Some people love General Conference! Some other people don’t love General Conference! Some people, like Steve and I, have experienced both highs and lows during General Conference. Today, we’re going to talk about the lows.
As always, these rankings are authoritative.
- The time when I was like 6 and I burned my arm on our car’s exhaust pipe trying to fetch a ball I’d kicked under there by accident. It was on GC weekend, iirc
- The time that I left my favorite toy under the chairs in the cultural hall when watching GC and I NEVER SAW IT AGAIN
- The time when I was in the MTC and discovered there was a “Priesthood Session” that we had to attend
- That time everyone sang along with the TV and we even stood up for it
- Every single time some stupid “Children’s Choir from Orem” sings
- That one talk by that guy who learned a lot on the farm as a child
- The time we chose “Tractor Beam” as the candy-word on Easter conference
- When I decided, during a talk by Elder Scott, that I would only blink when he blinked
- So, I wasn’t there, or really even alive, but I heard there was this one time in like 1968 that was AWFUL
- That time the other Deacons got me to show up at 6:00am for the “Deacons Session”
- That time when some GA told a joke, but the Internet connection was terrible and it stalled. By the time it came back? JOKE OVER
- That time the Lord removed a General Authority from his station, mid-talk
- The time I went to the Conference Center and was excited to see my favorite Apostle, but then he was sitting in the Tabernacle
- When you realize that the Mormon Tabernacle Choir is all animatronic
- That time when Steve told me that the Mormon Tabernacle Choir is all animatronic
- When you decide to sing along to “Who’s On the Lord’s Side? Who?” like an owl then look around and realize nobody else sings that one like an owl
- The time when President Benson instructed everyone to kill the person sitting on their right
- When you aren’t paying attention during sustainings and you’re late and accidentally oppose the rest of the quorums as presently constituted
- That time when several thousand women were told they were, then weren’t, then were, then weren’t, and then finally were, in conference
- When you try to apply all the talks to yourself, but they’re all about artificial intelligence and ethics in videogame journalism
- When your mom makes you put on church clothes for the Sunday session
- Saturday session
- The time when no one defended the family
By Common Consent, a Mormon Blog 
“7.The time when President Benson instructed everyone to kill the person sitting on their right”
I’m pretty sure he instructed everyone to kill the person on their left.
#21 FTW. I have been there.
Mark: HIS left, your right.
Mark – it wasn’t kill the person “on their left”, but anybody that “leaned left in any way shape or form.”
Srsly tho #4
Steve, you are right. And I think it was everyone to the left.
Laughter is the best medicine. Thank you.
#14b, Showing up two years later for the “Teacher’s Session”. Same early time, same older boys assuring me it was for real.
B.Russ–
You too?! I thought I was the only one!
On 4 are you sure you weren’t at TEDx, aka general conference for hipsters?
A great list, but I’m going to have to go with #8.
peterllc–are you ready to have your mind blown? True Story:
When I was just creating this new post, I was using the most recent rankings (“Manimals, Ranked”) post as the template. Well, when I got to the entry about the owls, the entry it replaced from the old post was “Real Crows.”
See? BOTH BIRDS!
Sorry, number 20 should be on the “highs” list. As well as number 19. What’s wrong with you people?
But seriously, this one was the best ranked list ever. Laughed out loud.
Actually it’s about ethics in defending religious liberty.
DON’T START, CASEY
Growing up I was totally unaware that Saturday sessions existed (I knew about priesthood session but thanked my stars I didn’t have to go) and I thought that Sunday afternoon was for those weirdos who wanted to watch a repeat of the morning session. So my worst session was during my first semester at BYU, when I discovered that therewere four distinct meetings and I was expected to watch all of them.
Saturdays we were able to be outside if we had conference on the radio. Sometimes that was a high (baseball) sometimes that was a low (pulling weeds). But if we pulled all of our weeds mid sessions we’d get 25 cent Maverik mug refills at the corner store (high). So I guess it all evened out.
There was that time we only had audio and I couldn’t see what ties the apostles were wearing.
That time when 8 year old girls became women and qualified to attend the Women’s Meeting, thus making me feel slightly guilty for my non-attendance. I’ll cope.
I liked the Deacon’s session fake out.
#16. Very lol.
When I was 13, my family moved to Utah and that was when I learned that there was more than just the one session that the local TV station showed so they could get their quota of public service broadcasts. Of course back in those days, conference, it turned out, was THREE days and SEVEN sessions.
That time conference started any earlier than it already does because you live west of Utah.
Good work, brothers. Everyone needed a good laugh, I think. That’s all – just thanks.
Cheers, Hunter.
What happened in 1968?
Actually, Deep Think, this is about tied with the List about the revelations coming from public disclosure of the Church’s finances. Line item–Payment to Rome for “Bruce’s Book.” Classic
#15: About then, one speaker in GC said “decadent”, but, pronounced it “de-cade-ent”, irking my father. And, it was a English speaking GA =/
I assume you are referring to just stupid children’s choirs from Orem and not stupid children’s choirs in general.
“Laughter is the best medicine.” Actually, Cat, that really yummy-tasting cherry cough syrup is the best medicine, but your ranking may vary since my rankings are not authoritative.
“1 The time when Scott and Steve wrote lousy humor about General Conference, making General Conference, in comparison to this silly humor, quite entertaining.
“BOTH BIRDS!”
That’s some serious synchronicity, which I take to be the same as out of the mouths of two or three witnesses and therefore true.
I will never again hear that song without wanting to hoot like an owl, so thanks for that.
It doesn’t matter which side the person is sitting on that you kill, as long as you use your right hand to take the life.
When they told you there was a Deacons’ Session, did conference happen to fall on April 1?
All those conferences when they didn’t announce the new 2 hour block Sunday meeting schedule.
Who sings along at conference? Probably the same nerds who dress up for it.
“Probably the same nerds who dress up for it.”
Hey! No wonder you people never feel the Spirit…
Angela is filled with hate and bitterness in general, so this is not surprising.
Not to mention the dorks who raise their arm while sitting in their living room. Nobody can see you.
I know the rankings are authoritative and all, but Bonjo makes a good point.
The Lord does, Angela. He always sees.
“The Lord does, Angela. He always sees.” That’s what the people selling dress shirts want you to think.
that time I was driving down University Ave in Provo on a Saturday morning and watching whole carfuls of people raise their hands together, and then figured out the sustaining part of Conference was on the radio…
That time you forget they changed the words to “How Firm A Foundation” and you sang “YOU WHO”…unto Jesus.
Does the church really have children who aren’t very smart sing in a choir together?
Learning our satellite dish was busted and have to go to the church to watch conference (priesthood).