Your (not) Monday poll #19

Stapers’ and Mark’s talk of bacon got me thinking… [poll=107]

To those who answer “yes”, I’m curious: should this affect our carnivorism (or lack thereof) in the here and now?


  1. Based on precedent, won’t we eat fish?

  2. Shouldn’t the question really be, will be eatarians in the eternal world? With no blood, will we need to eat period?

  3. You know, I pretty much am now, so I stuck with what I like.

    You know, if the lion is going to lie down with the lamb in the millenium, why would we need to eat meat either?

  4. I voted yes, and I eat meat now. It’s a lost and fallen world, Ronan.

    That said, I only eat meat that I kill myself. We have a small bovine hunting range nearby, and an abattoir in the garage.

  5. I only eat meat that has killed itself.

  6. Lemmings anyone?

  7. I only eat meat that has killed Steve Evans.

  8. SingleSpeed says:

    assuming that we eat at all, I vote yes, we’ll be vegans. it’s ok because we’re making amazing technological advances in soy products. In the afterlife, we’ll just eat various forms of soy for every meal

  9. John C. says:

    That does not sound like any rational definition of heaven, although it might be an episode of Star Trek.

  10. Mark IV says:

    I only eat soylent green.

  11. John C. says:


  12. Mark IV says:

    John, sshhhh!!!! Don’t tell my bishop!

  13. A life without bacon ain’t no life at all.

  14. Mark IV says:

    And I think a really funny part of Fried Green Tomatoes was when Idgie was complimented on her barbecue and replied “The secret’s in the sauce!”

  15. Allison says:

    Soy bacon is worse than no bacon.

    Why would we need to be vegan? If there’s an anti-eternal-lactation doctrine, I want to hear it.

  16. #15 is right. I’ve been veg for some time. At first, I thought I’d try the fake meats. Fake bacon was the very worst of a not-terribly-impressive lot.

    As to why vegan? I’ll leave the contours of the eternal world to those with greater insight than I have, but if we increase the numbers of female cows/sheep/goats/camels/yaks (pick your favorite dairy producer) to provide us with Cap’n Crunch lubricant, we’ll either have to manage to produce only females, or we’ll end up with a lot of male offspring of such species and not a clear plan for what to do with them, nor a decent plan for who will feed and keep them.

    Hmm. Said that way, the problem seems pretty similar to the FLDS folk in Texas.

  17. annahannah says:

    I voted no because I don’t think we will need to eat.

  18. NorthboundZax says:

    I was going to take the approach that all that is necessary is the consumption of energy, so we could be photonarians, or gamma rayarians, or something, but then if celestial beings have physical bodies, what would be the point of a stomach, esophagus, intestine, etc? The beauty of the simple question posed is that to answer it, we will need far more information on what it means to have a physical celestialized body than we have.

  19. We’ll be eating perfectly cloned laboratory raised meat from a vat. “No brains were harmed in the production of this protein.” We’ll be able to eat perfect veal totally guilt free.

  20. When we receive CELESTIAL GLORY, we will all receive a clear crystal wand which will channel spiritual energy and transmorgify latent matter into the victuals of the resurrection which will take the form of whatever foodstuff we enjoyed during our stay on planet Earth. Said victuals will not ‘digest’ per se, but rather dissolve within us filling us with pure energy.

  21. My perfect state of Celestial glory will include a nice juicy steak.

  22. Highlander says:

    In the eternal world we will be cannibals. In the end, there can only be one! bwahahahahaha

  23. Last Lemming says:

    Lemmings anyone?

    I voted “no,” but cannibalism is not at all what I had in mind.

  24. I think eating will be optional. Knowing myself, I expect BLTs will be on my menu with an occasional medium rare steak. Those who don’t especially like to eat in this world, I’ve heard there are people like that, will probably forget to eat in the next as well.

  25. We have the physical traits of an omnivore. If we are in God’s image than that would suggest that the eternal world is peopled with omnivores. And the scriptural prophesy that the Lamb and Lion shall lie down together, isn’t that actually stating that the Lamb (Jesus) and the Lion (tribe of Judah) will be reconciled?

    And as previously stated if there are no BLT’s, it wouldn’t be heaven. Case closed.

