The Bloggernacle 1st Ward, again

We’ve talked about this before, and yes it’s not a serious or researched topic, but —

The Bloggernacle is a little community. We’re not an e-ward (yet!), but certainly we have a sense of each others’ personalities and proclivities. So if you’re setting up a Bloggernacle ward, who gets what calling?

Preliminary note: if you’re not mentioned it’s probably because I wrote this quickly and forgot you. It’s not a snub (except for those of you — and you know who you are — who are my sworn enemies).

Bishop: obviously the most interesting pick. The problem is that most people who would be great at the task also don’t have time for it. They are too busy out there helping people in the real world. I nominate a couple of people, and they can do rochambeau (loser is bishop): Jim F., Mark Brown or Guy Murray. Just kidding, Guy – I only picked you to force you to shave that beard.

RS president: Margaret Young. Easy pick. She rounds out her presidency with Rosalynde Welch and Tracy M.

HP group leader: Ray. He seems the type.

EQ President: David Brosnahan of LDS Doctrine. He seems tireless.

I’m EQ instructor.

HP instructor: Kevin Barney.

Temple Prep: Bryce Haymond. That should make him happy.

Rusty makes the programs. Plus it keeps him from doing any real damage.

High council speaker: Raymond Takeshi Swenson.

YW president: Rebecca J., together with Susan M. and Jeans from Beginnings New.

YM President: DKL, together with Matt Evans and Ben Pratt. Gotta keep those youth CONSERVATIVE.

Gospel Doctrine teacher: Julie Smith, naturally, and Kevin or Jim F. (whichever isn’t bishop).

Ward Mission Leader: Bookslinger

Gospel Essentials Instructor: John Crawford

Music Director: Kristine Haglund

Organist: D. Fletcher

Tithing clerk: Frank McIntyre

Membership clerks: Scott Bosworth + Ziff from ZD.

Strengthening the Members Committee Informant: Adam Greenwood.

Exec. secretary: Brad Kramer. He knows all.

Ward Historian: Ardis P.

Ward Librarian: J. Stapley.

Public Affairs: Emily Jensen.

Activities Committee chairman: Mike Peterson

Road show director: J. Max Wilson.

Emergency prep coordinator: Connor Boyack

Nursery leader: Artemis.

Welfare coordinator: Devyn S.

That’s all I had time to come up with, but there are lots of other callings out there. Note that I didn’t put anybody up for stake callings (except RTS).


Bookmark The Bloggernacle 1st Ward, again


  1. Steve Evans says:

    oh, and GST for teaching 8-10 year olds in S.S.

  2. I’m pretty certain that Dr. B will take serious umbrage at your appointment for ward mission leader.

  3. Steve Evans says:

    Dr. B knows enough to not question revelation.

  4. While I’m on the subject of, BiV and Dr. B for Marriage & Family Relations instructors

  5. I humbly accept the calling of teaching 8-10 year-olds in the Schutzstaffel.

  6. Not to slight Rosalynde, but I’m going to pick Rebecca at FMH as one of the third member of the RS presidency, because I know her and because she posts on occasion.

  7. What, no Primary? No Cub Scouts or Boy Scouts or Varsity Scouts or Venturing?

    **rolls eyes**

    PS to Steve Evans. 8-10 year olds aren’t in Sunday School.

  8. Elouise Bell, Molly Bennion, Natalie, and Cynthia L. should be the Relief Society teachers. (Would that they were mine!) Elouise should run the RS book club. (or Margaret, when she gets released as RS president.)

    How about Primary? fmhLisa and Amri would be a wicked fun Primary choristers, I suspect. Kaimi should be the Primary pianist, one of the best callings ever.

  9. annegb as ward greeter

  10. Aaron Brown says:

    I’ll be the crazy lady who gets up every month and bears her “testimony,” making sure to say something offensive and/or sexually inappropriate.


  11. Scott B. (#4), awesome!!

  12. Prudence returns!

  13. Actually, I don’t know that we can have either Mark Brown or Jim F. in ward leadership callings. Jim has participated in that unholy rite called PBR and there is documented proof of Mark’s unholy attraction to fish. That makes Guy that bishop and both Mark and Jim stake high councilors, where such aberrant behavior is encouraged.

