If You Like Trunk-or-Treats You Probably Don’t Have a Testimony

Because it is Halloween time again, I’ve decided to re-post this important message. The comments to this post are among the most beloved treasures in BCC history, and worthy of your consideration.

Holy crap Trunk-or-Treats are the worst thing in the world and if you believe Trunk-or-Treats are consistent with the Gospel, you are wrong.

E.T. Trick or Treating

What is the point of a Trunk-or-Treat, anyway? When I was a kid and this societal cancer first reached my awareness, I understood that it was born of concern about poisoned candies and apples with razor blades and other dangerous crap that Big Mom was worried about. It probably got its start from the movie E.T., when that punk Elliot didn’t come home on time and Gertie was going on and on to the police officer about her dad being in Mexico with his lover. Halloween + Adultery + Space Aliens = NO MORE TRICK OR TREATING. So, instead of sending the kids out on the streets at night like rational human beings, we line everyone up in a parking lot and distribute candy like it’s freaking Hamsterdam.

Well, I hate to break it to you Charlie Brown, but there is no Great Pumpkin and the Trunk or Treat is a big fat lie.

These Trunk-or-Treats aren’t even held on Halloween! They’re deliberately scheduled up to a week before the 31st (ours is this Friday!) advance so that kids can STILL GO TRICK OR TREATING. Can someone explain to me how we are saving our kids from Bit ‘O Honeys laced with crack by holding ToTs if we still do what we always did anyway? All we’re really doing is making sure that I, the “Dad,” have to follow my kids around at night TWICE instead of sitting at home watching the sportsball as is my eternal right. No kid needs to go trick-or-treating twice. No kid needs that much candy. When one big orange plastic pumpkin is insufficient to hold your booty, you’ve got too much booty.

Am I the only member of this Church who cares about the children? If someone is given the topic of “Moderation in all things” in Sacrament meeting next month, I’ll probably throw my Hymn book at them.

But that’s not all. The worst aspect is the fact that these Trunk-or-Treats grow. We used to have a ward Trunk-or-Treat. Then it became a Tri-Ward Trunk-or-Treat. Now it’s basically a block party for every candy-seeking 9 year old within a 78-mile radius. That means that in order to participate in these events, you have to take out a home equity loan just to buy enough candy so that you don’t run out after the first wave of kids. When Stake Conference rolls around next spring and we get told that fast offerings are desperately needed, I certainly know where my finger is going to be pointed. I’m personally convinced that Big Ward and Big Candy are in bed with each other on this thing. They probably struck some kind of back-room deal whereby Trunk-or-Treats are allowed to expand without bounds in exchange for a sponsorship deal and new hats for the byu marching band.

The traffic is a nightmare, too. Our stake center has one of those U-shaped parking lots that wraps around the building, with exits at both ends. By about 7pm, the entire lot is filled up with more cars than it is probably legally allowed to admit, but that’s all fine and dandy because the High Priests are out there in yellow vests pointing and waving their hands to make sure that everyone gets squeezed into a spot, and anyway the problem doesn’t manifest until it’s go-home time (which is defined as “when my kid got enough Reese’s cups to sate my lust for a fortnight”) when all hecky-darn breaks out. No lie, there were 482 people killed last year alone in our stake parking lot when 1,723 minivans all tried to depart simultaneously and the ensuing traffic jam became sentient, unleashing its wrath upon all who dared turn their keys in the ignition. I swear I didn’t get home until like 9:30pm and that is way too late because my kids wake up way too early.

Comments

  1. I’m anti-trunk-or-treat because it makes us even more exclusionary. Most heavily mormon towns I’ve lived in just do the LDS ToT and skip trick-or-treat. For heck’s sake go walk around your neighborhood with all the nonmembers!

  2. Who needs Trunk or Treat when you have a real trick-or-treat scene? We have some amazing neighborhoods in Chicago, where the houses are decorated for a month, and kids descend like candy-grabbing locusts. My kids’ candy lasts for months after Halloween, even without a Mormon-specific Trunk or Treat.

    So yes, abomination. Also, how much decent candy can you get when there are only like 15 people handing out candy? (We don’t have tri-ward or multi-stake Trunk or Treats here, thank you very much.)

  3. Our Trunk or Treat is just our ward an is held in conjunction with a Ward Family Home Evening dinner, so it is on the Monday before Halloween. People decorate their trunks (there are prizes) and hand out candy, then everyone goes in the cultural hall for a soup dinner. This year there will be prizes for the best soup or chili. The soups are usually really good (although some people use more salt than I like). This year there will be a cakewalk as well. There are also best costume prizes for both adults and children. It is a fun ward social and everyone has a great time. I’m an old lady with no children and my trunk is too full of junk to decorate, but I enjoy the dinner and the socializing, as well as seeing what costumes people come up with (sometimes I wear black and stick a witch’s hat on my head, which is never a prize winner). On Halloween itself, the number of tick or treaters in my neighborhood is minimal.But I do agree that having such an event on a stake level is asking too much of people. Halloween candy is not cheap. I remember, however, that when I was a child, my brother and I would canvas pretty much the whole town on Halloween (I lived in a fairly small town) and we would use pillow cases for our loot. We gathered enough candy and apples to last until the next Halloween.

  4. We’ve dodged that bullet in two ways. Nobody in our ward has a car. And our church doesn’t have a parking lot. So, we’ve been truer than a lot of the rest of you for a long time!

  5. A Happy Hubby says:

    In my (nowhere near the jello belt) neighborhood generally the trunk or treat with lots of other fun stuff like bouncy house, basketball shoot, “fishing for candy with clothes-pins, etc. is a chance to bring MANY non-members to. Many then skip Trick or Treat or at least just hit a few houses and call it a night. Given that I feel we are doing too much in some areas, I do dislike the effort that goes into this a bit. But the kiddo’s like it. So I guess I don’t like it, but I don’t dislike it like you do. I do understand where you are coming from.

    So be a mean parent and tell your kids, “You get to do ONE, not both – because daddy gets too frightening – even for Halloween.

  6. I generally like ours. My ward covers about 7 different townships and the TOT serves as one of the better social gatherings of the year. We do ours on the last Wed night of October and allow the YM/YW to run things. They take to the planning more than any other activity. Sometimes too much – like last year when the boys created a ‘spook hall’ on the stage that included the Annie torso CPR doll from the scout closet, which scared the dickens out of some sunbeams. For us, the TOT is only part of the activity and the kids only get 30-45 pieces of candy. Yes, too much by my book too, but not violating the WOW unless we want to throw out funeral potatoes too.

  7. Paul Brown says:

    Is this just an LDS thing? One of the unwritten rules, or is it in Handbook 2 someplace?

  8. For early trunk or treats, our is, well, tonight.
    We just have too many people in our ward who like dressing up for Halloween, so why not doing it more than once?

  9. My ward also has a Christmas party. And we still celebrate Christmas as a family. My thoughts are, the more activities we can do together as a ward the better. The kids love it too. Stop being a fuddy duddy.

  10. I love this post but still allow my kids to trunk-or-treat if that’s available to them — but I don’t expect it to replace the real thing for them. That would be crazy.

  11. DQ, Scott B. is a Utah State fan so you can’t take what he says that seriously.

  12. Bro

  13. DQ,
    I don’t agree with you because I’m in favor of righteousness.

  14. I’ve been to some great trunk-or-treat/Halloween party events. They all have this in common:

    1. They’re not actually on Halloween. This means that you can support both your neighborhood (on Halloween) and your ward.

    2. There’s an actual social aspect. It should be a social event, not a candy-grab. Ward members should mingle. It should be the type of activity that people feel comfortable inviting their friends and family to. Obviously, trying to cram three wards into one activity is a bit too much. Huge crowds lend to making people feel lonely, not welcome.

    The wannabe McMansion half of our ward has an HOA trunk-or-treat on Halloween. Obviously, us non-McMansion types aren’t invited. The unfortunate result is that we never have any kind of Halloween ward activity because half of the ward has a half-ward activity instead, and no one wants two Halloween activities.

  15. its a night that is slowly growing in Australia. Trunk or treat works for us as most suburbs are not involved. Some bishops welcome all, others will not host such a pagan event on sacred ground.

  16. ginaathompson says:

    Ours is actually on Halloween, which I think is awful. Trick-or-treating is more or less the only night left in the US when neighbors are all out talking with each other and welcoming each other onto their front porches and getting to know each other. Mormons are all away with lights out at our own private party. I really think it’s a shame.

  17. Tim,
    I wish I was in your ward so I could stay home and watch TV.

  18. Parts of this were really funny; a witty rant can be entertaining. I just don’t like the title. I don’t like using “testimony” in satire or jokes. I think there are other ways to ridicule those who treat Mormon cultural traditions as part of the gospel, if you really must ridicule at all.