  26. Yet Another John says:

    And if we eat, what will our poo look like? Are there wastewater treatment plants in heaven?

  27. I voted yes. I don’t think there’s going to be a lot of pig slaughtering in Heaven.

  28. More efficient digestion, and hence no poo?

  29. And I’ve thought this out before. I think that we will be able to eat as much as we want (how else could it be heaven?), but there will be no “waste” — all food consumed will be turned into boundless energy with which to learn and create new things.

    Basically, the more we eat, the smarter we’ll get.

  30. Basically, the more we eat, the smarter we’ll get.

    [Lisa hands Homer an empty suitcase, which she has refused to pack in protest]

    Homer: Ooh, someone’s traveling light!
    Lisa: Maybe you’re just getting stronger.
    Homer: Heh heh, well I have been eating more!

  31. I feel that based on reading the scriptural accounts of the millenium that eating meat will be out after we are dead and res. This is my general impression

    The only scripture that seems to contradict this is the account in Luke when a res. Jesus eats fish.

    We eat meat now because we are in a fallen state of affairs.

  32. sister blah 2 says:

    #13–My country, right or wrong! (in the case of #13 video, so, so wrong!) I see your country-fried bacon, and raise you a humanure. (attn #28,29–poop isn’t useless waste)

  33. Mark IV says:

    Brad has set the precedent. There can be no heaven without bacon and The Simpsons.

    Homer: Are you saying you’re never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
    Lisa: No.
    Homer: Ham?
    Lisa: No.
    Homer: Pork chops?
    Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
    Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

  34. It this doesn’t make the case that we’ll eat meat in heaven, I don’t know what can.

  35. You know, I’m getting the feeling people may not be taking this discussion as seriously as the subject merits.

  36. Ah, yes- the killing floor! Anyone else seen Fast Food Nation?

  37. Oh yes. Fast food nation. Makes me want some burgers, huh?

  38. c’est moi?

  39. all food consumed will be turned into boundless energy with which to learn and create new things.

    Our innards would function as a fusion the “Mr. Fusion” engine in Back to the Future.

  40. StillConfused says:

    Will I still be lactose intolerant in heaven?

  41. Who says we eat at all in Heaven?

  42. Yet Another John says:

    #35- I’m not sure how seriously we SHOULD take this subject. It is, I believe, pretty far down on the list of things I need to know and act on NOW. I think it’s one of those things we have no control over in this life, and probably in the life to come. I would be curious to know to what extant you think we should be serious about this and why.

  43. Kevinf says:

    Actually, we might be like some of the Fruitopians, who only eat fruit that falls naturally from a tree, or the character in Samuel Butler’s Erewhon that only ate cabbages that died of natural causes.

  44. Kevinf says:

    YAJ, I don’t think, from the results I’ve seen, that too many are taking this seriously.

  45. Yet Another John says:

    Yeah, Kevenf, I was responding to Jami in #35, and in retrospect, I might have been getting my leg pulled and not known it. It wouldn’t be the first time.

  46. I voted for vegetarian, but I think the true answer has already been given in the _Star Trek_ series and in _A Wrinkle in Time_. It doesn’t matter what it IS, as long as it tastes like what we enjoy. For example:
    “Please simulate chocolate.”
    “Specify, please: dark, milk, Swiss, Austrian, white, Hersheys, Cadbury…”
    “There’s Austrian chocolate in Heaven?”
    “If you believe in it, it will be yours.

    Faith precedes the miracle. Those of us with the most faith will get the best meals.

  47. Peter LLC says:

    Clearly you people have forgotten what Morrissey taught over 20 years ago: meat is murder!

    You should repent, even if it is just because of his accent.

  48. Oh, what I wouldn’t get for a Replicator…

  49. give.. give for a Replicator. *sheesh*

  50. Didn’t Joseph Smith teach at one point that animals would be resurrected? I thought the statement was part of D&C 77 that explicates passages from Revelations regarding the beasts of John’s vision, but I didn’t see the reference there, after all.

    At any rate, assuming my memory is not substantively faulty about the resurrection of animals, does that mean that they’re off limits as human fodder in the resurrection, or only that humans will be eating only resurrected animal flesh. And if the latter, do they get a shot at resurrection #2?

