It’s Halloween week (though perhaps you already celebrated with a ToT), so Steve and I figured that it would only be appropriate to have a super-spooky ranking! This is some scary stuff!
As always, these rankings are authoritative.
- Cain/Bigfoot
- BYU Honor Code Office Representative
- Post-Manifesto Polygamist
- Intellectual Feminist
- Single Man Over 27
- The Bible Dictionary
- Non-intellectual Feminist
- Steve Evans
- Idolatrous God of Elkenah
- Missionary who served, came home, and then got called back 4 years later like in that nightmare I have every 6 weeks
By Common Consent, a Mormon Blog 
BYU Religion professor stuck in 1974.
The CES letter?
Man dressed as divorced mother of 7 kids
Cross-dressing is explicitly against approved costume guidelines in the Handbook, Talon. Shame on you.
Divorced feminist single-mother grad student.
Anything with a mask
Srsly, BYU Honor Code office is for greenies. I need to get my hands on one of the polos the BYUI Student Honor Committee from BYUI wears. Polo + ruler to measure inches distance between ankles and pants = how it’s done
Sexy Eliza R. Snow
Jenny G,
How is that scary?!?
I know Steve, that’s why it’s so scary, it suggests apostasy. It’s scary temporally and spiritually.
#1 hahaha
I guess I’m a little sad about this post. From my experience BCC has done an excellent job at breaking down stereotypes and aiming for honest humor and reflection. As someone who falls or partially falls into some of these categories, I don’t find some of them funny. I’m wondering what you mean by “feminist” because it is a sensitive word among Mormons. I believe the word simply means a person who believes women are important. Mormon women just want to be taken seriously but we laugh about it? Isn’t that why women are scared to share their honest feelings about it-for fear of being labeled a feminist? Single men over 27 suffer so much criticism. Why do we need to add to the barrage and the burden? There are a lot of unseen reasons why this happens. Is it really that funny?
A wife actually formed from nine cows.
The fact that my fellow saints are truly scared of me because I’m a mormon feminist? Yes, that’s laughable.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire
BCC commenters who have no sense of humor.
Audrey B., what are you wearing RIGHT NOW?
Scott is something of a bully in this respect.
GROAN
I’m not sure what to think about this post, because it doesn’t specifically address whether or not the author has a testimony, in detail sufficient for my demands.
Zombie Danite
#6 is dressed in green tights with a feathered cap, and spends the entire party trying to chat up the 18-year old in a Tinkerbell outfit.
ive heard that Deseret Books is carrying a “Calling and Election Made Sure” costume.
It doubles as a Prez Uchtdorf costume.
There is, and always and forever only ever has been, one True Mormon Halloween Costume, world’s without end. The discussion ends. http://timesandseasons.org/index.php/2005/11/the-greatest-mormon-halloween-costume-ever/
RAF, but that isn’t scary!
Irrelevant! The discussion ends!
A silver fox.
In re. #1 – you too? After 25 years I only have the dream about twice a year, but it’s always very, very vivid. I always go back to the same mission, I usually have about 2 days to put my affairs in order, and it never turns out well.
First off, there is NOTHING written in any work of scripture outright condemning feminists, men over 27, etc. Go read your scriptures bro.
Second off, you must just be grumpy with all these lists and anti-halloween sentiment. Go eat some candy and relax.
In conclusion, you’re true personality shines through in this blog and I am discusted.
I, for one, will be going as a sexy nurse this year. It’s technically cross-dressing, and it’s obviously visually disturbing, but if I don’t go as a sexy nurse, who will?
Steve Evans as Edward Cullen. That ranks somewhere.
Not Even Once Club President.
Discusted ! Haha.
I plan to dress up as a copy of “The Miracle of Forgiveness.” People will flee in terror.
Terrifying, BT! +1
A blue dress shirt and tie. Slacks–no suit.
A variation of #1 remains my only, and regularly, recurring nightmare.
I’ve only been home ten years, and number one still happens on a regular basis. What does that say about our psyche? And as a number 6, going as your self is terrifying enough to other people. You don’t even need to dress up.
I’m coming as Ammon dragging a sheet full of bloody, severed arms.
That costume is wrong because everybody knows Ammon didn’t carry his own severed arms
How did I get #2 and #3 mixed up in my head?
Zemnariah–noose and all.
(^^) Menopausal feminist.
If you can’t laugh about that you will be even more miserable.
Also I am seriously displeased (think Lady de Bourgh) that comments were closed on the ToT before I could weigh in with my spectacular, judge mental opinion.
There’s nothing I’d find scary about dressing as a feminist at the ward Trunk or Treat party. The fun in it would be watching the Utards run in fear.
If your definition of “feminist” is “Someone who believes women are people, too” then sign me up.
And I think “BYU Honor Code Enforcement Representative” would look suspiciously like a member of the Inquisitorial Squad from Harry Potter 6. I once had a roommate threaten to turn me in for having Diet Mountain Dew, and I wasn’t even a BYU student. That is some dark arts indeed.
Fanny Alger.
Lots of scriptural role models for a more sinister scare: Tamar with staff and signet, Zipporah with bloody sharp stone, Jael and bloody nail, Huldah with a copy of the Torah, Emma Smith and a copy of D&C 132…. ;)
JeanineL and the others who think it’s cute to take pot shots, I am wearing a sailor cut grey sweater & navy slacks with subtle pinstripes. My hair is in a loose bun with a few dripping curls and a round of tart-wine colored lipstick. I just finished a snazzy job in downtown DC which I can’t talk about. I must be a feminazi, right? Judging from the number of guys who came up to talk to me (even though I was on the job), I don’t think I was that scary. If that can be scary sometimes then yes, run away. Oh, and I’m over 27 and not married. Are y’all the type that makes fun of people with disabilities on Halloween, too? Who are the scary ones again??? ;)
Audrey B.,
It takes all the fun out of things when you have to explain them, but I’ll go ahead and try, I guess, because I’m tired:
1. Since the inclusion of “Bible Dictionary” as a “scary Mormon Halloween costume” apparently didn’t give it away, the list is not serious.
