Ronald Reagan called it “America’s Choir.” It won a Grammy in 1959 for “The Battle Hymn of the Republic,” and numerous other awards. It has the longest running radio show in history. Of course, it’s the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, one of the brightest jewels in the crown of Mormondom. No doubt many readers even heard a performance of MoTab patriotic tunes over the July 4th weekend. However, some recent observers have suggested MoTab needs to catch up with the times. Here are a few suggestions along those lines. I invite yours as well.
* “American Idol” format reality TV show for MoTab try outs. Gladys Knight (Paula), Donny Osmond (Randy) and Boyd K. Packer (Simon) as judges. Call-in voters must give name and address for missionary follow up.
* “Mormon Palooza” or “Battle of the Ward Choirs.” Mormon ward choirs compete internationally to go to a 3 day festival at Park City with a chance to face off in the finals against the MoTab itself. Steve Young (Paula), Mitt Romney (Randy) and Boyd K. Packer (Simon) as judges.
* “Mr. Freddy Krueger’s Christmas.” In this follow up to the 1980 heart warming Christmas special featuring Jimmy Stewart, retired and undead serial killer Freddy Krueger (cousin of Jimmy Stewart’s original character), is visited by Christmas carolers and repents of his previous career of terrifying, torturing and mutilating kids. Features daydream sequence in which Mr. Freddy Krueger directs the MoTab using his clawed glove as baton(s). 
* Diana Krall and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. A tour followed by a CD and DVD release. Diana Krall will perform hymns and patriotic songs, along with her trademark sultry jazz numbers, backed by the MoTab. Directed by Elvis Costello. GAs attending SLC premier must undergo a thorough cardiogram before attending, as well as submit to EKG monitoring beginning with the “Peel Me a Grape” number.
* “Prairie Home Companion & the Spoken Word.” Garrison Keillor and friends will join the MoTab and Lloyd D. Newell for a fun-filled evening of music, stories, skits and the spoken word. Features include: “News from the Lake Woebegon Ward, Fargo Stake,” “Guy Noir, Home Teacher,” Garrison Keillor warbling 1920s flapper tunes with MoTab choreography and back up, ending with Keillor reading humorous passages from the Book of Mormon, accompanied by doctrinal expositions from Brother Newell.
* “Mo’ Tabernizzle Choirizzle.” MoTab to record rap CD with numbers co-written by Orrin Hatch and Snoop Dogg. Songs to include: “Raise Da Devil -n- Cast Out Da Dead,” “Upside Ted Kennedy’s Head,” “Slappin’ Da Son Uh Puhdition,” and “Filabust a Move.” Grammy contenda fo’ shizzle!
 Before anyone accuses me of making fun of “Mr. Krueger’s Christmas,” I’m not–I adore that film.