  14. Margaret Young says:

    Please call the Bishop soon, as I need to have a confidential talk with him about the goings-on in the EQ, and about various other ward members who are dangerously heterodox and known to send anonymous, disparaging notes to each other in public forums. Also, I need Kevin Barney and his wife to travel to Taiwan for some compassionate service towards our friend Jason. Will the budget allow for this?
    You have three guys in line for bishop, so just make two the counselors.
    Also, please note that the ward leadership is entirely white. Are you kidding me?

  15. Mr. Eris served as hymn-book coordinator in the mission field. I would like to volunteer for that calling.

  16. Margaret Young says:

    Okay, so Raymond Takeshi Swenson is of Japanese lineage, but since he’s the HC speaker, he’s in another ward, right? This is looking very anglocentric.

  17. I came up with names for various callings and then I’d refer back to your list and you had already picked them for the same callings.

    After that happens four times, I can only say that you have nailed the list.

  18. danithew as a home teaching coordinator.

  19. /Raises his arm to the square, with his sustaining vote for the aforementioned Bloggernacle ward callings

  20. The irony is, that if in some Twilight Zone/Matrix-y kind of world, we were all in the same ward (and didn’t know it), we’d all be having the exact same conversations ;)

  21. Steve Evans says:

    Margaret, a mormon church looking anglocentric? Call the cops!!

  22. As Margaret’s bishop, I want to say I’ve been afraid this would happen (i.e., she’d be called as RS pres)–despite all my efforts to prevent it. But she’ll be great. I’m curious, though: how does she help fill out food orders for bloggernaclers?

  23. Margaret Young says:

    FMH Janet for Compassionate Service. I have tasted her apple pie, and it’s to die for. (Ooooh, does that sound too Edenic?)

  24. As long as I’m not the nursery leader I’m cool with whatever.

  25. living in zion says:

    I want to be considered for the Assistant Nursery Leader (For the “minor” callings, its o.k. to volunteer) Artemis can be the Nursery leader as proposed. She will be great. I just need to to avoid the nonsense in GD and RS, along with getting a snack and down time to play with blocks.

    I LOVE goldfish crackers and water as Nursery snack!

  26. Rusty always gets the cool calling.

  27. Ward Gardener: NDBF Gary

  28. *sigh*

    I guess I’m “just a home teacher”.

    Uhhh, 40% last month, if you include waving at folks in the parking lot.

  29. Steve Evans says:

    Ardis FTW!

  30. Benjamin Orchard says:

    Slight nitpick–EQ President may be ‘recommended’ by the Bishop, but the calling ultimately comes from the stake president (same is true of High Priest Group Leader, though for slightly different reasons). EQ President is also set apart by the stake president, due to the Bishop lacking necessary priesthood keys to do this.

    I also note that YOU DON’T HAVE A PRIMARY PRESIDENCY!!!! This is going to cause some problems down the road, mark my words…

  31. Margaret Young says:

    Primary Pres definitely needs to come from “Seriously So Blessed.”

  32. Steve Evans says:

    Benjamin, that’s not a nitpick; that’s just dumb. THIS IS A HYPOTHETICAL.

  33. Actually, I nominate Ben Orchard for Ward Gardener. Seriously.

    How about FMHLisa, Heather O, and somebody else who talks about her kids alot for Primary presidency? That’ll teach’em.

  34. m&m, I think. I don’t know if she has kids, but she is just so nice.

  35. This post sure seem to lean more to the elitism way of picking callings. Any thoughts on a populist version?

  36. Hey, Steve, you don’t have the keys to extend these callings! WHY DIDN’T YOU THINK OF THAT?

  37. Steve Evans says:

    Kim, this is as populist as it’s ever going to get.

  38. Clearly Bro. Orchard needs to rethink how he corrects the instructor when he realizes that the person claiming authority is dead wrong.

  39. Randy B. says:

    green mormon architect: building committee chair

  40. Randy B. says:

    m&m: church magazine subscription coordinator

  41. Chino Blanco: Prop 8 Zip Code Coordinator

  42. Margaret Young says:

    ScottB (41), that is uninspired. Chino Blanco should be the media specialist. Given his skills, this will be the one ward which EVERYONE watches–the first LDS ward reality show. Kinda gives me the chills just thinking about it.

  43. Randy B. says:

    Susan M: ward music coordinator (though I’m sure she’d be great in YW as well)

  44. “Strengthening the Members Committee Informant: Adam Greenwood.”

    Awe. Some.

