EMAIL!

Many of you have perhaps witnessed the recent screed about email messages from a poor, confused brother at T&S, in which he decried the use of the Forward button as a tool of missionary work and gospel preaching. We at BCC Labs feel that, not only is this T&S perma misguided (as so many of them are), but that he has done significant harm to the souls of any who walk in darkness, because they know not where to find the light switch.

Indeed, the focus at T&S on the political nature of many Gems of the InboxTM caused the discussion to center around nasty ideas like “plain old racist hate” and “gossip” and “liberal Democrats” and “Bill Cosby”; we at BCC Labs prefer to think about things like “righteousness” and “truth” and “puppies.” In this way, T&S and its bloggers necessarily neglect the needed nourishment and spiritual insights that can be found through a concentrated discussion of the doctrinal and prophetic (or seeric–whichever is greater) messages contained within these Fowarded messages. For behold, these are teachings for our times, and we ignore them at our peril!

We at BCC Labs are, however, concerned about the various sources of information to be found on the Interwebz, for verily we know that the adversary is everywhere, is seen and unseen, and has infiltrated even the most reliable of websites. Because we love you, and because we love your in-laws, uncles, aunts, distant cousins, and old mission companions–who will certainly be copied on these messages from above (or be the very source–Anyone Can Prophesy!!)–we are proud to present a new feature: Email Prophecies![1]

In each edition of Email Prophecies, BCC Labs will present a recent forwarded email, and allow the denizens of the Bloggernacle to help form a cohesive and complete doctrinal analysis thereof. Mind you, this is no work for the weary, and we do not recommend undertaking such a task without either a degree in Ancient Scripture from BYU, two semesters of Seminary in high school, or reasonably active participation in Family Home Evening. Lest you be deceived.

Today’s Email Prophecy concerns the difficulty in discerning the difference between modern day prophets and those found in the Book of Mormon. I present the full text below, with names changed to protect the innocent.

Friends,
Interesting comparison, huh? Do you think this is significant?
[Name Withheld]

Helaman 13 to 15 -August 28, 2010

Samuel the Lamanite -Glenn Beck the Convert
Stood on the Walls of Zarahemla -Stood on the Walls of the Lincoln Monument
in Washington DC
(Nephite Capital) -(United States Capital)
Samuel was NOT the Nephite Prophet -Glenn Beck is NOT the prophet
Many Nephite people witnessed it -300,000 to 500,000 witnessed it

Samuel called the Nephites to repentance and to look to God – Glenn Beck
called the American people to repentance and to look to God

Both events happen prior to the coming of the Savior. Both events warned the
people of upcoming events. Glenn was not specific, but he warned that days
are coming that the only thing people will be able to cling to is God, that
God is the only being who can fix the current problems we have today.

[Name Withheld], Mapleton North Stake Emergency Preparedness Specialist

Now, dear readers, You Make the Call!
1. Is this an “interesting comparison” at all?
2. Is it “significant” spiritually?
3. What other comparisons can we make between Samuel the Lamanite and Glenn Beck?

——————–

[1] Submissions for future editions are both welcome and hoped for. Please send them, care of BCC Labs, to the email address found on the Info/Contact page. Please don’t copy your grandmother, high school buddies, and coworkers on the email, though.

Comments

  1. Cynthia L. says:

    I wasn’t sold on the similarities until I got to this one:
    “Samuel was NOT the Nephite Prophet -Glenn Beck is NOT the prophet.”

    Who else can we say that about besides Glen Beck? There are at least 15 people that doesn’t apply to. So, that’s pretty significant.

  2. Latter-day Guy says:

    I think the only way to test the validity of that email message would be to shoot various projectiles at brother Beck and see if anything miraculous happens.

  3. According to Snopes, this is a hoax. Just saying.

  4. Similarity: As many as there were who did not believe in the words of Samuel/Glenn were angry with him; and they cast stones at him upon the wall/Mall, and also many shot arrows at him as he stood upon the wall/Mall.

    Difference: Samuel the Lamanite had the good sense to shut up and leave town.

  5. Mark Brown says:

    Finally! This explains why Brad Kramer thinks Samuel the Lamanite is so significant in the Book of Mormon narrative.

    I am also going to invest heavily in the futures markets for both Kool-aid and tin foil.

