Reader Question Box is a series where we answer questions and just generally respond to Google search terms from our website traffic monitoring statistics that led people to us. Copious oddities are to be found in the search term logs, and some worthwhile questions. (In case you missed our previous editions: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10).
Question: “Wearing panties with LDS garments.”
Answer: We recommend that you not do this, particularly if you are a man. However, if you feel that wearing panties with garments is for some reason necessary, just keep in mind that there is a kind of order you should follow when donning both, or certain results are likely to follow.
Just a word to the wise.
Question: “What to do on missionary splits?”
Answer: Often it is the missionary who decides what to do when taking a non-missionary along for an afternoon or evening. But you actually have a lot more say than you think regarding how best to maximize the Split Experience, which, for all you know, you might never get to experience again. Considering, then, that this might be your one and only chance to participate in a split, think about doing the following:
- Hide and Seek. Believe it or not, missionaries almost never play this on P-days, even though it’s cheap and requires little planning. And it’s good as a warm-up for the real work that will follow. But remember that missionaries like a challenge, so when you hide, make sure there’s a good bit of distance between you and your companion, and then simply go home. He or she will figure it out eventually, and in the meantime, time to cut the apron strings, know what I mean? They’re big boys and girls. They can take of themselves and will be all the better for it when they finally catch up to you.
- Catch a movie. Most missionaries haven’t seen a good flick in quite a while. They’re with their regular companions all the time, so it’s not like their companions can tell them what’s out and worth seeing. A good romance usually does the trick, something to really grease the wheels and get them thinking about what the purpose of the gospel really is, which is eternal relationships and making babies to have families, while simultaneously helping them to really focus in on the potential life that awaits them if they’re really good missionaries. They can sometimes lose sight of that fact, but you can play an integral part in reminding them what it’s really all about.
- If you’ve already already tried both of the above suggestions, it might be time to visit with an investigator or part-member family. Remember, though, that you’re not there to just be a silent babysitter! The teachee really needs to know what the Mormon world is like. Speak up as much as possible, let the investigator or inactive member really know what the ward is like, who’s in what clique, what to do to get invited to the bishop’s private social gatherings. Share that enormous list of What Not to Say in Sunday School or Priesthood/Relief Society you’ve been meaning to print out, and elaborate in detail how to conform as closely as possible to Mormon cultural norms and how to most publicly demonstrate your faithfulness. Just be yourself!
Question: “Is it bad for someone in the LDS bishopric to carpool with sisters other than his wife?”
Answer: The answer is clearly yes, but there are levels. At the lowest level, boys can mostly be alone with their mothers, but only if a sibling is somewhere in the general vicinity. Young men should limit their contact with the opposite sex to mutual activities that are designed to be gender neutral and always only involve full body sack racing. Men in general should act as if women don’t exist at all so as to not fall victim to overtly trying to have sex with every woman they see, as we all know they are wont to do. If you are in a bishopric, ignoring women isn’t entirely possible, so bishopric members are simply to act as if women are men and proceed accordingly. On that note, it would be silly to not carpool with or offer a ride to a non-spousal female, as long as she rides in the trunk.