Mormon Culture Tournament – Final Four

OK, the winners from the last round are the only contestants for this round, so let’s see who they are (although, for once, this isn’t necessary since all my predictions came true):

1. Angel Moroni vs. 5. Large Families

In the last round, the Angel Moroni played a tune on CTR Rings, 72-28. Then Large Families crossed out Scripture Marking, 74-26.
My Prediction: The Angel defeats the Hive (it’s as close as I can get it).

5. Missions vs. 12. Euphemisms (Heck, Darn, Flip)

Last time, Missions outconverted MoTab, 64-36. Also, Euphemisms beat the living crap out of those darn Pioneer Day Barbeques, 53-47. My ribs still hurt.
My Prediction: We go on missions to learn ACTUAL foreign swear words, not pretend ones.

Vote above and comment below.


  1. On the other hand, missionaries use fake swear words more often than anyone else I’ve ever met. The word “flip”? Wow. Heard it hundreds of times a day during my mission, but roughly zero times in the last 8-10 years.

    So, really, we’re voting between missions and missions…

  2. It’s going to come down to the Angel Moroni vs Missions

  3. I agree with Dan.

  4. We go on missions to learn ACTUAL foreign swear words, not pretend ones.

    Speaking of foreign swear words…American missionaries going to Romania and learning Romanian usually have trouble with one very common word. It is the word that in English is “to make” or “to do”. In Romanian it is “a face” (ah fa-che). There are two ways you can say “I make” or “I do.” You can either say, “Eu fac” (yo fach [like Bach]) or you can say it “fac Eu” (fach yo).


    Yeah, a lot of American missionaries stumbled over that one.

  5. Have to agree with, J. Especially since my mission was in Utah and the foreign swear words I learned were the ones listed euphemisms.

  6. Someone should do a post about mission expressions, not necessarily euphemisms. My experience, as an english(sort of)-speaking missionary in SoCal was that there was a whole dictionary worth of expressions that were heard constantly from missionaries but that I have not heard since.

  7. I never had a problem with that one, Dan. I wonder what that says about me. ;-P

  8. I’m surprised Angel Moroni is beating out large families. But that’s just me. In my voting, I tend to prefer the cultural institutions to cultural symbols.

  9. William Morris,

    When did you serve in Romania?

  10. danithew, the challenge for large families is that it’s basically a cultural institution of the past. US Mormons are going through demographic change just like everyone else.

  11. This is sort of off the subject, but at our book club meeting last week, the Stake Relief Society president used the word “beeyotch” (referring to Scout’s aunt from To Kill a Mockingbird). I accused her, laughingly, of cussing. She honestly didn’t think she did.

    If you use the euphemism, but think the bad word, that’s cussing.

  12. and if you don’t use the euphimism it’s cursing. ;)

  13. OK, anne, but then why have euphemisms at all? My MP actually made this same argument in a mission conference and banned the use of the word “frick” et al. I always thought he was overreacting, but maybe he was right. In that light, though,we can’t even use “darn.”

  14. One of the kids on my (nearly all-LDS) little leage football team once described a tough loss as getting “bucked like a fuffalo” I had to stop practice and take ten minute break because I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. Euphemism or cussing? You be the judge.

  15. 14..

    I can’t stop laughing…

    I still reserve my judgement.

    However it will be Missionaries in the next round that convert Moroni and stick a BoM up his Trumpet!

  16. Spencer says:

    I agree with annegb, for a lot of the euphemisms — again mostly ones I heard from missionaries — there isn’t any real difference between cuss word and its substitute. I’m thinking of shiz, fetch, frick, etc. They mean the same thing when you’re saying them.

    Of course, I enjoy cussing, if the word means what I need it to, and the situation and audience are appropriate, I use the word I mean.

    When I was still in college I had a group of friends that cussed a lot. One in particular though, liked to use fetch and shiz, and used them way more than the others used the real words. Another friend would always tell him to get off the fence, either go one way or the other. One day he actually used the real F-word and said, “There, I got off the fence!”

    The response: “That wasn’t actually the side I thought you needed to get off on.”

    For the tourney, I had Missions v Large Families in the finale. With Missions winning. Looks like the large families is going down, but Missions will be blowing Moroni’s horn when it’s all over (my attempt at a bad pun).

  17. Jon in Austin says:

    We need to cease the fake swearing, dammit! Go missions!