Mormon Culture Tournament – The Sweet Sixteen, Part the first

The Sweet Sixteen! Did you think we would ever make it this far? My wife sure is happy we have.

Our winners from the last round are: 1. The Angel Moroni, 5. Large Families, 3. CTR Rings, 11. Scripture Marking

Now for today’s competitors,

1. Funeral Potatoes vs. 4. Pioneer Day

In the last round, Funeral Potatoes clogged the arteries of Trunk or Treat, 70-30. Later, Pioneer Day proved more substantial than 3 Nephite Stories, 62-38.
My Prediction: The Pioneers would have had an easier time, if they had had more starch. Once again, potatoes are the key.

10. Johnny Lingo vs. 12. Euphemisms (Heck, Flip, Darn)

In previous competitions, Johnny Lingo beat Short Sleeved Shirts with Ties with a stick, 62-38. Euphemisms darned Green Jello to heck, 73-27.
My Prediction: I call an upset, darn that Johnny.

5. Missions vs. 14. Asking Out via Scavenger Hunt/Clues

Missions transferred Wedding Receptions, due to problems in the companionship and due to beating them 64-36. Asking Out asked Dancing Book-of-Mormon-length-apart out, but squeezed them too hard, 51-49.
My prediction: Missions will experience the best two and a half days of their life.

4. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir vs. 8. For the Strength of Youth

MoTab outlasted Food Storage, 71-29. For the Strength of Youth shamed Steve Young, presumably for working on Sundays, 56-44.
My Prediction: The Warble will drown out the Moral.

Vote above and comment below.


  1. Wow, I got in on the ground floor this time. Second voter!

  2. J. Daniel Crawford says:

    Curse you, Taryn for canceling out a couple of my votes!

  3. Steve Evans says:

    Go ahead, throw your votes away. This whole sham tournament is illegal and invalid now that neither Jello nor KenJen are involved.

  4. Steve Evans says:

    a FARCE, I say!

  5. Wow, Is Johnny Lingo really beating euphemisms?

  6. I am actually having a hard time deciding which is more Mormon! I don’t think I can even vote most of thiese this round!

  7. suck it up, anon. You can do it!

  8. a random John says:

    I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that Missions will win it all.

  9. arj,

    Nope, Missions will be Dear Johned.

  10. a random John says:


    Where would the Dear John be without Missions?

  11. My picks:

    Pioneer Day – Even I as a new convert know about that. Funeral Potatoes never showed up at my stake potlucks.

    Euphemisms – I never seen Johnny Lingo. Besides, I’m trying to keep my salty tongue at bay.

    Missions – Many of us wouldn’t be here without them.

    Mormon Tabernacle Choir – I knew them before I even knew what a Mormon was.

  12. Wow—for the first time, all of my picks (rather than none of my picks) are in the lead. For now, at least.

  13. Go Johnny Go! Go Johnny Go! Go Johnny, Johnny Lingooo.

  14. People! Where is the tater love?

  15. Fun fun.

    Glad to see F Potatos going down the drain. Love the glorious tuber dish when its for dinner but its just food after all.

  16. Blasphemy, bbell. It is so much more!

  17. HP,

    The tuber contestant does not even have ham attached to it. How can I vote for anything less then a full meal?

  18. My picks…

    Funeral Potatoes (First instinct…)
    Euphs… Hecka Cool!

    I think the Mish will go all the way.

  19. Chunks, bbell, in the potatoes. We’re carnivore friendly here!

  20. It’s bizarre, but I take some odd deep satisfaction that Funeral Potatoes is meeting defeat.

  21. cj douglass says:

    euphemisms is my darkhorse candidate to win it all. Johnny Lingo was an underrated win.

  22. Has anyone ever heard of Brian Regan? He’s a pretty popular stand up commendian in SLC and he plays here a lot. Last week on the radio I heard him tell a joke in New York about how Utahns use replacement swears. Soon, we will be known for this too.

  23. Ugly Mahana says:

    Even though it’s takin’ a lickin’, I still contend Johnny Lingo is the essence of mormon culture. Look for it to rally.

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