A letter written by German philosopher and anti-Christian gadfly Friedrich Nietzsche was recently discovered in a home near St. Moritz, Switzerland. The letter is one of a series of letters written to various friends and transcribed in the handwriting of his friend and occasional secretary, Heinrich Köselitz, dated March 27, 1887. Philosophers have called the letter the “most significant philosophical find of the last 500 years.”
“Nietzsche’s diatribes against Christianity have always been quite profound and resistant to easy dismissal by Christian apologists,” said Jonathon Feuerbach, professor of philosophy at New York University. “But this letter really seals the lid on any possible Christian response.”
“It’s true,” admitted Martin Plantinga, professor of Theology and Christian Studies at Harvard Divinity School. “In the past, as believing Christians and philosophers, myself and many of my colleagues have watched with amusement the desperate gyrations of Richard Dawkins, Daniel Dennett, and other ‘New Atheists,’ as they tried to ‘prove’ Christianity and religion in general to be wrong or false. All of us really knew, of course, that Nietzsche offered the most stinging critiques of Christianity, in part because, unlike contemporary atheist critics, he understood Christianity so well. But we had always comforted ourselves in responding that Nietzsche’s philosophy of the Übermensch and the Will to Power were ultimately destructive ideas that would only lead to more suffering. But this letter–it changes everything. Frankly, there is no good response. He’s simply right. God could not possibly exist.”
A translated version of the letter is below:
27 March 1887
“Gottfried,
Perhaps you were a bit taken aback by my last communication, though I can assure you it was not in jest! I find Richard’s [Wagner] music to be muscular and evocative of personal suffering, yet wallowing in theatricality and drowning in the religious. Indeed, its religiosity is its greatest weakness, not solely in terms of being itself a flaw, but in quite literally making it pathetically weak and timid.
But that is neither here nor there at the moment. At the moment I find my case against religion to be thoroughly vindicated, and that through complete silence! In fact, I shall not say another word on the subject, though I have several manuscripts nearing publication. I shall now consider them to be pathetic postscripts to what I see before me, which I cannot unsee no matter how I wish it in vain. As you know, I have been in Sri Lanka on sabbatical for the last 2 months and this morning I saw a spider the size of my bloody head. My HEAD, Gottfried. The size. of. my. head. Surely such horrors only exist in the devil’s nightmares, and even then he might awake in a cold sweat, screaming, clawing at his eyes, never to sleep again. I consider all my previous assaults on Christendom to be sweet and soothing lullabies of affirmation and encouragement in comparison to this ungodly atrocity. Surely, nature herself has provided all the evidence one needs for a rebuttal of the now absurdly laughable proposition that God is dead because we have killed him. No, if God is dead it is likely because this thing drove him to suicide.”
“The reason the letter is so devastating to the Christian position–indeed to the religious position in general–is because it doesn’t get bogged down in traditional philosophical argumentation,” said professor of philosophy at Boston College Ronald Kripke. “In fact, it doesn’t even really make an argument, but instead observes something about the world so terrifyingly stark and obvious that belief in some kind of benevolent deity couldn’t possibly survive intact, particularly combined with the recent news from Sri Lanka.”
Look at the belief-destroying size of this thing
Kripke is referring to the recent discovery of a spider in Sri Lanka with an 8 inch leg span. (Eight inches. Seriously). The discovery of the spider occurred nearly simultaneously with the unearthing of Nietzsche’s letter. The combined effect has been devastating to the Christian scholarly community.
“Free will, suffering for soul-making, the mysterious workings of a transcendent being who’s ways are not our ways–none of that has any purchase anymore,” bemoaned a distraught Peter Swinburne, professor of philosophy of religion at Cambridge University and a minister in the local Anglican Church. “Not even the atheists are celebrating. They’re just as solemn as the Christians. A friend and colleague of mine, an outspoken atheist and scientist, just said to me, ‘There’s nothing to say, Pete. Not with that thing out there.’ I don’t know. The universe is so much more terrifying than even our most depraved authors and film-makers could possibly have envisioned.”
“There is no possible way a loving all-powerful God is the author of a Creation that contains this unspeakable monster,” Swinburne added. “Though that doesn’t necessarily mean we can rule out some kind of Deity, say, a malevolent God of pure evil who has created human beings for the sole intention of sadistically terrorizing and torturing them for unknown reasons.”
