The 10 Conference Commandments

For all you Hamilton and/or Biggie fans, some #LDSConf hip-hop action… (and btw, that Biggie link is NOT safe for Mormons (sfm):

 

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9…
It’s the 10 Conference Commandments

Number 1:
The challenge: Stay woke for two hours,
With nothing to look at but some podium flowers.

Number 2:
If you don’t, that’s alright, people doze,
Sometimes that’s the way the AM session goes.

This is commonplace, ‘specially on a soft couch,
So grab a place to sit where you won’t zone out.

Number 3:
Pick a snack, something easy to make,
Skip the first talk if there’s baked goods to be baked.

Number 4:
A game for the kids can make it fun,
But don’t give ‘em your phone; you’ll need it for the next one.

Number 5:
Use #LDSConf when you get the jitters,
It’s your hashtag, when there’s twittering to be twittered.

Number 6:
How you gon’ watch depends on where you are,
If you’re in the west US it’s on TV, that ain’t hard.

Everybody else, you’ll need to stream it live,
So pick a place to view where the bandwidth’s high.

Number 7:
As you listen keep your focus on heaven…
And keep your heart open like a 7-11.

Number 8:
When MoTab sings, you can raise your voice skyward,
Unless you’re in your living room; that’s a little awkward!

Number 9:
In between sessions, watch the interstitials,
A soft-focused look at some weird Utah rituals.

Number 10:
Get the recaps on BCC,
We do our best to cover and best of all, it’s ad-free!

 

Super fresh flow, #LDSConf recaps, 🔥🔥 tweets, 🔑🔑 insights, and so much more in our weekly Intelligencer newsletter. Subscribe! 

Comments

  1. I freaking LOVE YOU, Kyle M.

  2. You are an American hero.

  3. #morm4ham

  4. Jennifer in GA says:

    Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

  5. It must be the difference in time, because Utahns sleep in the PM session. But other than that, this is good.

  6. Good should be gold, because this glitters with greatness.

  7. Mr. Church Leader!

    Church Member, sir!

    Do we agree that this is long and kind of boring?

    Sure, but you tares have to answer for your sins, Member.

    For twelve hours? We both know that’s absurd, sir.

    Hang on. How many hours have you wasted watching Netflix? Yet you complain about viewing this?

    Okay, so we’re doing this.

  8. Nice, nrc42

  9. Can we start singing “Rise up, here comes the prophet!” now?

  10. emilyhgeddes says:

    This is a thing of beauty! Thanks, Kyle M! (And I love the addendum, nrc42)

  11. it's a series of tubes says:

    Rise up!
    When you’re living in your G’s you RISE UP
    Tell your Visiting T’s to RISE UP
    Tell all the HP’s to RISE UP
    When are these latter D’s gonna RISE UP?