In recognition of a recently surfaced artistic masterpiece, I offer the BCC reading community this humble verse along with a commemorative piece by Brother Matsby:
Strange things are afoot
On a sacred document.
Barry, how could you?
The Forgotten Dude
And with this gentle homage, a challenge to you, our readers. Share with us, and with the world, your creative gifts. Unbushel your collective light, and contribute your poetic insight (in the form of haiku) or your artistic vision (in the form of photoshopped* brilliance), and make your voice heard in defense of Freedom, Liberty, and Truth.
*McNaughton’s original can be viewed here. For those non-adepts at haikuing and/or photoshopping, BCC offers a special dispensation for submissions in the medium of interpretive dance.
By Common Consent, a Mormon Blog 
Homeless Keanu
Drinking a fifth of whiskey–
Not so excellent.
These haiku blog posts
Come ev’ry so often and
Prompt the same drivel.
Such inspiring and
righteous art compels rev’rence,
awe, and devotion.
Help, I cannot see.
What does Obama stand on?
My haiku is great.
Fools mock but shall mourn
For truth comesth of God, but
Whence comest the rest?
The Anti-Christ and
all secular progressives
hate Bill and Ted. Shame!
Jon McNaughton is
An artist who understands
How to sell some art.
Standing defiant
Ignoring common man
But which common man?
LBJ and JFK
Scorn TR and FDR?
Civics FAIL!
The common man sits,
dejected. “Why can I find
no common women?”
Danithew speaks true.
I fear haiku buys new home
For artist, in Aspen.
(is “Aspen” close enough to a seasonal reference?)
Something is afoot.
But not at the Circle K.
McNaughton’s an ass.
I love how they throw
Bush under a bus so quick
He’s so passe now.
Founding Fathers don’t
think much of the common man
says, “no vote for you!”
Brother McNaughton:
“I did not evolve from an ape!”*
(But he paints like one.)
[*See here, scroll down to point number 9.]
bah, grammatical
errors mess up my haiku
and I can’t erase.
Lincoln’s Commandment:
“Be excellent to each oth’r”
Sadly been ignored.
M’Naughton freerides
on Dixon’s iconic work
Christmas is coming
Though lacking Matt’s skill
Or even photoshop ‘ware
Don’t use your boots B’rack!
Wow, what a complete @$$hole this McNaughton guy is.
(How many syllables was that?)
Lonely man not sad
’cause he fails with the ladies.
He sees dead people.
“There is no racial
meaning that FM isn’t black.”
Whatever you say…
(see here)
#18, B. Russ,
Awesome.
Paint, opportunist!
Both kitsch and jingoism
Are growth industries!
He was forgotten
Like the kid in Home Alone
Libs are Wet Bandits
Does the comment box allow the tag? Because I’m in the midst of a doozy.
The HTML img tag. I guess it does since it didn’t appear in my previous comment. Dur.
Does Madison’s pose w.r.t. Obama remind anyone else of this quote from Amadeus?
Do not fret Barack
Madison has got your back
And will catch your poop.
McNaughton kills art
Matsby restores it once again
as it hangs by thread
A tribute to the wisdom of BCC’s own Mark Brown:
(These are separate, self-contained haiku.)
1.
McNaughton would need
a load of adult Depends
JSJ for prez
2.
Seems so circular
Jon attacks entitlements
kitsch makes him rich though
3.
For Jon’s smallest print
($200 with frame)
Mormons buy hundreds
Real Forgotten Man
Help’d by fed New Deal programs
Happy Labor Day
#30, Brilliant!!
Writing in Haiku
Requires much more talent
Than bland petty art.
Most of these haiku
have no seasonal ref’rence
so in fact we suck
This art is OK
Add Wyld Stallyns background tunes
to make it excellent
Er,
This art is OK
Add Wyld Stallyns background tunes
to make excellent
36
Naughty McNaughton
Paints ridiculous kitsch art
In the Summertime.
Who sucks now!
Is Dollar really
collapsing? Why no reference
to the Gold Standard?
Independence Day… Man
History looks on
anxiously they await him
snap the frigging ball
Picture is missing
thirty-nine time traveling
phone booths and Rufus.
Tod, # 42,
Good one!
Flag’s at half mast
Still, I guess that’s you do
Since those dudes are dead
Bush looks longingly
At the group he’s left out of,
“Why can’t I be there?”
Not many years hence,
this painting will make the best
white elephant gift.
Teddy Roosevelt
beats McNaughton with big stick.
Don’t mess with Bull Moose.
Poor, poor McNaughton.
Not even DKL could
defend this cheap schlock.
Madison was his
day’s Tim Gunn. Says to Barack:
“Your pants are too short!”
Do you remember
when I asked your mom to prom?
Shut up Roosevelt. . .
“We the People” each
Fall elect public servants.
Who’s really to blame?
Pffffffft. Pfffffffft. Pffffffft. Pfffffffft. Pffffffft.
