Thursday PM Marriage Poll

For this extremely important poll, please make the following assumptions:

1. An able-bodied husband
2. An able-bodied wife
3. At least one child
4. Children cannot feed themselves, and scream continuously unless someone pays attention to them.
5. Sacrament Meetings begin at 9:00am on Sundays

Explain your vote–the facts and assumptions you make which lead to your answer–below.


  1. Missing option: anyone who wants to. Why the false dichotomy that either Mom or Dad get to sleep in? Why not both? Why the assumption that kids don’t sleep in?

  2. I think Mom and Dad should cut the sleep-in time in half together and work together on making up the difference- assuming each has a normal sleep pattern.

  3. Sleep in.

    Please explain what this term means. It is unknown in my universe.

  4. teach your children how to use the tv remote and both get to sleep in.

  5. The child should sleep in. It makes it much easier for the parents to sleep in and then get ready.

  6. You people are dodging the question, so I edited the assumptions a bit.

  7. Which one of them has to go to ward council which begins at 7:30?

    Of course, if the husband has to go to bishopric meeting or PEC, I guess the answer is None of the above.

  8. I’m a 5:00 a.m. riser so “sleeping in” usually means staying in bed till 6 or 6:30. I am a firm believer in being either a morning or a night person. Figure that out and let the person who needs it sleep in; otherwise, everyone get up and enjoy the morning!

  9. My vote: Mom showers while dad gets kid(s) fed, Dad showers while mom gets kid(s) dressed. Or vice versa.

    IN our house: Dad is always up and gone before Mom and kids because of calling. So mom gets up extra early and gets kids ready and in the car (half the battle) by herself. Then she curses all the way to church, and has to take the sacrament (in repentant humility, sort of) in the hallway because they’re late. Then mom shoots dad the stinkeye when she schleps them all in late, flopping down on the bench and whispering aggressively through her teeth “Why couldn’t you at least take the kid’s church bag?! It’s the least you could do” while she untangles herself from the many enormous church bags she is required by church law to carry because of her Primary Pres. calling (which requires enormous church bags, like most callings given to women). When the kids are clamoring all over her for to be entertained, and dad takes over the kids. Then mom sits there and thinks to herself how tired she is, how her puffy eyes want to close, and realizes that she needs the kids to distract her and keep her awake. Then mom and dad smile at each other and squeeze hands. Then a kid, somewhere, maybe their own kid, yells something and makes mom and dad stifle a laugh. Then sacrament meeting ends and nobody knows what happened during the last 90 minutes of church even though they all feel exhausted.


  10. Is there a should?

  11. buraianto says:

    There is no “need more information” option.

    Does one of the parents need to get up anyway? Did one of the parents stay up late the previous night (for a legitimate reason)? Does one parent need more sleep naturally, or because of some upcoming activity?

  12. Kevin Barney says:

    Note that the poll is asking about sleeping in on a Saturday, not a Sunday. The Sunday church schedule is just given as background information. (And I’m guessing Scott has a vested interest in this fact pattern and poll…)

  13. Everyone can sleep in all the way until 6 a.m., leaving plenty of time to get ready for Church!

    Besides, once the kids are awake, everyone is awake anyways.

  14. Kevin beat me to it. Who should sleep in on Saturday? Whomever they choose, since they are equal partners who support each other in all responsibilities.

    Got nothing more profound than that.

  15. Julie M. Smith says:

    Alternate weeks.

  16. Kevin,
    The Sunday church schedule is given as a control to make sure that there is only 1 day available for sleeping in. For the record, we currently have 1pm church, so this doesn’t really apply to me.

  17. Everybody sleeps until noon. If the kids won’t sleep in then Mom and Dad take turns getting up to feed them, unless Mom does all the feeding during the week, in which case it’s Dad’s turn.

  18. When we have church that early the only way we can get there on time is for me to have a warm breakfast of eggs and muffins on the table by 7:30 am. This allows my DH and kids time to eat and wake up. Then I send them off to get dressed (or when they were younger, it gave me time to help them get dressed). I still use this trick to get them up and going on Sundays. And I am the one who has to go to ward council even. So in my house it should be the mom with permission to sleep in on Saturday. Of course, that does not happen. Thanks for rubbing salt in the wound.

  19. observer fka eric s says:

    28% (21 voters) voted for Mom. But not one of the comments distinguishes that vote and why. Please ‘splain. Does you vote depend at all on what she does the other 6 mornings of the week? What dad does the other 6? The “no one” option seems pretty straight forward to me: it’s equal. But why mom over dad you 21 voters?

  20. Steve Evans says:

    Nobody sleeps in on Saturdays, that’s the day we get ready for Sunday!

