Mormon Culture Tournament – Elite Eight

Our final winners from the Sweet Sixteen were:
1. Angel Moroni, 3. CTR Rings, 5. Large Families, and 11. Scripture Marking. Dan, NOW YOU KNOW MY PAIN!

Stiff upper lip, people! We must persevere:

1. Angel Moroni vs. 3. CTR Rings

Just recently, The Angel Moroni out-iconned Temple Square, 58-42. Meanwhile, CTR Rings ran…um…rings around the Cultural Hall trying to impress the Young Women, 58-42.
My prediction: In this epic battle of better branding, I take the Angel over the Acronym.

4. Pioneer Day vs. 12. Euphemisms (Heck, Darn, Flip)

Previously, Pioneer Day went low-carb, calling for barbeques and setting aside the funeral potatoes, 64-36 (*snif*). Also, Euphemisms saw straight through Johnny Lingo’s shiz, 61-39.
My prediction: Cinderella bleepin’ continues into the final four. What kind of fetchin’ holiday is Pioneer Day, anyway?

4. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir vs. 5. Missions

In the last round, MoTab rocked For the Strength of Youth with some righteous songs, 84-16. Simultaneously, Missions extended their call, out-tracting scavenger hunts 90-10.
My prediction: In a mild upset, MoTab fails to translate into other cultures. Missions adapt and convert the voters.

5. Large Families vs. 11. Scripture Marking

Finally, Large Families out played, out lasted, and out ate Cheerios in Sacrament Meeting, 59-41. Meanwhile, Scripture Marking scribbled all over Dear John Letters, 56-44.
My prediction: I believe that things will go in the Family way.


  1. J. Daniel Crawford says:

    A few notes:
    First, I really think that these group of eight is pretty interesting and rather representative (well, except for Scripture Marking). I don’t really have deep thoughts regarding it, but I might if I tried. Certainly, the importance of clear branding has been shown.

    I am obviously running out of bad puns. Please submit potential puns for the coming final four and I will be happy to use yours and give credit. I’m cool (and creatively bankrupt) like that.

    Finally, I only have one of my final four picks left alive. I may weep.

  2. LxxLuthor says:

    Go Euphemisms! You’re my freakin best team ever! Flipin’ heck!

  3. Matt W. says:

    I just realized I got 7 out of eight right in my predictions (I had the Christus making it to the eight)

    My predictions were that
    P. day
    and Large Fam.

    would go to the Final Four.

    Maybe I am worthy of that fantastical title I was earlier given!(But I can no longer recall…)

  4. okay everybody, vote against Scripture Marking!!!!

  5. Crap, Matt. Your assistant undersecretary status is assured (plus, you are far more likely to get the prize than I am)

  6. I have Euphemisms, Missions, The Angel Moroni, and Dear John Letters going to the final four, but the dratted Scripture Marking ruined my day :(

  7. Matt W. says:

    Ok, I was Catholic as a kid and Heck and Darn and other Euphemisms get just as mutch play among the Non-LDS! c’mon, it’s not LDS Culture and it’s just plain vanity to credit it to ourselves. Enough is enough, as assistant undersecretary (Who is head undersecretary, and who is the oversecretary?), I say we vote for Pioneer Day! a Vote for Pioneer Day is a vote for the truth! (g)

  8. Matt W. says:

    BTW, I have no idea how these brackets work when you get to the middle. I guessed the two teams from the right side play each other and the two teams from the left side play each other, and not the two teams from the top and the two teams from the bottom…. Is that right?

  9. So now that we are in the final eight, with the numbers appearing as they are, is there anything to stop the Angel Moroni? He’s the only #1 left in the field.

    I’m leaning on a Mission upset of the Angel Moroni. What do you all think?

  10. Matt W. says:

    I’m with you Dan, but first I want to see Pioneer Day make it past your euphemisms!

  11. Yes, Matt. Right vs. right and left vs. left is correct (didn’t you see the memo I sent the special consul over bracket realignment per article 5.b.iv of the Mormon Culture Rulebook and Ward Cookbook). Geez, rookie! Get your head in the game

  12. BTW, this is just the kind of electioneering I like to see. If only funeral potatoes was still around to watch my children, all grown up and seeking to corrupt the electoral process.

    Why yes, I’m from Florida. Why do you ask?

  13. Large families win? Come on, like nobody noticed Catholics. You know, the largest Christian sect in the world?

  14. Sorry Clark, but I’m for large families. Scripture Markings defeated my Dear John Letters, and payback’s a…well…where are those Euphemisms again…

  15. I went Angel Moroni, Pioneer Day, missions and Larga families.

    In response to #13. Catholics in the US no longer have large families. A look at the birthrate in heavily catholic Massachussetts and NY state shows a much lower Birthrate then Utah and ID. About 50% less.

  16. Mark IV says:


    You want bad puns? You came to the right place!

    1. Angel Moroni is running rings around cheap primary gimcracks…

    2. Euphemisms are beating the living crap out of those dang handcart reenactments.

    3. Missionaries have the MoTab singing the blues and calling them Daddy.

    4. Large families everywhere are crossing out scripture marking.

    Hey, it’s worth what you paid for it.

  17. Kevin Barney says:

    None of my Catholic friends growing up ever used euphemisms…

  18. Second that Kevin…

    I still think the missionaries will battle it out with good old Moroni in the end!!! any one else think this would make a good UFC Match?

  19. Matt W. says:

    Yes! Tied Game! Go P day! woo hoo!

  20. So I know this is a Utah-Mormon strong contest/voters poll, but Pioneer day is only big in Utah. Just stating the obvious. I mean…my ward at home has a Pioneer day celebration but it’s nothing compared to stuff here.

  21. Joni,

    But then again, so are Euphemisms. Out in the rest of the world, how often do you hear Mormons saying “flip”…..I’ve personally never heard that word uttered as a euphemism outside of Utah.

  22. Matt W. says:

    WE have a big Pioneer Day shindig every year here in San Antonio. My Daughter likes it becasue she gets a free ride on a pony out of it every year. Pioneer Day get’s articles in the Ensign, Church News, etc. I’ve never seen an article in the Ensign on the word flip or fetch….

  23. CTR rings was one of my original suggestions, so it’s killing me, but I’ve got to vote for Moroni. He’s so cool.

    And Pioneer day has got to win. I didn’t spend my youth parading around in a prarie dress and bonnet in California for nuthin’.

  24. Joni, some of the dislocated Utah Mormons in Wisconsin (usually here for school and then leave) try to have functions on Pioneer Day, but the turnout is lame.

  25. John Taber says:

    bbell #13:

    Growing up in Delaware, there were several LDS families in my community (town/high school) with five to seven children. The largest families, though, were Catholic, having eight to ten. Not nearly all Catholics were like this, but there were a few

  26. #25

    John your anecdotal example shows that there is still a very few I mean very few catholics in the US that still have larger families. A look at the data suggests that the LDS have on average larger families then Catholics. Heavily catholic MASS has a birthrate about 50% less then Utah and Idaho.

    I can think of two groups in the US that have families as large as the LDS if not larger. Orthodox Jews and Muslims

  27. D. Allen says:

    Here are the ones that shaped my idea of Mormon culture the most:

    Moroni – At first, I thought this was pronounced “Mor-awn-ee”. It shows how ignorant I was before.
    Pioneer Day – I’m Southern, it’s another excuse for bbq, so what the flippin’ heck?
    Missions – that’s what brought me here.
    Large families – This almost struck me as the weirdest thing about Mormonism. Most of my friends outside the Church stopped at 1 or 2.