  51. Um, sorry Yet Another John, I was kidding. Both of my comments. Forgot to include the winking smiley face. ;)

  52. Peter LLC says:

    Jami, I prefer the sunglasses dude. 8)

  53. Peter, He’s cool too. 8)

  54. I hope our stomachs become fusion reactors that can run on anything, kind of like in Back to the Future. Wasteless energy from delicious bacon or anything else!

  55. Wow- I was definitely not expecting the results to be quite so evenly split!

  56. Only those in the Celestial Kingdom will eat, since those elsewhere will not be able to complete the digestive process properly. At least, that’s what I’ve learned since finding BCC and learning about TK Smoothies.

    #29 – Brilliant, meems. I knew I was preparing for the eternities in some way.

    #8 – That sounds like a great description of Hell.

  57. Grace,
    Count me as surprised too, although I suspect there’s also some facetiousness going on.

  58. Yeah we definitely won’t eat animals, since the lion will lie down with the lamb and all that. For that reason, I chose vegetarian. But our bodies will probably just condense water vapor out of the air we breathe, split it into hydrogen and oxygen, and fuse the hydrogen. So we’ll exhale air slightly enriched in oxygen and helium. That’s what I expect, or else something even more sophisticated.

    Anyone who misses eating the grosser carnal food and having to poop can go back to having a body like ours now if they want but ew. Who would?

  59. Mark IV says:

    Ahh, Tatiana. That’s such a feminine thing to say.

    (I kid! I Kid!) ;)

  60. BruceC says:

    When I was in the youth program (formerly known as Mutual), we had lessons about how we take our appetites and desires into the spirit world, such as the addiction to smoking bacon. In the sprirt world people will still crave it but won’t be able to have it. That it will be torture for them. Mostly becasue they don’t have bodies. That is why the resurection is such a big deal. I always thought “So then they can smoke eat bacon?”

  61. MikeInWeHo says:

    re 43

    I’m a Fruitopian.

    Hasn’t it been suggested that too much soy makes men grow breasts? Think of that the next time you enjoy that soy bacon. Combine it with a TK Smoothie and things start to get really scary.

  62. Kevinf says:

    LOL, Mike.

  63. Nice, Mike. That just might be the most disgustingly awesome comment I’ve ever read. Now I have to find a way to give my brain a shower.

  64. Hum your favorite hymn, Ray. Then sing out with vigor and vim. I’ve heard it helps.

  65. Mommie Dearest says:

    My brain is stuck on Chicken Fried Bacon. And I thought *I* was decadent for thinking up using crisp bacon to dip in the guacamole.
    But seriously, I am sure there will be no eating in heaven. If we had to eat, someone would have to cook it and clean it up. Which pretty much negates heaven for that someone.

  66. The purifying power of jalapeño bacon has got to be there. It will burn out the remaining impurities of life.

    TStevens – Bacon expert.

  67. Nora Ray says:

    What in the world is a TK Smoothie?

  68. Mark IV says:

    Nora Ray,

    Look here, if you dare.

  69. MD–No, no, no. It will be like Hogwarts where food magically appears. Underneath in the kitchens below happy little house elves slave away refusing any and all remuneration or attempts to free them.

    Happy little ministering angels will slave away in the celestial kitchens, sending their amazingly yummy creations up to those of us who have attained exaltation. Their joy will be full because our bellies will be full.


  70. Nora Ray says:

    And here I was thinking I could get one for breakfast from Dunkin Donuts! Oh my!

  71. #70 – Among dozens of funny comments, I can’t stop laughing at that one. I am envisioning the marketing campaign, and, although “the willies doesn’t even begin to describe it, I can’t stop trying to find an even funnier, more awful way to advertise the Dunkin’ Donuts TK Smoothie.

    I know I’m going to have to talk to my Bishop on Sunday, but this is so wrong it’s right.

  72. MikeInWeHo says:

    I changed my vote. No to eternal tofu!

    In the heav’ns are we all vegan?
    No, the thought makes reason stare!
    Truth is reason; truth eternal
    Tells me I’ve a burger there.

  73. In my opinion, the doctrine is quite clear.