Ghosts, Ranked

See, I personally believe that the time for ranking spooky things like ghosts is past, what with Halloween being just over a month ago now. But Steve was all like, “No way. Mormons love ghosts.” And I was like, “No, let’s do something more Christmasy!” and Steve was all like, “Dude, I’ll ban you unless we do ghosts!” and I was like, “Sheesh, bro. Whatever.”

christmas ghost
As always, these rankings are authoritative.

  1. The one who haunts churches late at night when you’re there by yourself
  2. Casper, the Friendly
  3. Patrick Swayze
  4. The one who won’t shake your hand when you ask politely
  5. Christmas Past
  6. Casper, the Hostile
  7. Sheri Dew
  8. Slimer
  9. The blue one from Ms. Pac-Man
  10. Holy

Comments

  1. Bro. So banned, Bro.

  2. Sheri Dew? Am I missing something? Did she die?

  3. Btw, I think #7 should have been much higher in the rankings. That’s the ghost I’ve been preparing for ever since I learned about it in seminary. #7, if you’re out there, I’m still waiting.

  4. you forgot Warren Beatty from Heaven Can wait.

  5. What about the one that the highly e̶m̶o̶t̶i̶o̶n̶a̶l̶ spiritual youth always see at the Temple baptistery?

  6. I wouldn’t say we forgot him, John.

  7. MQQT: be careful what you wish for. Also, watch this space on Sunday.

  8. A Happy Hubby says:

    What about the ghost of trunk or treat. THAT one really gets everyone talking and many are scared the comments will never end! :-)

  9. Christmas Future is soooooo much better than Christmas Past.

  10. I assume dead and unresurrected counts as a ghost, so what about Gabriel/Noah? Gotta be better than the ghost that haunts the church, which is really mice in the attic and not a ghost anyway. Or what about a pre-mortal being, like say a pre-mortal Jesus appearing to the brother of Jared? Hard to do a ranking in which Jesus is a candidate but not give him the #1 spot. Unless you Mormons are not Christian or something. Or, hey, what about the big guy Lucifer himself? He’s gotta be high on the ranking.

  11. The scariest ghost ever is the Grey Lady in the Magrath, Alberta cemetery. I’ve driven past her multiple times and was freaked out each time.

  12. Left Field says:

    Moonlight Graham

  13. Sheri Dew should totally have a son named Mountain.

  14. MOQT, the one who tries and fails has to be a lot scarier.

  15. Ooooh, good point, Hedgehog. I hope that one shows up as well. ;) All my seminary instruction finally put to good use.

  16. John Mansfield says:

    Back in 2008 I watched “Truly Madly Deeply,” a 1990 movie with Alan Rickman as a sexy ghost. Then four days later the director Anthony Minghella died at 54 of a brain hemorrhage, which made watching his nice movie musing on connection between the living and the dead even more poignant. Nice timing there between the two of us.

  17. Wish I knew the name of the short film, but it’s the one where a young couple decides they want to get married right away (not in the Temple), convince the Bishop to do it, then get in a fatal car accident right afterward. The ghost of the girl as they find they won’t be together forever.

    Some of those old LDS films were just depressing.

  18. I call shenanigans on #1, the Holy Ghost may have the word “ghost” in it, but in the Old English sense of “spirit” or “anima”, not the modern, Casper-style sense of “undead person.” Not the same thing at all.

    Though I suppose you are technically correct, and as we all know, that’s the best kind of correct.

  19. Sorry, these rankings are not controversial enough to live up the high standards of BCC. Please move on to ranking the General RS Presidents. I can only assume Eliza and Emma will tie for first.

  20. fuddyduddy says:

    ^ now THIS I’d like to see.

  21. But was Moonlight Graham really a ghost? Can ghosts play baseball? Was Shoeless Joe also a ghost, then? I don’t think so.

  22. Doug,
    The best kind of comments are also the ones where someone declares the author to be incorrect, but then reverses course in the same comment before hitting “Enter.” :)

  23. My 3-year-old spent the month of October pointing out Halloween decorations in stores and yelling at the top of her lungs “Look, mom! A holy ghost! I see a holy Ghost!” Glad to see He made #1.

  24. Scott B. so are you saying the baseball players were resurrected beings instead of spirits? If so they must be from Heaven because I believe he shook his dad’s hand before playing catch; and Ray certainly didn’t show signs of being surprised of not feeling anything; which, really, then presents a conundrum because why would they ask if the field was heaven if they are resurrected beings? That clearly shows they’ve left Spirit Prison/Paradise….. This calls for a rewatch.

    (you’ll have to forgive me, I lived near Dyersville for a few years; I’m invested)

  25. I can’t believe that the indignant ancestor that berates the living for not performing temple work didn’t even make it on the list. Surely, the inhabitants of the spirit world are offended.

  26. By the #1, I firmly believe that the #10 is real. Maybe the same.

  27. Just wondering about the crew of The Black Pearl. And all those ghosts living at Hogwarts. And wondering if dementors count as ghosts.

  28. I hate Casper. Both of him.