Mormon March Madness – The Final Four

Monson & Uchtdorf

While President Monson may have found President Uchtdorf’s trouncing of the once-proud Elder Holland satisfying, all is clearly not well in Zion: In an outcome that makes reason stare, Enoch–a prophet LITRALLY named after a podunk town in Utah–beat John the Beloved. Do any of you people even read Revelations? Good grief.

In other news, Jon McNaughton shocked absolutely no one by defeating the Priests of Baal, and Joseph Smith Jr. dismissed Emma like a pants-wearing protester at General Conference.

So on the Final Four, then.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf


Joseph Smith Jr.
Jon McNaughton


  1. I wonder how long it will be before someone tells you that it’s Revelation, singular. (I don’t count, of course. I’m not nit-picky like that.)

  2. If this means that Joseph Smith is eventually going to go head-to-head with Dieter Uchtdorf, I’m kind of afraid.

  3. Kevin Barney says:

    Rebecca J, my nephew got a tattoo along his right arm that reads Revelations 16. I wish he had talked to me about that first…

  4. Not even close.

    One man has inspired devoted followers with profound messages of God’s love and profound involvement in our lives today by plumbing the depths of human emotion, spirituality, and revelation while standing boldly against the forces of darkness as they heaped scorn upon him…and the other was Joseph Smith.

  5. I assume your poll refers to Enoch Root. In that case he is sure to be the winner.


  6. “Do any of you people even read Revelations?” I was gonna say, “Yes, enough to know that it’s Revelation, singular” but you have pre-snarked yourself.

  7. Scott B. says:


    Jokes aren’t nearly as fun when you have to explain that you meant them.

  8. Scott B. says:

    In case there is any further confusion: Yes–I am aware that I spelled “literally” wrong.

  9. The priests of Baal are too enigmatic to be defeated by the likes of McNaughton. Just because they couldn’t get the fire *that day*, well I think the fix was in.

  10. Thomas Parkin says:

    E-noch! E-noch! E-noch!

  11. Thomas Parkin says:

    On Enoch: “Tarry ye here and keep the tents, while we go yonder to behold the seer, for he prophesieth, and there is a strange thing in the land; a wild man hath come among us.”

    Enoch took his city into heaven. I’m sorry, as timely and fantastic as Uctdorf is. Come on.

  12. Enoch took his city into heaven, but Uchtdorf has spent some time up in the heavens too.

  13. McNaughton, but only so Uchtdorf can beat him in the final.

  14. With no JS there would be no Uchtdorf. [clicks JS] Then again, with no JS there’d be no McNaughton. [clicks McNaughton, submits vote]

  15. What Aaron R. said.

  16. Dieter vs. METATRON and you think the pilot wins, Aaron R?

  17. Was there never a Final 2 announced?

  18. Left Field says:

    McNaughton made a painting of Enoch being translated into heaven, riding in an airplane flown by Dieter F. Uchtdorf, while Brother Joseph saves Our Inspired Constitution from the thread from which Obama has suspended it. With the souls of all his competitors trapped in canvas, McNaughton wins on a forfeit.