  45. Can I be the employment specialist? One of my more favorite callings, once upon a time.

  46. Margaret,
    You make a strong case, but remember that callings are often meant to stretch us beyond our comfortable capacities. Brother Blanco will gain his testimony through service.

  47. Peter LLC says:

    I humbly accept the calling of teaching 8-10 year-olds in the Schutzstaffel.

    I can’t think of a better instructor to teach them about honor and loyalty.

  48. Michael says:

    This is so like my own ward. Only the popular kids get any cool callings. Those of us who only contribute when we have something meaningful (or just mean) get stuff like Hymnal Coordinator, Building Cleanup, and Scouts.

    And if nominated for Scouts, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.

    And I know Rebecca J. I wouldn’t wish the YW presidency on her even in a ward with no YW.

  49. Rusty makes the programs. Plus it keeps him from doing any real damage.

    Steve, are you kidding? Just wait until I use a non-Greg Olsen painting of Jesus on the cover of the program to see the kind of damage I can inflict. You don’t even know the effect non-Microsoft fonts have on people.

  50. I’ll just be a regular member who attends.

  51. Peter LLC says:

    Just wait until I use a non-Greg Olsen painting of Jesus on the cover of the program to see the kind of damage I can inflict

    You’ll have to wake up pretty early to outdo our actual program coordinator.

    Last Sunday’s program featured a cartoon with a boy whispering to his sister: “It’s a good thing the lord gives Unlimited minutes or this talk would cost this guy a fortune.”

  52. StillConfused says:

    The only calling that I ever really like was librarian. Great times. I instituted such classics as suggestive sales – Would you like a felt story board with that? Or Jesus photo of the week. Great times.

    But seeing as I originally found you guys in my quest for an answer to the questions: What is petting? What is heavy petting? What is the punishment for each?, I think I would best serve as Ward Premarital Education Specialist. “I learned so much more from this calling than the rest of you.”

  53. Steve Evans says:

    StillConfused, you got it.

  54. John Fowles should be the Bloggernacle stake president – for all the right reasons but also because he looks really young and it will get people predicting his promising future …

  55. If I gotta have a calling, can I just be priesthood pianist?

  56. Kevin Barney says:

    I guess someone’s going to have to actually ordain me to be a high priest. Sweet–now I can officially begin sleeping through meetings…

  57. Can I be the building scheduler? I’d get power, a key, and no real work. Please.

  58. Steve Evans says:

    Barneys Without Beards.

  59. Peter (51), I hope your program coordinator gave proper credit to the Bloggernacle’s own Rick and Ryan Goldsberry at 9th Ward Cartoons for that cartoon.

  60. If Jon can be priesthood pianist, I want to be priesthood chorister. No one listens to me anyhow ;-)

  61. I want Kaimi to supervise translation. He can translate talks into Spanish–because of course our ward is representative of the Church and so has lots of Spanish speakers, and he can also decide who gets to be literally translated and never taste death. (This is usually a stake calling–and most stakes outside of Provo, Utah don’t have the calling, so don’t worry if you’ve never heard of it.)

  62. Ooh, I want to be the assistant librarian. You get a key to the building and have no functional responsibilities.

  63. Can the JI bloggers be the grad students that quietly move into the ward, sit in the back row while reading a book during sacrament meeting, SS, and priesthood, and generally go unnoticed until we move a couple years later? Thanks.

  64. Thomas Parkin says:

    I want to be the Holy Spirit.

    Or, if that is too much “aspiring to a position in the church”, maybe an avenging angel, scorching the earth with the white hot breath of my indignation. ~

  65. Thomas Parkin says:

    If you don’t think every ward is assigned an avenging angel, you’ve got another thing coming, bub. ~

  66. Pffft. Avenging Angel = Family History Coordinator

    BTW, does this ward have FHE groups like student wards?

  67. I would just like to sustain and give a hearty “AMEN!” this this whole shenanigan.

    Oh, and Amri should totally run the activities committee.

    That, and as far as I’m concerned, Mark Brown is already my bishop.

  68. Steve Evans says:

    TP: “white hot breath of my indignation”

    that’s the price you pay for eating at that taco truck.

  69. I volunteer to be the alternate voice periodical representative.

  70. As a ward, we need to do an activity (performing compassionate service–probably a clean-up activity) at Machu Pichu, so yes, Amri will need to be in charge.

  71. Steve Evans says:

    Djinn for Patriarch!

    Yes. I know that’s problematic.