  19. That’s a pretty strong take there, Kathryn!

  20. Oh, Scott, I pity you! Our trunk-or-treat is awesome! It combines a chili cook-off with crazy costumes and elaborately decorated vehicles and a whole-family dance party that ends about 8:30 (that’s about when the police arrive — and they do, every year, and we give them chili dogs). It is really a lot of fun, and even the teenagers come. If your trunk-or-treat is nothing more than a candy fest, you’re doing it wrong!

  21. If we’re going to have chili cook-off’s as part of Trunk or Treats, can we please segregate the weirdos who do “white” chili to another block?

  22. Jason - yes THAT Jason says:

    Yep, Scott’s Ward is doing it wrong. Ours is much like Martin’s though no dance party. Think I’m going to suggest that to the Activities non-committee.

  23. Rigel Hawthorne says:

    We are doing it wrong. 6 cars show up and kids hit them all in 60 seconds, then with lack of other things to do, go back to the 6 cars a second time, then a third time, etc. Large volumes of candy with 6 varieties. I was one voice behind ending it successfully. Our small town has some great neighborhoods too, and the kids remember the generous houses and look forward to going back to them the next year. We did have parties in the building for a couple of years, which did have a bit more variety and dimension, but the current Bishop is one of those who thought that such parties don’t bring the right spirit. I’m ok with the outcome, which is to let the parents take the kids to the best the community has to offer.

  24. Another example of American cultural imperialism being foisted upon us good British folk, who were quite content with All Hallows Eve, bobbing apples, and maybe a few rounds of ‘knock-out ginger’ up until 1987. Then it all changed and we had to pretend we knew what we were doing when our parents sent us out to ‘trick or treat’, as they’d seen be done in Saved by The Bell, Roseanne or The Wonder years.

  25. I seem to recall a general conference talk about the importance of trunk-or-treating. We need to show the world a better way of getting our kids drunk on sugar. The “world’s way” of trick-or-treating invites the spirit of the evil one and we have to stand up for truth, righteousness, and co-located chili cookoffs. Follow the prophet – that’s what I always say.

  26. Scott’s real motive is to oppress poor people and non-suburbanites who live in apartment complexes or other places not conducive to Trick or Treating. There shall be no alternatives.

  27. MargaretOH says:

    Our ward trunk-or-treat includes desserts served before the candy distribution. And my kids’ school has daytime trick-or-treating and a Halloween party with cookies and juice. So I’m supposed to get everyone in costumes three times, decorate a car, and help with a school party so that we can appropriately celebrate a holiday that is based around a kid dressing up in a costume and getting handed candy? It’s already a child’s dream come true! Why do we have to make it extra special? It’s an abomination.

  28. I have been Samuel on the wall, decrying the evils of Trunk or Treat for 10 years MINIMUM by now. In the area of new holiday traditions it is an abomination like unto Elf on the Shelf.

    My husband successfully axed our town’s Trunk or Treat celebration. The other councilmen were saying “These two ladies who normally do it aren’t going to be able to do it this year, so it looks like you’re in charge of it,” and he said “I’ve told you guys before, I hate Trunk or Treat, I think it’s a stupid idea, and I think we should cancel it.” BOOM. No Trunk or Treat, unless some do-gooder (terrorist) decides to do a grass-roots revival of it.

  29. Ours was already last Saturday, because this weekend is stake conference. I don’t have an issue with the trunk-or-treat, but I DO have a big, honkin’ issue with calling it a “Fall Festival” because one or two folks are offended by “Halloween.” The irony there was, in Priesthood opening exercises the prior Sunday, they announced the “Ward “Fall Festival” which would be followed by the “Stake Halloween Dance.” I know I’m just a rough-hewn convert who’s never fully embraced the sweet whisperings of all things good and wholesome, but we’re Christians, people, not pussies!

  30. I’ve been in 2 situations where trunk-or-treats were positive experiences. The first was when we were in an urban ward full of apartment complexes. Trunk-or-treat was a safe way to celebrate Halloween and we often had many non-members participate, including kids just walking by (it was always a Saturday afternoon — no way we’d be idiots and do something like that at night in that area). We never had more than 2 wards combined, and the activity lasted about an hour. In the second situation we were in suburbia, but the ward encompassed many neighborhoods and elementary schools so it was the only chance for all the primary kids to see each other dressed up. That one also included the chili cook off and tons of activities for the kids — the trunk-or-treat was just the finale at the end of the night. Ward trunk-or-treats are also nice when the kids attend schools that don’t allow any Halloween celebrations or Fall Festivals.

    Now that we’re back in the Mormon bubble I can heartily agree that trunk-or-treats in these areas are completely unnecessary.

  31. I feel like I’ve been fundamentally misunderstood here. My critique of the ToT is summarized as follows:

    1. It is based on a fraudulent premise
    2. It is crazy expensive
    3. I have to stand up and put on pants to participate

  32. Sorry, but I absolutely disagree with you. First, if you are worried about all the candy, I have a very simple solution for you. I hand out the candy my kids get at trunk or treat on Halloween. Wow….it is that simple. How do you do that? Well, they are allowed a few candies to eat and then they hand it over. They do it because they know it is the rules. Simple. But wait….there is more. If that answer doesn’t satisfy you, I have another. We have several dentist in our area that “buy” back the candy. Wait…are you concerned the candy gets thrown away? Oh snap….find the one that ships it to our troops. The point I am getting at is that you can whine and complain (you) OR you can find solutions. The reason I like our trunk or treats is because it is an activity that is attend by several people not of my faith. It is an awesome opportunity just to interact and have fun. Unfortunately, uptight people like yourself just can’t see it. Sorry, but it seems like I just flipped the switch on your title.

  33. Scott, as a fellow USU alum, I heartily endorse this post. Our ward generally does the “eternal” ToT where there is a dinner, followed by a lengthy hour of activities and videos, then, finally, the actual candy part. The kids expect candy as soon as you get to church, but you have to stall them for 2 hours.

    This year we had to reschedule a baptism–one of those pesky saving ordinances–because it interfered with another ward’s ToT.

  34. This attempt at humor is ham-fisted, and furthermore, it is precisely this kind of teasing, or bullying, to put it bluntly, that can make life so difficult for those who celebrate trunk or treating. When many Halloween-goers are already not getting enough candy, how unfortunate to pile on and mock and make fun.

    Shame on you, BCC.

  35. Trick-or-treating: good
    Halloween parties: good
    Confusing the two: bad

  36. Where we live, most community roads are unlit, with long spaces between houses–too long to walk, just short enough to feel ridiculous getting in and out of a car a hundred times. There are no sidewalks, and it rains like crazy all October (yes, the NW). There are two (count ’em again?) two subdivisions in the whole town that are close together AND lit with streetlamps. The entire town of 30,000 (how many are kids, I have no idea) mobs those two neighborhoods and it’s a crazy madhouse of crowds and traffic, bringing home the wrong masked ninja by accident, and tears. Not to mention that most houses can’t afford to candify the ENTIRE town, so the neighborhoods are only open for candy business until their stash runs out…meaning it starts earlier and earlier every year, and many people drive all the way the heck out there just to find out that most of the houses have closed up shop already.

    The TOT is a welcome relief from that crazytown situation that is the other option we have. A large number of less actives and non-members come to the event, due to the town situation. That said, Bishop agrees that TOT doesn’t fit the mission of the church, so the ward doesn’t officially host it. The building gets scheduled by “someone”, flyers show up on tables around the building, word spreads by mouth, nothing gets announced in church, and it moves forward as planned anyway. There are usually other social activities like mini golf, mazes, cupcake decorating, etc. It’s a good compromise–the church is uninvolved, and the kids have a safe place to trick or treat. And it often falls ON Halloween. If it doesn’t, many parents make their kids choose (they usually choose the TOT so they can see their friends’ costumes).

  37. And then you have bishops who refuse to allow mention of Halloween at church, refuse to support ToT, and even won’t let other wards using the same building to invite their ward members.

    I take a bag of candy, when it’s gone, I close my trunk.

    This year, we’re going out to the country to someone’s ranch for a day of fun and activities (this Saturday).

  38. The years where we have ToT at the church, the Church building stays locked. You come, you candy, you leave.

  39. Bonjo:

    “Our ward generally does the “eternal” ToT where there is a dinner, followed by a lengthy hour of activities and videos, then, finally, the actual candy part. The kids expect candy as soon as you get to church, but you have to stall them for 2 hours.”

    …and you’ve written the premise of my upcoming rant against ward christmas parties.

