Monday Morning Theological Poll: Monster Mash Edition

In honor of the holiday, we present the following poll. (multiple answers accepted)

Answers are only considered legitimate if recited three times in the dark in front of a mirror during a sleepover.


  1. Steve Evans says:

    I didn’t see any options for mer-men.

  2. You should include goblins, specters, and spooks in your poll. There are entries for all three of those terms in MoDoc 1st ed — you did know there was a Mormon doctrine on goblins, right? RIGHT?

  3. I’ve occasionally wondered if in the Millenial times we’re going to have bigotry against the ressurected. Even now, how much does media portray the ressurected as flesh eating monsters vs nice people who just want to help?

    Darn resi’s, they think they know so much just because they’ve died. They don’t know what its like to really live.

  4. Ardis,
    I demand, DEMAND, for you to transcribe the entry on goblins in the comments. If this causes you to lose a lucrative contract or some such, so be it.

  5. I second that demand, Ardis. (Pretty please?)

  6. The Other Brother Jones says:

    What about an entry for salamanders?

  7. btw, #2 for BCotW

  8. The Other Brother Jones says:

    …and what is meant by “real”? I expect to see all of the above along with the odd Jedi Knight tonight at the wards trunk or treat!

  9. I’m surprised you didn’t include Zombies! Just wait until the Zombie Apocalypse occurs. THEN you’ll be sorry!

    As it is, I chose vampires. Why? Because Christianity includes drinking the blood of its leader….

  10. Vampire voting few: Are you voting out of solidarity with Stephenie Meyer or can you cite a scripture or story somewhere?

  11. Ben Carlsen says:

    I voted demons. I don’t believe there’s any kind of scriptural precedence for any of the others.

  12. Things definitely go bump in the night in momo homes, hey O!

  13. StillConfused says:

    Don’t even get me started on this spawn of Satan: “trunk or treat”

  14. Heh! It’s just a cross reference pointer toward the entry on ghosts, which in true McConkie style reads:

    Properly, a ghost is a spirit. In death the spirit leaves the body, or in other words the body gives up the ghost. … [scripture citations omitted]

    As part of the mythology and false worship of apostate Christendom — particularly during the dark ages — the true concept of ghosts was perverted so that disembodied spirits (ghosts) were conceived of as being hideous and horrible denizens of an unseen world who occasionally appeared in bodily likeness to torment and frighten mortals.

    Along with this twisting of the truth, concepts arose relative to apparitions, goblins, specters, spooks, sprites, elves, fairies, and the like. Though these various mythological phantoms do not exist in reality, belief in them arose initially out of the true doctrine of ghosts and other actual beings of the unseen world. Such appearances of spirit beings (supposed to be goblins, specters, and the like) as have actually occurred, probably, have been appearances of devils who never had a body rather than of disembodied ghosts.

    “Hideous and horrible denizens of an unseen world” — sounds purty real to me.

  15. I’ll have to wait for Ardis’ transcription before voting (again).

  16. Ram,
    we cross-posted. Zombies are in there.

  17. I second the BCCotW for best comment for #2 Ardis.

  18. Ardis,

  19. Gotta love Brother Bruce. Thanks, Ardis!

  20. You left off nasty orcses and hobbitses, my precious!

  21. Bro. Jones says:

    Is “Walking Pornography” considered a monster?

  22. #14: does that mean, when it all comes down to it, we only have to fear the “dark ages”?

  23. John C #16,
    Thanks. Now we can all enjoy the resurrected who go around eating brains…. But just because you added this, don’t think you are off the hook for the Zombie Apocalypse!

    Weekend at Bernie’s #2 anyone?

  24. Wait a minute, if we believe McConkie that goblins aren’t real, then who is guarding all the money at Gringotts? #toobigtofail

  25. “Such appearances of spirit beings (supposed to be goblins, specters, and the like) as have actually occurred, probably, have been appearances of devils who never had a body rather than of disembodied ghosts.”

    What???? What was it about McConkie that made him think he knew everything about everything? Ugg…..

  26. A Ward holding trunk or treat on a Monday night. For Shame! In reality, why not since family home evenings can surely involve trunk or treat….

  27. Cynthia,
    Tee hee

  28. Since we brought up MoDoc, I believe in dinosaurs too.

  29. Umm… I know it’s not monsters, but we should probably include Aliens. It fits in with that whole worlds without end thing. Ooh, and on the subject of ghosts. There’s a super nice ghost at the Daughters of Utah Pioneers museum in Salt Lake City. He not only gives directions to tourists, but also breaks into locked rooms and finishes work for the volunteers sometimes.

  30. I saw Dementors today roaming my child’s school of witchcraft, so I know they’re real.

  31. I am reminded by a visitor to Keepa that there’s no such thing as a witch.

  32. Mark Brown says:

    I cannot believe that MoDoc denounces sprite. Does this mean it’s even worse than mtn. dew?

  33. Just because MoDoc references something doesn’t mean it’s actually Mo (space) Doc.

  34. Left Field says:

    #10: Vampires are the only thing on the list that are unquestionably real. They were formally described in the scientific literature in 1826 and are now classified in the Subfamily Desmodontinae.

  35. #34 also nominated for BCotW.

  36. Only 7% for witches? So the priesthood exists but the anti-priesthood does not. I know a real witch. All of the plants in her house are plastic because real plants quickly die there. She has a lot of corporate clients. I also know a reformed witch who could do the “Jedi mind trick”. It was uncanny. The funny thing was, it didn’t work on people wearing garments.

  37. I’m fairly certain we’ll be getting that last tidbit in a mass e-mail forward sometime in the near future. I can read it now:

    Edward couldn’t read Bella’s mind, because her mother had been endowed, and she passed on the magic qualities to her daughter – who, eventually, due to her immortal state, would be endowed herself. She was protected by her faith in that which was yet to occur – probably on Tatooine, Coruscant, or Dantooine.

  38. Or Tooele.

  39. Here’s a write-in vote for the Others beyond the Wall, and their undead wights.

  40. “I am reminded by a visitor to Keepa that there’s no such thing as a witch.”

    Clearly, your visitor hasn’t met either of my first two wives.

    *boom tish*

  41. Also, Cthulhu.

  42. Thomas, I’ll just say it once. You’re awesome. The line reminds me of one in the old “Brigadoon” movie. Van Johnson delivers a bit there that is just excellent.

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