  72. Thomas Parkin says:


    Will there be tacos in the Celestial Kingdom?
    If yes, will there be bad breath?
    If yes, what does that say about the perfectibility of man??

    Should I save my questions for New Cool Thing?

    Who is the Scoutmaster. That is the only calling in the church I’ll turn down. Because it is a semi-fascisti organization.

    I’ve been thinking about buying one of those taco trucks. Seriously. Because my last foray into tacos went so well. ~

  73. I’ll be the ward’s YSA rep. (I hear that if you aspire to a calling, you won’t actually get it…)

  74. Thomas, you object because it is not a wholly-fascist organization? Then join my SS for 8-10 year-olds!

  75. Thomas Parkin says:


    I sustain you.
    Nothing better for pre-pubescents than forced marches. ~

  76. 56 –

    Kevin, I started doing that a long time ago and I’m nowhere near being called a HP.

  77. Can I volunteer for bearded guy in non-white shirt who brings up the shoddy historical character of the Teachings of the Presidents manuals every week (from the back row)? Cause, I’m pretty good at that.

  78. I think GeoffJ should be High Priest Instructor.

  79. merrybits says:

    I’m making my own calling: RS Modesty Inspektor. First and only rule: Women wearing pants are A-OK.

  80. I guess someone’s going to have to actually ordain me to be a high priest. Sweet–now I can officially begin sleeping through meetings…

    Don’t I wish. It made my wife decide that I really needed to look alert during meetings.

    Though a calling as a Temple Patron is a nice one to have, though they’ve taken to not letting people sleep there either.

  81. I’ll write up the bulletin. Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

  82. I’ve thought about drawing eyeballs on my eyelids, a la Captain Jack Sparrow.

  83. Oh, and I have to say, I’m pleased to be serving with Margaret- not sure how I ranked that,- but I’m glad! In my brick-and-mortar ward I always get stuck in the Enrichment Committee. ::sigh::

  84. Kevin Barney says:

    I’m going to be the recently returned RM who moves into the ward for the summer to sell dish network or security systems.

  85. Tracy M–We will be running Relief Society a bit differently than normal wards, and the bloggernacle is enrichment enough–in fact, it might be too much enrichment. We will need everyone to stay alert and amused, and therefore I insist not only on the Jack Sparrow double eyes but on other tricks as well–magic tricks, if we need them. Yards of cloth pulled from little purses. The wagging of tongues and the pulling of ears; noses pressed flat against windows; the occasional use of underarms to make inappropriate noises when a song is sung too balefully. Salt water taffy tossed to the sisters at odd moments, and always in peppermint when someone looks tired. Chocolate truffles distributed for every really good comment. (We will go through several bags every lesson.) Good jokes and cheer all around. Anyone who gossips will have to sit cross-eyed for the whole lesson and endure tickling by the Sunbeams. I also think we all need to learn the dance steps to “Thriller,” but we’ll do that on a weekday.

  86. StillConfused says:

    I am happy to teach the home improvement and handgun shooting activities — do they count as “Enrichment Activities”

  87. Natalie B. says:

    D. Fletcher for organist most definitely!

  88. Good ward there, Steve. The beard goes to the grave with me–so I’m out I guess. But, I really do like all your other picks. Jim F or Mark Brown, would be great bishops. Didn’t see you listed–so what exactly does that mean?

  89. Never mind . . .just saw you…since you didn’t list your actual name, I skipped over. Good choice for you too. Well Done

  90. I’d be willing to serve as Heather O’s counselor in the Primary, but seeing as I was born without the organization gene, I think calling me as president would be a big mistake.

  91. Yeah, I finally got a calling! (And thanks for outing my real name to the whole world, Steve…. :)

  92. Steve Evans says:

    oh geez. Want me to fix it mikey?

  93. Steve,

    You’re going to have to convene a council for Margaret Young. I hate to have to point this out in public, but in her #31 she implied that SSB is part of this bloggernacle thing. According to my CHI that is something that one can be excommunicated for. Much as I love Margaret I think we have to defend the good name of the Church, protect the innocent, and allow her to repent appropriately.

  94. No need for that, Steve. Maybe that long-suffering HT in Ann Arboe will be able to find me now…..
    I’d be a great Activities committee chair.