  40. This post is so full of win, it doesn’t matter what my ward does.

  41. Queuno: “you come, you candy, you leave.” LOL, I really want to sew that on a pillow.

    I don’t necessarily mind the ToT’s because a lot of people in my ward really do bring a lot of friends and it feels more like a community party rather than a ward event. HOWEVER, our town had a GIGANTIC interfaith party at our local Trinity church on Halloween as a replacement to trick-or-treating and I’ve always thought that it was such a shame that the Mo’s aren’t involved. I’d be much happier to see that kind of community involvement than trying to pack our huge ward in a tiny parking lot.

  42. This was great. I read this to my family and we all had a good laugh.
    The trunk or treat where we lived evolved almost exactly like described in the post. At first each ward would rotate hosting trunk or treat [this year first ward, next year second, and the third year third ward and then start the rotation again]. Then soneone decided that all three wards should do trunk or treat together. The parking lot is too crowded now. And now all the non Mormons in the valley go to all the Mormon churches trunk or treats [ in my town there are three church buildings] and then have time to go to houses.

  43. Sorry, typing on phone. I wanted to bring up the problem when Halloween falls on a Sunday. Where I live when Halloween falls on a Sunday no one seems to know what to do. Should trunk or treat be on the Saturday before Halloween or should it be cancelled for that year? There is mass confusion. Then all the non Mormons complain about the Mormons not doing Halloween when it falls on a Sunday. The town is about 45% LDS. So when anything goes wrong the Mormons get blamed.
    And the LDS are left out of many things too, even though the area is predominately LDS.

  44. Great post, but I confess that I love Trunk or Treat. If that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right. Halloween to me represents the best among American holidays, just behind Thanksgiving. No gifts. No family that descends on you to visit. Plus costumes and the implied threat of violence and mayhem. Our ToT puts on an epic haunted house – inside the church (but not the chapel), including professional-level spook alley effects.

  45. Left Field says:

    Has nobody mentioned the fact that this abomination always takes place on an evening when righteous God-fearing saints have a solemn religious duty to be home watching the World Series?

  46. This’ll be my first Halloween in America, and I’m pretty excited. We have a YSA dance that night, and the family I nanny for has the family ward party this Saturday. I don’t think it’s a bring candy type of affair. Pretty sure it’s an excuse for kids to run around in costumes, ’cause the neighbourhood here is very family friendly. I’m down for dance parties and chilli cook-offs, but expensive candyfest sounds like a waste of energy.

    (Also, long live Hawkguy).

  47. Jennifer Stecker says:

    I am so thankful for truck or treat! Yes, thankful! My kids have two sets of parents. Thanks to trunk or treat I still get to enjoy their halloween sugar high, even if it isn’t my year for the actual halloween. I eat most of their candy, that way I get the cavities so they don’t. We also do scripture themed family costumes. Four horsemen of the apocalypse, keeps it spiritual.

  48. I heard that if you have a Blessing on the candy, that it will turn into a vey slow sugar and will then be consistent with the Word of Wisdom. Does anyone know he source on that?

  49. I disagree on many levels. First, why does it have to be related to testimony at all? If you’re worried about moderation, grow up and be the adult in your family and tell your kids no. I’ve never taken my kids to both a trunk-or-treat and treat-or-treat. But this leads to my second point, you don’t have to buy enough to feed all the kids. Buy what you can afford and if you can’t afford anything then don’t buy anything and skip the trunk-or-treat. Third, maybe you should help make it a more successful trunk-or-treat instead of just whining about it on the internet. We don’t live in Utah and our trunk-or-treat is on Halloween and, like others have said, it’s not just exclusive to LDS members. Pretty much everyone with kids in our town comes to the trunk-or-treat and it’s awesome. I don’t even have kids come to the house anymore which is the perfect example of the parents taking control of the situation and keeping life simple. Honestly, the entire premise of your post is insulting to me. Suddenly there’s a line between faithful members with a testimony and people who participate in trunk-or-treat? Now we don’t care about children because we prefer walking around with friends and neighbors instead of letting the little monsters loose after dark? Let’s stop with the extremes and keep it real, okay?

  50. Is truck-or-treating that common? I’m 44 and only seen one… and it was in another state–with a lot of space between homes and everyone was invited.

  51. So don’t go! It’s a social event…not a commandment.

  52. Sounds like Trunk or Treat is like gay marriage – works for some, not for others.

    (There. That oughta set ’em off.)

    Seriously, regarding the picture in the OP, does anyone trick-or-treat when it’s light out? In Minnesota it’s dark by about 1:30PM on Halloween. The confusion is half the fun in my neighborhood; slow-cruising minivans, lawn tractors hauling trailers full of costume-clad kids, the usual selection of little ones who stumbled and fell and spilled half of their candy on someone else’s lawn (good pickin’s at the school bus stop next morning), the fact that half of Minnesota Halloweens are knee-deep in snow and the wind is howling and/or it’s sleeting (the other half, it’s 65 degrees and beautiful) and all of those cute, carefully-crafted costumes are covered by huge, bulky winter coats, hats, and gloves.

    Mormons in Minnesota are not crowded together, so our kids usually just went trick-or-treating on Sunday without a lot of fuss. Our bishop knew; he lived next door and his kids went with ours. The trunk-or-treat (“no masks, no weapons,” etc. etc.) was just bonus, although it was kind of fun to see who would dress up their minivan the best.

  53. Oleablossom: “(Also, long live Hawkguy)”

    BRO.

  54. I love the trunk or treat. It’s a fun social night and the kids love it. Plus, it honestly doesn’t take much planning at all. Our ward currently has an RS President that doesn’t believe any activity should be done without a spiritual focus, so no trunk or treat this year because no one wanted to go up against her during ward counsel…which totally stinks! I like having low key social activities that the neighbors feel comfortable joining in on.

  55. My ward is the product of combining two wards: One that always did the Trunk or Treat on Halloween, one that always did the Trunk or Treat the Saturday before, and four years later everyone is still fighting about it. One year they scheduled it on Halloween and a seriously nasty lady organized a campaign of calling the stake president to complain about it, leading the stake Pres to tell the bishop to change it so they would stop calling him, and someone else to rebuke her from the stand in a talk a couple weeks later. Last year the pro-Halloween side won, and several large families boycotted. This year they scheduled it for the Saturday before (6! days before Halloween), and asked me to be in charge of it, leading to a big to-do where I asked that it just be a party, not a trunk or treat, and the bishopric counselor in charge just ignored me for weeks until I had to ask the other counselor if I was even still in charge… it has been a mess.

  56. Imagine the rage I feel when I see these take place in British Mormon car parks. Pure rage on every level. First, it’s not a trunk it’s a boot. Second, Halloween is a minor holiday here and this only signals our American-ness. Third, what we should be celebrating is Guy Fawkes night around that time. Boz, your rage is but a trifle. These things need a drone strike.

  57. oleablossom:

    “(Also, long live Hawkguy).”

    I speak for both Steve and myself when I say: Please plural internet marry us.

  58. I was in total agreement and was not to happy to be called onto the “ward Trunk or Treat committee”… What the???? Why does this commute even exist? So dumb, right? Then I learned that this activity is the second highest missionary activity, nonmembers and less active members attend this activity more than any other activity (except Christmas Nativities). So there you have it. The purpose of the church fulfilled in one night with hot dogs, candy, and costumes. My heart is changed and I’m magnifying my calling. Our trunk or treat is next Wednesday, and it will be AWESOME!!!

  59. RJH,
    Thank you for your courageous voice. Your comment has the bravery of a true Scotsman.

  60. Ah! The simple pleasures of being lds in Europe… we get to eat our own candy. ;-)

  61. And now there are examples of trunk decorating that look like they take weeks and tons of money to prepare, all while trying to put together a costume for each child that will meet both the child’s high level of expectation and the poor mom’s possibly low level of expertise. That’s just what we needed, another reason to be overwhelmed.

  62. Nora Ray–
    You speak the truth, and I actually had a bit in the OP where I mentioned that but cut it out at the last minute because I didn’t like my way of describing it and wanted to hit “Post” immediately. But YES–the increasing level of detail and effort put into decorating trunks is nothing short of insane.

  63. T. Chadwick says:

    You are the biggest retard I have ever had the chance of listening to. You are selfish. You care nothing about your kids or anyone else’s for that matter. You are not a faithful member of the church. Obviously. You deserve absolutely no positive recognition for this pathetic piece of writing. If you can’t spend more than one day with your kids during the Holiday, then quite honestly shouldn’t and don’t deserve to even have kids. Grow up. Seriously. You are a pathetic excuse for a parent.

  64. lolz

  65. Wow, some people take this stuff really seriously… I mean really T.Chadwick?? Talk about pathetic!

  66. It’s okay Amanda. I consider comments like that to be evidence of my victory in writing the post in the first place.

  67. A Happy Hubby says:

    Am I one of the few that can see Scott’s tongue in his cheek between almost every line?
    And in case you don’t know what THAT means, look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tongue-in-cheek
    “Tongue-in-cheek is a figure of speech used to imply that a statement or other production is humorously or otherwise not seriously intended, and it should not be taken at face value.”