  6. By The Rules says:

    Wow! I had no idea-where can I study this Glen Beck’s words? Way too much to be coincidence….

  7. I thinks it a nauseating comparison- However, the Nephites pretty much blew off what Samuel had said until Christ came and told them to put it in the record. But I think I will wait until directed by Christ personally to listen to Glen Beck.

  8. Bought my gold already. I think I’m set.

  9. Biggest difference between the two: there’s a non-white guy in the BoM story.

  10. so, then that means we only have about six more years before Christ will come. Thank goodness. I can’t stand this madness for the rest of my life.

  11. Samuel was NOT a one-eyed, one-horned flying purple people eater. Glenn Beck is NOT a one-eyed, one-horned flying purple people eater.

  12. I was waiting for the test of where we stand…the overly dramatic question for the non GB minded…if you feel like killing GB or those who choose to listen to him, who are you like in the story?

    Just in case some people wanted a S the L trial by arrows.

  13. Glenn Beck is NOT a one-eyed, one-horned flying purple people eater.

    Sez who?

  14. I think people are giving Glen Beck more attention than he deserves. He’s a hypocrite. Samuel wasn’t using scapegoats for the day’s problems; nor was he lying about “holding” fragile documents at the Library of Congress while talking about “the truth will set you free.”
    I just think of James 3:14 as the summation of my view of Glen Beck: “But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, bglory not, and lie not against the truth.”
    I like James 3:17 as an example of what we should all try to do in this current political/spiritual transition: “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.”
    Thank the Father that Glen Beck isn’t the prophet…we’d be in a world full of more trouble!

  15. Latter-day Guy says:

    [I]f you feel like killing GB or those who choose to listen to him, who are you like in the story?

    BAAAARRF.

  16. This email tells such
    Erie similarities.
    Samuel would cry.

  17. Samuel never held the original George Washington document. Glen Beck never held the original George Washington document.

    BUT Samuel wasn’t pushing gold.

    So the comparison totally breaks down.

  18. Last time I went to conference there was an angry Baptist guy shouting about the sins of the people and repentance and God being our only hope to the crowd who had gathered there. Using the same strategy in this email, it would be very easy to compare him to Samuel the Lamanite.

    Does that make his words (or the ramblings of any street preacher in a major city) significant? Not to me.

    It’s ridiculous. This is why I have had to explain to my family that they must never, under any circumstances, forward any email to me. Even if they were brought to tears by the picture of an unborn fetus pulling a doctor’s finger, if they did not compose an email specifically to me, I will not read it.

  19. My HPGL is a proud John Bircher supporter. One of our monthly teachers refer to Glenn Beck in every single lesson as essentially the voice of God in these latter-days (white horse and all). Slings and arrows against him are not welcomed. I go home and watch me some Jon Stewart….and my favorite..must see

    http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-march-18-2010/conservative-libertarian

  20. Mommie Dearest says:

    “unborn fetus pulling a doctor’s finger” FTW.

    That’s all I have to say. For now.

  21. Scott,

    I think your decision to redact the name of this email’s author deserves further discussion. I’m not necessarily saying you were wrong to redact the name. But I’m not completely convinced you were right to do it either.

    On the one hand, redaction seems like a nice thing to do. This post is largely devoted to mocking the email’s content, and it would be easy to also mock the author personally if we knew who he or she was. This would be mean and hurtful.

    On the other hand, the author chose to put his product out in cyberspace and chose to attach his name to it. He surely must have known that his email would prompt a variety of different reactions in its readers. He assumed the risk of a public castigation. And public scorn can serve a useful purpose — if nothing else to put on notice future authors and disseminators of politico-religious bunk in our faith community that they may be next up in the mockery line.

    To those of us who find the email distateful or ridiculous, there’s a question worth considering: Is this email notable because it is ridiculous and rip-roaringly funny, or is it notable because it is ridiculous and embarrassing, something we truly would wish to see less of among our co-religionists? If it’s the former, than I totally see the wisdom of redaction. We certainly don’t want to scare off the crazies; we want them to continue in their work, if only to give us (you) fodder for more fun blogposts. But if it’s the latter, than I’m not sure redaction makes sense. If authors know that their work is going to be held up to scorn, they might think twice about writing it or disseminating it. And then the decision to identify the author(s) by name has performed a valuable public service.