  95. Oops, make that Ann Arbor.

  96. Can I be ward astronomy coordinator? I’ll bring my telescope and we can have star parties in ward the parking lot.

  97. Star Parties at MACHU PICHU for Amri’s Enrichment!

  98. Peter LLC says:

    Ardis (59), yep, that’s the one. Alas, no credit was given. I’m guessing it ended up on our program slightly altered after a trip around the world as a viral email attachment.

  99. Mommie Dearest says:

    Jack Sparrow eyes have to be painted on the eyelids by another person. Can I have that calling?

  100. Justmeherenow says:

    Is there a position for John Hamer?

  101. I’ll clean the building once a month. And I’ll be that gal on the activities committee who makes the posters and hides working in the kitchen during the party.

  102. Randy B. says:

    John Hamer ought to be in charge of making our maps, including those telling us how to get to Machu Pichu.

  103. Wow – this post just surpassed 100 comments.

    Definitely gets a nomination for Best Navel Gazing post for 2009.

  104. Chad Too says:

    Just being a home teacher suits me fine. It would be a nice break.

  105. Randy B. says:

    Can I be in charge of library acquisitions? Pretty please.

  106. re: 100

    Inter-faith Outreach representative?

  107. Steve Evans says:

    Hamer can name his calling. I was thinking Ward Cartographer.

  108. Elouise says:

    WOW! This has got to be a record of some sort: an entire ward staffed, with hands being raised to REQUEST callings, in less than 24 hours! Margaret Young as RS Prez, an official OK on slacks, and an ASTROLOGY CO-ORDINATOR! Be still my heart! I’m scheduling a Virgo study group for next–oh, wait! Uh. . . oh, never mind!

  109. Steve Evans says:

    Elouise, you can be on the Phrenology Committee.

  110. I’m on the back row as well with the JI crowd, stunning GD teachers into deer-in-the-headlights “…uh, thanks for that comment” stupors and then going back to my Hebrew bible ;)

  111. StillConfused says:

    I misread “star parties” as “star panties”. Awkward moment there

  112. Ooh, I want to be the assistant librarian. You get a key to the building and have no functional responsibilities.

    I was an assistant ward librarian and it took me two years to get a key!

    I also think we all need to learn the dance steps to “Thriller,” but we’ll do that on a weekday.


    In real life I would hate to serve in YW. (In real life I did hate serving in YW.) But in virtual life I think it would be okay. Especially with Susan M and Jeans, that would be the coolest. (You ladies would protect me from the mean girls, right?)

  113. StillConfused (#111), the ward does have Star Pantymakers. You may by surprised what you learn if you attend Gospel Essentials, because some things are more essential than others.

  114. I expect Brian Duffin and Nick Literski will soon be called was Ward Danites Security.

  115. Oops, “Danites” was supposed to be stricken through.

  116. Speaking of things being stricken through, as (assistant to the) membership clerk, I will handle requests by ward members to have their names stricken, or to have the names of others stricken, or restored, depending on who bribes me with the tastiest treats. Either that or star panties.

  117. Can we just merge Visiting/Home teaching into one program? And if so, I’ve got dibs on MikeInWeHo as my companion.

  118. It’s a good thing I’m ward historian, ’cause this ward has no future. ;)

  119. I’m just a lurker. That makes me the guy who comes to every activity ten minutes late and empty-handed then leaves before cleanup starts.

  120. Bryce Haymond says:

    Make me happy?

  121. Steve Evans says:

    You just seem a little down.

  122. Kevin #56,

    You really don’t need to be ordained a high priest to be the HP instructor. But if you really want to, come on down to Indianapolis, and I’ll let you teach my Group as often as you like (and you can sleep between sessions).

    As for me, I’m tired of being a real HPGL, so I think I’ll gladly take the job of passing out the programs that Rusty creates in special fonts. I especially like the Heretic Bold font.

  123. I am too inactive to get a calling … or am I inactive because I’m not connected enough to receive a calling?

  124. Bryce Haymond says:

    I do?

  125. Whew. I’ll be the quiet guys with the rowdy kids on the back row. (As if – our kids are too rowdy to the be on the back row. We need a side pew to trap them in during Sacrament)

  126. A week or two ago over on NOM we put together a ward. We mud wrestled for bishop. Like anybody was going to take me at mud wrestling.

    Our weekly RS meeting is a co-ed yoga class.

  127. And Rosalynde Welch as an RS counselor? Since when are less active people put into such incredibly busy callings?

  128. I’ll be the “project” that the relief society presidency worries about, even though I’ve been 100% active my entire life. I can spend my time wondering what it is about me that inspires a concerned need to transparently “fellowship”.