  68. That’s why you tha man Scott.

  69. Scott is NOT KIDDING when it comes to this topic.

  70. Dear Prudence has something to say to you people: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2014/10/dear_prudence_on_halloween_poor_kids_come_to_trick_or_treat_in_my_neighborhood.html

    I will not be attending this year’s Trunk or Treat/ward chili cook-off, but my children will be. They are very excited about it. I am glad I don’t have to go, myself. I’m not a fan. In our ward, people get VERY serious about it. So serious that it sort of ruins the fun. Meh.

  71. Laughed my face off at this, but I am reminded once again that ‘Muricans are strange. Here in Alberta (aka the Canadian Utah), we have ToT on the years that Hallowe’en falls on Sunday. That’s it. I had no idea it was done differently further south. (And don’t give me any of that “mission field” crap either. See above statement regarding Canadian Utah ;)

    Our Hallowe’en test of faith is a different sort: will Heavenly Father listen to the pleas of my children for the snow to hold off for just one more week?

  72. Rigel Hawthorne says:

    “Our ward currently has an RS President that doesn’t believe any activity should be done without a spiritual focus”

    Hair standing up on the back of my neck as I have a PTSD moment from my stint on the Ward Council!

    Thus, our ward Christmas parties (to go off an a tangent) have no Santa, a spiritual program (kind of like a Sacrament meeting in the Cultural Hall) and very light refreshments–to prevent overtaxing our ward members. Our community has one of those hand bell choirs, and they are often invited to be on our ward Christmas program. You know, those bells where they ding their bell once every 30 seconds and go slow enough so that the participants will not have a chance of double dinging at the wrong time. It’s torture to get kids to sit through even one number, let alone their full repertoire. So when the ward council excitedly announces that return of the bell choir tradition, I want to put my hands to my ears like Quasimodo.

  73. Dionne: snow is coming, you can’t avoid it. I can’t tell you how many “astronaut” or “ski instructor” Hallowe’en costumes I had as a kid.

  74. Our ward (in the Mormon Corridor) never has a trunk or treat, but (like some have said above) the YM/YW put on a spook alley for the primary. The Priests were always in charge of converting the basement (we have an older building) into a haunted house, where you’d crawl through rows of chairs and be grabbed by zombies or see crazy scientists with those electric balls. Some of those experiences were burned into my childhood memory…

  75. Such a first-world problem.

  76. BT, crazy scientists with electric balls does sound scary, and slightly inappropriate for a church haunted house. Is that why you held it in the basement?

  77. What’s the Halloween word for a Scrooge? You’re such a Scott B! Doesn’t exactly flow off the tongue.

    My children will be sugared up whilst the “B” children will be marching around their courtyard breathing deeply while awaiting their orders via their own personalized dog whistle.

    Happy Halloween one and all!

  78. Carmen Morse says:

    Really, I think that trunk or treat is something that is fun. If this guy doesn’t want to participate then don’t go. But we always get our none member friends to come to this because they feel the most comfortable at this world activity.

  79. Our neighborhood/ward is made of 4 to 8 acre lots which spreads the homes very far apart. We have trunk or treat always on Halloween at the park. We consistently have neighbors there who are not LDS because it is promoted as the neighborhood event. (We also have a neighborhood rodeo every year) This works for our area.

  80. FTW.

  81. John Jacobs says:

    Ha ha. Who cares! I say that with a huge smile on my face. Its not for you, its for the kids and memories. They are fun to go to and, depending on the location, some stakes go all out with cookoffs and haunted houses. Please dont try to relate trunk or treats to the gospel. Just have fun. If you dont want to be there than dont go. If sportsgames are more important to you than do that I guess. Bottom line…iys not worth blogging about bro…lol

  82. John Jacobs,
    You think that because you trample the gospel under your hoofs.

  83. In fact, I’d wager that you probably like Ward Pancake Breakfasts, too.

  84. For those of you saying that if he doesn’t like it then don’t go. That is no more an acceptable answer than saying “If you don’t like BYU’s honor code then don’t go.” Better to tear both institutions down in revolution. The bourgeoisie have controlled the sugar induced tyranny of modesty for too long! Vive la bare shouldered WOW approved sports nights!

  85. Your post is so ridiculous, I don’t even know where to begin.

    First off, there is NOTHING written in any work of scripture outright condemning ToT, Halloween, etc. If you choose to interpret scripture that way, well, you have a right to your beliefs, but to claim that other people don’t have a testimony because they like it is sanctimonious, self-righteous, irritating, and in itself goes against the gospel, which preaches love.

    Second off, your only claim for ToT being unrighteous is that’s it’s candy out of moderation. Pro-tip, Halloween candy can still be eaten in January. You are the parent, the consumption of candy is at your discretion. Your complaints come from a place of laziness and selfishness. Your other issue is that you have to get off your butt and go do things with your children, instead of watching television. Do you hear that? That sad, sad, sound? That’s the sound of the world’s tiniest violin. Do you know what it’s playing? ‘My Heart Bleeds For You’.

    Oh, I am so sorry. Having to spend time with your family? Having to make memories with your children? Getting to be the superhero dad who does fun things with the kids? Poor. You. Your life must be such a struggle. It’s not like they’re only young once. You’ll have this opportunity forever and ever, I’m sure. Because children never grow up, and push their parents away. Nope.

    Essentially, your rant is poorly titled, whiny, and self-indulgent. If you don’t like Trunk or Treat, no one is forcing you to attend. Feel free to ignore your children and indulge your television watching whims. No one is going to judge you for it. But just because you don’t enjoy something doesn’t mean that it’s ‘unrighteous’. Last I checked, you didn’t get to decide those things.

  86. “First off, there is NOTHING written in any work of scripture outright condemning ToT, Halloween, etc.”

    My work here is done, ladies and gentlemen!

  87. Comment of the year.

  88. (applause)

  89. a couple of contenders on this thread but, yes, that pretty much caps things off

  90. actually, that comment can’t win anything, at least in the Mormon blogosphere, because it doesn’t include a rant against “the Bloggernacle”

  91. Oh man. This has been so much fun. Bless you, Scott, for tackling the most controversial topics and spurring such thoughtful debate.

  92. Rigel Hawthorne says:

    “First off, there is NOTHING written in any work of scripture outright condemning ToT, Halloween, etc.”

    Couldn’t one pull out this reliable scriptural rebuke:

    Behold, verily, thus saith the Lord unto you: In consequence of evils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of conspiring men in the last days, I have warned you

    or maybe this one from Job 20:12
    Though wickedness be sweet in his mouth, though he hide it under his tongue;

    or maybe this one from Deut 21;20
    This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a GLUTTON

  93. Wow, that was gold.

  94. “Last I checked, you didn’t get to decide those things.”

    Whom did you check with? What sources do you have? Can he decide other things? This calls into question a number of lists I can think of. My whole world is upside down.

  95. Ding Ding Ding!!! We have a winner!

    At first I thought the best comment was going to be:
    “Now we don’t care about children because we prefer walking around with friends and neighbors instead of letting the little monsters loose after dark? Let’s stop with the extremes and keep it real, okay?”

    or:
    You are the biggest retard I have ever had the chance of listening to. You are selfish. You care nothing about your kids or anyone else’s for that matter. You are not a faithful member of the church. Obviously. You deserve absolutely no positive recognition for this pathetic piece of writing. If you can’t spend more than one day with your kids during the Holiday, then quite honestly shouldn’t and don’t deserve to even have kids. Grow up. Seriously. You are a pathetic excuse for a parent.

    or surely:
    “we’re Christians, people, not pussies!”.

    But the Spirit whispered “Wait! Peace, be still….there is greater light and knowledge yet to come on this post..”

    And it was so.

  96. talynkevin says:

    I hate trunk or treats. And pancake breakfasts. And corn roasts. I am OK with ward talent shows if it showcases yours truly. Otherwise no. But the worst is pot luck. Tell me to cook enough food for my family. Then have me take it to the church. Make me sit through the 45 minutes of “pretend we’re starting at 6:00, but we won’t actually have prayer until 6:45″ providing nothing but crayons to entertain my small children for that eternity of time. After the prayer, choose everyone else’s table to line up for food before the one I was stupid enough to sit at with my children, who are now crying from hunger. I finally flout the rules and just take my children to eat something, forcing me to try to explain to my children why sometimes it’s OK to disobey their priesthood leaders if their directions are stupid, but it’s not OK to disobey ME no matter how stupid I am. Only to find out that the only food left is still there for a reason. I could have made my children cry and fed them food they’d complain about from the comfort of my own home 90 minutes ago. And then I could have put them to bed rather than spend the next 2 hours repeatedly telling them that they can not run screaming in the chapel. I don’t care that the so-and-sos are running in the chapel.