  21. Kevin Barney says:

    Scott, I thought the “and screams continuously until someone pays attention to them” sounded suspiciously like it might have been grounded in personal experience…

  22. Stephanie says:

    Fortunately, my husband is like Karmen #8, so he gets to sleep in however long he wants (usually not past 7), and I get to sleep in however long I want (not admitting to a time) while he gets up with the kids.

    (But, that’s fair. With his new calling, he leaves early Sunday mornings and isn’t even in the same building until we are into our second or third meeting. So getting up with the kids on a Saturday is a piece of cake compared to what I get to deal with on Sunday.)

  23. Wise Old King Solomon says:

    Neither shall sleep until they learn to make better babies. (We could always cut the children in half . . . I find that resolves most problems)

  24. We’ve gone with different things over the years:
    1. Mom – cuz I love sleeping in, but he doesn’t care so much and husband is nice
    2. Mom – cuz husband was addicted to gaming and so he got up anyway
    3. Take turns – easier to keep track of with afternoon church. One gets Saturday, One gets Sunday. But still possible to take turns every Saturday (plus being slackers on Sunday sometimes meant a little sleeping in on Sunday).
    4. No one because we are too busy
    5. No one because we are old enough that insomnia is now part of my/our lives (ever since layoff of Jan 2009) waking up at 5 am and not going back to sleep sucks. I recently have been able to sleep in a little bit – until like 8:30. Heaven!

  25. Pretty much the best thing about my husband doing chemo for 5 months was that he didn’t go to work so I got to sleep in. That is probably my biggest memory of that time. I had a barely 3 year old and a barely one year old. Now, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal for me, but it was really, really awesome. For some reason he doesn’t look back on those 5 months as fondly as I do.

  26. I really think it depends on far too much than the poll allows for. For example in our house the following has been true as the circumstances change:
    Baby that doesn’t sleep through the night and nursing mom- she sleeps in every time it is humanly possible
    Kids that sleep through the night and dad gets breakfast weekdays- dad sleeps in
    School is out and mom needs as much time away from the kids as possible- mom sleeps in
    Dad has early morning meetings on sunday- dad sleeps in
    The sun is up at 4:30 in the morning- no one sleeps in because it’s just not possible.

  27. Coffinberry says:

    This is what poptarts and muffins are for. Give them self feedable foods and they’ll take care of themselves. (about age 1.5… Any younger than that and the proper answer is “whoever got the least sleep the night before).

  28. StillConfused says:

    I voted no one because I didn’t have enough information to choose one or the other. For instance, is one of them a surgeon or a jet pilot? I would go with that one. If neither of them have life or death jobs, I would say that they take turns or else both stay home. Oh, and if the kid screams all of the time, I think I would rather the kid stay home.

  29. Both parents sleep in while the child gets up to prepare the day’s first batch of meth.

  30. (that is a joke!)

  31. StillConfused says:

    OH HOLY HECK… Bycommonconsent AND Stephen Colbert… shear perfection. How can my life get any better?

  32. (Not a particularly funny one.)

  33. i voted “mom” because i am assuming that the dad works all week long, leaving the mom to get kids ready and out the door. also, because i assume that mom gets everyone ready for church sunday morning.

    this is how it goes in my house anyway, and my dear husband lets me catch a few extra z’s. sometimes i even catch a nap after church!

    taking care of the kids/house/yard/bills/everything in the entire world, plus getting up with a infant 2 times every night – i think i have earned the right to sleep in when i can!

  34. There is no right answer. Each family can work it out any way they want to.

  35. I vote for “whoever wants to”.

    In our family, Mary prefers getting up early, and I hate it, so when we have nowhere early to be on Saturday, I usually sleep in. It also helps our youngest sleeps in bed with us, so I can snuggle up to her to keep her asleep. :)

  36. I voted ‘wife’.

    I do so on the premise that this is my family. I leave the house for Church before the kids are awake and so it is invariably my wife who gets the children breakfast.

  37. The Mom!! Assuming she is the breadwinner and has a very stressful job. Assuming the kids go to school and the father can catch get naps during the week.

  38. I said “no one” since “both” wasn’t an option. If they’re extremely young kids, hopefully they sleep in themselves (or fall asleep again once you’ve fed them!). That said, I think the reality in my house would be that I get to sleep in, since my husband naturally wakes up earlier anyway and would quite generously leave me asleep. As a kid, I recall climbing into my parents’ bed with my sister on Saturday mornings. That way, even if we just entertained ourselves while they phased in and out of consciousness, everyone got to hang out together in the morning and the kids didn’t feel ignored.