  129. Astronomy enrichment? Now that sounds great!
    I’ll be the lady with all the little blond kids that have the same nose.

    I’ll be compassionate service person…I love that calling.

    Other than that I’ll be primary substitute.

    It’s worth it to come to astronomy enrichment nights

  130. CS Eric says:

    Since we seem to be taking volunteers, I’ll bring the bread for the Sacrament on Sundays. It’s one of those callings nobody really notices until it isn’t done.

  131. John Hamer says:

    Re: #100, Justmeherenow: Thanks for the consideration, but I live in the Bloggernacle 2nd Ward.

  132. re: 117

    If the Bloggernacle 1st Ward goes down that road (what is this, FMH? The Community of Christ?), I will probably wind up RS Pres. That would be cool.

  133. I volunteer to be RS chorister. I do a seriously exciting music appreciation time (and can be persuaded to teach the “Thriller” routine if given enough of those chocolate truffles). And since this is one of the more ‘minor’ callings (yes, I know – no small callings, etc. etc. etc., blah, blah, blah), I’ll also volunteer as ward speech specialist (yes, it’s even in the handbook). I’ll run a fifth Sunday lesson on effective sacrament talks and maybe do a youth forensics tournament.

  134. Adam Greenwood says:

    Informant? Nah, I can’t be bothered with all that bureacratic stuff. Enforcer, maybe. Also, is my Danite activity a ward calling?

  135. Adam,
    How can I join your Danite group? And what kinds of fun things do they do at the annual Christmas Party?

  136. Re #14: The author of this comment was no doubt aware that invoking Kevin Barney’s name would remind this reader of KB’s earlier BCC post: “My Sojourn in the BYU Karate Club” ( ) … Veiled threat, classic blunder or both? In the words of my master, Monsignor Vizzini, never get involved in a land war in Asia, but more importantly, never go in against an old school Drunken Master II fan when reactivation is on the line.

    Inscrutable? Wait til I get going! Now, where was I?

    Re #41: I’d long suspected that “Zip Code Coordinator” had become an established calling. Thank you for confirming that particular suspicion. I’m now off to write a series of posts decrying this sad turn of events (something along the lines of the “faith of my fathers” and its tragic reduction to an ATM for hopelessly rearguard rightwing electoral machinations – or something like that). In keeping with the Princess Bride theme I’ve got going here, that series will mostly be limited to repeating: “Hello. My name is Chino Blanco. You funded Prop 8. Prepare to spend the rest of your life deleting my spam.”

    Re #42: For what it’s worth, if I had to pick a ward to represent the best of Mormonism, the Bloggernacle 1st Ward would be it. Why not invite everyone to watch?

    Re #46: You suggest that callings should “stretch us beyond our comfortable capacities” but then pigeonhole me as the Prop 8 guy. On what planet is that a “stretch” ??

    C’mon, I’d love to be Scoutmaster.

  137. Chino,
    Who told you that Princess Bride references quickly expose the gooey-soft caramel in that makes up BCC’s underbelly?

  138. Re: #33

    I would totally take notes in the sacrament talk lesson, Markie.

  139. Jason Echols (136)–welcome back! We’ve really missed you. And you should know that I never veil my threats.
    Or blunder.

  140. @139: Fair enough, but some folks might have their own ideas about how to best use their free miles.

  141. Jason, in this particular conversation, we’ve suggested trips to Taiwan and Machu Pichu. We happen to know with every fiber of our collective being that these are better destinations than, say, Blackfoot, Idaho–though I certainly will not diss the phenomenal potato museum there.
    And where are you coming up with this “own ideas” stuff? Can we really trust people to their own imaginations? Very risky. We could all end up in Brandson, Missouri, singing with the Osmonds.

  142. @141: All apologies, but I’m going to take particular joy in making this correction: it’s B-r-a-n-s-o-n, MO.

    I should know. I grew up spending my summers at Silver Dollar City. I’m fairly confident that you’ve never been personally called out by Wayne Newton himself for getting up to take a bathroom break in the middle of a set.

    In any case, forget the Osmonds, if you’re looking for a good time in the Ozarks, look up Shoji Tabuchi … best Japanese fiddler my side of the Mason-Dixon line.