2. Feminists are not scary. As you rightly point out, the word “feminist” is often “a sensitive word among Mormons.” We here at BCC think that is very unfortunate, because we (generally speaking!) not only like feminists, but actually are feminists. Hence, our inclusion of “feminists” on the list is an attempt at “satire,” in which we slap the “scary” label on something that is (to us) decidedly not scary as a means of (hopefully) nudging those who DO think it’s scary along the path toward realizing how ridiculous that position is.
3. We included the descriptor “intellectual” for the exact same reason.
4. We included the descriptor “non-intellectual” because these rankings have a history of including at least one-such meta-reference/position reversal. Please see past entries for examples.
5. 27 year-old males are not scary, and were included for reasons similar to #2. That is, because culturally we tend to get married young and thereby assume that unmarried types are somehow flawed, which is a ridiculous thing to believe or think.
Clear?
Ummm Scott the list is definitive so shut up
“a snazzy job in downtown DC which I can’t talk about”
Fight Club tried to recruit me at a hiring fair once, but I chose a career in the financial industry instead. In retrospect I should have visited their corporate headquarters before making my decision. Live and learn.
I love these rankings not for the rankings themselves, but for the comments. Seriously, who is trolling you guys by linking their humorless friends to your lists?
I suggest that your next definitive ranking should be of comments on your definitive rankings.
Wicked King Noah’s Leopard
Headless Laban
“1. Missionary who served, came home, and then got called back 4 years later like in that nightmare I have every 6 weeks.”
Those nightmares decrease. I’ve been home from my mission for almost 40 years, and I only have that dream once or twice a year.
A minor character from Game of Thrones. Then you call out anyone that guiltly looks away because they recognize it.
Mitt Romney
Friberg’s Noah has a jaguar, not a leopard.
Of course I once read someone on the internet claiming that because Friberg painted Noah with a leopard, the Book of Mormon is a fraud because leopards don’t live in the New World. Makes perfect sense to me.
A minor character from Game of Thrones. Then you call out anyone that guiltly looks away because they recognize it.
Podrick Payne, there’s no hiding!
Those of you who keep having the nightmare (#1) need to read Craig Harline’s new book, Way Below the Angels: The Pretty Clearly Troubled but Not Even Close to Tragic Confessions of a Real Live Mormon Missionary,” a hilarious (and seriously thought-provoking) missionary memoir published, surprisingly, by Eerdmans. Craig deals in with the “Dream” in wonderful detail. Funniest and most sane book I’ve read in a long, long while.
I’m dressing up this year as the managing director of Correlation after reading the latest essays on Gospel Topics.
“Wicked King Noah’s Leopard”
“Friberg’s Noah has a jaguar, not a leopard.”
Oh shiz, son! It’s a #JungleCatBeef
Obviously, Friberg used a leopard rather than a jaguar to show the over the top self serving kleptocracy of King Noah’s court, as the leopard was imported from the Old World at great expense to his poor, suffering taxpaying subjects. Duh.
Authoritative! Hah! McNaughton doesn’t make the list? Even after he offered to provide mouseover captions for all of Friberg’s Book of Mormon paintings?
Idea for costume coordinating: The September Six
“Missionary who served, came home, and then got called back 4 years later like in that nightmare I have every 6 weeks”
Aah. This actually happened to a guy in a former ward. Returned from a mission (to Taiwan), married, he and his wife asked to serve a mission together shortly after.
Hedgehog’s knowledge of someone living the nightmare that is #1 is more terrifying than anything on the list itself. I might be, theoretically, hyperventilating at the very thought.
This is one of the few lists that didn’t really tickle my funny bone – but the comments are fantastic. Is Napoleon Dynamite passe’ now? No longer a usable costume idea?
Scott, why don’t you share what you REALLY feel about fem…oh. That was your last post. I hate to admit it, but I kind of miss T. Chadwick.
MTC Barber
Shiz
Licked cupcake
High priest instructor carrying Skousen books
Licked cupcakes! That’s a brilliant one. +1
MTC Barber is also great. “Big Red” is what we all called him…wonder if he’s still there.
http://thegardenofenid.tumblr.com/post/101410005391/ten-weird-mormon-halloween-costumes-happy
Kody Brown
Agree with Lew. Harline’s book discusses the dream. It’s a phenomenon.
President of the Church Boyd K. Packer
I have that dream from time to time. Fortunately nowhere near every six weeks though. But I always go back to the exact same missionary apartments where I lived back in the Carter Administration. The other missionaries are always youngsters. And I’m an old guy vaguely confused about why I’m there. Although the missionary apartments are always the same, the mission office is always different. My real mission home was in the same complex that now houses the Manhattan Temple. In my dream, it’s always a fictional building a few blocks away, somewhere by Central Park.
I have a colleague who was in the army. He has the same dream about being back.
Best Mormon costume story here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBvVBXpV8tI
And it involves the very same elevator shown in Russell’s link.
My comment is awaiting moderation. Who you callin’ a moderate?!
Priesthood leader, who extends callings/asks people to speak, leaving an intentionally vague voicemail.
Jello casserole
Anyhoo, the comment that is stuck in moderation has a link to Elna Baker’s awesome story of the fortune cookie costume, which happens to involve the very same elevators seen in Russell’s link to Moroni playing an instrument too irreverent for sacrament meeting.