    Once a pair of Elders encouraged me to invite a friend to a ward activity. HA!

  97. Dude I trunk or treat and trick or treat with the kids. Double candy haul. It’s a win win, they can see their church friends in costume and go out around town on the same day. If the Trunk or treat is on a day other than Halloween it will give them a chance to wear their costume again and have more fun.

  98. I think trunk-or-treat should be done away with and it should be replaced with better Christmas or Easter activities. We live in a neighborhood with a high LDS population (an LDS person or 3 or 4 live on every street) and our trunk-or-treat is scheduled on Halloween night. I think we should be a part of our community. As far as missionary opportunities go, it is the only night of the year that all of your neighbors come knocking on your door to talk to you! It’s a great opportunity to get to know and connect with your neighbors! I also don’t think it is very community-like for all of the LDS folk to leave their homes empty and abandoned on Halloween night. Particularly in a neighborhood such as mine, where it will greatly impact the neighborhood trick-or-treat scene.

  99. I personally have my issues where Halloween is concerned. However, I will not be addressing that at this moment. I have two problems that maybe someone can help me find an answer to.
    1. How can ANYONE make a statement that because I may or may not participate in “trunk or treating” I PROBABLY DON’T have a testimony.
    2. The Halloween when “there were 482 people killed last year alone in our stake parking lot when 1,723 minivans all tried to depart simultaneously and the ensuing traffic jam”. Where did this take place? I realize when something is posted to a trustworthy site we don’t necessarily feel the need to check the facts. Well I did and through all my searching I have found nothing and with numbers like that are being sited I find that odd, not impossible but odd.
    So please if there is an answer to these questions I respectfully request it.

  100. This is seriously the dumbest thing to complain about. Why is it so popular in the 21st century to make a big deal out of every little thing and put others down just so we can look smart? If you don’t like Trunk-or-treat, don’t participate. No one is taking away your agency. Obviously there are people that enjoy it. They’re not doing anything wrong, so don’t try to take it away from them.

  101. “apartment complexes or other places not conducive to Trick or Treating.”

    Hmmm. Someone has never even tried trick or treating in apartment complexes. Kids like apartment complexes at Halloween for the same reason that missionaries like them when tracting.

  102. I live in the jello belt. My ward does not do a trunk or treat, I don’t eat or serve jello and I happen to like Halloween on a small scale. No zombies, no blood. You can do whatever you want. I just don’t care.

  103. Moderation in all things is not in the scriptures, but temperance in all things is which would include not throwing hymn books.

  104. I enjoyed my first trunk or treat last year. Past years have all been as you described above. With the addition that on actual Halloween we are tortured. Grandma always wants everyone to come over for chili before trick or treating. By the time everyone in my family makes it there it is 7 pm. Then Grandma wants to take the kids trick or treating to “a few houses” in her neighborhood to show the kids off. By the time we are done there and head over to our neighborhood it is 8 or later. We are toting kids around until 9:30 pm which is just too late. Not only are my kids young, they too get up early. By the time they’ve tasted a few of their spoils it is hours past their bedtime, they are wound up and delirious. Then this last year, the great trunk or treat. It happened on Halloween at 5:30. Two wards came, there were traditional Mormon donuts and hot chocolate. We were done by 6:15 to then go hit up the local mom and pop place for cheese fries and burgers. After we went to a few friends houses that hand out the full size candy bars and were home by 7:30. Best Halloween I’ve ever had. Now add a costume contest at the trunk or treat and I’m completely converted.

  105. Peggy Drechsler says:

    Scott, I laughed so hard at both your blog post and many of the following comments. But I also enjoyed the comments about what different people thought made their ward’s events successful or less so. Many of us are open to ideas to make ward social events more fun with less stress. I converted to the Gospel as a young adult 40 years ago, and that small-town America has largely vanished, so I will bore no one with “when I was young” anecdotes about Hallowe’en. Myself, I love Hallowe’en and have several costumes, so I can choose one appropriate for the weather and dress up to hand out candy to kiddies at both ToT and on Hallowe’en at home. My question is, will you please do a post about the everlasting significance of jello, particularly green jello? Although I am a temple recommend holder, this secret knowledge of the inner sanctum has never been revealed to me 😉

  106. Yes, if you don’t like it, don’t participate. Just because you go doesn’t mean you have to give out candy. Pencils, stickers, popcorn. I do believe in limits, I do believe in moderation. My kids don’t get too keep all there candy, nor do they eat it in one night. Take your concerns to your ward/stake. Not Facebook people.

  107. So who put moldy marshmallows and wormy apples in your bag?
    Anyone who doesn’t like Trunk or Treat, Don’t Go.
    Other is no “this is right, and this is wrong” about it. I
    t’s a fun safe evening for parents and kids.
    Not everyone lives where they can just go out door to door.
    So stop smashing pumpkins, and trying to ruin it for everybody else.
    Unless your objective in writing this little article was not to seek anything
    “Virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy”, but to bring about
    Contention, and bickering and so forth.

  108. Will someone please put this thread out of our misery? And whoever linked to it on dumbhumorlessmormonswithtoomuchtimeontheirhands.com, don’t do it again.

  109. Calm down a little bit. Our kids want to see their church friends and their Halloween costumes. And they want to trick or treat to their church friends parents, primary teachers, bishop, etc. Well, where we live, that would take 3 hours to drive to a dozen homes scattered all over the county. So, we do a trunk or treat with our church family, and then we send our kids to their neighborhood on Halloween. They build connections with LDS friends AND connect with their neighbors. It may not work for you, but quit acting like its some sort of unholy crime.

  110. I forgot to mention that our TOT/soup dinner is a neighborhood event, not just a ward one, although it is held at the church. We have 3 such events every year. The other two are (1) the pancake breakfast (yes, I like those, too), held outdoors on the Saturday closest to the 24th of July and includes a children’s parade (they decorate their wagons, tricycles and bicycles) and fire trucks that come and squirt water at the kids, and (2) the fall Brat party, also held outdoors , usually sometime in September. The ward supplies he brats and hot dos an everyone brings potluck. All 3 events are great ways to met he non-members in your neighborhood. Trick or treating is not a way to get to know you neighbors. The adults wait out on the street while all their little kiddies come up to get their candy. We didn’t have a Christmas party last year because the year before a third of the ward got food poisoning from the ham. :-)

  111. Reading all this has truly weakened my testimony.
    I thought the church was the “same” everywhere you go? WTH!

  112. The Atomic Mom says:

    I don’t know if you’re being sarcastic or if you’re serious. But here is a different perspective. My kids have severe, life threating food allergies. We don’t do regular trick-or-treating, because I’m not comfortable going to strangers’ houses. But we are able to safely attend the ward trunk-or-treat. Everyone knows us, and everyone provides a safe treat for us and the other kids with food allergies. I also feel zero obligation to set up my car and pass out candy … no one cares either. It’s also a nice place to see people outside of church, and from other wards. And in the end, no one is making you go or participate.

  113. Veronica Almeida says:

    Give me a break! I hate people that complain about every little thing. Be grateful you have some socialization in your neighborhood. It is a collaboration with the only intention to make the Halloween celebration even more fun and I don’t see anything wrong with that! If you don’t like it, don’t attend!!

  114. I honestly never expected that I’d see anything more contentious than discussions about feminism in the Mormon Church, but alas, the Trunk-or-Treat has proven me wrong.

  115. Humourless Mormons with broken sarcasm filters make me laugh. Of this I bear testimony.

  116. I love the comments on this thread more than life itself.

  117. AnonForThisOne says:

    Lest anyone actually believe that Scott B. has the strength of character to follow through with his convictions, I present to you photographic evidence of his seemingly willing participation in the Trunk-or-Treat this past weekend.

    EVIDENCE

  118. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I’ve never gone to a trunk or treat, and hopefully never will.

  119. I don’t know, he doesn’t look too happy about it.

  120. Cultural Mormon says:

    Striped shirt + plaid shorts = apostasy.

  121. Allison Smith says:

    I’m very sorry you have had such a bad experience. We don’t live in Utah but we love our ToT! One, it’s a great fellowship in tool! Two, it’s shows the community that people of the LDS faith are normal people! We do normal things and aren’t judgemental of those who think differently. Though I wouldn’t want to do a ToT on a stake level (too many people in one place for my nerves), our ward does a great one every year and we try to do it on Halloween. I am definitely one mom that doesn’t want to dress up 6 kids more than once! I hope you can find a happy alternative for you and your family!