    I’ll have to check in with my Blackfoot, Idaho friends before taking on your assumptions about that particular locale, but I’m fairly certain there’s more to that local story than a “potato museum” … What’s up with your disdain for Americana? It’s my love for the same that informs my appreciation for what the Bloggernacle 1st Ward is trying to accomplish, and here you are tearing it all down.


    Or maybe just hopelessly working class.

  143. I have never before seen a museum dedicated to phenomenal potatoes.

  144. (Though I did spend a summer of my teenage years hopelessly in love with a girl from Blackfoot, who I met at music camp — I think I still have her picture in a shoe box somewhere in the garage. Wow, she was pretty, and funny, and talented. I always wondered what ever happened to her.)

  145. Jason–now I have to take back my claim that I never blunder. I do sometimes blunder with spelling. And you excel me in experience with Wayne Newton. Seriously, if there were a bloggernacle ward and we could really get together to do something good, I would want to find a place where our service might mean something. Wouldn’t matter to me if it were in Blackfoot, ID or Kinshasa, DRC.

    And Kaimi, you mean you didn’t ritually burn the photos of all old girlfriends on your wedding night?

    There is indeed a potato museum right between Blackfoot and Idaho Falls. In honesty, I’ve never been able to persuade my children to see it.

  146. Margaret-your blunders are few and far between; nothing like my blustering, which tends to be constant.

    You know, if I thought it possible, here’s what I’d love to see happen after all the Sturm und Drang of the past year:

    Allow me to moderate a concurrent discussion at a half-dozen progressive/LGBT sites with the participation of the Bloggernacle 1st Ward … we probably wouldn’t cover much new ground, but if bloggernacle regulars could be persuaded to register at the assigned sites prior to the launch of the discussion, it could be interesting …

    But that’s the rub, isn’t it? Are folks here willing to register for the sole purpose of making Mormon voices heard outside the Bloggernacle? Or has the lack of registration requirements in these parts conditioned commenters to feel that registration is an unwelcome burden?

    Whatever. In any case, it would be a treat to engage you and your co-religionists over at dKos and PHB and MyDD and TPMCafe and my usual haunts, etc. … but few of y’all deign to register, so it’s mostly me and my echo chamber …

    As RS President, I trust you can make it happen.

  147. #112 there are no mean girls :)
    But we’ve got your back anyway

  148. I hereby call myself Bishop of the 2nd Ward. Who’s with me?

  149. Ronan, since I don’t have a calling in the other ward I’ll join you if I can break new ground be Primary President.

  150. Kim Siever says:


    If it’s an international ward, I’m so there!

  151. Ronan,
    Do you think we’re ready for a 2nd Ward? Besides a number and having someone with a funny accent as Bishop, what would distinguish between the two wards?

  152. catrachohansen says:

    Why is it that the economists (speaking as a former Frank McIntyre student and current econ grad student (and Scott B. fan)) always get called to clerk positions in the Church? Besides my own years spent looking for the mistake in the cents column of the donations each Sunday, I have an econ friend who was a financial clerk in 2 or 3 different wards at BYU.
    I guess it’s the nerd factor. I’m definitely not any better at accounting or recordkeeping than the average person.

  153. Can I switch-hit and be in both wards?

  154. catrachohansen–

    For what it’s worth, I actually was the membership clerk about 2 years ago, and am now an otherwise-oddly-defined clerk. I’d never been one before, and in my next ward, I will certainly leave it off the list of prior callings, should someone ask for such. No desire to stay in that office for 30 years.

  155. Has no one called Bookslinger as ward mission leader? Did I miss it?

  156. meems (155.)– Try checking the original post.

  157. SteveP (149)–How is that no one called you as Family History Coordinator yet, given your expertise in explaining where we all came from?

    Well, consider yourself nominated.

  158. It’s true I’ve traced my ancestry back to a Devonian fossil fish Osteolepis macrolepidotus from near Orkney, Scotland. Do I get to wear a kilt if one of my grandmothers was a Scottish fish?

  159. Duh.

  160. How did this get to 160 posts before I knew I’d been “called” to be bishop of this ward? I’m happy to remain a member (though Ronan’s international ward is pretty tempting), but I must, sadly, turn down this calling. I’d rather not say publicly why, though.

