Food, Intimacy or Cars?!

Welcome to the inaugural installment of “Food, Intimacy, or Cars?!” The game where you, dear reader, must make commensurate the incommensurable! Here’s how you play: Various alimentary, hominid, and vehicular choices will appear below, grouped together in eight successive rounds. Since this is a politically and religiously correct version of the original game, all choices will be Mormon-relevant, and both genders will be catered to. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to decide which of the three selections in each round is the most desirable: the food, the intimacy, or the car? (“Intimacy” here means anything from a slow, romantic walk around the temple grounds to a NCMO at a BYU International Cinema screening, so nothing unseemly). Each round you choose correctly, you win one point. Here’s an example:

Jello Pudding?

Mitt Romney?

or a Minivan?

Which is more desirable? Obviously, the correct answer is Jello Pudding. You get the idea.

Later this afternoon I will post all the correct answers. Please note that the answers will be objectively true, having been established by the most level-headed, sober analyst I know (moi). So, while I encourage you to cast your votes below, the poll results actually mean nothing! It’s each partcipant’s declared choices in the comments section that matter. He or she who earns the largest number of points will win THE PRIZE, which will be picked by me and revealed only after the winner is determined. Okay, let’s start!

Good luck. And may you have impeccable taste.


  1. John Mansfield says:

    So, the winner is the one who best duplicates the mind of Aaron B.? Could any prize compensate the hazards of successfully achieving such a state?

  2. Apologies to Brad, but he doesn’t stand a chance against his ribeye-roast.

  3. Does it mean anything that I choose the food item more often than not?

  4. Left Field says:

    Who’s steering that thing? The dog?

  5. If there is anyone out there who thinks ANYTHING in this whole contest can compete with Napoleon Dynamite’s sweet ride, they are fooling themselves.

  6. Marie has had work done on her nose. That makes me so sad I’d like to cry.

    I was in Las Vegas this week and couldn’t help but notice that Donnie and Marie are doing a show at the Flamingo. It would have to be an older, no longer sleazy but also no longer hip hotel like that, I suppose. I wondered what kind of Vegas traveler gets tickets for Donnie and Marie. (We saw Ka, at the MGM … I recommend it very highly.)

  7. I think the electric rocket thingie would get more votes if the B and Y were remUved and it was painted Red.

  8. Missionaries on tandem bikes. That’d be fodder for a companion inventory.

    The Romney-mobile is not an AMC product?

  9. You can’t go wrong with Ken Jennings. Mostly because “Ken Jennings” and “wrong answer” shouldn’t appear in the same sentence.*

    *I am aware that I just put them in the same sentence.

  10. Ken Jennings is always the answer. It is the question that drives us.

  11. Tandem bikes or no sex? I thought those went together anyway!

  12. I understand why Jello pudding was the right choice for me, but I’m not actually clear on why it was the correct choice, period.
    I was happy to see how tight the race was on food storage/Ryan Gosling/rocket thingie.

    Also, was I supposed to have three polls to vote on, or more?

  13. BYU electric racing rocket thingie 37%
    year’s supply of food storage 33%
    Less-active Mormon feminist Ryan Gosling 30%

    There must be a bug in the poll software, right??!!

  14. Okay, had it just been Ryan Gosling, there could have been a competition there, but you used FEMINIST Ryan Gosling, so there can be no other right answer.

    Other than that, I think I almost always went for the food….. Hmmm….

  15. Patricia Lahtinen says:

    Ryan Gosling is Mormon?!

  16. Brad, you’re crap. Brad, your food is sinful. But they eat it in the celestial dinning hall.

  17. Cynthia, the car is the clear winner over every other choice in each of these Harvard-inspired polls.

  18. Here’s the answer key:

    The sweet, sweet ride
    Funeral potatoes
    Feminist Ryan Gosling
    Tandem bike

    I propose a food run-off between peaches, funeral potatoes and the ribeye. The winner will go on to the ultimate showdown: [winning food], feminist Ryan Gosling, and the sweet ride. Impossible choice!!

  19. Cynthia, I agree with your choices, with the following exceptions.

    Heigl > funeral potatoes

    Cougareat Navajo taco > Ken (Navajo taco > almost anything)

    Glenn Beck crying > tandem bicycle. Anything that makes Beck cry is a good thing, right?