Pfffffffft. Pffffffft. Pfffffffft. Pfffffffft. Pffffffft. Pfffffffft. Pffffffft.
Pfffffffft. Pffffffft. Pfffffffft. Pffffffft. Pfffffffft.
For kitsch-art, artist
And collector both will share
Blame in art’s winter.
Who knew that this post
Could be good for a Niblet?
Thanks for sharing, Brad.
I can’t believe that
McNaughton actually
takes the time to paint.
McNaughton and Beck
are like Sam the Lamanite.
Wake up, Amer’ca!
Madison tosses
A juvenile prank; Someone
Think of the children
Again with the awesome.
Liberals applaud
Scandalous potty humor
The Right: horrified.
Awesome Brother Russ and Brother Robbins!
Scott B. up in arms
Must defend friend of the blog
Who made him famous
Bush to Kennedy:
“You were great on MTV
My favorite VJ”
Poor hapless white man!
Won’t anyone help fend off
the Suspicious Male?
He’s got nobody
Nobody, I say, except
Powerful white men.
You know what’s funny
No women necessary
In this whole painting.
Aaaand finally,
We live in Gainesville.
Saturday is coming, dudes!
Who wants some pictures?
Peter LLC
Misunderstands my whole point
Not surprising, tho.
DKL, You see
Will defend ’bout anything
If he thinks he’ll win.
Fall election looms,
Poop postures as Art.
Best BCC thread ever!
FDR don’t need
no stinkin’ wheelchair to ride
that mans been twinkled!
Kennedy’s finger
wants to be pulled by James M.
Bush might help him out.
Founding Fathers stand
prepared to lay hands on Reeves.
Barack wanna help?
Where DKL is
There Scott B. shall be also.
Call it what you like.
Oh, dearest Peter.
Your words come across all green
Cuz yer not his pal.
Look at the right back.
It was neither John nor Paul.
The walrus was Taft.
Katie’s haiku proves
that McNaughton has played the
white album backwards.
Madison prepped
for his one shining moment.
Purists ache for Moore.
73. Hahaha!
Founding Fathers’ Truth
Every man should know his place
Three fifths compromise
McNaughton’s info
Rips off Wikipedia.
No credit given.
73. Awesome. The pottery wheel!
74 ftw
Matsby, bringing the heavy weaponry. Awesome.
Man on bench depressed
All ignore T. Jefferson
Socialist usurps!!!
Founding Fathers’ views
Authoritative today
Send the Black man back!
Once again Matsby shows why he is the king.
#74: Oh dang, Matsby takes the gloves off!! Ouch. Very nice!
Back to Africa!
I sure hope these handcuffs fit
Black man, Know your place!
Luuuuv the Founders’ wigs!
Who knew Obama would lead
DC’s Pride Parade?
Common man is white
What happened to our country?!?
Thom solves the problem.
What are the chances that Mcnaughton stumbles across this thread?
Three fifths of white males
Think O is a “Socialist”
Can’t say “n**ger” now…
Fools mock, but they shall
mourn. I did not vote for this
Obamanation!
Ooooh. I just saw B. Russ’ photoshop (#73)
Everybody says
Demi Moore is smokin’ hot
Here she just looks fat.
Horny Madison
Tempts Demi with pottery
Gets Swayze instead
Collection of ghosts.
All take turns at potter’s wheel
Swayze is the draw.
Holy suckiness
Really truly sucktastic
My eyes are bleeding
89
Alas my ill fate
No money for photoshop
Masterpiece of [MS] Paint
Is the B.Y.U.
Bookstore going to have this
In its fall line-up?
I would prolly punch
My roommate if he put the
painting on the wall.
94
Underestimate
utility for dartboard
good fun had by all
Damage to drywall,
Or trip to the Honor Code
Office: which is worse?
;-)
Bosom burns like sun
Buy jingoistic “art?”
Oops, nope. Just heartburn.
Naught’n disappoints
I’d have liked references to
Kenya birth, Muslim.
Cynthia, that’s next
He’s only just beginning
shed light on ‘bama.
Brought out the shackles
Matsby throws down the gauntlet
McNaughton cowers.
Ignorance begat fear,
Fear begat anger,
Anger begat hate,
Hate killed Reason.
Psst, McNaughton:
Dixon was a socialist.
Art history fail.
Larry, that’s not a haiku.
Jeremy, it’s 5-7-5, not 4-7-5.
Ben, it’s 5-7-5, not 5-6-5.
Don’t think we’re not paying attention, folks. Because WE ARE.
Want to make haiku?
Aaron B is watching you
Better get it right
Shouldn’t Aaron get
the haiku right if he will
criticize others?
It’s 5-7-5
not 4-7-5 people
nor 5-6-5, K?
Daniel speaks the truth,
Phonetically speaking.
Aaron’s smack down FAILS.
Aaron B and Daniel: you’re mistakenly equating the English concept of the syllable with the Japanese concept of the “on.” The 5-7-5 pattern refers to on, not to syllables; in fact, in many cases something considered to be one syllable in English would comprise two “on,” such as, for example, the elongated onomatopoeic “psst.”