  122. I get that for a lot of people trunk-or-treats aren’t that great of an idea, but there are some situations where they are tolerable, or even beneficiary. I live in a rural area, where to trick-or-treat, one would spend hours driving just to visit more than a half dozen houses. By having an area where everyone can gather, kids can get candy from everyone in a much shorter period of time. When I was a kid, I lived in a part of town that wasn’t really safe to trick-or-treat, (too many older kids out bullying younger kids, mostly) so having a safe environment to trick-or-treat was great too until I was older.
    Most of your article complains about not the actual principle of trunk-or-treating, but with how it is run. It’s too big, too disorganized, and has too much candy. But, a small, carefully planned, and well run trunk-or-treat activity can be a great opportunity to spread the gospel, share talents and creativity, socialize with ward members, serve the community, and instill values in our children, especially when combined with other halloween activities. All those things are very much in line with the gospel. Just some thoughts.

  123. Hannah Henrie says:

    Trunk or Treats are meant for mingling within your ward. It’s stupid that someone would think of it as a burden. Some people don’t have a neighborhood to trick or treat in so the trunk or treat is all they have, while some have a great neighborhood and have both. Don’t complain, just don’t go if it is such a burden on you.

  124. In our ward we had trunk or treat every year. Just seeing adults dress up and even decorate their car was wonderful to see. Locals would come too. It was fun. Well until…a more stricter family got sustained into “high positions” in the church. It since stopped. It’s not a coincidence. The kids and rest of the parents can’t say anything. So sad.

  125. Agreed Scott B., I haven’t had fun like this since I attended my Ward’s ToT, enjoyed it, and lost my testimony.

  126. Brilliance. Seriously, could you anticipate that the comments would achieve this degree of glory? Wonderful, wonderful stuff.

  127. My kids have NEVER been trick-or-treating, because trunk or treats are fine, and easier (not to mention we’ve never lived in s community where trick or treating was a “thing”)

    I like that the church has offered this alternative so my kids can participate in a sliver of my youth, as well as it has been a fun missionary activity to invite my non-LDS friends.

    I think this article was written in wholly the wrong spirit.

  128. Wowweewow says:

    I kind of want to be in the ward where everyone got food poisoning from the ham at the Christmas party. I bet Church was a lot of fun that Sunday…

  129. Never in my wildest dreams, L-dG.

  130. I just love that we now have an acronym for Trunk or Treat.

    And really excited for your take on Linger Longers, Scott.

  131. Actual mormon says:

    I just want to point out that this blog is nothing but the angry ravings of a man who is definitely not paying attention to the spirit. “ill throw my hymn book” should show you that he does not care about anyone or anything but himself. He’s complaining about spending an extra night with his family at a church activity, which he’s not required to attend… This is very disheartening. I feel terrible for his wife.

    And to the writer: how about focusing more on your family and less on yourself. Go read some scriptures bro. You need more Jesus in your life.

  132. Kjersti Carlin says:

    Hey,
    That’s sounds pretty nasty, I’m sorry you have to go through that.
    I’m just confused, what does this have to do with our testimonies?
    You also have lots of good reasons to not like Trunk-or-Treat, I’m not saying you shouldn’t or that you’re wrong, but it’s not bad everywhere, I’ve never had something terrible like that happen in my life. Course now I count myself fortunate. But some people maybe can’t trick-or-treat on Halloween for one reason or another, maybe they’re busy that night, or maybe they have a tradition to have a party at someone’s house, which means that trunk-or-treating would be the only time they would get to do that.
    My ward just had it’s party last Friday, and it was awesome, it was just a ward get to gether like a family home evening where we ate, had activities, and then went trunk-or-treating. And me, being just out of Young Women’s, I enjoyed it cause they let me participate in that too, I’m kinda too old for it, but still enjoy it, and that’s the only way I can do it, till I get even older :P. And yes, we don’t need that much candy, though you could make it to where your kids only have one bucket a month or half a bucket, whatever suits you :). Sorry this is a long comment, I just wanted to say, that it’s not always like that, but I am sorry you have to deal with that. That’s horrible.
    Thanks for listening!

  133. it's a series of tubes says:

    The amount of win this thread has generated is truly staggering.

  134. Indeed, tubes.

  135. SO MUCH FEELINGS.

  136. Actual mormon:

    “And to the writer:… Go read some scriptures bro. You need more Jesus in your life.”

    Bro

  137. So much win. And whine, which creates so much more win.

  138. T. Chadwick says:

    Hey Scotty B. Why don’t you clear up the water a little bit and own up to the fact that you weren’t being sarcastic about what you wrote. That you do truly feel the way that you do. And that you are a selfish human being who cares nothing for his kids. Cause I’m pretty sure that anyone that goes through the trouble to write a terrible blog as this, with all the negative things you said, is a pretty big loser. Spends no time with his kids. Cares nothing about the church or his testimony for that matter. And if you think that all the negative comments against what you have written are actually a win for this post, then you really are a bigger moron and quite a lesser Mormon.

  139. T. Chadwick,

    “Cause I’m pretty sure that anyone that goes through the trouble to write a terrible blog as this”

    It only took me about 15 minutes to write this. So, terrible or not, at least it wasn’t much trouble! Does that help?

  140. T. Chadwick says:

    I’m not saying it was hard to write. But the fact that u actually wrote it in the first place gives it some truth to how u feel. So like I said. Quit beating it around the bush and tell people the truth. I already know the truth and what kind of person u are. I just wish that all the people that are laughing and saying how funny this is actually understood that it really and most certainly is how u truly feel. And that you really do have a bad attitude about this and most certainly all other useful and productive bonding or missionary activities that the church plans and in most cases successful pulls off. I mean, u did attend the ToT. Right?

  141. I quit doing ToT a few years ago after everyone from my wife to the bishop complained about my trunk being decorated with gargoyles and dry ice and blasting Cannibal Corpse on the car stereo.

    …Yes, I’m one of those people. :s

  142. T. Chadwick,

    “I already know the truth and what kind of person u are. I just wish that all the people that are laughing and saying how funny this is actually understood that it really and most certainly is how u truly feel.”

    Just in case anyone else in this thread is confused about what I am like, I’ve compiled a handy list of the things T. Chadwick has said about me in this thread:

    *You are the biggest retard I have ever had the chance of listening to*
    *You are selfish*
    *You care nothing about your kids*
    *You care nothing about [anyone else’s] kids*
    *You are not a faithful member of the church*
    *You deserve absolutely no positive recognition*
    *[This piece of writing is pathetic]*
    *You are a pathetic excuse for a parent*
    *You weren’t being sarcastic about what you wrote*
    *You are a selfish human being who cares nothing for his kids*
    *[You are] a pretty big loser*
    *[You spend] no time with [your] kids*
    *[You care] nothing about the church*
    *[You care] nothing about [your] testimony*
    *You really are a bigger moron*
    *[You really are] quite a lesser Mormon*
    *You really do have a bad attitude about [ToTs]*
    *[You really do have a bad attitude about] all other useful and productive bonding or missionary activities that the church plans*

    Did I miss anything, or is that the sum total of my character?

  143. You’re also bald.

  144. T. Chadwick says:

    Wow. Trying to make it personal now huh. Couldn’t respectfully take any criticism. Everything I’ve said to you or about you pretty much hits the nail right on the head for you. The truth hurts doesn’t it. I’m sorry, but your true colors are definitely shineing through your post. I’m just one of the few that will actually say what everyone else is thinking. “The wicked take the truth to be hard”.

  145. Your Mom goes to college says:

    T. Chadwick, I have it on good authority that your dead ancestors are currently trying to get unsealed from you because they are embarrassed by your complete lack of self awareness.

  146. This is quite simply hilarious even as it is edifying. As a rather new convert, I am not at all astonished at the diversity. I am not a fan of the sanctimonious leadership described in some of the posts! Happy Halloween everybody!

  147. O the can of sour gummy worms you have opened! Well done! I posted a link to this post on Facebook and see that one of my minions left a nice rant.

    “T. Chadwick, I have it on good authority that your dead ancestors are currently trying to get unsealed from you because they are embarrassed by your complete lack of self awareness” = Life. Made.

  148. Dear Scott (and Scott on Steve’s Behalf): —

    Hitherto I have looked upon you only as a friend, and I can hardly yet realize that you wish me to regard you in any other light. From what I already know, I have no doubt that you both would make any girl very happy whom you loved, but, although I have a great liking’ and esteem for each of you, I cannot say that I return your affection as you deserve.

    However, as I know how good and kind you are, and how highly many in the Bloggernacle think of you, let us hope that in time I may learn to love as much as I esteem. It is perhaps better not to say more at present. Please believe in my deep-felt gratitude for the offer of your life’s devotion.

    Almost very sincerely yours,

    etc.