  20. Mmmm potatoes. I could eat funeral potatoes every Sunday for the rest of my life and be happy. (Also I cannot express how grateful I am that my mom is not American… I’m sure that’s the only thing that saved me from Jello salad growing up, and I really. hate. Jello.) Back to funeral potatoes, please.

  21. Round 5 was hard, but round 7 was harder, having to NOT choose the undesirable, rather than choose the desirable. (Well, the choice was easier, but less palatable.)

    I predict a showdown between Ken Jennings and Canned Peaches!

  22. The funeral potatoes poll must be the Iowa caucus of polls, with some people voting for “anything but Heigl” no matter the consequences. (Having said that, funeral potatoes are the John Huntsman of Iowa – a really good choice but basically unknown for too long outside Mormonism and a part of Mormonism that non-Mormons actually might embrace.)

  23. Mark: Interesting about the Navajo taco. I’ve never had one and assumed it was barely edible at best, based on my recollections of food at EFY. If it is actually as delicious as you say, I might have to ditch Ken on that one. (Sorry, Ken.)

    Ray: “(Having said that, funeral potatoes are the John Huntsman of Iowa – a really good choice but basically unknown for too long outside Mormonism and a part of Mormonism that non-Mormons actually might embrace.)”


  24. This is making me so hungry for funeral potatoes. I might have to dash off to the store and buy up all the ingredients right now.

  25. Cynthia,

    Think: taco truck.

  26. dudeman84 says:

    katherine heigl in the rocket car while eating a rib eye!

  27. We made funeral potatoes the other night and wanted to make it a complete meal so we added chicken, broccolli and Cauliflower. It was like I had died and gone to heaven. (Still might. That was a LOT of Sat Fat.)

  28. You should allow follow-up questions like in “Would You Rather.” My question is: does the covered wagon come with the Ingalls family inside?

  29. #26 – Thanks a lot, dudeman84. I think I just sinned a little in my thoughts.

  30. Aaron, I’m surprised you passed up this recipe in your polls. It’s such a Mormon classic, it even made it into the Friend.

  31. Cynthia, FTW.

  32. #30 – Wow, Cynthia. Just . . . wow.

  33. What?

  34. #30 almost made me roll off the bed laughing. I don’t know how I missed that thread three years ago.

  35. It has the added double-category bonus.

  36. Funeral potatoes suck. Seriously–they are sooo gross.

  37. Mommie Dearest says:

    Funeral potatoes done right ((almost) completely from scratch) don’t suck. But they are more work than the tater tot kind.

  38. With real potatoes sounds pretty good. If you’re going to go frozen, it *definitely* needs to be potatoes o’brien, not hash browns. Why anyone would ruin a perfectly good batch of funeral potatoes by making it with hash brown potato shreds is beyond me. O’Brien not only has better shape of potato cut, but the diced onions and peppers really add nuance and class to the dish. Ok, they don’t. But they do go well with the dish.

  39. I like my Katherine Heigl as active as possible please.

  40. So Gosling is on the list, but not Heigl? Isn’t she feminist and inactive enough for you guys?

  41. I can’t believe I’m losing by seven votes to fried cafeteria food. I feel like santorum. Er, I mean, I feel like Santorum.

  42. I was thinking you should feel like Perry or Gingrich…..

  43. #30 – I recall a commercial used for Saturday morning childrens programming in the 80’s that was a similar recipie, just using cottage cheese instead of yoghurt. Amazing the change of perceptions 2 decades can bring.

  44. Frank I remember that commercial. “Have a Saturday!”

  45. buraianto says:

    Mark #19, Glenn Beck makes Glenn Beck cry, so you’re kind of stuck with that reasoning.

  46. I’m a mostly raw vegan, so none of the food is appetizing and I find most of the celebrities banal and uninteresting. Cars it is on all counts!!!!!!!

  47. Aaron Brown says:

    Oops. I totally forgot to update the post with the correct answers! Oh well. Insufficient numbers of you spelled out your choices in the comments anyways, so I guess I will eat the prize myself.

  48. Yuck – those Navajo tacos are gross. I’d much rather listen to Ken J. talk about maps for an hour.

  49. D. Fletcher says:

    Food. Always.

  50. ryan gosling. mmmmmmmmmm.

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