  39. I have two kids. One 2 and the other 7 mo. I work two jobs and go to school full time. My wife is a stay at home mom. On the weekends I wake up with the kids and she usually sleeps in until 9 or so. Our church also starts at 9. I think I do this mainly because I do well on 4 or so hours of sleep but she does not. Also, I start work at 5am and wake up at 4am so I can bike there. So really, me sleeping in until 6 or 7 is sleeping in 2-3 hours.

    I think it can change with every family and you need to consider what will work best for you and your family relations. This works for us, but probably wouldn’t in a lot of other situations.

  40. Voted wife for reasons similar to that given by Cap (#39). When our kids were younger both of us were up early during the week, I for work and she to take care of the kids. Saturday was the one day that if either of us wanted to “sleep in” we could.
    There is of course a fourth option not mentioned and that is the spouses” alternate the Saturday “sleep in”.

    On the other hand, my wife has always been one who for most of our married life saw no reason to “sleep in”….too much to do (need as well as want) whether it be house chores, kids, shopping or recreation….. However, now that all of our kids are “gone” (our son is still home but given his age, takes care of himself), my wife does enjoy “sleeping in” on Saturday’s since yes…we have the lovely 9 a.m. time slot this year……

  41. Perhaps the real question is who needs to go to bed earlier on Friday? In any case, everyone should sleep in on Saturday.

  42. Unless you’re going biking arJ!!!

  43. Thomas Parkin says:

    Cease to sleep longer than is needful, sinners.

  44. Who gets more sleep during the week? Do either or both of the parents work outside the home?

  45. KaralynZ (and others),
    The poll intentionally leaves those decisions up to you. I think it would be interesting to see how different people weigh the same issues in their own marriages.

  46. I voted for Dad for wishful thinking, because I like to sleep in on Saturdays myself.

    In my household growing up, it was a grievous sin to wake the parents up on weekend mornings. I learned how to be very quiet. This has persisted into my adult life, when I still turn a doorknob while closing it to make less noise.

  47. What #43 said tongue in cheek, I ask in seriousness. How does the admonition to “cease to sleep longer than is needful” apply, not only here but in general?

  48. Sam Brunson says:

    My vote: neither. Of course, it requires facts and assumptions, like the fact that Mom has Pilates at the gym early Saturdays, while the girls have swim lessons at the same time, but could not take themselves, even if they wanted to.

    Or I could ask, as Mark Brown did way up there, what this “sleep in” phrase means. (And could you explain it in a way my 3-year-old understands?)

  49. Nobody gets to sleep in pretty much ever at my house on saturday or sunday. To many kids with lots of activities

  50. MCQ,

    That happens infrequently enough to not be a concern. Unfortunate as that is, it is how things are.

  51. 38 – Now, I’m not sure why, but at my house growing up my parents’ door was always locked Saturday morning. No climbing in bed with mom and pop for us.

    Good chance it will be the same around my house.

  52. Thomas Parkin says:

    “Mom has Pilates at the gym early Saturdays”

    Pontius Pilates?

    (ht: Corner Gas)

  53. Whoever gets to sleep in longer during the week gets up with the kids on Saturday.

  54. My husband is a night person and I am a morning person…so generally he sleeps in and when I get tired I just go to bed early and he takes the night shift.

    That said, we play volleyball late on Friday nights-normally past 11pm which is late for me. So he sleeps in still and I get a nap later (sometimes at 9am when he wakes up if I’m really tired).

    Unless there is a new baby in the house or I’m pregnant…then I always win.

    I will always remember my wonderful brother in law trying to explain sleeping in to his newborn baby twins “You’ll LOVE sleep when you’re older! You’ll beg us to let you sleep in!”

  55. Next poll suggestion:

    Who is the luckier:
    a) the spouse who has to be at church by 8:00 am on Sunday for early meetings
    b) the spouse who has to stay home and get the kids ready for church (while other spouse is at early meetings). Church begins at 9:30.

  56. Or maybe it would be clearer to ask, which spouse would you rather be? A or B?

  57. P.S. It takes 15 minutes to drive to the church building.

    Okay. I’ll stop now. Sorry.

  58. I went with Mom, based on the assumption that we’re dealing with the Mormon standard majority of a mother who stays at home, and a father who works during the week. I figure, if it’s anything like my life right now, mom usually doesn’t sleep anyway, and Saturday morning may be her only chance to catch up on some sleep at all. However, I’ll say that my husband and I try to take turns with sleeping in on the weekends, as well as getting the kids out of each others hair to take naps when we need it. Overall though, right now I still demand more sleep privileges, simply because it’s me who hasn’t slept through a night in months and months. My husband may not get to sleep in, but at least he gets 7hours or so of consecutive rest. That’s worth more than 8 hours of constant interruption.

    But, if both parents would get to sleep pretty much the same amount, then I’d say neither parent gets to sleep in. Both should get up, or both should sleep in, or they should take turns.