    PS – I attended the Ward Halloween Party last Saturday evening, and I now have a testimony of wearing a costume, rocking up at the chapel for dinner someone else made, and then going home with armfuls of candy. I think I have enough to last until the real Halloween.

  149. Amen!!! I hate Halloween, can’t wait for the millennium and we can do away with such foolish traditions of our fathers. I thought we Mormons were the only ones to do this, but as we just moved to Ohio, our baptist and Lutheran church friends do trunk or treats too. We were invited to both but that is just way too much candy. Ours, theirs, and Halloween night. Although, I guess I justify it by thinking that now we have our year supply of candy. Because we all need a year supply of candy too, right!!!

  150. Blue Candy says:

    Can Your Mom Goes to College win everything for the rest of life always?

  151. You know what’s worse than trunk or treat? Those people who treat Halloween as something more than the candy-grubbing holiday it is with the infernal practice of “BOOing.” Not only do we have more unnecessary treats, but we also are supposed to do the same thing to three more people. THREE MORE PEOPLE!! And don’t get me started on the challenge of finding tape to hang the stupid BOO sign on the door, which never happens so the BOOing just continues, until I’m so overwhelmed by the number of treats I’m supposed to be secretly leaving on people’s doorsteps that that never happens either. I do not have a testimony of Halloween.

    Trunk or treat has led to some baptisms in my ward, however, so I’m indifferent about it. Thoroughly enjoyed your rant, though. Hoping your next blog post is about what you’ve done to get on T. Chadwick’s crap list.

  152. Please support so this person can afford to have that stick surgically removed from their butt.
    Seriously it’s not like you are signing a waver saying your kids can’t also trick-or-treat. If your kids are over-eating it’s your fault for not moderating their diet. Trunk-or-treat was great when I was a kid because I lived in a crap neighbor hood and I couldn’t always be supervised the night of Halloween.

  153. This post has turned into the equivalent of teaching my mom to program a PVR….which is the same conversation I had with her circa 1986 trying to teach her to program a VCR…the amount of “I don’t get it” on this thread is better than Christmas and it just keeps giving.

    “Did I miss anything, or is that the sum total of my character?”

    You forgot to correlate the list detailing your failings as a parent that doesn’t want any time with his kids with the comment: “I mean, u did attend the ToT. Right?”

  154. T. Chadwick says:

    He only went cause his wife made him go. No because he cared about the children.

  155. get over it, trunk or treat is about family and the ward getting together for a fun night for the kids! Stop being so dang judge mental and grow up.

  156. T. Chadwick says:

    Hey Talon. Since you’re a pro with the PVR, maybe you can teach Scotty B how to program his DVR so that he doesn’t “have to follow his kids around at night TWICE and can sit at home and watch his sportsball”, or in otherwards his women’s softball. No offense ladies.

  157. I agree T. Chadwick. Any man that listens to his wife is no man at all. No offense ladies.

  158. T. Chadwick says:

    Not at all what I said Talon

  159. Careful, Talon. Keep this up for a few more paragraphs and he’ll launch into his patented in-depth analysis of your character and start explaining how, on the basis of a handful of internet comments, he really knows you.

  160. I assumed T Chadwick was from your ward, Scott. Or possibly your extended family.

    What’s this BOOing thing? A mandatory Pay It Forward with treats, kind of deal? An Ice Bucket Challenge with less ice and more sugar?

  161. Left Field says:

    My ward is having a trunk or treat tonight!

    Woe unto you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For ye devour widows’ candy and schedule “family” activities concurrent with the SEVENTH GAME OF THE WORLD SERIES, and for a pretense speak of the importance of eternal families: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation! Woe unto you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For ye compass sea and land to drag one nonmember to your unholy parking lot and lure him away from the solemn assembly in the temple of Kauffman in the Land of Zion. And when he is there, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves! Woe unto you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For ye collect mint and smarties and candy corn, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law: runs, and hits, and back-to-back shutouts. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! because ye decorate the trunks of the sedans, and garnish the tailgates of the pickups, and say, If we had been in the days of our fathers, we would have been partakers with them in the bloody sock of Curt Schilling. Wherefore ye be witnesses unto yourselves, that ye are the children of them that partook of the sox that are called black. Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?

  162. it's a series of tubes says:

    This might be the greatest thread in the history of BCC. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

  163. I’m ok with that Scott B. so long as the list is ranked and authoritative.

  164. BigBlueDart says:

    Da Ags. That is all.

  165. oleablossom,
    I have never met, encountered, communicated with, or even heard of him–online or in real life–until this thread. But apparently he knows me!

  166. T. Chadwick says:

    The funny part is that I think I actually do know you. Not just your type or your character but if that picture that someone posted is actually you, then I’m pretty sure I have met you and actually did know you.

  167. Yeah, I’m pretty sure you don’t know me. Like, at all.

  168. T. Chadwick says:

    Well that’s your fault then. Not anyone else’s. If you are someone different than who you are portraying in this post, then maybe you should let everyone know that. Otherwise that’s all that myself or anyone else has to go off of.

  169. lolz.

    Steve, you win: T. Chadwick is not a real person, and I can’t believe that you correctly called this one after his first comment. I was thoroughly convinced he was actually a human, but this last comment sold me.

  170. T. Chadwick says:

    You were an Aggie. Right?

  171. the main thing that I took from this exchange is that Scott is too judge mental.

  172. Is this thread the result of Bednar’s “flood the earth” admonition last month? As an 8-year follower of BCC, I’ve never seen anything quite approaching this. Where is this coming from? Did this get linked over on Well Behaved Mormon Woman or something similar?

    These comments are fun and priceless and I love them and I never want them to end, but…you know…wow. All I’m saying is if this is the kind of flooding we have to look forward to, I’m just a little concerned.

  173. a huge concern, actually, if the comments on this post reveal the lack of ability we Mormons have to read and discern humor and sarcasm, and our lack of self-awareness in self-righteously “calling to repentance” someone who we’ve decided, on completely mistaken grounds, is an apostate, a wolf-in-sheeps clothing, a “loser who hates his kids” etc.

  174. T. Chadwick says:

    I’m definitely more “real” than you are. That’s for sure.

  175. T. Chadwick says:

    John F.
    The problem is that rhere is always some truth to what people say, if they say it. Even if they may be trying to show sarcasm or humor in what they write. The problem with this post is that even if he was being sarcastic, he took it way to far with many of his comments. I’m not the only one that was completely offended by the article. That’s why I said so many of the things that I’ve said. And when asked about his true character he refuses to say anything about it. Almost like he is trying to hide who he really is. I think there have definitely been more negative comments about this post than positive ones. And thats even if u leave out everything that I said. Do I regret saying the things to him that I have said. No. Not really. He’s a big boy. He can take it. Could I have said them in a little different manner or tone. Yeah. Maybe. But I don’t think the point that I was trying to make would have gotten across to him or to anyone else like it has. And for that reason I wouldn’t change anything that I have said. On the same hand, being as stubborn as Scotty is, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t change or take back anything that he has said either. Nor will he ever admit that he actually likes ToT’s, even if he actually does. Cause like a previous person said, that would destroy his credibility or ability to follow through on anything that he has said.

  176. Chadwick, your time at BCC is done.

  177. T. Chadwick,
    I refuse to say anything about my character because…what would be the point? If I argue with you, will you be convinced? Why would I even want to convince you, when I don’t give two incredibly small cents about your opinion of me as a person, a writer, a member of the church, or as a parent? I have no need or desire to meet any burden of proof that you have unilaterally decided I am liable for. I am 100% happy to continue to let you make a fool of yourself here, on other threads, or elsewhere, but I will never, ever, ever rebut you, because your comments speak for themselves.

  178. A Turtle Named Mack says:

    What I love about these posts is that it brings lurkers out of the shadows. I often reside in that space, myself, preferring to see how discussion in the comments unfolds, chiming in on a very limited basis. While this gives you a sense of the perspectives of those who comment, it’s impossible to ascertain what the lurkers, or occasional visitors are like. The comments to this post demonstrate just how scary it is out there. BCC is the Trunk or Treat of the Church – you can show up and get your fill without having to go outside and interact with all the other nutjobs who poison your testimony or hide razor blades in your Sunday School lessons.

  179. BCC is the Trunk or Treat of the Church? Jerk.

  180. Anne Chovies says:

    I thought ToT came from wards wanting to provide something when Halloween Trick-or-Treating fell on Sunday. That’s what I’ve seen the most, anyway. We live in an area where the communities all ban together and regulate trick-or-treating to Sunday afternoon, before it gets dark. While we could invite friends to participate with us not many did. Fortunately, our ward never went overboard like some have described here. And they don’t do it at all anymore, which is fine with me.