    Just putting this out there …

  22. What do you think the chances are that the original comparison email was written by Brother Beck himself?

  23. I think Ardis may be one to something…If Brother Beck is our Samuel, then he needs to go into hiding and be really, really quiet

    Lewis Black agrees…see this clip till the end…another classic from another Jewish brother (Glenn Beck has Nazis Tourettes)

    http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-may-12-2010/back-in-black—glenn-beck-s-nazi-tourette

  24. “Both events happen prior to the coming of the Savior.”

    This is also true of Woodstock, which also had a lot of people attending. But Woodstock was full of hippies. Hippies are communists. Communists are in league with Stalin. ZOMG Samuel the Lamanite was in league with Stalin!!1!

  25. the Lewis Black is linked above on: “Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourettes” does not work. here is one from You Tube.

    Cynthia’s logic is awesome…Glenn Beck lives the WOW and read the BOM. So did Hitler. Beck is Hitler?!?

  26. oh wait. It’s only six years until the sign of the coming, but another 34 or so years AFTER (probably the tribulation period for those not raptured away) before Jesus actually comes… dang.

  27. Aaron B. has a point, but there’s still something he’s overlooked. If any of the email prophecies turn out to be true are we not required as a record keeping people to know from whence the revelation came? Let the names be recorded for all to see so that our children may know to what source they may look for reliable e-revelation.

    Amen.

  28. Aaron,
    I agree with your analysis of the issue, but I think that there are two crucial elements to consider in addition to the questions you raise.

    First, I received this email from another person (who was making fun of it), and that individual asked me to redact it. Had I personally received this email myself, I would likely reconsider.

    Second, the original author of this email is not certain to be the person who sent it to my friend. This is the case with so many forwarded emails–and I am not sure l am 100% comfortable giving all the blame/credit to someone who is merely guilty of hitting the forward button and not of actually composing it.

    Thoughts?

  29. Wait, you didn’t make up the forward? I thought the whole post was satire, including the comparisons.

    Maybe that’s why nobody sends these things to me.

  30. OK, I have updated post to include the author’s signature, because he invoked his church calling as part of the email, which I find somewhat despicable.

  31. Kristine N, there’s no way we could make up something this nutty. But it’s very flattering that you think we’re that creative!

  32. My wife had the calling once, didn’t realize that this was part of it.

    Preaching that America needs to repent before an audience has been going on since the Puritans landed. Hardly noteworty.

  33. Just in case any of you are still doubters, I found another enlightening comparison of Beck to a dark-skinned, anti-establishment prophet.

  34. StillConfused says:

    “Mapleton North Stake Emergency Preparedness Specialist” Hmmm. I am sure I can easily find out who this is

  35. “Samuel never held the original George Washington document. Glen Beck never held the original George Washington document.”

    WIN! BEST LOL MOMENT.

  36. Maybe we need to hire someone to come up with replies to the emails…like for this one we need to make one comparing Obama to Samuel the Lamnite-skin pigmentation, dramatic speaking style, both wanted to lead the people to change..

    the only substantial difference between the two is that obama uses a teleprompter, and we don’t really know that Samuel the Lamanite didn’t use one…something had to be blocking those arrows.

  37. Alas that Arnold Friberg is not here to paint Beck at the Lincoln Memorial–Facts flying up at him, veering to the side unable to touch him.

  38. Jim Donaldson says:

    The guy clearly needs a Scout calling to take up all the spare time on his hands.

  39. britt k:

    Well, Obama uses a teleprompter, the GAs at conference use teleprompters, therefore…

  40. nate w truer words were never spoken…the GAs are black.

    I’m still figuring out the logic system.

  41. GatoraideMomma says:

    St Frances said “Preach [my] Gospel — use as few words as possible.” I sure wish GB would follow that advice.

  42. We love GB. Those believers fall down and worship. We, the rest, love to be horrified, kind of like going to a live, reality TV, horror show.

    Who are these people? Why do they love him? What does GB really believe? What would you do for $20M a year? Can we become addicted to hatred and fear? Can we sell hatred and fear for $20M a year to those so addicted? Do hatred and fear shut down critical thinking?

