3. I guess the choice comes down to Ms. McPrude and Jenn. Jenn was pretty cute.

  4. rleonard says:

    I am going with Ronan. That accent….

  5. So long as we’re celibate, I’ll marry all of yer (in an adoption-sealing kind of way).

  6. Aaron Brown says:

    Sheesh. Look at those poll numbers! Folks, I can’t marry ALL of you, for crying out loud. I mean, SOMEBODY has to marry Stapley!

    Aaron B

  7. You’re making a mockery of the sanctity of imaginary gay marriage.

  8. You all had better stop voting for that last option; RT is mine, and don’t you forget it! (I don’t care whether you marry the others, though).

  9. This is so mormon man of you to leave us women out. Bitch.

  10. Aaron Brown says:

    Amri, if leaving women’s voices out of the conversation is good enough for the Standard Works, it’s good enough for me. :)

    Aaron B

  11. D. Fletcher says:

    I want the gay polygamy thing so I can have Steve for laughs but still get that exotic European tickle from Ronan.


  12. Steve Evans says:

    I just want to point out that per our sidebar link, that gay polygamy is biologically impossible. So there.

  13. Steve! We’re Christians! Who can be bothered with biology?

  14. Steve Evans says:

    I would also note that “pimp” as used above is street lingo for “enhance,” and is not being used in the “find me a hooker” sense. So we’re still a classy blog.

  15. I nominate “You’re making a mockery of the sanctity of imaginary gay marriage” as the bloggernacle comment of the year.

  16. hurricane says:

    As far as I can tell, the four men offered in the poll are straight. Having been in a mixed orientation marriage already, I’m so NOT going to marry a straight man.

  17. D. Fletcher says:

    Oh, you’re missing out Hurricane. Straight men are the BEST.


  18. Kevin Barney says:

    Ann #15, I’ll give you a second. A great comment!

    I see that Ronan is running away with this thing. We Americans are such suckers for that British accent.

  19. Aaron Brown says:

    Hey! There were 56 votes for me this morning. What happened? Were you just jealous, Steve? Are you trying to trammel the heart-felt expressions of love for me that are emanating from the Bloggernacle? Fascist.

    Aaron B

  20. Steve Evans says:

    AB, that was Ronan. For a Briton he’s surprisingly fascist.

  21. Rosalynde says:

    Does this mean I get to go off to medical school while my brother-husbands stay at home changing my oil and opening my applesauce jars? There are benefits to polygamy, after all…

  22. And as we know, all Englishmen are closet gays (I mean, cricket?), so it’s would only be correct if I won. You can all join me in my country private school. I’ll be teaching Greek.

  23. Steve Evans says:

    “Does this mean I get to go off to medical school while my brother-husbands stay at home changing my oil and opening my applesauce jars?”

    Only if “changing your oil” and “opening applesauce jars” are euphemisms.

  24. MikeInWeHo says:

    Hurricane is right. Mixed marriages are too risky. I’d go for him or D. Sterling for sure. Oh darn, I already have a husband…..

  25. Would it make any sense for me to marry myself? I find the option deliciously confusing!

  26. greenfrog says:

    probly don’t have to point this out to this crowd, but I’m pretty easy.

  27. D. Fletcher says:

    RT, I’ve been married to myself for 48 years. It gets old pretty quickly…

  28. Costanza says:

    “And as we know, all Englishmen are closet gays…” Not so much since the decline of the old British public school system.

  29. greenfrog says:

    There’s still MI6. (But let’s not start picking which iteration of James Bond is the best.)

  30. Isn’t there an option for Ms. McPrude with a British accent?

  31. greenfrog,
    I just saw the trailer for the new Bond. It looks badass. Roger Moore was definitely gay, or bi.

  32. Adam Greenwood says:

    I think I’ve just experienced my first ever post-childhood childhood trauma. I’m retroactively scarred for life.

    Oh, the humanity.

  33. Adam Greenwood says:

    “Not so much since the decline of the old British public school system.”

    So they’ve come out of the closet?


  34. Kevin Barney says:

    Ronan, I saw that trailer, too. I’m looking forward to it.

  35. Aaron Brown says:

    Hee-Hee-Hee, hardly anybody wants to marry Steve. Steve, my queer friend, you’re going to die a lonely old spinster.

    Aaron B

  36. Steve Evans says:

    I’m in good company.

  37. Guys, it actually worked… We caused Adam trauma AND got him to comment about it here! I guess the comments can continue, but I don’t know if it’s necessary now.

  38. I don’t think I’ve ever been part of a package deal before. Would I also be married to all the co-spouses, or is it more like spokes on a wheel? And who is going to preside? Somebody has to hand out FHE assignments.

  39. hurricane says:

    29, 31 —

    This gay man can’t wait to see Daniel Craig as 007.

  40. I’m shocked that Kelsey Grammer in his Beast costume isn’t an option. I mean, that X-Men movie was SO good …

    oops, wrong thread … sort of.

  41. Aaron,

    I am taking back my proposal now that other options exist. ;)

  42. Aaron Brown says:

    What other options, Crystal? My fellow bloggers are only in the market for gay marriages. And the Prophet hasn’t endorsed lesbian marriage in my hypothetical … only gay marriage for men. Thus, you’re stuck with me. And with my 3 new husbands.

    Aaron B

  43. Well, I guess that’s okay.

    Mormon girls have to settle.

    But who are your three husbands?

  44. Steve because he’s Canadian.

  45. Elisabeth says:

    I dunno, Aaron. The first wife on Big Love talks about being in a marriage with her sister wives. And she would know what she’s talking about.

    P.S. I loved seeing Sarge from CHiPs on one of the episodes. I wondered what he was up to. Guess he couldn’t get work as Erik Estrada’s sidekick on the infomercial circuit.

  46. Dude, I’d marry Bill Paxton. He’s pretty hot for an old guy.

  47. Why is Ronan offered twice?

  48. Aaron Brown says:

    Cause he’s the resident slut. :)

    Bill Paxton is old?

    Aaron B

  49. He’s 51.

    Old enough to be my Daddy. More then double my age, actually.

  50. MikeInWeHo says:

    Bill Paxton looks great for 51. I suspect liposuction was involved.

  51. john scherer says:

    I’ll need a list of salaries and measurements befor I decide. :)

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