  181. In the jello belt we walk to church. I simply freeriders on all the efforts of others on all hallows eve.
    Suckers.

  182. My ward does the ToT, but we invite everyone to join in our pagan rituals! It’s the Mormon thing to do, right?

    Btw, before the ToT, we have a Chili cook-off. Someone not of our faith was last year’s winner. Apparently the Gentiles know a little bit more about hellfire and damnation. At least as it relates to chili flavoring.

  183. Eric Russell says:

    This post was obviously written by someone who buys his kids manufactured costumes at Target (or worse, lets his kids create their own crappy costumes).

    But for those who have provided their children with elaborate homemade costumes, there is no better way than a ToT to be sure that every single member of the ward sees and compliments your child’s costume. Trick or Treating at every ward member’s door is simply not an option – especially for those outside of Utah. So until you can provide a better alternative, ToT will remain the standard.

  184. I learned on my mission that you don’t understand the truly bizarre until you walk around knocking on the doors of people who never leave their house. This is why we need to defend traditional trick or treating.

  185. I’m just trying to figure out how my kids always manage to come home with half the amount of candy that we pass out at these dang things. Can I get away with not actually passing out any candy this year? I’m thinking of placing a “Sorry, all out!” sign on an empty bowl at the start and just disappearing until the end of the party. Ooh! I just thought of a better idea. Did anyone else ever get pennies in their trick or treat bag? I could just give out pennies. Maybe even just one per family.

  186. So, I am not sure whether the whole T. Chadwick thing was real or just a plant. Either way, it took this thread from a 10 to an 11. Steve, please don’t ban him.

    I thought the OP was great. I am fine with trunk or treat though. I think if you like pioneer day then you probably don’t have a testimony.

  187. T. Chadwick says:

    Oh I am very real. And I am still here.

  188. A Turtle Named Mack says:

    Being called a Jerk by Steve is a badge of honor. I’ll wear it well.

  189. I definitely don’t think BCC is the ToT of the Church. I think it provides a great outlet and place for gospel and cultural discussion. And I get banning people for making personal attacks.

    But any Mormon community needs the grumpy high priest to yell and tell everyone to repent. Amirite? That’s part of our cultural experience. When the source of grumpy guy’s anger is that people are making fun of ToT then…let’s face it people….that is pure comedy gold.

    It’s like the Muppets. Great show. Part of the greatness: Statler and Waldorf heckling from the balcony seats. BCC needs to have some grumpy guys calling us all to repentance.

  190. I wish I could retroactively make myself some popcorn before starting on the comments. I’m dying to know which FB share resulted in this mindless horde.

    My ward council believes Satan’s Holiday shouldn’t be celebrated in a church building, so instead our ward has a Fall Festival Where People Are Inexplicably Costumed which coincidentally just happens to fall on Halloween.

  191. An epic bit of time travel, very appropriate for this week. Thanks for the laugh rewind!

  192. Your Mom goes to college says:

    Holy crap, T. Chodewick is back!

  193. I was all amazed to see the bounty of comments overflowing on this thread. Then I looked at the dates. By then I was all hooked into the magical retrodrama, and besides, I needed to see if I commented on this thing and if I’d made an ass out of myself.

    I’m so happy that I don’t have to do anything Halloweenish for the rest of my life. Unless I want to. And I love kids, but Halloween is worse than Christmas. No offense ladies.

  194. Okay, so the best comment of all was completely overlooked by everyone. The comment where that lady said she had combed the internet looking for news reports of all those ToT deaths in the OP and demanded that a source be sited (sic). _That_ was comedy gold, T. Chadwick was an amateur.

  195. I <3 Satan's Holiday!

  196. I’m not sure if this thread will ever die but I felt the need to throw one more comment in. I’ve got several simple suggestions for everyone.

    “Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings and he will direct thee for good” Alma 37:37
    “finally I cannot tell you all the ways whereby ye may commit sin…” Mosiah 4:29
    “We claim privilege of worshipping almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience and allow all men the same privilege. Let them worship how, where, or what they may…” AOF 11
    “Whosoever shall say, Thou fool shall be in danger of hell fire.” Matthew 5:22

    I may believe Haloween is a satanic holiday which contributes more to the flu season epidemic (More sugar = lowered immune response) and candy manufacturers than to the children and this would likely be due to my own world view and upbringing, but it does not justify me in condemning others for their views. I am grateful you who are reading this have the right to disagree with me. I am grateful each of us can choose whether or not to celebrate this annual event. If you enjoy this event and it brings light into your life, I am happy for you. I am grateful you are following what the spirit has taught you. God will judge each of us righteously for the thoughts and intents of our hearts. I hope each of us can extend love and grace to others who do not share our views and realize that our positive influence will increase in proportion to our love for all men – not just those who agree with our views.

  197. trunk or treat lover in Alabama says:

    Seriously, dude?! You must live in Utah where the members are unsociable. Trunk or treat Rocks in Alabama. We have it as a tri-ward activity on a Wednesday night, bring your favorite pizza and we even have a parking ledger handed out the Sunday before to prevent parking problems. THEN on Saturday, the ward my son and daughter-in-law are in has their’s. It’s a chili cook-off and it is held at the stake center. The stake center is in a shady neighborhood, so they hold theirs during the day. THEN after Saturday’s trunk or treat we go to this neighborhood that has a block party and trick or treat.
    By the way, I am the grandma…so I think they should have all the candy they want. Did you now you can freeze candy? Think about it, add it to your food storage; you need those carbs and sweets to keep your energy up.
    I do believe I have candy left over from my youngest son’s last halloween at home…he is 26 :-)
    For those of you who do not like trunk or treat…come on out to Alabama…you will LOVE it, you will LOVE us….you may never want to leave.

  198. II totally missed this the first time around. My take on it: Exhibit X on how judgmental and tight strung we Mormons find ourselves today. Pass out chill pills instead of candy; to adults instead of children.

    Being from the groovy pre-correlation era, I can tell you things have improved. I thought Halloween back in the good old days was scary for good reason. First, no protective adults were out on the street. They were home guarding the house. A sort of food chain emerged. Younger children went out before dark and got first shot at the candy. At some point it was wise to go home because older kids came out and not only did they acquire candy from doorsteps they chased younger children down and stole their sacks of candy. And yet later even bigger kids old enough to drive (age 12) made their appearance chasing smaller children with the use of “borrowed” cars. So if you stayed out a bit too late you could lose that pillow case with 40 lbs of candy and have nothing but a black eye and a fat lip to show for your efforts.

    I only recall Halloween in Northern Utah happening during snow storms or cold weather. We would get up on the roof of a house (confusing- Santa’s reindeer) with a water hose and spray the sidewalks and the unsuspecting costumed children. Many would fall on the new ice and leave half their candy in the snow. It was a form of plunder among us. At my house we had this really loud bell we stole off the school and we would rig that up so when you rang our doorbell the school bell would blast you. I don’t think it quite ruptured ear drums but it made ears ring and got your attention.

    A large meat packing plant located in the next town provided many extremely realistic props; an unforgettable pig’s head instead of a pumpkin with a candle inside comes to mind. We were all introduced to the appearance of the internal organs of farm animals on Halloween. People were not adverse to using household electricity to shock hapless children in spook alleys. The odor of rotten egg gas (H2S a poison in higher concentrations) percolated through the night chill.

    Even later the high school hooligans emerged with general mayhem, vandalism, arson, robbery coupled with drunkenness and drug use. Kids who normally stuck with pot, cocaine or prescription drugs might go for the LSD or PCP on Halloween. Cemeteries were vandalized and home-made coffins were put to use confining male and female friends and enemies alike for various time spans and at sundry places.

    Some of the popular girls (who were destined to not be allowed to wear denim at BYU) would dress up like prostitutes in the most immodest costumes and play pranks on rival boyfriends. Once we kidnapped a mildly drunken girl dressed like this and forced her to show up at the house of the guy she actually liked, giving him the impression that she was one of us. End of romance. When mixed with intoxication, the shenanigans often deteriorated into sexual activity, some of it in the grey area of not exactly consensual. For the record I stayed away from drugs and sex, but I was not exactly the groovy type.

    Next generation: My kids did both neighborhood trick-or-treating and ward trunk-or-treating and school parties, with LDS and non-LDS friends. I did pour a small container of water on my daughter from our second story window above the porch for old time sakes. It enhanced her costume (Disney character Merida in the cartoon Brave with a large teddy bear that briefly attacked other kids) and it was warm, about 75 F. I’ve told a few stories around a backyard fire. Mere shadows of the past.

    I just don’t sympathize with the angst over trunk-or-treat after celebrating good old-fashioned Utah Halloween.

  199. your food allergy is fake says:

    T. Chadwick is clearly a dupe account

  200. if you honestly believe this you are no better than muslim extremists