A local Sri Lankan man, Kasun Lahiru, responded to the uproar that he didn’t understand why everyone was so upset, noting that he keeps three of the unholy abominations in his house as pets.
By Common Consent, a Mormon Blog 
<grin>
One wonders if Nietzsche knew Gilda, and what they thought of one another.
Nietzsche definitely makes a lot more sense here than Sam Harris ever did.
This post just made the Mormon population 10% richer.
I can only assume BCC is still active pending President Monson’s inevitable announcement of formal church dissolution this Saturday. Pack it up; it’s been fun, everybody.
Truly, Nietzsche was a philosophical titan and visionary! He knew 84 years before the event that Ceylon would be called Sri Lanka! At least we can rest assured that the spider is still there. Yep, he demolished my faith. Thanks, Fred! [Now where did Dad leave that 25 year old single malt whiskey?]
I don’t know. I showed the picture of the spider to an atheist friend, and he shouted:
“Good God!!”
Strangely, almost simultaneously this was found in the Kierkegaard library, talking about he same spider. How odd and serendipitous is life. Here is a rough translation, I could offer a more accurate one but this will suffice:
“I came from the deer park to the Kunstforeningen to see the new exhibit of paintings from the Indian regions. What delight I found within as I strolled and contemplated what wonders the world doth reveal. I thought as I examined a painting of a blue spider, large and exquisit, how rich the world is with God’s flourishes and how apt that when one makes that leap from the rational toward the Knight of Faith’s domain that these graces speak of the Christian God’s love and grace.”
Of course it is well known that entomology leads people to God.
I always thought that the existence of “Jersey Shore” was convincing evidence that there could not be a God, but this surpasses even that!
This is why the argument that the existence of a beautiful, flower-covered earth denotes there is a God never made sense to me.
Monty Python has a different explanation for what spiders teach us about God: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooaGhYFHIzg
There is a comedian in Britain called Dara O’Briain who says he can’t believe that humans are made in the image and likeness of God because we have the ability to accidentally bite the inside of our cheeks; one of the most stupid and painful things ever.
I am not sure I get late April Fools jokes as a genre.
Truly horrifying, exceeding even the fear induced by the size of Nietzsche’s mustache in the picture above. Further proof: If God truly made a spider that size, there would certainly be a shoe of similar proportions with which to smash it. The only shoes that size that I’ve seen have been on the feet of clowns, an equally frightening and corollary proof.
On the other hand, I feel so much better since I gave up hope.
This spider doesn’t both me at all. Nietzsche doesn’t bother me, he just does not understand the reason for the creation of the giant spider. I look forward to visiting with the Creator someday and finding out out the reason. I suspect it is to scare the hell out of atheists!
Why can’t I upvote Duke of Buccleuch?
Is this a joke post?
This post AND a Dara O’Briain (spelled correctly!) name checked? Oh swoon.
Believing there is no God because there are scary dangerous creatures, is like believing there are no such thing as carpenters when your chair accidentally falls on your foot and gives you a black toe nail. Atheists love to create Strawmen god’s and hate these strawmen. I suppose it gives them some transcendent purpose in life to hate these self created strawmen.
You know, is it me alone or do I find this spider rather pretty? I wonder if one can pet it…
Doorman, you nailed it with your carpentry analogy. Pretty much threw the hammer down, really.
Teofilo, you are clearly under the spell of Satan himself. Renounce your ungodly ways and find a big heavy shoe with which to do God’s own work.
Hmm. This April fools joke is dates two days late…..
Seriously, though, that is one AWESUM spider!
If it wern’t for athiests, my day would be no fun at all…nature testifies to me….aggrevates them.
I have always believed Liberals gave the greatest testimony(loudest) for no God…I wish their ideas died as easily as spiders…Happy Easter…great
This is a humorous article indeed! Too ridiculous to waste my time commenting it. +
Can I recently say what relief to seek out someone that truly knows what theyre referring to on the web. You certainly understand how to bring a concern to light and earn it important. The diet need to read this and appreciate this side from the story. I cant think youre no more well-liked when you certainly contain the gift.
Wow! There is so much good stuff in this post! You’re also an extraordinary writer. I can’t wait to read more of your writing. Do you have Twitter?