Also, I meant to type “Psst, HEY McNaughton.”
So, one way or another, my haiku is beyond reproach.
So sorry that I
Did not respond in haiku
I will try again
Larry you did not
Follow the rules of haiku
You should be ashamed
Jeremy it is
Not 4-7-5 you twit. :)
5-7-5 works
Ben wrote 5-6-5
For this he deserves to get
A brutal smackdown
Haiku is sacred
Just like the Constitution
You’ve made Jesus cry!
Jeremy has tried
To change the rules of haiku
In this he will fail
He wants to impress
Us with Japanese knowledge
He misses the point
Jesus spoke English
As we know from the Bible
It’s God’s native tongue
Therefore poetry
About McNaughton’s choice work
Follows English rules
Van Buren’s peeking
twixt Thomas J and George Wash
McNaughts a Mormon?
Haikus stand alone
If syllables need explain
Its awesomeness fail.
This is not Japan
Aaron B is Boss Perma
This is Amer’ca!
Jesus spoke English?
No, he spoke AMERICAN.
Read your Skousen, friend.
If you don’t like the
Japanese rules for haiku,
stick to limericks.
Brother McNaughton,
Go back to painting pictures
For the Watchtower.
There once was a painting that blew,
Yes McNaughton, I’m talkin bout you!
You think you are witty,
And tho your stuff is pretty,
It’s junk ev’n a rat wouldn’t chew.
Some dudes thought to write some Haiku
Of a painting they thought was askew.
But when they were done,
Aaron B. ruined their fun
By pointing out they couldn’t count worth poo.
Watchtower FTW.
Commentary on humanity is senryu, not haiku.
Ah, I dropped my >poetrysnob< tags.
Today is going to be a long, long day.
SilverRain, a snob
Is uppity and elite
Not just a killjoy.
Oh, poor Keanu
Stares at his sandwich in hand
None care anymore
James Madison’s reach
Is going for the money
Free money is nice!
McNaughton offends
With pitiful politics
Word “art” offends more.
Tadpoles are so cool
And blue skies are really nice
This art makes me cry
Aaron B., I see.
I give you another laugh:
I teach algebra.
Algebra teacher
hides shameful secret from kids.
Ben Pratt cannot count.
Spendthrift Obama
will not be moved. He insists
his expenditures
are certainly no
more wasteful than those spent on
filming “Bill & Ted.”
Silly President!
Comparing the two does not
justify either.
::Pins on ArtSnob tag::
McNot is no da Vinci
not even Matsby
Jerry Ford was late
Portrait painted without him
Wax figure instead
125 + 126 = Awesome
B.Russ and Ben Pratt
in haiku death cage struggle:
Ben Pratt reigns supreme.
Back to dumb painting –
Says he who liked friend Jesus:
This painting is trash.
Ray claims Ben Pratt reigns;
One little question I ask:
Ray Ray, How dare you?
Sarcasm translates poor
in written form called haiku.
B.Russ kicked butt. Smile?
Sarcasm noted
As the urbanites oft say:
Brother man, we cool.
Harrison on side
of the FM despite his
accomplishing naught.
Harrison should be
in the middle instead of
‘tween Polk and Arthur.
After all the man
Did nothing to lower debt.
Didn’t even try.
Polk, Arthur, Hayes,
Cut tarriffs, stored gold, and cared.
Harrison just died.
McNaughton says no
to politics in art; but
lone Black Man tramples?
Artist clearly hates all Blacks,
and blames them for our decline.
(Used a bad form of tanka instead of a haiku. Sorry if it violates the rules.)
Bogus quotation
From Olive Cushing Dwinell
Not James Madison
I WOULD LIKE TO TELL
YOU IN ALL-CAPS THAT THIS IS
COMMENT 1-3-8.
Way to go Aaron,
we can officially say
that this jumped the shark.
How about a redneck sonnet, instead?
O Barack! Thou first negro president,
And a Kenyan and a Musselman, to boot!
We see that to comedy you’re a brute –
As many who before from White House went
To infamy! Though nation’s future spent,
And all our beloved accounts you loot,
You still wound more, to place a heavy foot
On Keanu’s brave old accomplishment!
Abraham Lincoln crushed the South, and yet
His yarns filled Congress with peals of laughter!
And Reagan surely did swell our sad debt,
But oh his wit! while Reds he went after!
And Washington, though not known to recite
Any jokes, we can say, “At least he was white!”
Parkin’s sonnet is a winner.
After following some of the links at McNaughton’s site and reading some of the comments, I realized that the Obama=Muslim, birther demographic has been woefully underserved. Crazy people, this haiku’s for you.
Madison: “Hussein!
The Constitution! Stop! Where’s
your birth certif’cate?”
Mohammedian;
From whence comest freedom foe,
Birth certificate?
1-4-0 shows
why Parkin reigns supreme in
all Bloggernacle.
Seriously, dude.
That was totally righteous!
Party on, my friend.