Home Teaching: September 2006: Fatherhood

It’s the end of the month, must be time for home teaching. It’s been a while. Blame the hiatus on my move to Old Europe.

Hey, here’s a challenge: if you’re a bloke, be sure to go home teaching in October. Let’s have a BCC-sponsored HT-fest.

Anyway, on to the lesson. It’s inspired by James E. Faust’s September Ensign message, “The Father Who Cares.”

It is humbling for those of us who are fathers to consider how great the influence is that we can have on our children. Yes, all children will eventually be agents unto themselves, and yes, the good or harm a father does can be counteracted by a mother and others. Still, the influence is great. Children can learn from their fathers faith, work, commitment and courage, or they can learn anger, violence, and dishonesty. We hope, of course, for the former.

Here’s a nice story from October 2002 General Conference. Elder F. Melvin Hammond, challenged the fathers of the Church to “rear their children in righteousness.” He told the story of a camping trip with his son. At night, snuggled together in a sleeping bag, his son put his arms around him and asked,

“Dad, are you awake?”

Elder Hammond replied, “Yes, my son, I am awake.”

“Dad, I love you a million, trillion times!”

Elder Hammond goes on:

“Immediately he was asleep. But I was awake far into the night, expressing my great thanks for such wonderful blessings clothed with a little boy’s body.”

I can well imagine the joy that entered Elder Hammond’s heart. For whatever reason, this kind of thing seems to happen most in the outdoors. As Autumn sets in, go camping with your kids one last time. And not just your sons.

My own father and I enjoyed many trips like this one. Growing up in England, it was only a short trip to the rugged mountains of Wales. Each year, just before Christmas, we would go hiking, perhaps in an effort to release some of the energy that often bubbles over in little boys during the holidays. We would stay over in a Bed and Breakfast, hike all the next day, and drive home exhausted but in time for Christmas Eve.

We called these times together “adventures” and on them my father, with the backdrop of nature all around us, would bear me his testimony of the Saviour and the Gospel. These were special moments for us, and years later it would be these Christmas adventures that I relived, not the presents and gifts, lovely though they were.

In the rush of life, it is important for busy dads to take time for their children. Time shows we care, and unless our children know that we care, that we are “awake,” they are less likely to heed our calls for them to live good lives. Sermons given by distant fathers are worth far less than the quiet conversations we can have in the mountains.

Near the end of his ministry, we read of a time when Jesus sought association with his Father. Before he was crucified, Jesus went “as he was wont, to the mount of
Olives” (Luke 22: 39). In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus prayed. Another rendering of the word “wont” is “accustomed”; in other words, we are told that the Savior often went to that sacred spot to speak with his Father.

Jesus withdrew from his disciples, “and kneeled down, and prayed, Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done” (Luke 22: 41-42).

But there’s a heartbreaking twist to this story. In that pivotal moment, because the Saviour’s sacrifice had to be one he made alone, the Father could not be with his beloved Son. Jesus was not to be left comfortless, however. The scriptures record that “there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him” (Luke 22: 43).

There is a great message in this story. In some cases, even in the case of the Son of God, fathers cannot be with their children. Through no fault of their own, many children are left for moments in their life, perhaps their whole lives, without the influence of a dad. But that does not mean that such children cannot enjoy the power for good that an honourable man can bring them.

Which is why I’m a big fan of the youth programme in the Church: Seminary, Young Men’s, Young Women’s, Scouting. Male primary teachers, youth and Scouting leaders, Bishops and home teachers can all fill, in some small measure, the hole that exists in the life of a child without a father.

There are a few thorns in this patch, I admit. First, it is only a small measure. It’s really not fair that some of us are deprived of a good dad. Also, my own mother would kill me for not mentioning her massive influence for good on me (hi mum!). Had my dad not been around, I would still have turned out OK. I guess I was doubly blessed. As to the Church, well, worries about child molestation seem to be taking men out of Primary, and it is really the young men and not the young women who benefit most from the gifts that men can bring to the youth. Still, I raise my glass to the youth leaders of the Church and wish them luck.

Our modern prophet has given the following counsel to fathers:

Yours is the basic and inescapable responsibility to stand as head of the family. That does not carry with it any implication of dictatorship or unrighteous dominion. It carries with it a mandate that fathers provide for the needs of their families. Those needs are more than food, clothing, and shelter. Those needs include righteous direction and the teaching, by example as well as precept, of basic principles of honesty, integrity, service, respect for the rights of others, and an understanding that we are accountable for that which we do in this life” (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Bring Up a Child in the Way He Should Go,” Ensign, Nov. 1993, 60).

To the question, “Dad, are you awake?” the fathers and surrogate fathers of the Church need to respond with a resounding, “Yes, I am awake!”

Go forth and be dads!