    Self fulfilling prophecy? Will the destruction of the constitution come from the right, for which GB is the prophet? So it might be true? The destruction of freedom might come from the very people who cynically preach it?

  43. Maybe when they said that the constitution would hang by a thread and the Elders of Israel would have to save it, they didn’t say that those same Elders helped hack it to bits…

  44. Sorry. Glenn Beck was no more on the walls of the Lincoln Memorial than that mosque is at Ground Zero.

  45. I find the sickly fawning over Glenn Beck by some to be just as distasteful as the deep hatred for everything he does by others. Perhaps it would be good for all to realise that he is an entertainer, and neither a prophet nor a false prophet.

    I look forward to other emails, and may have to ask that my mother-in-law send on the ones that she has been sending to my wife so that I can send them to the folks at the BCC Lab.

  46. Bruce Rogers says:

    About 1850. John Stuart Mill wrote his classic essay “On Liberty”, which has become a widely read and quoted document. [It is readily accessable by that title using ‘Google’.) In the first paragraph, he discusses freedom of speech as being our ability to listen to a person with whom we totaly disagree. President OBama gave a speech and one of the members of the House of Representatives interupted him. Clearly, that person did not believe in freedom of speech. While I do not agree with many of the political statements of Glen Beck, I will defend his right to speak. I am disapointed that there are so many people who listen to him and support his positions, but that is their right under our Constitution, and I will defend their rights.

  47. re # 46, Freedom of speech means that people can criticize Glenn Beck to their hearts’ desire without violating the principle of freedom of speech.

  48. Alex,

    Perhaps it would be good for all to realise that he is an entertainer, and neither a prophet nor a false prophet.

    Tell that to his acolytes.

  49. On a homeschool board..there are many Beckies. Most of them post their occasional doubts..check sources, post inaccuracies etc. There are really only two people of about 50 beckies that blindly follow and accept whatever is said and forget..normally with this, but he’s a good man, give a break-but don’t bother questioning…kind of defense. The rest aren’t like that.

    The three that went to the Lincoln memorial thing are all of the check his sources and post inaccuracies type

    just fyi

  50. Lee Garig-Meyer says:

    Glenn Blech is an idiot. He gets his facts wrong, he makes things up, and he draws comparisons that have no relation to each other. Between the clip of Lewis Black and Glenn Blech, Lewis Black has more facts and more insight. And he isn’t claiming to be a prophet of any kind either.
    By the count of not Sarah Palin or Glenn Blech, but by the count of an independent company, there were only 70,000 to 85,000 at that rally, and a good portion of those counted were the people such as tourists who go through that area every day whether there is a rally or not. That place is never clear of people during the day.
    For all that some people want to compare Mr. Blech…oh, excuse me, that’s Mr. Beck…to a prophet, there are more people who I’ve talked to who are finding fault with the Church than becoming interested in or even staying with the Church because of Mr. Beck. A prophet in reverse?

  51. Why are you all so emotional (on either side) over Glenn Beck. He’s just a voice that happens to be Mormon. So was President Benson, and many others who have stirred the pot in what they considered to be truth.

    Some are now saying that Glenn Beck and Hitler are the same, because both lived the WoW. Guess what? That would suddenly include most of us on this list, as well!

    Perhaps the best we can do is try to find the good in the teachings given to us by others, and rejecting what we find to be wrong. In such an instance, I can find good in the writings and speeches of both Barack Obama and George W. Bush. But I don’t have to hold up either one of them as the Savior or Beast.

    Sadly, we attack others that we do not understand nor trust. But the plank in our own eye is probably just as big, except our speaking platform isn’t as large as theirs. (Microphone envy?).

  52. Some are now saying that Glenn Beck and Hitler are the same, because both lived the WoW. Guess what? That would suddenly include most of us on this list, as well!

    Understanding sarcasm FAIL.

  53. Rameumptom,
    You’re mixing our emotion over Glenn Beck with our emotion over people who are emotional over Glenn Beck.

    While many people in this forum do in fact dislike Glenn Beck, this post actually has very little to do with him alone–he didn’t write the email I posted, after all. Rather, this post is about those good members of our faith who seem bent on creating gospel parallels and prophets out of political designs and pundits.

  54. I too, like #29, believed this was a joke until I got to the end of the post.