  161. I’ll be the sign language interpreter.

  162. Doug, will you be interpreting it for those of us who cannot read sign language? I’d find that really useful.

  163. The Blackfoot Potato Museum is the subject of a sign on Interstate 15. It is in the old part of downtown Blackfoot, about a mile east of the freeway offramp, right on Route 91, the Yellowstone Highway (which goes to Jackson, not West Yellowstone). The building used to be the train depot, and is distinguished by a huge spud, about the size of a Mini Cooper. If you visit, you will be given a FREE POTATO to take home with you, making this one of the few museums in the world that actually pays you to visit. It’s like going to the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum and being given a moon rock!

    I always thought the association of Idaho Potatoes with the word “blackfoot” sounded like some kind of plant disease. Apparently, at one time Blackfoot was in the running for state capital of Idaho, and was actually larger than Eagle Rock (AKA Idaho Falls).

    When we had first moved to Idaho, we were driving on US 30 to visit our daughter’s family in Colorado Springs, and we stopped for gas in Kemmerer, Wyoming (Motto: “Home of redundant syllables”). The lady behind the counter said she was an Idaho expatriate and noticed our Idaho license plates. I said, “Yes, we recently moved to Idaho and now we drive around with our car advertising ‘Famous Potatoes’.” She took umbrage and said, “You should be PROUD!”

    I’m note sure what made me an obvious nominee for the High Council position, other than that I’ve had that calling a couple of times. The relationship between Bishops and the High Council is kind of like the relationship between a race horse and the horses who are too old to race. Parking you there keeps you out of trouble, and usually nobody has to take you too seriously.

    As for contributing ethnic credits toward the ward, even if I am resident in another ward, it still counts for the stake as a whole, even though it is diluted over a broader population base.

    Having droned on, I think I now realize what characteristic made me an obvious nominee for the Dry Council speaker. In my own defense, I will note that when I spoke in Sacrament Meeting yesterday, I compressed my talk into the 6 minutes left on the program.

  164. By the way, my middle name is “Takashi” with 2 As. “Takeshi” is a very good Japanese male name, it just isn’t mine. “Takashi” means “Prosperity”. It is also the name of a restaurant in Salt Lake that was voted “best restaurant” (of any kind) in Salt Lake. However, I do not get a discount there.

    I once had a journal editor change my middle name to “Takahashi”, which is a family name meaning “tall bridge”. To do this he actually had to change the text of the article I submitted; it was the only edit he made.

  165. I compressed my talk into the 6 minutes left on the program.

    All those members of the Bloggernacle 1st Ward who believe it impossible that RTS spoke for less than 6 minutes, please right click on your mouse.

  166. I’m thinking that he used the 6 minutes left on the Sacrament program, and then used an additional 43 minutes from Sunday School….

  167. I’m grateful to finally get a visit from Brother Raymond Takashi Swenson–just before the end of the month.
    I would love to hear him give a talk. Of any length. Even about potatoes.

  168. I confess that I did teach the High Priests Group later the same day, for about 30 minutes, but it was on a completely different topic. (Sacrament meeting: 5th article of Faith illustrated by a personal experience with Bruce R. McConkie; High Priests: on the real meaning of 2 Nephi 25:23 illustrated by the “Man Down” talk by Pres. Eyring.) I had filled in for both the Gospel Doctrine teachers the Sunday before, discussing Zion’s Boot Camp. Note that I had no control over the scheduling of any of this, and as far as I know, none of the people who asked me to speak or teach had coordinated with each other. One brother congratulated me for resisting the temptation to recycle my topics in the different venues.

  169. Starfoxy says:

    “…on the real meaning of 2 Nephi 25:23 illustrated by the “Man Down” talk by Pres. Eyring.)”
    At first I read “Man down” as the opposite of “Man Up” and was wondering if President Eyring really gave a talk about avoiding the pitfalls of worldly masculinity and rejecting the pressure to ‘man up’ in unrighteous, violent and self-destructive ways.
    Because I would have *loved* to read that talk.

  170. #168 Raymond, Don’t all high counselors speak on a variety of topics, whether in different lessons or the same Sacrament speech?
    Elder Marvin J. Ashton once told about a stake conference he attended. The first speaker was assigned 10 minutes. They guy spoke his ten minutes, poured himself a drink of water and kept talking. After 45 minutes of speaking and drinking, he finally sat down.
    Elder Ashton leaned over to him and asked him how many hours he got to the gallon. Sister Ashton elbowed him and told him not to be rude.
    Elder Ashton’s response? “That’s not being rude. That’s being bored.”

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